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Posts Tagged ‘fulfillment’

Well, it’s Tuesday already…two more days until I embark on a road trip to partake in the second of three very long, but fabulous, weekends of training.  It really is a bit crazy but I’m so happykeep-calm-two-more-days to be there it doesn’t matter.  Mind you I pretty much collapse into bed but that’s okay; I have to get up early anyway!  Crazy town?  Perhaps but I can’t wait to get there.

No kidding…as long is it, you know what? In addition to being really excited about getting to hone the skills I already have and learn some new ones – I’m really excited to see the people who are going to be there.

There are some amazing – no freaking amazing people in this group.  I’ve gotten to know a few of them much better because of the way the studies are set up in between the 3-day weekends.

I can’t wait to give some of them a BIG hug.

Truly, for me half of the joy of deciding to sign up with iPEC (the school I’m training with) is finding all these people who kind of think just like me!   Holy crap they ARE out there!

I know I’ve said it before in other posts but us humans are not meant to go it alone in this life.  We are meant to make connections, learn from each other and offer that hand up when we can.  I don’t think alone is our natural state.

Don’t get me wrong.  I am very comfortable being just with myself and to be honest, sometimes I need it.  But to FEEL alone, well that is another story.  That is loneliness.  And that hurts.

It hurts more I think to feel alone in sea of people who you think care about you too.  Not being able to express your ideas, thoughts or what your soul’s light is shining is really painful and frustrating.  No one wants to feel judged because of who they are deep inside – so we keep it hidden or we feel like we are banging our heads against a wall.

Finding people who I can easily be understood by and who ‘get’ me was like unlocking a treasure box…it feels like coming home. I get what people mean now by the idea of finding your tribe.  Your tribe is people who, while not walking your path, parallel it enough that there is connection, understanding and shared excitement and joy about the same sorts of things. (tweet this)

You know what I mean?

So, I’m looking forward to seeing all of them again, learning and laughing and the occasionally teary session. Some powerful stuff coaching and we all go through it together.

Have you found some of your tribe?

 

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ps. If YOU want to become part of MY tribe too (and I hope you do!) you can start by getting my monthly newsletter in your inbox.  Just register your email here and you’re good to go. Yay!

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A fair number of people have mentioned that I tend to do things ‘outside’ the box.  One person just this week suggested that I had a bit of a rebel streak.  I’m certain they meant it as a compliment; at least I hope so because that is exactly how I took it.

For whatever reason, as a kid and even as a teenager I rarely judged what I was doing as good or bad, or for that matter if others were good or bad.

That lack of awareness (and yes, at the time that is what it was) that I ‘should’ be weighing things in such a way took me pretty far.  I never really got pigeon-holed into one group of friends, or by one way of thinking or doing.  Which meant I also got to experience many different facets of life.

I am so grateful for that.  All those experiences opened my eyes to so much and many different ways of thinking and doing.  I believe this is why people sometimes view how I live as slightly out side of what is “normal”.

what is normal?Ugh what is normal anyway?  Who gets to really decide that?  I love the quote that says “normal is an illusion – what is normal for the spider is chaos for the fly”.  That’s often how I feel, not that I’m outside of normal…just that I appreciate my own sense of normal.

Perhaps we’d be better to use the word traditional?  Goodness knows I gave a few people heart attacks when I decided to move across the country and in less than 1 month was on the road to my new adventure.  Yup, sold my house, gave away tons of my things and just went for it.  Not the tradition in my family most certainly!

I knew my path led elsewhere and I was going to damn well figure out where that was.

Was I judged for this abrupt left turn?  Oh yes.  Did I care?  Not really.

Now that I’m building my career as an Empowerment and Transitional Coach, I’m seeing a lot of that stuff come up again.  Why would I leave teaching to do this?  What they are really saying is why would I risk this?  Risk is bad right?  <– just another judgment!,

The thing I’ve realized is when we judge things as good or bad, normal or weird…or whatever we only limit ourselves.  I’m not talking about when we have to decide for ourselves which direction to go. That’s different from judging.  That’s simply weighing our options to make a choice.

If I had bought into the judgments about moving from being a teacher to coaching, I’d have limited my own growth.  It’s my strong belief that we all have stepping-stones that contain lessons we need to learn.  Perhaps my passion for coaching and taking my message to the world now is simply because I’ve learned all I can from teaching.  My next step is Coaching.  That same passion that drove me and sustained me to be a teacher is now there for coaching.  I cannot ignore that.

I don’t understand how anyone can do that, although I do know that many do.

Once we make that choice we often start judging ourselves around it.  Imagine if we could just experience life and all it has to offer – including those who are so different from us – without having to label them?

I find it rather fascinating that one of the things I’ve heard about people who love their pets is one of the reasons they love them and feel so at ease is because a cat or dog or horse never judge them; not for a bad hair day, clothes, tears or doing a silly happy dance.  And yet, we haven’t figured that out for our people relationships? Hmmm.  mother-teresa-quotes

If we could finally realize the power in that then we’d be able to see more of the beauty in the souls of others.  I think we’d attempt more and do more and in truth – we’d live more.

My motto – life is short, eat dessert first!  It simply means to do what matters and what you love first!  If someone is judging your actions it really says more about where they are in their life than about where you are.  Love yourself and follow your passions.

Can you think of places you hold back in your life because you feel that you may be judged?  Or are you judging yourself?

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Self Love or Self care is probably not what a lot of you think it is.  Many people confuse it with the concept of pampering. 

I am thrilled that the idea of self care is really catching on and becoming more mainstream. I think it’s really important that we learn to love ourselves in this society.

We can’t create important change in the world and make positive shifts, if we are self loathing!  However I think this is the perfect time of year to point out that there is a differentbliss between self love and pampering ourselves!

Why this time of year? Well we indulge a lot over the holidays don’t we? Sweets, rich foods, alcohol, spending money…and the list goes on. What I’ve noticed is a number of people are using this idea of self-care as a reason to over-indulge. C’mon…have you ever said “oh well I deserve it!”? That is not self care…this is excusing poor choices. 

Pampering is when you indulge yourself with treats or whatever that you wouldn’t normally do.  You give in to your desires and whims.   There is not really anything wrong with pampering yourself once in a while either, but know that it isn’t the same thing.  And know that you can be smart about your pampering as well, saving up for a day at the spa is smart.  Running your credit card to max with no way to pay it off..not so smart!  Have a rich dessert at the Christmas feast is fine…acting like the holidays last ALL of December and eating like that every day isn’t so fine.

However, Self love is when you do things that reinforce the idea that you are important and you matter. Self love is about reducing stress, improving your mind and body’s state and health. It’s a commitment to you. So, while that glass of wine might make you feel good for the moment, it really doesn’t have lasting effects.  Things like scheduling time for you to meditate,  or go for a recharging, quiet walk, read a favorite book, take some time…make you as much of a priority as everything else.  This way you can more easily be present and pleasant!

Over the holidays some self care is important. It doesn’t have to be expensive either. An extra long bath, yoga, cup of tea by the fire, or quiet dog walk will do. Time to take care of you, is time well spent.

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Do you ever get that feeling like your sinking…and sinking and sinking?

Not the one that comes when your stomach sinks and you realize “oh crap, this one thing is not going as expected.” That’s different from what I’m talking about.

I’m talking about the feeling that you are sinking into a deeper and deeper pit of nothingness.  Like some sort of weird emotional quicksand.  I’ve been there and when I think back I’m always reminded of the Neverending Story. Do you remember that?  The story world was being swallowed up but nothingness because of a lack of belief.  Sounds rather familiar no?

The nothingness is a dark place, a lonely place and I want to talk about it.

There I said it.  People have cautioned me about talking about this because they say if you spend a lot of time thinking and writing and thinking some more you are going to invite that into your life.  Bunch o’crap if you ask me.  My intention is not to do that. It is to talk about so those who feel that way know that they are by no stretch of the imagination, alone.  I want to stop the nothingness too!

You are not alone.  The nothingness pit if FULL of people.  Trust me. You just can’t see them yet because that is the trickiest part of feeling this way.  It causes you to isolate yourself without you even realizing it.   It’s hard to see past your own self.

Shame, fatigue, lethargy, confusion, embarassment…you name it.  The emotions that prevent us from stepping out and asking for help runs a rather large list.  

There is so much of this going on right now with all the cutbacks, homes being lost, fear etc that I really feel the need to talk about it. To bring it OUT of the darkness.

There is no shame in falling down.  It happens.  Sometimes, through literally NO fault of our own, sometimes we’ve made a bad choice and sometimes…yes sometimes, we royally screwed up and ended up face first on the floor.

It happens.

As with every event, it’s what you do afterwards that really matters.

What I’ve learned from feeling like life screwed me over, is that I  have a choice at that point.  I can play the victim card and start the sinking.  Or I live in gratitude for what is still in my life and what is still to come. 

I have been in a position where I had to sell some of my things in order to eat.  My goodness that was hard.  I cried and cried about how I didn’t deserve this; how I’d always worked hard and done the ‘right’ things in life.  Yet, here I was. You know what?  At the end of the day it wasn’t that bad.  Stuff is just stuff. 

Here’s the other interesting thing I learned.  The darkness cannot easily exist when the light of love, hope and a thankful heart are present.  It just can’t seem to co-exist.  Don’t get me wrong.  I had some days that were darker than others…but I was no longer sinking into it.  I know where the exit is located.

Can I share an example that still makes me so grateful that I have a bit of tears show up?  I was cutting waaaaaaay back on everything.  I cut out the TV cable and was pretty sad about that because I used it to distract myself from life of painful recovery.  I looked for another way to use my time and I began to use it to read books that taught me so much more about living well.  I count that time as a time of peace and internal healing.  I snuggled up with my dog and cat under a blanket and a cup of tea and read.  I wrote in my journal and had time to reflect and think. 

It was like I had been living in a room with a dim light and suddenly someone added a whole bunch of bright lamps. 

If I had simply despaired, or tried to fight it, I never would have had that time.  I looked for what opportunities presented to me and I stepped up and took them as small as they might seem.

The thing is if you are experiencing that feeling of life being out of your control, please know that it is not.  You have the power to change it. You really do!  It may not happen overnight and there is no magic pill but you can step out of what is dragging you down and pulling you under.  This is what I help with – setting goals and breaking them down to ‘those little steps’ that make a huge difference.  I’ve seen the difference it makes.

Ask for help if you need it.  Sometimes this turns into a depression that needs medical help to overcome.  That’s okay as long as you get the help you need.  Sometimes you just need to force yourself into a next little step.  Let’s face it.  You are reading this and made it to the bottom which tells me you don’t want to live stuck in the dark.  You don’t have to. 

You can do this.  Your light, your energy, is needed in this world as much as anyone’s.  It’s time to talk about feeling like we’ve sunk and are sinking.  It’s time to throw a few life preservers out there for others.  Let’s shed some light on this and lift each other up.

Blessings

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Aging has never sounded like fun to me. 

Just recently a lovely lady named  I know posted a comment on her Facebook page that said something along the lines of  “Next time I hear someone tell they are “Old” I am going to share this quote with them. “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” ~Mark Twain.”  Thank you Cindy for poking this bear!   She asked for thoughts around that and it got me thinking.

 A lot of people think the same way I used to.  I used to hate the idea of getting old.  I actually worried about it.  The idea of not being able to move as easily or having to rely on others, not to mention wrinkles – eww right? 

The thing is we can fight against it all we want…there are only two options.  Age or die.  Harsh? Maybe a little but really, there it is.  Wrinkle creams might soften the blow but still we are going to change, age and have to deal with it.

However, it was when I read a totally different quote about aging that said to consider it a gift, as it is a privilege denied to many, I realized that I wasn’t living from gratitude on this.

I mean, wow.  I was just shocked at how I had missed that point. So many people never even get to be creaky in old age.  Nor do they get to see the next generation grow and begin lives, or enjoy more sunsets or whatever it is they would have like to have done. 

I chided my own ego and told myself it was time to be happy where I was and grateful for each new day.  Wrinkles?  Not a problem for me anymore because each one I have earned and rejoice in because it means I have more of this gift we call life to enjoy.  I may be getting creakier as I get older but I’m also gaining wisdom and usefulness in different ways.

I am amazed each and every day and the new ways gratitude fills my days with peace and new perspectives that allow me to find happiness where ever and when ever I am.

What are you grateful for today?

Blessings

 

 

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Okay, I can admit it. I am a dreamer, I sometimes seem to hold unrealistic optimism and a yes, I am deeply emotional romantic. 

The short story is I don’t always play well with others versions of reality.

What’s this all about?

I believe in my deepest heart of hearts that we have the capacity, as people, to be so much more; to DO so much better than we are doing right now.

I struggle with this when I see the horrid things people do.  I can’t understand why people would hurt someone just to get ahead a little.  I don’t…it really boggles my mind and to be honest, I am often stunned that others aren’t as in awe (and not in a good way) at what is going on around us. 

But still, that belief persists.  It’s hard for me to let it out because I am often afraid of the judgements that might come.  BUT I’ve discovered something.

It doesn’t matter.

I am who I am whether anyone knows it or not. 

I see so much more for people than they can often see for themselves and I realize that my desire to make the world open up to their own ability to love and be loved is what drives me every single day to do what I do.  You can’t imagine the freakin excitement I get from seeing eyes open to possibilities…to the joys of people freeing themselves.

This is who I am, what I do and my joy comes from here.  It might seem strange to you and to many other people but I’ve never exactly been worried about fitting in with the usual way of thinking.  So, I am aware and pleased with who I have become, and who I am becoming. 

I know I can’t change the entire world.  But if I help change a few, the ripple effect will eventually reach more and more.  THIS is why I coach, THIS is why I write this blog and my books and THIS is why I have begun overcoming my own fear and have begun to speak to groups.

Most importantly I want YOU to know…you are loved.  You are capable of amazing things; big and small.   I have been witness to awakenings that have made so much difference in lives; including my own.   Learning to accept and love who you are is the most important gift you will ever be given in this life.   It is a gift you and you alone can give to yourself.

So yes, I will continue to sometimes enjoy doing silly things, I will sing out loud in a grocery store, I will laugh until I have tears and I will cry until I have no more. 

I will keep on allowing my heart to get broken because I care deeply. And I know it will also burst with happiness and fill with love; also because I care deeply.  

I will find joy in seeing you succeed and I will always see and want more for you.  Everytime someone finds love or acts with a compassionate heart the world..everyone’s world…is a much better place.

I am forever grateful for all the blessings in my life and for my own gifts of just being ME.

 I am a dreamer, I believe in possibilities.  I am making them happen.  I want to invite you along for the ride.

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Do you ever feel called to go somewhere..as if something is calling you home?  Only you aren’t really sure where that is?

It’s been as far back as I can remember that I have felt like I was not ‘home’ just yet.   I’m not even sure what that means.  After all my mind tells me that home is where you make it; where you’re loved ones are.

I have been turning this feeling over and over again as the pull is getting stronger once more.  For a while I thought perhaps all I was looking for was a fresh start or something new and exciting…but I can’t imagine that being it after all the fresh starts and new and exciting things I’ve experienced.

Oh sure the call quiets its incessant and restless nudging to get going…for a while, but it always returns. 

It makes me wonder, am I looking for a place? A feeling? Could it me I am meant to be somewhere for a reason?  I’ve read books on past lives, destiny and more to try to understand this strange need to search out some place.  The one I am looking for. Oh!  Why does the Universe insist on these cryptic messages?  C’mon…a quick memo or short note would be nice right?

What do you think?  Can you belong to a certain place…even if only for a while?  Or do you make a home?

I do not know what my next step is.  One thing I am certain of is this place, where I am not isn’t it.  I enjoy living here for lots of reasons but they are all really superficial and other than the ocean won’t be terribly missed.

Hmmm, I wonder is it a place or myself I’m looking for?  I can’t deny the restlessness and the wanting to move.  There has been no major upset or real reason to move other than I just don’t feel home.   It also seems like every time I turn a corner in my own personal growth and life the call comes back stronger than ever.   

I look around and it seems that most people are quite content where they are. I know from experience that looks can often be deceiving; especially when it comes to matters of the heart.  In searching for my own answers I looked to what other people think around the idea of home and came across this.

The ache for home lives in all of us, the safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned.
Maya Angelou

I certainly seems that I am not alone in my search for home.   Just what does that mean though?

When I think about what I am looking for I have a vision in my head.  It’s peaceful and quiet and green.  There is room to breathe.  My home, no matter how temporary, has always been open and welcoming to others, while still being my safe haven.  Truly you can build this anywhere, I have done so in many, many places.

This is going to take a while to figure out.  This is one thing I love about mindset mentoring…if I have a phone I can work from anywhere!  What I do know is there is a change coming.  What that will be is, for now, anyones guess. 

Are you home? How do you know?

 

 

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