Failing to Win!

Ever have one of those days when even getting dressed seems like it might be impossible?  You know, zipper breaks, that shirt isn’t ironed, sweater developed a hole.  Ugh..I think we often call those days Monday’s right? We know if we just persevere it will get better (you know, by friday!)

Following your dreams can be like this.

We have lovely phrases like chase your dreams, or follow your bliss but sometimes in all reality you have to fight for them.  It isn’t always butterflies and rainbows and I’m sure you know that but sometimes we really have to struggle.  Where is your line in the sand? At what point do you stop playing sweet, stand your ground and have to get stubborn?

Trust.  That is what it is all about.  You have to trust in your vision; your dream.  You have to trust in yourself. 

Failure.  It happens.  Learn from it; adjust your vision and keep moving.  Not one single living being can say they have never failed–it isn’t the failing–it’s the way you react to it that matters.

Ask for help.  Even Superman needed a hand now and again. You simply do not have the time to know all, be all and do all.  You’ll go crazy, burn out and certainly not be any fun to be around if you try.

Set the bar high.  You know I just don’t understand some people who reach the goal they’ve set out and then stop.  Clearly, if you got there you can get farther and do more!  Go for it!  If you are worried see the line on failure!

I honestly think that if more people had the fortitude to fight through the tough times we’d have more dreams being realized.  I wonder how many people fail and never try again? 

 Imagine if Michael Jordan had listened to his high school basketball coach who told him he wasn’t good enough.  How many did that man inspire with his strength of character?  Imagine if Thomas Edison had quit after failing so many times while trying to create the light bulb.  Over 10,000 versions that still did not work.  When asked by a reporter how he kept going in light (no pun intended) of all these failures and why didn’t he just give up? Edison replied ““You don’t understand, I haven’t failed 10,000 times, I’ve simply succeeded in finding 10,000 ways that definitely won’t work.”

Just know that failure isn’t a personal punishment, it’s an opportunity to learn.  Struggles keep us focused and teach us appreciation. We learn and we learn.  Keep hanging in there and you will soon reach your own ‘Friday’ and things will get better.  Keep reminding yourself that you are failing in order to win.

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Climbing Mountains

In the confrontation between the stream and the rock, the stream always wins- not through strength but by perseverance.”

~H. Jackson Brown~

One of the things I like to do in my spare (spare?? lol) time is go hiking, often for hours.  It’s what I do to relive stress, get some fresh air or when I just need a change of pace. I pile my dog in the car, pack a few essentials and off we go. 

I was thinking about this the other day when a friend commented on how she just couldn’t see herself walking that so far!  I had never considered that I actually walked so far.  I never worried about it because I never considered the entire trip as a whole.  Let me explain. 

It is rare I tell myself I HAVE to hike so far or for so long.  I just start walking.  I sometimes get distracted, notice new things or even stop to enjoy the view.  I love being out in the woods because I find my peace there.  I am only concerned with what is just around the bend, not what is a mile away.   I once heard a riddle that asked how one can write a book? The answer was one word at a time. I’ve also heard a similar one about climbing mountains. Same idea, you do it one step at a time. 

No matter how fit you are or smart or well equipped the fact remains the same; you overcome all big hurdles one step at a time.  If you are like my friend however and only look a the size of the hurdle you might feel overwhelmed and as if you could never do such a thing.  When that happens take a breath, back up and look for just that one small step and see if you can do that. 

Keep looking for that next step and you will eventually find yourself deep in the woods or up on top of that mountain. 

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What are you Grateful for?

I happen to find myself super lucky because I have family and friends both in Canada and in the USA so I manage to wiggle my way into two Thanksgiving celebrations.  Although the feasting is wonderful and the time spent with loved ones is priceless I also count the ability to focus on gratitude in amongst the blessings of this holiday. 

I was mulling over the idea of counting your blessings (something we all need to do more often I think) and being grateful when I decided to write this post.  I realized that as human beings it is in our nature to adjust to our situations and begin perceiving the way things are a ‘normal’ and ‘everyday’.  I wonder if this is a throwback to some survival instinct perhaps? Either way could this be what causes us to gloss over all that we have to actually be grateful for?

It may be hard to imagine but there are still places in this world where there is no cable tv, no phones and certainly no internet.  In fact there are places where clean water is a struggle and may not be one that the people are winning.  We worry our house is too small, our car isn’t new enough or we don’t have a smart phone.   This was really hit home when I saw a Christmas clip off the show America’s Funniest Home Videos where a boy about 8 or 9 opened a gift (one of many by the looks of it) and it was a sweater.  He proceeded to pout, throw it down and stomp off to his room shouting Christmas is over and ruined.  His parents laughed about it hysterically.  Really? That’s funny?  Hmmm. 

On the other hand I have a friend who has a little boy about 5 who has been taught that in order to get more toys at Christmas he must make room for them.  He and his mom take all the toys out of his toy box and make piles. One is for broken, one is for charity and one is to keep.   This little boy actually takes his things to the shelter and hands them over.  He actually sees the kids who haven’t got what he does and often is quite thoughtful about it.  Last year he suggested that they look through his keep pile one more time and he found a few more he really didn’t use much and back they went to the shelter.  This little boy has learned the true spirit of generosity and empathy.

Perhaps we owe our forefathers a bit more of debt then we realize.  They celebrated at the end of the harvest because they could survive another winter.  They were grateful for the lessons learned and that the hard work paid off.  Along with this they set us up to have a holiday that reminds us to be grateful for what we have.  We need to teach our children to appreciate what is around them already instead of allowing them to grow up force-fed by the marketers that they need more and more.  Of course in order to do that, we need to start by showing appreciation ourselves.  Isn’t Thanksgiving the perfect time to start doing this?

So what are you grateful for?

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Listen up?

It was a rough end to the week this week but there were some silver linings to be had.  Having had no voice the last couple of days I was able to really practice my listening skills.  A bout of laryngitis will do that for you.  Now I could lament the crappy way I felt but instead I actually can see a blessing in this.  I was forced to be quiet.  Odd how people feel the need to fill in the silence for you and what ends up coming out; some very deep insights emerged. While I don’t recommend this method of exploring your own listening skills it was interesting for me and I’d like to share some of my insights.

Real listening is a skill that many of us don’t take the time to develop. We often spend the time we should be listening paying attention to the noise inside our own head.  You know, examining what you already said, planning out what you will say next or even deciding what to have for lunch.  As a coach I am always very aware of how I am listening and strive to shut off that noise so I can listen deeper to people.   In truth it can be tough some days; still I want to hear not only the surface words but what lies underneath.  I pay attention to things like tone, body language and listen for statements that are repeated or contradict one another.  These are where we find we need to look deeper at what is being said and explore these ideas.  Our information about the message doesn’t always come just from the actual words.

As someone who taught for many years I early on learned the value of the pause.  Children and teenagers often need more time to process what you’ve said to them and formulate their answers.  Are adults so different? Not really. I think sometimes we give ‘stock’ answers.  We think we figured out what people want to hear so that is what we try to say. We are also uncomfortable with taking time to ponder as we think that others want immediate responses.  This is probably why coaches are becoming so popular with everyday people trying to work it out.  The stock answers get challenged and thrown out and the rawness of it all is brought into the light. 

Think back to a time when you felt really listened to.  A time when you knew your message was taken in and not judged for anything other than what it is.  It’s a good feeling. If you want to improve any relationship be it a spouse, teenager, child, co-worker or boss; start to listen with more than just a cursory glance at what is being said.   I guarantee you it will be gratefully received.

How often do you think you get really listened to? Or for that matter really listen to someone else?

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There is no magic to it!

Honestly, there is no magical wand to wave, no incredible lightbulbs that go off!  Life is hard, sometimes it’s harder than others and sometimes it’s really really great.  So what is the deal with some people’s ability to seem at peace pretty much all of the time even when dealing with life’s hard knocks?

It really isn’t that tough to understand.  They have certain skills and self-awareness in place.  What can be hard is the effort to begin changing your mindset and life focus so that you shift over to the same.  If you have habits of consistently feeling like you need more and don’t appreciate what you already have it can be tough to back pedal and learn that skill.  Gratitude is, I believe, one of the most powerful tools you have at your disposal for inner peace. 

Self awareness begins with taking the time to explore what you really value in life.  This can be tough because we all want to fit in, we all want to be that ‘cool kid’ right?  Well, here’s the thing; when you can learn to let that go and begin to enjoy being you you find that it just really doesn’t matter anymore.  It can be so hard for some to believe in this idea.  Start being really honest with yourself.  Explore your core value system and learn to live in harmony with those values.  Be grateful for all the joy and blessing you have right now.  Look deeply at where you happiness comes from and follow those paths rather than following the ones others have set out for you. 

I do love me some new shoes and such, but this isn’t where  my inner peace and joy come from.  If I never had a new pair of shoes I could still be happy and content.  The kind of peace that resonates through the rest of your life and gets noticed.  It isn’t magic, it’s thoughtfulness on your part that does this and it’s possible for anyone to search it out if they are truly willing.

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