Many of my regular readers know that a few years ago I was in a car accident and suffered some injuries from that which left me in quite a state.
What many people don’t realize is that despite creating a lot healing in my body and mind, I am still usually managing my life in a state of pain. Now this ebbs and flows with how bad it actually is and for the most part I don’t allow it to impede too much of my life.
It does affect me more than I let on…but I’ve learned to be so grateful for what I can do and let the rest of it go. I also don’t like to focus my energy on this aspect of my life and so don’t often bring it up. I do so today because it’s part of the message and needs to be said to make the rest of this make sense.
What doctors and people don’t tell you about constant pain, even when you can get up and out to do things; is how exhausting it is. Truly, it wears you out even when you feel like your handling it. It’s just how it is. I drop faster than I used to and it’s much harder to gather up my energy to push through. I can and do, but at the same time I will not send myself into a tailspin because it’s also a much longer recovery.
What I have discovered is I have had to walk away from some people in my life who refuse to ‘hear’ what I’m telling them in any sort of compassionate way.
Well, to be honest, the first year of my accident really showed me who was in my life to stay and who were – what’s the phrase – fair-weather friends?
A lot of people dropped away when I couldn’t “do” for them anymore. It hurt for a while, but now I realize that this might have been a gift. Seeing the true colors of people also showed me who would be standing by me when I was in real need. The colors on those folks are simply beautiful.
However, these days it’s not so black and white or colored. Self-care is a big issue for me because I have BIG, crazy and passionate dreams to fill and that means sometimes I need to take a time out and or limit things. I am aware I can’t do it all, at least not all the time.
In fact, I think we all do, I’m just really aware of how fast I can drop to burned out. I can’t afford that anymore. I learned the hard way that it’s far, FAR better for me to take a day of rest and quiet me-time than it is to push too hard and end up in worse pain that keeps me from doing anything other than basic survival for days.
If I didn’t tell people I need to recoup or why I have these limits, I would totally get the confusion. But I have a couple of people in my life I’m letting go of because they refuse to accept it and refuse to show any understanding or compassion. I’ve realized the ‘stuff’ they want to do with me isn’t about our friendship or spending time together. I’m simply a person to fill a space.
I refuse to be made to feel guilty, manipulated or shamed into doing something that will cause me grief and put a hold on my life, simply because of someone else’s desires. Clearly this does work for them some of the time with some of the people, but I gotta say, it’s not cool to treat anyone like that.
I kid you not when I tell you I’ve been called ‘party-pooper’ and it’s been suggested I’m not ‘fun’ (all in front of a crowd!). I’ve agreed to meet and do one activity and then been harassed and annoyed by repeated attempts to force the issue to do something else I’ve made clear I do not want to do. Seriously? Do those tricks work?
The favorite one is the tricky start off question. You know…so what are you doing this Saturday? If I said nothing in particular, they act like there is no reason you can’t come with to an event or do them a favor. What they fail to realize is I don’t need a reason or excuse. ‘No thanks’ works just fine.
There is one person who actually gets ticked off when they don’t get what they want. I guess they aren’t used to someone saying no to them because of the way they ‘ask’ for favors. Interestingly enough, they are never able to return the favor. I also rarely hear from this one person until the moment they want one of these favors.
And the gossip and complaining! Oh don’t even get me started on that. I can only take so much of that on any good day. That alone is exhausting don’t you think?
And all that is perfectly okay. It does sort of seem that we are not sharing the same head space. I don’t want play those games and have the kind of energy floating around.
I know that this kind of stuff isn’t what I want around me. I dislike these forms of manipulation, but more importantly I’ve realized how lacking in compassion these relationships are. Don’t get me wrong, I think these folks are really nice people at heart, but as I said, we aren’t in the same mindset about what life is for.
I would rather cultivate relationships that are based on mutual passions, compassion and kindnesses. Wouldn’t you?
So yes, I’m letting go of these relationships. Some completely, some just in a very diminished sense. And it feels good. It frees up space and time in my life for those who have similar mindsets to come fill.
Not every relationship is meant to be a life-long one. I really do believe that some people come into our lives to bring lessons. Once that lesson is learned we need to move on.
The point is, I am a lot more aware of what I will and won’t tolerate in my life and boy, does that ever make things clear! I have also learned that things cannot drag us down if we stop holding onto them.
So I ask you. What are you tolerating in your life that you can let go of?