Over the years I have had people treat me badly..I mean who hasn’t right?
Yup, there have been real jerks in my life. I’m not talking about someone who says something out of turn or goofs up..I’m talking about the people who treat everyone poorly.
We can go on and on about why they might do things like talk down, mean comments, manipulating, self involved…BUT that’s not the point of this blog.
It was only recently I had this conversation with someone once again. I mentioned that I was grateful for the jerks in my life and then had to explain why. Let me tell you when you say something like that people look at you funny. Okay they look at you like you’re nutty. Which I am..but not about this.
Here’s the thing; I am grateful for what they taught me by being in my life…not so much for them treating me badly. Making more sense now?
Early on the lessons were pretty simple. Don’t fall for that, and don’t let people walk all over you. Have some self-respect and you’ll do fine.
The lesson in recent years I have been given has been a bit harder to take and far more important.
So what is the big lesson that I had to learn? The most important thing, the one thing that let me release so much bitterness and hurt was this.
Their stuff is their stuff…not mine.
Sounds silly and simple but I promise you that it is incredibly powerful.
I am not responsible for other people’s reactions, enjoyment, hate or love. I am only responsible for my own.
If someone can’t connect with me, my journey or what I am doing, then they are just not in the same place as me for whatever reason. That’s not for me to decide.
I am however, completely and utterly responsible for who I am, how I live my life and the legacy I leave behind. How everyone else perceives it is not my issue.
You can’t imagine how much of a shift in my life this has created. I am no longer willing to feel shame when others judgements fall on me. Instead, I give that back to the person it comes from and realize that this judgment is theirs to own…not mine. I remind myself that if someone remarks on my life path, on my journey that this is coming from their soul and issues..not mine.
When we allow opinions and demands put upon us to direct our life we live small, we limit our light. We can’t be who we really are. And this goes for the good and bad.
I had this issue when I first started coaching. A number of people let me know how great I was at helping them with their business start-up. Oh sure, I had loads of info from all the experience, research and classes I took in order to do it myself. I was feeling like I ‘should’ head into business coaching. I was good at it. Problem was I wasn’t feeling it in my heart of hearts. I loved the part where I helped people find their passion in business, to find direction and problem solve but beyond that I wasn’t all that ‘into’ it.
People who cared about me mentioned how much easier it would be to find clients and make more money. Perhaps I ‘should’ I thought. It took a lot of soul-searching and strength to stand in my truth and say this isn’t where I am meant to go. I have something else in mind; this was made even harder to do because I was still searching out my own plan. I just knew that business start-ups weren’t quite ‘it’. Gotta watch out for those ‘shoulds’.
Allowing other people’s stuff to hold us hostage in our own lives only holds us back and holds us down. Gently refuse to allow this type of energy into your life, let them own it for themselves and keep on being you…you know..fabulous!