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Posts Tagged ‘overcoming fear’

So I have this lovely friend named Lynn Brown.  She’s pretty motivating and motivated and I have long enjoyed her videos and confidence in doing them.

In fact, more than once she’s made me get a bit of an excitement to doing my own videos.

Then I let my ‘stuff’ get in the way and I let that go.  I can admit I’ve got some video hang-ups!  I’m not looking my best, what if I flub it up, what if people don’t like what I say, what if I don’t make sense?  Goodness, what if people point and laugh! I know, I know…how would I even know if they did that right?

You know FEAR…it’s creative if nothing else.  And it was keeping me playing small…way smaller than I want to be playing!

You know confidence is the killer of fear and we need to cultivate our own.  How do you increase confidence?  By facing our fear, on purpose and with love and grace.

Well, Lynn issued a challenge the other day to step outside that ol’ comfort zone and beef up your own confidence by doing something that scares you a little today which for me was exactly that…a video.  Here is the link to her message that lit a fire under my butt.  Maybe it was her words, maybe it was the sunshine and maybe it all just came together on a perfect day for it…but I heard her loud and clear.

I loved her video…shared it and thought about it as I avoided the whole thing by taking Charlie for a nice hike in the sunshine.

While I was out and about I had some aha moments.  When I got home I kicked my FEAR to the curb and just did it.  By the time I figured out how to use my laptop camera I was actually kind of excited to respond to Lynn.  Here is it!  I really had to work to push that publish button on YouTube let me tell you.  Of course Lynn was super supportive and gave me some wonderful cheers after for just going for it.

You know the beauty of stomping fear is the terrific feeling you get afterwards when you realize you are even more amazing than you thought.  That you have stepped into your own light and truth and it’s freaking amazing.  So, I’m stomping a little harder by sharing my video here with you too.  Trust me my little voice is saying ‘be careful’ and ‘oh no, don’t do that!’

Please let me know what you think either here or in comments on my YouTube site.

So, what are YOU going to do to step up and build your own confidence?

Many blessings!

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I’m tired of all the rhetoric spouting a bunch of crap that your Fears aren’t real.  Hey, they are just in your mind so no biggie right? 

My rather sarcastic nature would like to say to these people “oh!  Well then, suddenly I’m perfectly fine – just wish you had mentioned that one years ago” 

I get it, they are trying to calm you and motivate you to get going on whatever it is you are holding back from.  Sometimes, sure, we just need to take a deep breath and go for it. For me that’s all I need when getting on stage to talk.  Few calming breaths and just jump in.  If I think about it too long I’ll probably run screaming lol.  But it’s taken a lot of work on my inner critic to learn to shut her up long enough to get going. 

Here’s the thing.  IT DOESN”T ALWAYS WORK THAT WAY. My fears are real, I have just learned to deal with that one with some tricks and self talk. 

Next time someone with their head in the clouds tells you that your fears and anxiety aren’t real just smile and carry on because you know they most certainly are. 

Fear is real.  (yup that’s a PERIOD)  They range in how much power they have over us and how well we deal with them.

Still, you can’t touch them or throw them out with the garbage.  They are yours and they are real.  Real emotions, real thoughts and real physical manifestations of those first two on occasion.  To simply say ‘they aren’t real, so just get going’ isn’t fair or helpful. 

product-of-thoughtsWhat is helpful is giving you all the permission you need to feel it and name it and know you are not only sane, but normal.  That is the first step is dealing with fear and keeping it from holding you back from creating a fabulous life.

Feel it, Name it.

Our emotions can be very powerful and fear or anxiety would certainly be high on the list of most powerful.  To discount that is foolish and if you haven’t noticed, kind of pisses me off. (pardon the language).  It is okay to feel fear.  However, it’s not in your best interest to allow it to be the ruling emotion in your life. 

After my head and neck injury in a car accident I had real anxiety and fear.  The kind that make you crumple into a corner and refuse to move.  To tell me that it isn’t ‘real’ or ‘just’ emotion is just stupid and hurtful.  It certainly didn’t help get me out the door.  I bless those who were kind and accepting of what was happening and supported me.  There were those who instead made me feel like something was ‘wrong’ with me and ‘god why can’t you just get over it?’  Without support, I honestly thought I needed to be committed as I must have lost my mind.

Feel it, name it.  Then you can devise a plan to deal with it.  Facing my own anxiety was one of the hardest things I have ever done.  Even with support and with taking tiny, itty-bitty steps.  I logically knew what I had to do, even before I had the accident, but I struggled hard until I had some support.  Hey, we all need a hand up and out of the dark sometimes.  Occasionally we need to find that light in someone else to help us see our own again. 

You do need to DO something if you want to move forward towards goals or even just living life fully.  But be gentle with yourself, and don’t let anyone tell you that these aren’t real. They are.  BUT that also means they can be overcome and dealt with. 

First, know that it’s okay to feel what you feel.  Give a true name and look at it.  I promise a peek won’t hurt too much and can alleviate a lot of stress around it.  Even though your heart might feel like it’s going to beat so hard as to fly out of your chest it won’t. Deep calming breaths – on step at a time.  Writing really  helps with this.  Ask yourself what can you do and try not to focus solely on what you are struggling to do. 

Sitting still and allowing your fears to control you isn’t a good option.  You can learn to deal with them, put them in their place, change your thought patterns and get to be who you want to be and where  you want to be.  The choice is yours of course. 

Your fears may be real, but they aren’t bigger than you.  Ask for some help if you need it, but remember…you got this.

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I’ve been working the last few weeks on the content for my call this Saturday, (May 19th, 1012) on Coffee with Soul Chat (among many other things lol)

The topic I’m speaking to is Living Fearlessly.   I know it’s a big topic but I think I’ve got a terrific angle to approach it from and to get people thinking and talking.

 

To help the process along, I’ve been gathering my thoughts and was looking for a couple of really powerful quotes around fear. 

What I found was people have really been talking about fear! This is terrific news!  When we begin to look at this emotion deeper we can soon enough begin to master it.  Still, I have to share with you, my wonderful readers, something that gave me a bit of a laugh and pause for thought.

So many acronyms for FEAR! Wow.  A few of them didn’t really make sense to me and seemed to be trying really hard and most I’ve heard somewhere before but still, when looked at together it’s kind of fun and eye-opening.

Take a look!

F.E.A.R

  • False Expectations Appearing Real
  • Future Events Appearing Real
  • False Emotions Appearing Real
  • Finding Excuses & Reasons
  • Failure Expected And Received
  • Frantic Effort to Avoid Reality

and my personal favorite because it made me laugh and feel a bit sheepish all at the same time (it was after all, a rather familiar feeling) 

  •  F*** Everything And Run!

Now I don’t advocate running away from your problems unless of course you are getting out-of-the-way of say…a speeding car.  

There is a lot of truth to some of those acronyms in how we approach fear.  Fear does seem to sneak into many different parts of our world, in a surprising variety of ways.

Recognizing this emotion for what it is might just lead you to the last of my little acronyms. 

Feeling Excited And Ready!

Living Fearlessly, as I’ve discovered, doesn’t mean having no fear at all. It just means having the skills and perspective to deal with it in a way that we can go after what we want and need anyway.  Life seems to begin exploding with opportunity once we learn to live in spite of and with our fear.

So, any fun acronyms to add?

EDIT:  My call (the one I talked about in this article) was recorded and the recording is available for you to listen to.  Click the audio tab at the top of this page or go here

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FEAR

Seems like a pretty popular topic these days.  In my opinion one of the biggest causes of stress there is.  One that a whole lot of the time, is really just a bunch of hooey that we make up in our own heads.  We end up burdening ourselves a great deal of extra, un-needed stress.

Surprised? 

You shouldn’t be.  Seriously think about it. How many times have you felt stuck in place only to realize you’re afraid of (fill in the blank here).  I’ll give you that some fears are not in this category…like being afraid to jump out of a moving car or wandering down a dark alley.  But these are not the kind of fears I’m talking about here.  I’m talking about the ones that you hear in your head that make you think “I can’t”.  Be it fear of failing, fear of success, fear of looking foolish or like a looser.  Fear of being perceived as silly or not smart enough.  Fear of the unknown.   It happens right? 

Okay..now hold on a second because if you have made it this far in life, I’m willing to bet that you have faced at least some of these fears.  So, what happened?  Not so bad when you finally take that courageous step into your light and face up to it. You made those presentations in school; you spoke to that girl at the dance; you went to the interview and go the job; you wrote that first blog…  YOU DID IT. 

And you not only survived you thrived.  Think about that!

Can’t you see?  Fear is tricky and sneaky, but you can and have, made it through only to look back and realize that a lot of the fear was simply BS you made up in your head. 

You have lost before and emerged wiser and stronger. 

You have been foolish before and learned that it isn’t the worst thing and maybe you even learned to laugh at yourself. 

You have risked and been hurt and now you understand pain and compassion. 

Now that certainly doesn’t discount what you were feeling. Not by any means. Fear is a real emotion and can cause mental and physical distress absolutely.  But it can be dealt with.  The first step is looking honestly at what it is.  Accept that fear, name it and look it in the eye. 

Stand up tall my friends. Like you, I have had to (and still do) face those fears or remain stuck where I was.  Heck, I still get nervous when I hit publish on my blog posts; terrified to just put my book out there; almost always anxious just before a presentation and you know what?  I’m proud to say I still get butterflies, but I’ve learned to love them.  They tell me I’m going further than I ever thought I could and that on the other end of this journey, I’ll have stomped all over that little monster Fear once again to show the world I sure as hell CAN. 

 And so can you.  I believe in you.  Go start the stomping.

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Two F-words we hear far too much in my opinion.  Fear and Failure.  It’s even worse when we put them together in a sentence.  Fear of Failure.

I had to stop a client this past week during our session to talk about this.  We were talking about something she was interested in doing and I asked about what things were holding her back.  A few things were mentioned including that she was afraid of failing which she then qualified with but that’s nothing. 

Um..what? 

I had to do it, I back her up and ask more about this.  As we explored it, the realization that this fear of failure has kept her from many things in the past and is keeping her from moving forward in a variety of things.  So what’s the deal with pushing it to the side and acting like it isn’t an issue?

I’ve learned a few things about fear and failure over time.  What do you think?

  • fear is a legitimate feeling, embrace it and face it to get past it.  There is no other way.
  • the things we fear are rarely as bad as we think.
  • information is the key to reducing the fear, especially the fear of failure.
  • shoving fear away and acting like it isn’t there often gives it strength and creates a roadblock.
  • failure is nothing to fear if you change your view on it.  It can be the end or a step to success.

To ignore your fear is foolish.  These emotions are just as much a part of who you are as any other feeling. Fear happens when something out of the ordinary is taking place.  It can be a good thing; a signal that you are growing and moving forward.  Fearing failure is perfectly okay.  Accept that and realize that this too is because you are trying something new and reaching further than you have reached before. 

Change your view on this or enjoy staring at that roadblock you’ve created. The choice is really yours.  Just because I adore all of you I am also going to help you out with three NEW  f-words that are ones you should use; and often. 

Freedom, Fortitude and Fabulous!

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I’ve been working my butt off lately.  As my friend’s son says “for reals”.  It’s crazy, but I’ve hardly been happier than I have been for the past couple of days. 

Let me back up for a moment.  If you read my post I’m Finished, So What’s the Problem? you might remember that I was working on procrastinating on my first, ever E-book. I have to

Can you believe it? My book!

say I was so grateful for all the support and nudging I received from that post.  Truly, that kind of support isn’t something I’ve been all that used to in my own life and I was a bit overwhelmed and just about walked on air over it. Amazing what a few encouraging comments can do isnt’ it?  Lesson learned there!

Well, I’m done.  I’ve put it out there to the world.  Click here to see my e-book Shine On!  I was not prepared for how excited I am.  I am so relieved to have completed it, but excited too. I still need to sit down and write my ‘stuff’ for my website but it’s up, on the webpage and OUT.  People can SEE it.  *gulp*  I kinda like this feeling of relief, letting go and excitement.  Rather reminds me of the same feeling you get when you finally climb up to the top of the highest diving board, you know you handle it.  Logically you’ve got this..but the excitement still builds.  You can’t help but smile and hope someone notices all you’re about to do.

Now I know I can do it.  I (with lots of caring support) was able to move past my fear, my need for perfection and went with my passions instead.  I am sure I can learn to do it even better.  Perhaps I can even get good at it.   But I completed, finished and blew that goal out of the water. 

Now, I’m excited about what’s next.  Oh I  have so many ideas, plans and stuff I want to do.  It’s like the flood gates opened up to so many new possibilities.

I am fully aware I know far less than I should about marketing my little book…which by the way is named Shine On!. I’m learning though.  I actually allowed my mind to wander today for a bit and got a little crazy and creative.  I made a video about my book to help with  my marketing. I love, love, LOVE this video.  It makes me smile because the little characters are so darned CUTE. 

All in all it’s been quite a week of firsts, learning curves and fun for me.  What’s next?  Once the ideas stop spinning around I’ll let you know.

Meanwhile I’d love to hear about a time you overcame YOUR fears to realize how awesome you are.

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