Archive for November, 2012

Lately I’ve been working on accepting my faults and mistakes of the past for what they were. Lessons from life.  I have made both little and big mistakes.  I have made bad choices at times that have hurt both me and others.

I made mistakes and messed up no doubt about it.  In fact, I think the worst mess-ups came from those times I allowed myself to be led from my path by others ideas of what was good for me.  I stopped listening to my own counsel.

I think we all do that sometimes.  When we forget the power of our own wisdom we really get off track.

So what I’d do is kick myself when I was down.   I beat myself up at a time when what I really needed was tender loving care.  I needed to be kind to myself and let the lesson come and learn it so I could move on.

The lesson I really needed to learn was that I am not my mistakes, my falling down or my screwups.   In fact, what makes me who I am is that I continue to get back up and try again.   I am created by my choice to learn from the past and let go of regret and guilt.

It’s a tough road though I won’t lie to you my friends.  I slip a lot.  Especially when I make another mistake.  However, I came across something Maya Angelou said that brought tears to my eyes. Exactly the part of the lesson I was still missing.  It was so simple but so exactly what I needed to hear.  “When you know better, then you do better.”

I mean think about how powerful that is when it comes to life.  We expect perfection from ourselves so often but what we should expect is when we have experiences we understand that this helps us know better.  Then, we can be better than we were before.  Not perfect…just better.

Life is for learning, experiencing and discovering what we can be.   Every layer we build or peel back means we can start to know better and do better than we did yesterday.

So when that nasty voice in the back of my head starts yammering about how I screwed up; or that guilty feeling starts rising I fight back. I tell that voice that at one time I didn’t really understand and didn’t know better.  I do now.  Now –  I do better than I did back then. 

I am not the same person I was last week, last month or last year.  Neither are you.  I am a better than I was.  Tomorrow, when it comes, will also find me better than today.

That is all we can ask of ourselves.  Regret, guilt and anger towards ourselves for not knowing better, not being our best self in the past is just wasted energy. 

The only thing you need concern yourself  with is knowing better so you can do better – even if it’s just a little better – every single day.




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So, you’ve decided you have had just about enough of people trying to care about you and help you do what ever it is you have always wanted to do in life.  Good for you!

These tips can be used for just about any relationship’s destruction.  From a spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend, friend, co-worker, any relationship in the family of origin and more!

Hard to believe you’ve put up with people like that, all concerned and supportive, for so long.

So how to make sure you truly and completely ruin all these relationships?  It’s tricky, but I have some tips for you.  I hope you find all the superficial and empty relationships you ever wanted after you destroy the warm and  fuzziest – or better yet enjoy the emptiness of your own home.  Good luck to you!

Here you go!

1. Don’t call them EVER.  Make them call you each and every time.  Make ’em work for right?  After all you’re far to busy, important and …um…well busy to be thinking of reaching out to others.  Hey, they might think you care about them too! Can’t have that now can we.

2. The ONE exception to Rule #1 is only call if you WANT something.  Make sure you let them know what you need, and if at all possible make them feel guilty or pity. That way you’ll get what you want and no one will bug you about it.

3. NEVER repay a favour or kindness.  Like ever.  If they ask for a favour blow them off with some lame excuse.  The best kind of excuse is one where every one really knows it is either not true or can easily be put off or something.   It’s best if the other person feels let down.  Better yet if they feel down right rejected!

4. To go along with #3 be sure to never notice if a friend needs a hand or help.  Gloss over it or better yet, tell them why you have it so much worse.  If they are hinting – ignore it.  Force them to have to ask you (beg) for assistance. Then it is so much more delicious when you get to turn them down.

5. Talk about them behind their back.  Do not keep anything sacred or confidential. After all, people need to know you KNOW stuff right? Plus it makes them look bad or foolish or whatever and that makes you so much better doesn’t it?

6. No matter how clear their boundaries are keep pushing them.  Ignore or dismiss what they tell you any time you get a chance. 

7. Respect?  Demand it but don’t ever give it. Period.  People need to earn your respect after all.

8. Insist on having it your way, all the time.  At the very least, sulk if you get outvoted.  No matter what, you need to make sure everyone knows you don’t like what’s happening.  Complain and be negative as much as you can.  Insist it isn’t your fault – it’s just the truth.

9. Be critical of everything.  People who ask for your support are either ‘fishing’ for compliments (and YOU don’t give in to that do you) or being too demanding on you. 

10. Negativity is a crucial tool.  Learn to roll your eyes and sigh.  Act as if you are long-suffering (thanks to them) and have been a champ at putting up with THEM.  Shoot down every idea and make sure they understand they haven’ t ever had a good idea in their life.  Say nothing positive, no matter what.  Making them feel rejected is one thing, but making them feel useless and pointless is like striking gold. 

11. Bonus points for belittling their dreams and ambitions under the premise of ‘telling them the truth so they won’t get hurt’.

12. Let your friends feel that your bad mood is somehow directly related to them. Get them wondering what they did wrong.

13.  Be as inconsiderate as possible without being too obvious.  For example, be later than expected but blame ‘traffic’ – every time!  Don’t hold doors open, ask where the other person wants to sit, ask if they want a beverage when you’re getting one anyway…that sort of thing.  Works like a charm.

14. Do your best to make them understand that to be your friend requires them to be ‘perfect’ at all times and that they ought to be grateful for your friendship because you can do so much better.

15. Never EVER say you’re sorry. No matter what happens, even if you were caught red-handed at something do not apologize. Your ego and being ‘right’  is far more important than a friendship.  In fact, if you can learn to spin it so that your friend somehow ends up feeling guilty, you are top of the class!

Treat those foolish people like they don’t matter and soon enough you’ll find they disappear.  It might take some time though.  Many of these people actually do care and will hang on to the hope that you’ll eventually see how much they care and appreciate that.   Don’t give up though.  Persevere and you will soon be all alone and isn’t that what you wanted after all?


Okay I know this was not a ‘real’ post.  Sometimes when we get a message in a different way, the point is better made.  Plus, I love sarcasm!  Do you have any hints or tips you could add? I’d love to hear them.

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I have noticed that lots of people are really excited about living a life based on gratitude.  Especially around Thanksgiving.

Is that enough? Is it enough to spend one (maybe even a few) days recognizing and focusing on everything we have to be grateful for.

It’s a start, but not really ‘enough’.

We forget quickly in the hustle and bustle of getting ready for the holidays and dealing with pageants, wrapping, lists and oh my goodness…crazy right?  On one hand the holidays are a strong reminder of why we should be grateful and on the other hand they are really Really good at distracting us from that very thing.

Someone mentioned to me that it’s too bad we can’t keep that feeling we get from Thanksgiving and Christmas all year.

Um…why can’t we?  We get to choose what we focus on and if we love the warm, loving feeling we get from being thankful and surrounded by our family then why aren’t we pointing ourselves towards that very thing every, single, freaking day?

We get distracted right?  That my dear and lovely friends is an excuse for choosing where you’ve put your energy.

I mean, crap days happen.  Bad stuff happens.  And we have to deal with the piles of mundane stuff too; but you know what?  If we spent half as much energy ensuring we lived with a grateful heart and that we were loving towards our families, as we do making sure we don’t miss an episode of our favorite shows, we probably wouldn’t have to bother reading this blog. 

I know I’m about to ruffle some feathers, but if you feel like you only have a grateful, loving emotional state during the holidays – well, that’s on you.  Good news though! You can change it so more of your time  is spent feeling those happy, warm, cozy emotions; just like you do when sitting down to Thanksgiving dinner or around the Christmas tree (and I’m not talking about the wine!).  Big truth…YOU have to be the one to decide to do something about it.  And then you have to actually DO those things.

I was listening to a meditation of gratitude by Davidji and he mentions using the holidays to re-dedicate ourselves to gratitude.  I connected with that so deeply because I think it’s wonderful to have a special day to celebrate something as meaningful as giving Thanks for all we have; but I don’t think it should be left to a holiday to live that way.

So, because I’m can (lol) I’m asking YOU to re-dedicate yourself to living in gratitude.  Let me know you too want to live from a heart filled with compassion, kindness and gratitude for all the days in the year below.  Will you take up this challenge?

For the record –> I, Bonnie, take up the challenge to re-dedicate myself to gratitude and choose to live my whole life from a grateful, compassionate heart. 


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Lately I have been moving towards different goals. In the process I’ve been discovering more and more about my true self.  While this is very liberating and at the same time occasionally scary I have noticed something new.

I have been teetering on the brink.  The question I struggle with is the brink of what?

I can only explain in mundane words what I have been feeling but here goes.

Imagine with me for a moment.  There is an edge I can’t quite see over.  Be it a cliff or hill..whatever.  Moving closer brings with it excitement and it is also a bit scary.  When I get too close I pull back to the safety of where I was to take a breath…perhaps just a little closer than before.

I can see the edge and the blue skies beyond it but I don’t know what it holds.

I know, somewhere deep in my soul that I need to walk over to the edge and leap.  I know it.  But fear is a tricky thing isn’t it?

What will I find?  I am not sure but I believe I am becoming me, but even more so.  Does that make sense?  Ha!  Sometimes it doesn’t quite make sense to me.

I am reminded of my good friend Deone’s post comparing his journey to the butterfly.  I actually haven’t thought of that post for a while.  For some reason THAT was the post that showed up when I came to my blog this day.  A little whisper from the universe to move me along?  Perhaps that is what is happening?  Perhaps I am ready to transform, to leave or maybe build a cocoon and grow my wings.

It’s funny.  Not long ago I would have said I already did that.  That certain things which happened taught me so much about my own power, my own light and my place in this world.

I honestly  used to wonder what people did when they got it figured out.   Seriously. I thought…once you learn how to meditate or be calm what do you do then? 

Well, I can tell you that with every pair of wings you have grown; with every sky you have learned to soar in there is more.  There is so much more.  You can’t always see what is above until you can rise up. 

There is a story about how when you are on a train and it goes into a tunnel and gets dark you don’t jump off.  Instead you know to trust the driver to get you through the tunnel and back into the light. 

My friends…you drive your own train.  You can’t help but come across a tunnel once in a while.  Trust in your ability to find the light at the other end.  Some tunnels are longer than others but they all lead somewhere.  On the other side…the light might just be a little brighter.  You’re light might be a little brighter.  Things might just fit more perfectly then they ever have before.

Sooner or later I’m going to take the leap over that edge.   I can see the glimmer of light from the end of the tunnel I’ve been travelling in.  I know I will get there.   You’ll see.  I hope you find your next level of growth just as exciting and scary and that you too find the perfect time to go take a look at what you can become when you trust.

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Someone I know asked a really tough question the other day.  They were angry about someone who had hurt a child being allowed access to tv, computers and learning while in jail.  The comment was something along the lines of ‘how do they deserve that?’.

The story was disturbing, but the question she asked remained in my head for a long time.  She mentioned that she tries to have compassion for others in her daily life but can’t see how or why she ought to have any for someone who willfully hurts children.  She really just wanted them to feel the pain that they had inflicted.

That’s a tough one.  I had to take some time to think about that because I too struggled with the idea about whether ‘bad’ people deserve our compassion. 

This is what I have come to realize.

There is a difference between an expectation of justice and one of compassion.  At first, I thought perhaps I ought to feel compassion for a soul who is so twisted and tormented as to think harming a child (or any living creature for that matter) is okay.  I imagine that most of these people are mentally ill, or have been abused themselves.  What their life has brought them that led up to a horrible act might be worth my compassion.

But I have trouble there, as the majority of people who do bad things know they are doing harm and do it anyway.  It doesn’t resolve my issues for those who steal or destroy or even discriminate.  Those too are pretty awful crimes but do not always come from a mentally ill person. 

So while we might start there…we must look deeper I think.

What is compassion really? It is defined as sympathetic pity and concern for the sufferings or misfortunes of others.  It should come from a place of love.  How do you love a person like this though? You do so, simply because they are a creature on this earth as are we all. Should we deny them their humanity because of the way their life turned out? 

Consider if this was your child.  Would you stop loving them? Of course not.  Love doesn’t work that way.  You may not like them or their choices, you may even choose to remove them from your life but you never truly stop caring.

When someone does us – or someone we care for – wrong we have an emotional reaction that can be explosive.  We want to punish and extract vengeance.  We feel quite justified in this emotion and it is only natural I think.  Compassion is what drives us to believe people can change and be rehabilitated. 

Never has it been expected that having compassion for all creatures also means approval for all their actions.  This idea of compassion does not supersede the idea of justice.  It doesn’t mean allowing someone who is dangerous to wander the world either.   But it means whomever is meting out this justice does so with a mindset that is able to see that everyone is suffering in their own way.  Compassion ought to be the companion of justice.

When we fail to see the human being behind someone committing violence, then we add to the violence ourselves.  Perhaps compassion, like forgiveness, is really more for us than for the perpetrator?  We show compassion, not because others are or are not compassionate, but because we are a loving and compassionate person…period.

Is it easy to cultivate a compassionate mind for those who we see as ‘evil’?  No, it really isn’t.  But it is important to realize that compassion is an understanding of what it means to be an imperfect, flawed human being.

I’m still working this through in my mind and I’d love to hear your respectful thoughts on this.

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This past weekend I was reminded of the difference between living a life of true Gratitude and being Grateful.

I know, I know.  You’re probably thinking “nitpicking at words again Bonnie?”  But stay with me okay?  Sometimes getting to the nitty-gritty of what a word or phrase means in contrast to another similar idea can help us understand better or even just clarify things for us.

To me Grateful is what you are when you remember to say thank you to others for the things they have done for you or gifts you have been given.

It’s when you show appreciation for kindness given and you are able to show thanks.

Living a life of Gratitude hImageas a deeper meaning in my eyes.  It’s when you can appreciate everything in your life – the good and bad – as a gift or blessing.

A silly, but actually rather good example of this happened just recently.  I was reminded that in everything it all comes down to how we choose to view and relate from our minds and hearts.
Even this!

It’s been rather cold here in my area.  We aren’t used to really cold weather.  Rain – oh yes! But not the clear cold that was around the past few days.  To be honest I really enjoyed it. I think the rain can wear out your patience after a while and seeing the sun no matter how cold can perk you right up.

The point is the heat in my place is electric baseboards so the air gets SUPER dry and I usually end up with dry skin that is uncomfortable if I don’t take care.  (Stay with me…lol this isn’t a skin care lesson I promise).

Add to that I did a lot of cooking and cleaning and my hands were painfully dried out.  I started to complain about it and a thought suddenly slammed me really hard.  Complain?  Stop and think about that it said.

So, I did.

Yes, I stopped and listened to that voice.

It occurred to me I was missing the gratitude. No…not for the rough dry hands exactly, but for the heat I had in my condo <- a blessing.  For the food I was cooking <- blessing.  For the place I had and the supplies I had to clean it <– blessing.  For the hands that might hurt a little but work well for me <– blessing.

The last big blessing I realized is that while I may have uncomfortable skin at the moment, I also was blessed with the hand cream to soothe it.

So…if you’re keeping score there that’s one problem that came with what? 5? 6? blessings?

Not bad at all right?

You see, life is never going to be perfect.  You can win a billion dollars and still have problems. Just different ones than someone who is just barely making ends meet.  Those billionaire problems aren’t yours to solve on your life path.  You’re stuff is all you need to be worrying about.  Your gifts and blessings are what you need to be grateful for in this life to create a life of real gratitude.

You can’t expect perfection or a perfect life. It’s only foolishness to think so.  However, you can focus your thoughts and energy on the blessings in your life and be grateful and humbled by them.

Me? I’m also grateful for all of you.  I learn so much from your comments, emails and other blogs that I really believe you are all gifts to this universal shift in energy.

I’m grateful right now also for my cracked skin.  It reminds me that I have many other wonderful things in my life.  Of course I’ll also be honest…I’m super grateful for that hand cream!



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With all the political campaigning and rhetoric lately it’s been a bit overwhelming.  There is a lot of information to take in and I love that social media allows us to share and even have a discussion around differences.  I love those talks when everyone is able to put some ideas and facts on the table and discuss them without demanding other change their views or they are labelled WRONG.  A great blog for this is Roy Ackerman’s.  Take a gander at someone who can have strong opinions and yet discuss differing opinions without trash talking.

Sigh.  Sadly that isn’t what this post is about.

I’ve noticed so many people struggling with the idea that you can disagree with someone and it doesn’t mean all out war. 

There is a few people I actually considered disconnecting from this week just because I was shocked at the amount of venom that was released when someone disagreed with them over which candidate was the best choice.  There wasn’t even a discussion about policy or past performance. 

It is amazing to me how some can’t hear what they themselves are saying.  When you qualify your statements with ‘I’m sorry but….”  no one is buying your sorry.  All we can determine is that you know you are being harsh, judgemental and perhaps even bitter, but you don’t want to get called on that. 

It’s like saying “no offense, but you’re a jerk” – how can I not take offense at that?  Or my favorite “You know I care about you but…(something terribly cruel here)” 

Seriously…we need to start listening to ourselves first.   

What really tipped me over the edge is when others did dis-connect from their profiles the talkers were upset and talked about how these people couldn’t handle hearing ‘truth’.  Oh my…

Listen, here’s the thing.  If this is what we are okay with coming out of our mouths into public ears, I can only imagine what is happening inside our heads.   Some of us even talk to ourselves in such a way. Imagine the damage we are doing to others self images, to their hopes and dreams when we talk like this to them.  Imagine the destruction we cause when we do it to ourselves. 

We have to listen to our own trash in order to get rid of it.

This is not, by any means, how to be wise, compassionate, kind, or loving.   It just isn’t…period.  You are just trying to find a way to talk crap without looking like a total meanie. 

Listen to your self today as you go along.  It’s not okay to trash someone and try to excuse your actions.  This includes yourself.  So – no more looking in the mirror and saying wow..my hair looks great today…too bad I’m so short.  Stop at your hair. Appreciate it and move on. 

Please folks…listen to yourself first.

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