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Posts Tagged ‘changing’

Sometimes we get to decide to make a change, sometimes change gets to ‘surprise’ us. Interestingly enough the strain on us often isn’t much different as we try to come to grips with what’s happening.

There is a perception out there in the big world that change is bad. That bad things happen when things change. Even when change is for the better we talk about having to ‘let go’ and ‘move on’ with such a sad feeling.

I’ve been the victim of unexpected change (so to speak) myself. Many times over but some things certainly stand out. I’ve also been the agent of change in my life and realize that even that isn’t easy.

The thing about change is it isn’t comfortable and it takes effort and energy – even when it’s something we really want. I’m sure I’m not the only one that gets really excited about some new project or and then gets those nervous butterflies just before taking that first step? You know where your inner voice says “whoa there, you crazy?”

Why is that? What is it about change that makes us resist it so much? Be it a small blip or a sea of change – what’s the real problem? After all it hasn’t killed us yet right?Jim_Rohn_Quote_Change

Change at its basic level brings with it a sense of chaos, of lack of control. We humans love to think that we are in control of everything that’s going on in our lives. Aren’t we cute that way?

Change shakes up that feeling of control and understanding. I mean if life is a game we play (of sorts) change is someone modifying the rules without telling us what they are and still expecting us to play and win.

No matter it’s going to happen and continue to happen to us, for us and around us. We will continue to create change for ourselves and learn and grow. For some people it’s an effort they don’t want to make but I think the Universe only gives you so long to start making the changes for yourself before it does it for you to move you along in your life.

That is what we do and how life it set up right?  It’s also how we get stuck isn’t it?

I think we have to learn to flip our view of change; embrace not knowing and be curious about the chaos rather than fear it.  We need to step up and simply accept change for what it is – a part of life, hidden opportunities and possibilities.  Stare that change right in the face and move with it rather than fight it.  We have to start remembering that life gets better with change if we let it.

When we get to move on we can choose how to respond to that.  Have you ever heard the Dr. Seuss quote “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”?

My acceptance of the lesson on change came when I was struggling to deal with the after effects of my car accident and having to realize that I would never be the same person. In the later stages of healing I had someone ask the question “couldn’t that be a good thing?” I never realized that this struggle, the changes could be a gift that I simply needed to accept.

Things had changed. I had changed.  There is no doubt to that.  I was already on a path to where I am today but in fact, I was resisting it.  I wanted to move but was stuck in so many levels of fear and confusion over the how and the what and of course…the why.

This accident forced me to face many of the things I thought were holding me back.  At some point, I realized that even though it was a very difficult time and it brought about many unexpected, painful changes – it also brought opportunity.  It brought me to a place where I could step into my own light.  I healed more than just my physical body through this and I think the Universe felt the need to push me forward.  So while I don’t love thinking about what happened and how painful it was, I do often feel a sense of gratitude because it brought me so far and gave me as much as it took away.

Life is short and too many of us live as if we have another back up one stored away somewhere.  We don’t.  I firmly believe that when we learn to embrace the chaos in change and show up with love we will finally move forward into the life we really want to be living.

Learn to breathe, give yourself some time to adjust and keep dreaming your dreams.

 

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Have you taken a good hard look at an acorn? They actually quite small aren’t they? I mean it’s a good size meal for a squirrel I guess but even those furry guys can handle a couple at a time.

In fact, my dog likes to knock them around at the park as if they were some sort of naturally occurring super ball. Yup, they bounce pretty good, but they roll really fast so that’s exciting. It’s cute when he tosses them up in the air and catches them.

But take a closer look. They have a pretty hard, smooth brown shell that is really quite lovely with an almost cute little cap.acorn-oak-nut

Now look up and around…you see that big tree they came from? Take a moment to really let it sink in that this little acorn has all the potential in the world to grow to those heights. Really kind of amazing isn’t it?

This is what your faith in yourself can be like.

For those of us who’ve been hurt, rejected and broken our faith in who we are can seem shattered and non-existent. But it’s not. It’s in every one of us; it might feel hidden or in hibernation but it’s there.

OAKtreeKind of like the potential for amazing things is hidden inside that little acorn.  Nurture that acorn just a little and it will burst forth with all the determination you could imagine to grow and thrive into a giant, towering oak.  This little acorn doesn’t even recognize its final goal, it just knows the next step is to take the chance and break through the shell it’s been protected by for so long.

You can do that too.  Look, a little faith in your hidden acorns; your faith in your own gifts and potential, can go a long way to starting to allow yourself to grow and thrive.  To peek through that crack in your shell to see that the sun is shining.

But like acorns these little nuggets of faith need to be nurtured.  They need to be brought out into the light, allowed to feel the rain and grow some roots.  And just like the acorn, this is a fragile process at first.  One that need gentleness, care and time.    You need to stretch and reach for the sun.

We have all the potential to thrive and grow into something even more amazing than we are today.  And like the acorn it takes persistence!

Find your little acorn of faith.  What can you do today to nurture it?  What little ways can you begin to starting to grow your own potential?  Little steps, small goals can add up to be quite an amazing thing don’t you agree?

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A little bit of a deviation from my usual sort of posts…kind of.  Winter Solstice.  It is a day of contemplation and celebration in my house. 

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Winter Solstice occurs annually on a day between December 20 and December 23. For a long time my understanding of Winter Solstice was simply that it was the day with the smallest amount of daylight hours.  When I was younger there was always something about the seasonal changes that drew me.  The Winter Solstice was especially so.  I just knew my heart and soul  got a bit lighter and more joyful.

Imagine my surprise when I got a bit older and I discovered there was far more to it and for many people it was a day of real celebration.

The December solstice has played an important role the lives of many people in ancient times. Solstice observances were held by virtually every culture in the world. Solstice rites were practiced among such diverse groups as Native South Americans, Celts, Persians, Orientals, and Africans.

To this day, the world is still influenced by the many traditions linked to the observance of the December solstice. Just take a few moment to google some of the more commonly known Christmas Traditions like the Christmas Tree, mistletoe and even the date chosen to celebrate the birth!  As things evolve they seem to stay the same…but that is a topic for a whole series of posts!

evergreen3Many people are talking about the Mayans predictions for this year. The day the world will ‘end’.   Those who are in the know realize that this doesn’t mean the world will end by being destroyed and annihilated. It means it will be ending this cycle and beginning anew.

This year, many believe the Solstice will mark not only a return of the longer daylight hours, but the beginning of a whole new phase of human consciousness and usher in a new era of positively. 

I think I have already seen the signs that the worlds collective consciousness has begun to shift and it makes me incredibly happy and hopeful.  I plan to stand in my truth and let my light shine brighter than ever. 

To those who want to create a movement for peace, unity and love;  this is our time.

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Every single person on this Earth has expectations and assumptions.  We kind of have to in order to manage to get through life without losing our minds. 

Think about it..we assume that the guy in the other car will stop for the red light on his side so we just buzz on through the green.  But we also have assumptions about our expectations.

Mind spinning yet?

We know what we feel and desire in our heart of hearts.  But we often assume that who we are in our truest form won’t be accepted by others.  Many of us wear many masks and hide our dreams because of what we think is expected of us. 

And we won’t break out of these roles because we fear losing our friends and even family.

So we remain, unhappy, hidden and our greatest gifts – our light – is dimmed and shuttered.

If you step back over here with me to look at this a bit differently I’d like to point out of couple of problems with this line of thinking.

First, you were not put here on this Earth to be small, dim or hidden.  You have a light within you that is a gift, and you do it such a disservice by closing the shutters up tight because someone out there may not like it.  You were meant to shine!

Which brings me to my next thought.  Not everyone is going to like you – that is a given in life.  That’s okay.  Simply bless those people and move on.  However, consider this.  If no one knows who you truly are and they only see this facade – then in all truth – no one really likes or  loves you because they don’t know you.  They might like the person you are projecting, but that isn’t YOU.

You can’t lose what you don’t actually have I’m afraid.  Truly if you think everyone likes you then that is a huge hint you aren’t being your truest self.  You are playing roles to make others happy.  I mean c’mon…even the best of us have people who dislike them!

When you allow yourself to shine, to be you in all your quirky ways, then others who will love you for those very things can find you.  Until then you are just an actor on stage and people are simply loving your role…not you.

Imagine what and who you are missing.  Imagine the peace and joy of releasing all that misery and self-condemnation and allowing yourself to grow into the beautiful being you were alway meant to be. 

It’s okay to love you.  In fact, I’m betting most people you already know will love you too if you are brave enough to give them that chance.  You’ll be surprised at what happens.  Take off the masks – live free.

masks

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Lately I have been moving towards different goals. In the process I’ve been discovering more and more about my true self.  While this is very liberating and at the same time occasionally scary I have noticed something new.

I have been teetering on the brink.  The question I struggle with is the brink of what?

I can only explain in mundane words what I have been feeling but here goes.

Imagine with me for a moment.  There is an edge I can’t quite see over.  Be it a cliff or hill..whatever.  Moving closer brings with it excitement and it is also a bit scary.  When I get too close I pull back to the safety of where I was to take a breath…perhaps just a little closer than before.

I can see the edge and the blue skies beyond it but I don’t know what it holds.

I know, somewhere deep in my soul that I need to walk over to the edge and leap.  I know it.  But fear is a tricky thing isn’t it?

What will I find?  I am not sure but I believe I am becoming me, but even more so.  Does that make sense?  Ha!  Sometimes it doesn’t quite make sense to me.

I am reminded of my good friend Deone’s post comparing his journey to the butterfly.  I actually haven’t thought of that post for a while.  For some reason THAT was the post that showed up when I came to my blog this day.  A little whisper from the universe to move me along?  Perhaps that is what is happening?  Perhaps I am ready to transform, to leave or maybe build a cocoon and grow my wings.

It’s funny.  Not long ago I would have said I already did that.  That certain things which happened taught me so much about my own power, my own light and my place in this world.

I honestly  used to wonder what people did when they got it figured out.   Seriously. I thought…once you learn how to meditate or be calm what do you do then? 

Well, I can tell you that with every pair of wings you have grown; with every sky you have learned to soar in there is more.  There is so much more.  You can’t always see what is above until you can rise up. 

There is a story about how when you are on a train and it goes into a tunnel and gets dark you don’t jump off.  Instead you know to trust the driver to get you through the tunnel and back into the light. 

My friends…you drive your own train.  You can’t help but come across a tunnel once in a while.  Trust in your ability to find the light at the other end.  Some tunnels are longer than others but they all lead somewhere.  On the other side…the light might just be a little brighter.  You’re light might be a little brighter.  Things might just fit more perfectly then they ever have before.

Sooner or later I’m going to take the leap over that edge.   I can see the glimmer of light from the end of the tunnel I’ve been travelling in.  I know I will get there.   You’ll see.  I hope you find your next level of growth just as exciting and scary and that you too find the perfect time to go take a look at what you can become when you trust.

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Do you ever get that feeling like your sinking…and sinking and sinking?

Not the one that comes when your stomach sinks and you realize “oh crap, this one thing is not going as expected.” That’s different from what I’m talking about.

I’m talking about the feeling that you are sinking into a deeper and deeper pit of nothingness.  Like some sort of weird emotional quicksand.  I’ve been there and when I think back I’m always reminded of the Neverending Story. Do you remember that?  The story world was being swallowed up but nothingness because of a lack of belief.  Sounds rather familiar no?

The nothingness is a dark place, a lonely place and I want to talk about it.

There I said it.  People have cautioned me about talking about this because they say if you spend a lot of time thinking and writing and thinking some more you are going to invite that into your life.  Bunch o’crap if you ask me.  My intention is not to do that. It is to talk about so those who feel that way know that they are by no stretch of the imagination, alone.  I want to stop the nothingness too!

You are not alone.  The nothingness pit if FULL of people.  Trust me. You just can’t see them yet because that is the trickiest part of feeling this way.  It causes you to isolate yourself without you even realizing it.   It’s hard to see past your own self.

Shame, fatigue, lethargy, confusion, embarassment…you name it.  The emotions that prevent us from stepping out and asking for help runs a rather large list.  

There is so much of this going on right now with all the cutbacks, homes being lost, fear etc that I really feel the need to talk about it. To bring it OUT of the darkness.

There is no shame in falling down.  It happens.  Sometimes, through literally NO fault of our own, sometimes we’ve made a bad choice and sometimes…yes sometimes, we royally screwed up and ended up face first on the floor.

It happens.

As with every event, it’s what you do afterwards that really matters.

What I’ve learned from feeling like life screwed me over, is that I  have a choice at that point.  I can play the victim card and start the sinking.  Or I live in gratitude for what is still in my life and what is still to come. 

I have been in a position where I had to sell some of my things in order to eat.  My goodness that was hard.  I cried and cried about how I didn’t deserve this; how I’d always worked hard and done the ‘right’ things in life.  Yet, here I was. You know what?  At the end of the day it wasn’t that bad.  Stuff is just stuff. 

Here’s the other interesting thing I learned.  The darkness cannot easily exist when the light of love, hope and a thankful heart are present.  It just can’t seem to co-exist.  Don’t get me wrong.  I had some days that were darker than others…but I was no longer sinking into it.  I know where the exit is located.

Can I share an example that still makes me so grateful that I have a bit of tears show up?  I was cutting waaaaaaay back on everything.  I cut out the TV cable and was pretty sad about that because I used it to distract myself from life of painful recovery.  I looked for another way to use my time and I began to use it to read books that taught me so much more about living well.  I count that time as a time of peace and internal healing.  I snuggled up with my dog and cat under a blanket and a cup of tea and read.  I wrote in my journal and had time to reflect and think. 

It was like I had been living in a room with a dim light and suddenly someone added a whole bunch of bright lamps. 

If I had simply despaired, or tried to fight it, I never would have had that time.  I looked for what opportunities presented to me and I stepped up and took them as small as they might seem.

The thing is if you are experiencing that feeling of life being out of your control, please know that it is not.  You have the power to change it. You really do!  It may not happen overnight and there is no magic pill but you can step out of what is dragging you down and pulling you under.  This is what I help with – setting goals and breaking them down to ‘those little steps’ that make a huge difference.  I’ve seen the difference it makes.

Ask for help if you need it.  Sometimes this turns into a depression that needs medical help to overcome.  That’s okay as long as you get the help you need.  Sometimes you just need to force yourself into a next little step.  Let’s face it.  You are reading this and made it to the bottom which tells me you don’t want to live stuck in the dark.  You don’t have to. 

You can do this.  Your light, your energy, is needed in this world as much as anyone’s.  It’s time to talk about feeling like we’ve sunk and are sinking.  It’s time to throw a few life preservers out there for others.  Let’s shed some light on this and lift each other up.

Blessings

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In my last post, entitled What Time is It Mr. Wolf, I talked about how we need to listen to what our needs are today.  It does change as we grow and experience new parts of life. 

However, it’s not that post that inspired this one; it was something in the comments.  Yup, I read ’em and respond but Roberta’s comment started me thinking about something that happened to me not long ago.  I wanted to share this with you to not only show you I get it, I walk this talk; but to share an experience you might relate to.

It’s about my car.  I know, I know! I have written about that car before and how much I love it and how much it has been causing me trouble.  This time it’s a good thing. 

You see my car has been having some trouble staying running.  Yup, it will be driving along as nicely as you please and suddenly, I notice I’ve lost power steering and brakes.  You see the electrical is just fine so the radio and lights are all on…including the check engine light.  Luckily, I do have a clue and was able to safely get my car over to the side.  (picture me flexing my muscles–if you haven’t driven without the power steering before, trust me you need muscles!). 

As you can imagine this really gets the heart pumping

The first time I took it in, the garage plugged it in only to say that there was no code because the engine light comes and goes.  They didn’t know what to think and sent me on my way.

After a couple more times of this happening, I knew I really, really had to get it looked at again so took it to the far more expensive dealership’s garage.  Lucky me! The engine light was on and boom.  Found out the problem.  Mass airflow sensor (of course…why didn’t I think of that? lol). 

So just imagine, I’m stressed over driving my car there, shocked at the amount of $ they charge and tired from trying to get it done quickly with a minimum of fuss and annoyed because I have things I should be doing. I already wasn’t feeling well and was so busy!  So, the next day I’m back at the shop to pick up my car.  The estimate is nowhere near what I am told on the bill; it’s much, much higher. 

Crappity crap crap!

Well here’s the thing.  I had a migraine coming on since the day before (all this humidity I suspect) but I still didn’t want to relinquish control over what was happening.  The problem is I was having a hard time. My stress level was getting really high and I was having trouble trying to focus.  Migraines do that to me.  

Suddenly, my far more sensible brain piped up and said ‘you’re being dumb here, let someone help you’. 

So I turned to my boyfriend, who had driven me to pick up my car and asked him very nicely to deal with it for me.  I know he is quite good at speaking to (charming) people, he’s more than bright enough to figure the math and wasn’t feeling poorly.  I literally stepped aside. 

At first, I was a bit anxious and then I made a choice.  An on purpose, very deliberate (yup I was talking to myself ) choice; I let go.  I trusted that others had my best interest at heart and I let it go.  And I was able to relax and smile again.  He took over and took care of it.  In fact, he and the manager found not one, but two errors that would have cost me $250 more than I should have been charged. Whew!

I need to make this clear…this is not easy for me.  Letting someone else take over; letting..goodness asking them to; well it goes against everything I’ve learned growing up and how I dealt with life for years.   I had (still do at times) a belief that I must take care of my own ‘stuff’ or I was weak and vulnerable.  Oh…I think that’s the first time I’ve said that out loud and in public.  Yay me!

So, take away from this story that yes…we can learn to change and it does make a big difference.  We are not stuck in our roles unless we choose to be.  Our belief system is not always right and it certainly is not always working in our best interest. Perhaps at one time  it was something we needed but that doesn’t mean we should assume it always will be.

When was the last time you examined your belief system?  When was the last time you let go of something that wasn’t serving you anymore?

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