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Archive for May, 2012

Over the years I have had people treat me badly..I mean who hasn’t right?

Yup, there have been real jerks in my life.  I’m not talking about someone who says something out of turn or goofs up..I’m talking about the people who treat everyone poorly. 

We can go on and on about why they might do things like talk down, mean comments, manipulating, self involved…BUT that’s not the point of this blog.

It was only recently I had this conversation with someone once again. I mentioned that I was grateful for the jerks in my life and then had to explain why.  Let me tell you when you say something like that people look at you funny.  Okay they look at you like you’re nutty.  Which I am..but not about this.

Here’s the thing; I am grateful for what they taught me by being in my life…not so much for them treating me badly.  Making more sense now?

Early on the lessons were pretty simple.  Don’t fall for that, and don’t let people walk all over you. Have some self-respect and you’ll do fine.

The lesson in recent years I have been given has been a bit harder to take and far more important.

So what is the big lesson that I had to learn?  The most important thing, the one thing that let me release so much bitterness and hurt was this.

Their stuff is their stuff…not mine.

Sounds silly and simple but I promise you that it is incredibly powerful.

I am not responsible for other people’s reactions, enjoyment, hate or love.  I am only responsible for my own. 

If someone can’t connect with me, my journey or what I am doing, then they are just not in the same place as me for whatever reason.  That’s not for me to decide.

I am however, completely and utterly responsible for who I am, how I live my life and the legacy I leave behind.  How everyone else perceives it is not my issue. 

You can’t imagine how much of  a shift in my life this has created.  I am no longer willing to feel shame when others judgements fall on me.  Instead, I give that back to the person it comes from and realize that this judgment is theirs to own…not mine.   I remind myself that if someone remarks on my life path, on my journey that this is coming from their soul and issues..not mine. 

When we allow opinions and demands put upon us to direct our life we live small, we limit our light.  We can’t be who we really are.  And this goes for the good and bad.  

I had this issue when I first started coaching.   A number of people let me know how great I was at helping them with their business start-up.  Oh sure, I had loads of info from all the experience, research and classes I took in order to do it myself.  I was feeling like I ‘should’ head into business coaching.  I was good at it.  Problem was I wasn’t feeling it in my heart of hearts.  I loved the part where I helped people find their passion in business, to find direction and problem solve but beyond that I wasn’t all that ‘into’ it.  

People who cared about me mentioned how much easier it would be to find clients and make more money.  Perhaps I ‘should’ I thought.  It took a lot of soul-searching and strength to stand in my truth and say this isn’t where I am meant to go.  I have something else in mind; this was made even harder to do because I was still searching out my own plan. I just knew that business start-ups weren’t quite ‘it’.  Gotta watch out for those ‘shoulds’.  

Allowing other people’s stuff to hold us hostage in our own lives only holds us back and holds us down.  Gently refuse to allow this type of energy into your life, let them own it for themselves and keep on being you…you know..fabulous!

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Okay, I can admit it. I am a dreamer, I sometimes seem to hold unrealistic optimism and a yes, I am deeply emotional romantic. 

The short story is I don’t always play well with others versions of reality.

What’s this all about?

I believe in my deepest heart of hearts that we have the capacity, as people, to be so much more; to DO so much better than we are doing right now.

I struggle with this when I see the horrid things people do.  I can’t understand why people would hurt someone just to get ahead a little.  I don’t…it really boggles my mind and to be honest, I am often stunned that others aren’t as in awe (and not in a good way) at what is going on around us. 

But still, that belief persists.  It’s hard for me to let it out because I am often afraid of the judgements that might come.  BUT I’ve discovered something.

It doesn’t matter.

I am who I am whether anyone knows it or not. 

I see so much more for people than they can often see for themselves and I realize that my desire to make the world open up to their own ability to love and be loved is what drives me every single day to do what I do.  You can’t imagine the freakin excitement I get from seeing eyes open to possibilities…to the joys of people freeing themselves.

This is who I am, what I do and my joy comes from here.  It might seem strange to you and to many other people but I’ve never exactly been worried about fitting in with the usual way of thinking.  So, I am aware and pleased with who I have become, and who I am becoming. 

I know I can’t change the entire world.  But if I help change a few, the ripple effect will eventually reach more and more.  THIS is why I coach, THIS is why I write this blog and my books and THIS is why I have begun overcoming my own fear and have begun to speak to groups.

Most importantly I want YOU to know…you are loved.  You are capable of amazing things; big and small.   I have been witness to awakenings that have made so much difference in lives; including my own.   Learning to accept and love who you are is the most important gift you will ever be given in this life.   It is a gift you and you alone can give to yourself.

So yes, I will continue to sometimes enjoy doing silly things, I will sing out loud in a grocery store, I will laugh until I have tears and I will cry until I have no more. 

I will keep on allowing my heart to get broken because I care deeply. And I know it will also burst with happiness and fill with love; also because I care deeply.  

I will find joy in seeing you succeed and I will always see and want more for you.  Everytime someone finds love or acts with a compassionate heart the world..everyone’s world…is a much better place.

I am forever grateful for all the blessings in my life and for my own gifts of just being ME.

 I am a dreamer, I believe in possibilities.  I am making them happen.  I want to invite you along for the ride.

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Do you ever feel called to go somewhere..as if something is calling you home?  Only you aren’t really sure where that is?

It’s been as far back as I can remember that I have felt like I was not ‘home’ just yet.   I’m not even sure what that means.  After all my mind tells me that home is where you make it; where you’re loved ones are.

I have been turning this feeling over and over again as the pull is getting stronger once more.  For a while I thought perhaps all I was looking for was a fresh start or something new and exciting…but I can’t imagine that being it after all the fresh starts and new and exciting things I’ve experienced.

Oh sure the call quiets its incessant and restless nudging to get going…for a while, but it always returns. 

It makes me wonder, am I looking for a place? A feeling? Could it me I am meant to be somewhere for a reason?  I’ve read books on past lives, destiny and more to try to understand this strange need to search out some place.  The one I am looking for. Oh!  Why does the Universe insist on these cryptic messages?  C’mon…a quick memo or short note would be nice right?

What do you think?  Can you belong to a certain place…even if only for a while?  Or do you make a home?

I do not know what my next step is.  One thing I am certain of is this place, where I am not isn’t it.  I enjoy living here for lots of reasons but they are all really superficial and other than the ocean won’t be terribly missed.

Hmmm, I wonder is it a place or myself I’m looking for?  I can’t deny the restlessness and the wanting to move.  There has been no major upset or real reason to move other than I just don’t feel home.   It also seems like every time I turn a corner in my own personal growth and life the call comes back stronger than ever.   

I look around and it seems that most people are quite content where they are. I know from experience that looks can often be deceiving; especially when it comes to matters of the heart.  In searching for my own answers I looked to what other people think around the idea of home and came across this.

The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.
Maya Angelou

I certainly seems that I am not alone in my search for home.   Just what does that mean though?

When I think about what I am looking for I have a vision in my head.  It’s peaceful and quiet and green.  There is room to breathe.  My home, no matter how temporary, has always been open and welcoming to others, while still being my safe haven.  Truly you can build this anywhere, I have done so in many, many places.

This is going to take a while to figure out.  This is one thing I love about mindset mentoring…if I have a phone I can work from anywhere!  What I do know is there is a change coming.  What that will be is, for now, anyones guess. 

Are you home? How do you know?

 

 

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I’ve been working the last few weeks on the content for my call this Saturday, (May 19th, 1012) on Coffee with Soul Chat (among many other things lol)

The topic I’m speaking to is Living Fearlessly.   I know it’s a big topic but I think I’ve got a terrific angle to approach it from and to get people thinking and talking.

 

To help the process along, I’ve been gathering my thoughts and was looking for a couple of really powerful quotes around fear. 

What I found was people have really been talking about fear! This is terrific news!  When we begin to look at this emotion deeper we can soon enough begin to master it.  Still, I have to share with you, my wonderful readers, something that gave me a bit of a laugh and pause for thought.

So many acronyms for FEAR! Wow.  A few of them didn’t really make sense to me and seemed to be trying really hard and most I’ve heard somewhere before but still, when looked at together it’s kind of fun and eye-opening.

Take a look!

F.E.A.R

  • False Expectations Appearing Real
  • Future Events Appearing Real
  • False Emotions Appearing Real
  • Finding Excuses & Reasons
  • Failure Expected And Received
  • Frantic Effort to Avoid Reality

and my personal favorite because it made me laugh and feel a bit sheepish all at the same time (it was after all, a rather familiar feeling) 

  •  F*** Everything And Run!

Now I don’t advocate running away from your problems unless of course you are getting out-of-the-way of say…a speeding car.  

There is a lot of truth to some of those acronyms in how we approach fear.  Fear does seem to sneak into many different parts of our world, in a surprising variety of ways.

Recognizing this emotion for what it is might just lead you to the last of my little acronyms. 

Feeling Excited And Ready!

Living Fearlessly, as I’ve discovered, doesn’t mean having no fear at all. It just means having the skills and perspective to deal with it in a way that we can go after what we want and need anyway.  Life seems to begin exploding with opportunity once we learn to live in spite of and with our fear.

So, any fun acronyms to add?

EDIT:  My call (the one I talked about in this article) was recorded and the recording is available for you to listen to.  Click the audio tab at the top of this page or go here

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That’s a whole-lotta Re’s isn’t? lol

Over time we change, our views, our lifestyle, our understanding and our desires…they all change.  I think it occasionally is really more of a ‘becoming clear’ sort of thing.  While other times everything flips around, slides over and comes undone only to be done up again in a completely different way.  What’s the point right?

It’s crazy frustrating when that last one happens; and super awesome.  It all depends on your perspective towards change of course.  

When all is said and done (is it ever?) you might not even recognize the person in the mirror, or as I tend to find I can’t easily remember who I used to be.  I’m not a past dweller, never really have been, but that’s a blog for a different day. 

I think what we have to realize is that change is constantly happening.  Always.  Things and people around us change: get better; wear out; grow up; grow old.

He who rejects change is the architect of decay. The only human institution which rejects progress is the cemetery.
Harold Wilson

We also change a great deal.  Often we can’t even see it because we are immersed in the changes and we adapt as we go.  Occasionally we get those moments though. The bright shiny moments where things become clearer than they ever have been and you glimpse at something bigger than yourself

It is in those moments we find our true self.  The one that we own before society conditions us to think a certain way, act a certain way and believe certain things.

It can be exhilarating, but at the same time completely terrifying.  Imagine if today, you suddenly knew exactly what you were meant to do with your life, everything might have to change. 

The reason I have started mulling this over, here in my blog, is because I started wondering myself if our life purpose itself can change.  I mean truly, to me, this idea that we each have a purpose to be fulfilled here in this life makes sense.  It just seems like that is not quite a finished thought for me.

I started asking questions.  (You know..the sort of questions I tended to get myself in trouble with when I was a child lol)  Over and over in my head I mulled these thought. I read books, read blogs, listen to spiritual leaders and my own heart. 

Want to hear some of the  questions? (warning these may drive you to be a nutty as I am)

  • Do we have just one purpose? What if we have many of them?
  • Do we design our life purpose or is it divinely given?
  • If we are given our purpose by the divine…how is that free will?
  • Does free will mean we can alter our purpose or just we can fulfill or ignore it?
  • What happens to us if we deny our true self in the after life, even if we are good people?
  • Purpose or lessons my awakened spirit needs to learn?
  • What if I complete my purpose…how then will I continue to live?
  • What if I don’t complete my purpose or learn the lesson I need to?
  • Can it be possible to fulfill the wrong purpose and learn the wrong lesson?
  • Can my purpose change mid way through my life?  Can it change multiple times?

You are starting to get a glimpse into my internal workings.  Questioning things is brilliant and I’m a big fan, but sometimes, when we cannot really know if an answer is right or wrong, it can really get a bit daunting.  It might also drive one to have another margarita HA!

Some people hear their own inner voices with great clearness. And they live by what they hear.
 Such people become crazy… or they become legend.
Jim Harrison

Still, I have thought on this for a long, long time.  I have sat with ideas that felt incomplete .  Finally, I have arrived at what feels good and right to me.  It is the idea that we are born with a sort of destiny for a lack of a better word.  I have the feeling we have a greater role in the path that is set before us then we really realize.

I also think we have not one, but many lessons and purposes here in our time on Earth; but that they are leading to something bigger than we can see.  The smaller things we accomplish, the places we strive for today are simply stepping-stones to where we might end up if we keep going. 

I see the spiritual leaders who are making differences in the world today, and I wonder how many levels they had to climb to reach the awakenings they have had in order to be able to touch so many, so deeply. 

And yet, I see people who  done far more, but for perhaps only one or two people.  I have been witness to one person changing one life in such a profound and permanent way that it will move you to tears.  Yet, I have also borne witness to great crowds of people who have felt called to do better, but then forget or let it go only hours after being in the room with a great spiritual leader.  Still, one or two might take a lesson to heart right? And these leaders can affect political change for the good of many at times.

Who is to say who makes the more important difference in the world?   Certainly not me. 

I’m not even saying that I am correct in my musings, only that  I know what feels right to me.  I believe we are here to raise each other up

I do this through my blog, 1 to 1 coaching, workshops and soon through online classes.  I feel lifted up when I think about doing all of these things.  I can’t imagine not going forward, even when it seems difficult or roadblocks are throw up (big ones sometimes) I still come back over and over to the idea of helping people live better but understanding how what they think creates what they live.  

I know it’s possible to do this and it has become almost a necessity for me to tell others.  It is the same kind of calling I felt when I put myself through school to become a teacher. 

Teaching was a needed skill and experience to move me towards my next level of purpose.   It gave me understanding, patience and experience in many things that allow me to be a better coach.  The accident that I had to live through gave me perspective and experience I needed to understand myself better, to practice what I am now sharing with others. 

I live that truth.

So, while some things evolve slower than other I think it is all moving us towards something bigger.  Some sort of vision that won’t be clear until we get much closer to it.

What do you think?

 

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I have to admit first of all that this post wasn’t my planned post for today.  I was on a kick all about stress and stress busting.   All good things to talk about these days. 

Still I feel compelled to write about Grace.  Not the girl…the concept behind the name.

Over the last few weeks I’ve heard snippets of conversation, read comments and today I read a beautiful blog post  by Lynn Baldwin-Rhoades, all connected to this idea of Grace.   Clearly there is a whisper here to look closer at what Grace actually is…you know?  Those Divine Whisper have been getting louder again.  So I’ve spent the morning doing some reasearch and self discovery around finding out what Grace is; besides a nice lady who used to live beside me when I was a kid…no fooling!

Now I want to be clear as we go about all of this, I am also not speaking so much towards the ability to move in a pleasing way (ie graceful) or what we say around dinner time  okay ?

However, I bet you know I’m heading to my dictionary right? lol And I tried really hard not to get too distracted.

There were quite a few variations on the word; 10 definitions with parts in each in fact! Interesting.  The 3 that I took away (ones that seemed to fit our talk here) are:

  1. (a) a disposition to be generous or helpful; goodwill   (b) Mercy; Clemency
  2. A favour rendered by one who need not do so
  3. (Theology) Divine love and protection bestowed freely upon mankind

So in fact Grace is a gift. 

A gift that we are given from the Divine: be it God, the Universe or however you name it. 

Grace is also giving this gift freely to others; even though no one is making us and we don’t have to. 

I’d like to point out here that there is the flip side to this…we also don’t have a ‘right’ to it.  To be a gift something must be given freely, with no obligation attached. 

There is also something to be said for giving this gift to ourselves.  Showering our ‘self’ with love is already being done by the divine of course, but we should also show the same love to ourselves; can we do no less?

I’d also like to point out that gifts should be received with an open heart, acceptance and thanks.  And this is true no matter where they come from; yes..including yourself.

And so we return to living in gratitude for that which we already have. 

So where do we find Grace?  Right here, right now in everything.  While thinking about it today (yes I woke up with it on my mind) I see gifts of Grace everywhere.  From the patter of furry feet in the morning who love me no matter how crazy my hair looks in the morning; to the clear blue sky and to the kind man willing to pet even my giant goofball on our walk that made Charlie dance. 

I find the Gift of Grace in forgiveness; both given to me for my mistakes and that which I give others.

I see gifts of Grace in all the online family I have surrounded myself with (you know who you are!).  And today, I give myself a very special gift of Grace to allow the happy tears and revel in the joy that life is far more good than bad.

For his heart was in his work, and the heart giveth grace unto every art.
Henry Wadsworth Longfellow

Find your gifts of Grace today, hand some out yourself.  Let me know all about it here, or on my facebook page.

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Let’s face it…we all have stress.  I know I sure do.

Sometimes, we simply have a situation like a job interview, sometimes it’s just been a busy and overwhelming day, and occasionally we are dealing with a situation over time that causes the stress to last and for days of overwhelm bleed into one another, until we start to forget how to be relaxed!

Long drawn out stress or constant stress can really do a number on you.  It affects your sleep (hello 3 am!) , your body (ugh..belly fat!) and your moods.  It decreases your focus and concentration.  Prolonged stress can affect your desire to do things you normally enjoy (going out, hobbies, sex).  It makes you fatigued and more inclined to get and stay sick.  Oh, and it causes wrinkles…yuck!

My point?  You have to do something to alleviate the stress in your body and mind or you will be unhealthy.

Many of the tips below can apply to all different types of stress, although I’d perhaps wait to exercise til after your job interview.  😉

Stress busting tips.

1.  Exercise.  Many of the chemicals and hormones released from our stress reaction comes from the old response called fight or flight.  Back in the day we needed this to boost our ability to survive encounters with the not-so-friendly environment.  Now, we usually can’t run away nor physically challenge that which is giving us stress.  At least not without medical or police intervention.  The best way to get rid of this type of stress is to exercise. 

2. Being Mindful.  Pay attention to how you are feeling emotionally and how your body is reacting.  Are you tensing up the muscles in your neck?  Is your stomach twisting in knots?  Are you getting angry and moody?  Being mindful comes without judgment, it is simply accepting and exploring how your body is reacting and how you are feeling breath by breath.

Before you can do anything about your stress you need to look at it, know it and acknowledge it.  Sometimes this alone can help bring the stress value down a little.

3. Choose how you react.  If you have been paying attention to my blog for a while you know I strongly believe in choice. We are in command and we get to choose how we life this life.  Sure, sometimes our emotions are very strong and we need to feel these before we can move through them; but we don’t have to let them dictate how we react to life. 

We choose what we think about.  I am a huge advocate of living from Gratitude.  Try blessing a situation and focusing on the things you do have to be grateful for and see how your stress decreases.  Focusing on what stresses you out all of the time only serves to build it up.

4. Make a plan.  This is one of my favourite things to do when I have a very stressful situation.  The way a plan might look will depend upon your needs and the situation of course, but I find putting it down on paper incredibly releasing.  Sometimes we feel we just dont’ know what to do or how to do it.  The act of creating a plan itself gives us a feeling of taking control and that is an important step. 

It also organizes our thoughts and gets them out of the circling stress ball we create in our heads.  It’s been my experience as well that once we take an objective look at things they are rarely so hopeless or scary as we first thought.  Consider trying a brainstorming session, a step by step plan, mind map or simply letting your feelings flow out onto the paper.

5. Take a break from it all.  Yup. Turn off the phone, tv, computer and do something else that will give you a mental and physical break from what is stressing you out.  Go dancing, read a favourite book, hike a trail, volunteer…whatever gets you a break.  You need to let yourself have these times off or you will burn out.

6. Find support.  Depending on your needs you might look for a friend to listen or you might want to seek professional help to sort it out.  People…we are not meant to go through this life alone.  Stop martyr-ing yourself and allow others to give you a hand up.  Ideas?  Try your doctor, online groups, friends, or even a Coach.

7. Have a laugh.  There is no rule book for life. Therefore, there is no rule that just because life is handing you some crappy cards you  must be miserable everywhere and in every aspect of your life.  Put your worries in time out and find the joyful gifts you have been given; laugh when things are funny, smile because you still can. 

8. Meditate and/or deep breathing exercises.  Not everyone feels super comfortable with meditating, and sometimes it isn’t really viable.  Still, it is a practice I really urge you to pick up.  Can’t or not sure? Try some deep breathing exercises.  These are  milder version of meditation and in a wonderful twist of events breathing is done everywhere and so you can also do these types of exercises just about anywhere! 

What do you do to help reduce stress in your life?  Everyone has their own tricks and tips. Please share yours!

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