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Archive for July, 2012

I’ve been pretty busy this past week or so and sadly haven’t been able to catch much of the Olympics in London. I end up seeing results or what’s happening on Twitter or the news.

I love seeing the write ups and video commentary on the athletes. It’s all very inspiring and uplifting to see how hard they have worked.

Then there are the jerks. (Yes, I said jerks…my favourite word these days for a person who can’t contain their negativity).

So many headlines that read something like “athlete comes up short to only get a silver medal” What?? ONLY?? Geesh this person is SECOND IN THE WORLD and most likely by a split hair of a millisecond. And the kicker is the person writing this most likely is not even a silver medalist themselves.

So what happened to the joyous celebration before the competition? What happened to being proud of our sons and daughters for all that they accomplish, overcome and the work they do? Suddenly it’s not good enough?

Bollocks.

This is a lot of what’s wrong with our own attitudes towards ourselves.

Guess what? Play that game again, swim one more lap or dive once more round and it all could change. Just like life…it can all change very easily. Even if you attain perfection (and good luck with that) it is very fleeting.

The goal is not and should not be the end all, be all of your world. Your essence is not a moment in time. You are the accumulation of millions of moments; some good and some bad.

You are so much more than missing a target now and again so why define yourself by it?

I hope instead of “only second’ we can change that to “holy crap they are freakin second!-They ROCKED it!” (read with a very excited voice please). And I hope you can change that way of thinking for yourself too. In fact I hope we can change it to “holy crap, look how hard they’ve worked, how far they’ve come and what great people they are”. But one step at a time.

Cuz baby…you are rocking this life! Love yourself for it; celebrate all that you have and all that you are. There is always another day, another play and another player.

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As you know…I pretty much bleed coffee.  Okay I will admit that I have cut way back from my university days and try to maintain a better balance but in all truth I really love my morning coffee.  It can even be decaf…doesn’t matter. I enjoy the taste, the aroma and the ritual of sipping away while I check my social media sites.

Know what I don’t love?  Cleaning the freakin coffee maker and making the coffee.  I love that mine has a timer and if I remember to put it on it’s like freakin Christmas to wake up to hot coffee already made.  Seriously great way to start the day. Still, not a fan of the mess but totally worth the effort once I get hot coffee.

I was really happy then to be at another person’s office and they mentioned that there was a fresh pot made and to help myself.  (yeah!)

I also got a good laugh as they had many different little ‘love’ notes all over their kitchen about cleaning up after yourself.   The classic “your mother doesn’t work here, clean it up yourself” always gets a giggle.  Then I caught one that said “the coffee fairy doesn’t work here; make the damn coffee”.   I smirked because I have often joked about where the coffee fairy was myself.

So, I googled the coffee fairy later on thinking to send a joke to a friend who also has a coffee addiction…err…love of coffee!  Yes that’s what we’ll say…love of coffee.

Check out what I found.

Awesome.

Sent that off to my friend who also had a good giggle at it.  I read it again in her reply and my thoughts were interesting.  My first thought was “hmm, ya, just like life”

Whoa…what now?

It’s truth in a funny little package.  Life isn’t made by fairies and benevolent beings either.   Occasionally you might find someone is willing to share a little of what they have, but for most days, you have to do what it takes. 

So, get yourself out there and make it for yourself.  The best part is once you figure it out, you make it exactly how you like it. Kinda like coffee.

(Ha, and you thought I was just on a love-rant about coffee!)

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I often have people ask me how to find their life purpose.  I struggled with this for what seems like forever.  I had a dream one night recently and in this dream I was speaking with someone.  Although I can only remember snippets of this dream I awoke with a huge realization that shifted everything for me.  Everyone has the same Life Purpose; in a sense we are all united in this. 

You were born to do one thing.  That is be true to you.  Everything else falls under that.

It isn’t always easy or comfortable. But we were not put here to be asleep and in stasis. We are meant to push forward, learn lessons; sometimes hard painful lessons.

The thing is once we push through, once we live in such a way that we are true to ourselves we do find real happiness, real truth and real peace.

You cannot gain that by avoiding problems or who you are.  Nor can you get there by accepting whatever society says you should. 

It is my belief that you need to do what your inner light calls you to do.  Do what you must as long as you are harming no one else.  This is how to follow your path; by lighting your own way.

You are here to be you. 

Sometimes you will feel the need to go left when it seems everyone else is going right. Go left.

Sometimes you might know what to do and that it is time to act when it seems everyone else is content to simply be where they are.  Do it anyway.

Occasionally you will be told you are foolish, wrong, headstrong and others might  try to change you.  Follow your heart anyway.

Quit the wishy-washy fear of what others think and learn to love your own light.  No one else can do this for you. Only you.

Your light is a gift and it is beautiful.  Let it shine like the beacon it is.

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In my last post, entitled What Time is It Mr. Wolf, I talked about how we need to listen to what our needs are today.  It does change as we grow and experience new parts of life. 

However, it’s not that post that inspired this one; it was something in the comments.  Yup, I read ’em and respond but Roberta’s comment started me thinking about something that happened to me not long ago.  I wanted to share this with you to not only show you I get it, I walk this talk; but to share an experience you might relate to.

It’s about my car.  I know, I know! I have written about that car before and how much I love it and how much it has been causing me trouble.  This time it’s a good thing. 

You see my car has been having some trouble staying running.  Yup, it will be driving along as nicely as you please and suddenly, I notice I’ve lost power steering and brakes.  You see the electrical is just fine so the radio and lights are all on…including the check engine light.  Luckily, I do have a clue and was able to safely get my car over to the side.  (picture me flexing my muscles–if you haven’t driven without the power steering before, trust me you need muscles!). 

As you can imagine this really gets the heart pumping

The first time I took it in, the garage plugged it in only to say that there was no code because the engine light comes and goes.  They didn’t know what to think and sent me on my way.

After a couple more times of this happening, I knew I really, really had to get it looked at again so took it to the far more expensive dealership’s garage.  Lucky me! The engine light was on and boom.  Found out the problem.  Mass airflow sensor (of course…why didn’t I think of that? lol). 

So just imagine, I’m stressed over driving my car there, shocked at the amount of $ they charge and tired from trying to get it done quickly with a minimum of fuss and annoyed because I have things I should be doing. I already wasn’t feeling well and was so busy!  So, the next day I’m back at the shop to pick up my car.  The estimate is nowhere near what I am told on the bill; it’s much, much higher. 

Crappity crap crap!

Well here’s the thing.  I had a migraine coming on since the day before (all this humidity I suspect) but I still didn’t want to relinquish control over what was happening.  The problem is I was having a hard time. My stress level was getting really high and I was having trouble trying to focus.  Migraines do that to me.  

Suddenly, my far more sensible brain piped up and said ‘you’re being dumb here, let someone help you’. 

So I turned to my boyfriend, who had driven me to pick up my car and asked him very nicely to deal with it for me.  I know he is quite good at speaking to (charming) people, he’s more than bright enough to figure the math and wasn’t feeling poorly.  I literally stepped aside. 

At first, I was a bit anxious and then I made a choice.  An on purpose, very deliberate (yup I was talking to myself ) choice; I let go.  I trusted that others had my best interest at heart and I let it go.  And I was able to relax and smile again.  He took over and took care of it.  In fact, he and the manager found not one, but two errors that would have cost me $250 more than I should have been charged. Whew!

I need to make this clear…this is not easy for me.  Letting someone else take over; letting..goodness asking them to; well it goes against everything I’ve learned growing up and how I dealt with life for years.   I had (still do at times) a belief that I must take care of my own ‘stuff’ or I was weak and vulnerable.  Oh…I think that’s the first time I’ve said that out loud and in public.  Yay me!

So, take away from this story that yes…we can learn to change and it does make a big difference.  We are not stuck in our roles unless we choose to be.  Our belief system is not always right and it certainly is not always working in our best interest. Perhaps at one time  it was something we needed but that doesn’t mean we should assume it always will be.

When was the last time you examined your belief system?  When was the last time you let go of something that wasn’t serving you anymore?

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Remember that old childhood game?

Someone got to be Mr. Wolf and everyone else screamed at the other end of the playground “What Time is it Mr. Wolf?”

The Wolf would whirl around and yell out a random time like 2 o’clock whereupon all the children would move forward 2 steps.

Eventually, the group would be closer and closer to Mr. Wolf.  Ooooh the excitement because any moment the wolf could yell “lunch time” instead of an actual time.

Then screaming begins; the chase is on and someone might get tagged to be the next wolf.

So exciting…so much fun!

You know what?  I’ve been wondering myself what time it is lately.  I realize something.   My quest for my ‘next step’ is kind of like that old game.

The thing is to some degree I hold both positions; wolf and the player trying not to be dinner!

I have to sometimes be the wolf and decide what time it is.  Sometimes I have to be the player who despite feeling like a nervous Nellie also feels the excitement and fun of advancing even though I might get tagged or out.  Too much fun to stop.

Earlier this year was a different time for me.  Earlier this year was the time to pick up challenges and go after them all.  It was a ‘say YeS’ to life time.  It was awesome!

Right now I am feeling times have changed.  I have asked my inner Mr Wolf what time it is and I’m hearing it’s a time to let go.  Scary, painful but exciting all at the same time because I understand that this time too will change and better things will be coming my way as soon as I make room for them. 

No matter what time is it, I keep moving forward.  I keep finding ways.   The important thing is to know what time it is for you.

Is it time for:

  • letting go
  • taking a bold step
  • finding the questions to ask
  • taking a break
  • recharging
  • charging forward
  • change

No matter what time it is in your life; listen to your inner wolf and honor him/her.  Mr. Wolf calls out the time, you have to try to move forward.

So I’m asking you, what time is it for you  Mr. Wolf?

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Imagine that you have won a prize at – oh I don’t know – the local fair? A game show…whatever tickles your fancy.

You are given the opportunity to take a completely paid-for vacation to exotic lands, with everything included (yup, even your spending money).  Even better it’s just so happens that this is your dream vacation.  The only glitch is you have to go alone.  You will spend a week or two enjoying your own company or perhaps those of people you meet.  Your family will be presented with prizes that makes them only too happy to see you get your dream vacation so no guilt there!

Or you can take prize number two.  A vacation one town over, nice hotel I suppose but not exactly a dream vacation; however, you do get to take someone with you!

What do you do?

Now please take out of the equation the guilt over leaving your family or spouse. They are perfectly happy in this scenario.  The point I am hoping you notice is many people could never imagine taking a trip on their own no matter if they had a significant other or not. 

How about the idea of sending your spouse on a trip, or the kids to camp.  A month by yourself!  How does that make you feel?

Many people have mixed emotions about it I think. They would love some peace and quiet on one hand but many people are truly uncomfortable being on their own.  When I have coached women who are working out who they are after (and during) a divorce that is one thing that keeps coming back over and over.  They are afraid they will end up being all alone.

Why is that a problem? 

I have to tell you first of all, that I have been on my own quite a lot and sometimes it feels a bit lonely when you want to share things. Then again, I have been in a long-term relationship where I felt lonely every single day. The latter was much, much harder to take. 

I enjoy spending time alone with my thoughts.  In fact I often seek it out.  For me, I like to be in nature, hiking with my dog.  I often find a place to sit and breathe in all that surrounds me and find that inner peace. 

Can you be lonely when you like who you are?   I think so, but it’s not the desperate lonely of a broken heart that is afraid to shine.

When you no longer need to be validated by others externally (not that you don’t like to hear how wonderful you are…you just don’t need it to be happy) you are less likely to despair about being alone.

It can be rejuvenating, refreshing and give you a fresh perspective and appreciation for those who are in your life.  Or the strength of conviction that clarity of thought brings to change and let go.

It can be hard to be comfortable in your own skin and when you are alone, you hear your thoughts, feel you pain and face your ‘stuff’ much more clearly.  Avoidance via being socially busy is a great tool if you want to ignore your higher self.

When we are with others we can’t hear ourselves as clearly. Sometimes we even believe we shouldn’t think/feel/desire certain things because of the company we keep.  When we are teens we call it peer pressure right?  When we spend time alone we question and know ourselves. 

Scary stuff at times.  Painful stuff at times.  Still, it is here, in our alone-ness that we find true and honest selves.

The thing is if you are not fully you, you cannot fully bring all of you to the table to be with others anyway.  Changing who you are and how your thinking is denying your core values and you cannot be content with your life if you do this.  There is conflict within and it presents itself in many ways including physical, mental and emotional. 

Spending some time alone, exploring who you are and becoming comfortable with your higher and best self is a gift that you give not only to yourself but to everyone in your life.  I know I have said many times that we were not meant to travel this life time alone; but I also believe that spending time with just our self is important in order to know who we are traveling with when we are not defining ourselves by what other people think.  Do you agree?

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Rough day?  Week?  Month…goodness year??

No matter to-day is the day things are going to change right?  The thing is you need to start by changing your attitude. If you keep thinking the worst, sitting in a pool of negativity and sighing about how awful life is you aren’t going to get much further than where you are.

Mindset matters!

Still, it can be hard to pull ourselves up when we are hurting or sad or simply tired of struggling.

Laughter makes it better.  It really does. When we allow ourselves to laugh, to find some joyousness in silliness we are shifting into a better place.

So, here are a few silly jokes for you to get you started.  (C’mon, let go and have a smile and a giggle; it’s okay I promise)  Leave me some of your favourite funny stories, jokes or one liners in the comments!

1. How do you make a kitchen sink?

                                                            Throw it in the pool.

2. Why do vampire’s gargle?

                                                          So they won’t have bat breath.

3.  Selling at an auction was halted when the auctioneer announced, “Someone in the room has lost his wallet containing $2,000. He is offering a reward of $500.00 for its immediate return.” After a moment of silence, there was a call from the back of the room, “$550.00”

4. “Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way when you criticize them, you are a mile away from them and you have their shoes.” – Jack Handey

5. “If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you!” – Henny Youngman

 

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