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Archive for the ‘Fear’ Category

Some interesting news this week of the possibility of sonar showing where Amelia Earhart’s plane’s final resting place might be.amelia

Check out the news here.

As a young girl I was rather fascinated by her story.  A women who did what she loved, was brave and adventurous at a time when what she wanted to do was generally frowned upon by societal norms.  And yet, she captured the heart and minds of people everywhere.

In fact, this sort of thing happens more often then we realize.  The ‘thing’ being admiring those who buck the ‘norms’ to follow their hearts desires.  Those people who felt the ‘shouldn’t do that’ label put on them by society, but went ahead and did it anyway.

What’s that really telling us do you think?

Clearly as a society we need a sense of normalcy and expected rules and understandings.  This helps us all get a long in a sense.  And yet, when these ‘norms’ and ‘rules’ prevent some of us from reaching for the stars (literally in Amelia’s case) we applaud people for pushing past them.  It seems we value those who are brave enough to be who they are – no matter what anyone else thinks.

We WANT to see the underdog win!

So how does that translate to our every day life?

Seems to me, as I look, I see far too many people living small and stopping themselves from reaching out and taking risks out of fear of upsetting the normal balance of things.  They are living as though that feeling of shouldn’t is their own personal truth!

What would Amelia say about that I wonder?

What does your heart and spirit say about that?

We all do it.  In fact, I’ve been holding back on a few things in case I can’t get it right, or figure it out or mess up and oh goodness….what will ‘people’ think?  I believe I have to rephrase that to what would I think?

Suddenly, when you ask that question; everything shifts.

What do I think about holding back to please unknown masses?  I think that most of them would cheer me on anyway.  I think that those who wouldn’t aren’t who I want in my corner.

Let’s face it, we need to buck tradition sometimes to see what else is out there.  To stretch and realize that what might have worked (or not) before can change and we can learn to be better versions of ourselves at any time.

One of the things I’ve wanted to do for a while but let lie is to shift this blog over to a self hosted one. One where I can offer more and get more creative with what I put out there.  Hanging out here has been wonderful, amazing and at times breathtaking.  I have noticed how much more self hosted blogs have to offer though and how much  more creative they can be.  I told myself I don’t have time to learn all that I’ll need to know to do it, but you know…that is what I told myself before I started this blog too.

So, I’m off to see what I can learn about it and take some steps to streeeeeetch myself in that direction today.

Life is about learning, growing and loving the process.  It’s also about falling flat on your butt sometimes, but even that can offer a different perspective on things.  Or at least a different view.turtleflying

The courses I’ve been taking recently have helped me dig even deeper into my soul’s purpose and you’re going to see some stuff happening in the next while.  I can’t wait. 

What are you going to do today to break through that feeling of ‘shouldn’t’?

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So I have this lovely friend named Lynn Brown.  She’s pretty motivating and motivated and I have long enjoyed her videos and confidence in doing them.

In fact, more than once she’s made me get a bit of an excitement to doing my own videos.

Then I let my ‘stuff’ get in the way and I let that go.  I can admit I’ve got some video hang-ups!  I’m not looking my best, what if I flub it up, what if people don’t like what I say, what if I don’t make sense?  Goodness, what if people point and laugh! I know, I know…how would I even know if they did that right?

You know FEAR…it’s creative if nothing else.  And it was keeping me playing small…way smaller than I want to be playing!

You know confidence is the killer of fear and we need to cultivate our own.  How do you increase confidence?  By facing our fear, on purpose and with love and grace.

Well, Lynn issued a challenge the other day to step outside that ol’ comfort zone and beef up your own confidence by doing something that scares you a little today which for me was exactly that…a video.  Here is the link to her message that lit a fire under my butt.  Maybe it was her words, maybe it was the sunshine and maybe it all just came together on a perfect day for it…but I heard her loud and clear.

I loved her video…shared it and thought about it as I avoided the whole thing by taking Charlie for a nice hike in the sunshine.

While I was out and about I had some aha moments.  When I got home I kicked my FEAR to the curb and just did it.  By the time I figured out how to use my laptop camera I was actually kind of excited to respond to Lynn.  Here is it!  I really had to work to push that publish button on YouTube let me tell you.  Of course Lynn was super supportive and gave me some wonderful cheers after for just going for it.

You know the beauty of stomping fear is the terrific feeling you get afterwards when you realize you are even more amazing than you thought.  That you have stepped into your own light and truth and it’s freaking amazing.  So, I’m stomping a little harder by sharing my video here with you too.  Trust me my little voice is saying ‘be careful’ and ‘oh no, don’t do that!’

Please let me know what you think either here or in comments on my YouTube site.

So, what are YOU going to do to step up and build your own confidence?

Many blessings!

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I don’t usually comment on things that are in the news but today I felt a need to.  There have been a lot of horrible things happen in our history. There has always been someone who thinks that hurting others is not only okay but somehow justified. Those who come to life full of anger, hate and cruelty.

And then, there are those who have stepped up into their own light and said no that darkness. Those who refused to allow it to seep any further and in fact push it back.

The number of these folks is growing and this shows me that the shift I believe is coming to our global consciousness is doing its work.

We have been taught to respond to the violence of others with righteous retribution. Vengeance, retaliation – all in the name of justice. While I do think that those who commit such cowardly crimes as the bombs that went off during the Boston Marathon need to be brought to answer for their crimes, I think on a bigger scale we need not answer this with a call for more hate, anger and violence.

We’ve done that many, many times before and how’s that working for us? We might throw a band aide on things but nothing really changes.

What if, instead of focussing on ‘getting them back’ – we focussed on how to mend the hearts and souls of those hurt. We instead recognize that compassion will trump hate any day of the week.  What if we looked to and supported the helpers rather than the war mongers?  We spread love and light instead of more anger and darkness?helpers

Really, do you think that the average person wants to go to war? I don’t. I think no matter what country you’re in, what religion you are, most of us simply want to love our families, live our lives in peace and in a way that makes sense to us.

The puzzle piece that is missing is the human race is so damn afraid of differences. Why is so hard to see that there isn’t one right path, every one gets there just a little bit differently.  Someone else’s differences do not impede your ability to find your own way.

I remember trying to explain to a small child the differences between two religions. I can’t even remember what they were to be honest but I do remember his reaction. A light suddenly came into his eyes and he said oh! it’s like how I call my mom ‘Mom’, but my dad calls her Helen and my cousin calls her Aunty but she is still my Mom.

In his own simple way he did get it. We are all heading to the same end, it really doesn’t matter what we call it, how we pray or where we do it. As long as we aren’t hurting any one or anything why does it really matter? How is it MY responsibility to force my way of thinking on anyone.

Really, do you seriously believe that one person, or one group has the entire truth of it all and everyone else is simply wrong? I think it’s incredible arrogant for any one group to believe they have it all figured out like that.

We need to learn to be accepting of difference and make that the new normal.

We need to begin to live with love and compassion first. Go out into the world and spread your light, share your love and practice compassion. Let’s make the light in this world brighter and brighter so that the darkness that lurks can no longer show it’s face.

Blessings to all, especially to those who are waking up to face the grim reality in Boston. Thanks and blessings to all those first responders and those who risked their own selves to help others.

As Gandhi said “Be the change you wish to see in the world”

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I’m tired of all the rhetoric spouting a bunch of crap that your Fears aren’t real.  Hey, they are just in your mind so no biggie right? 

My rather sarcastic nature would like to say to these people “oh!  Well then, suddenly I’m perfectly fine – just wish you had mentioned that one years ago” 

I get it, they are trying to calm you and motivate you to get going on whatever it is you are holding back from.  Sometimes, sure, we just need to take a deep breath and go for it. For me that’s all I need when getting on stage to talk.  Few calming breaths and just jump in.  If I think about it too long I’ll probably run screaming lol.  But it’s taken a lot of work on my inner critic to learn to shut her up long enough to get going. 

Here’s the thing.  IT DOESN”T ALWAYS WORK THAT WAY. My fears are real, I have just learned to deal with that one with some tricks and self talk. 

Next time someone with their head in the clouds tells you that your fears and anxiety aren’t real just smile and carry on because you know they most certainly are. 

Fear is real.  (yup that’s a PERIOD)  They range in how much power they have over us and how well we deal with them.

Still, you can’t touch them or throw them out with the garbage.  They are yours and they are real.  Real emotions, real thoughts and real physical manifestations of those first two on occasion.  To simply say ‘they aren’t real, so just get going’ isn’t fair or helpful. 

product-of-thoughtsWhat is helpful is giving you all the permission you need to feel it and name it and know you are not only sane, but normal.  That is the first step is dealing with fear and keeping it from holding you back from creating a fabulous life.

Feel it, Name it.

Our emotions can be very powerful and fear or anxiety would certainly be high on the list of most powerful.  To discount that is foolish and if you haven’t noticed, kind of pisses me off. (pardon the language).  It is okay to feel fear.  However, it’s not in your best interest to allow it to be the ruling emotion in your life. 

After my head and neck injury in a car accident I had real anxiety and fear.  The kind that make you crumple into a corner and refuse to move.  To tell me that it isn’t ‘real’ or ‘just’ emotion is just stupid and hurtful.  It certainly didn’t help get me out the door.  I bless those who were kind and accepting of what was happening and supported me.  There were those who instead made me feel like something was ‘wrong’ with me and ‘god why can’t you just get over it?’  Without support, I honestly thought I needed to be committed as I must have lost my mind.

Feel it, name it.  Then you can devise a plan to deal with it.  Facing my own anxiety was one of the hardest things I have ever done.  Even with support and with taking tiny, itty-bitty steps.  I logically knew what I had to do, even before I had the accident, but I struggled hard until I had some support.  Hey, we all need a hand up and out of the dark sometimes.  Occasionally we need to find that light in someone else to help us see our own again. 

You do need to DO something if you want to move forward towards goals or even just living life fully.  But be gentle with yourself, and don’t let anyone tell you that these aren’t real. They are.  BUT that also means they can be overcome and dealt with. 

First, know that it’s okay to feel what you feel.  Give a true name and look at it.  I promise a peek won’t hurt too much and can alleviate a lot of stress around it.  Even though your heart might feel like it’s going to beat so hard as to fly out of your chest it won’t. Deep calming breaths – on step at a time.  Writing really  helps with this.  Ask yourself what can you do and try not to focus solely on what you are struggling to do. 

Sitting still and allowing your fears to control you isn’t a good option.  You can learn to deal with them, put them in their place, change your thought patterns and get to be who you want to be and where  you want to be.  The choice is yours of course. 

Your fears may be real, but they aren’t bigger than you.  Ask for some help if you need it, but remember…you got this.

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It’s been a long week this week.  You know the kind.  Nothing horrible has happened – in fact it’s been good – just LONG.

I added a big (like the whole day from Monday to Friday) project to my roster.  I’m working with some fantastic kids who are visiting from Korea to see what schools here are like.

My job is to work on their English and help them adjust to culture shock.  If you’ve been around for a while reading my blog you know I’ve done this before. 

It’s pretty awesome when you take step back and look at it.

These kids are mostly 11-13 years old.  They’ve not only studied hard and learned another language but won a contest to come here in this program.  Add to that they are staying with220324606740520945_pzYxvA3Y_c host families because their parents did not come with them.  When they left…they were leaving behind everyone they know.

Now the children have made friends, many have begun to enjoy their host families and are learning tons.  Many of them have big dreams too.  Lots of them want to be diplomats or scientists and the like.  This experience will help them do that.

What were YOU doing at 11-13 years old? 

Seriously…are you even chasing your dreams this hard now?

I really enjoy being with these kids.  My voice usually starts to wobble (it is a LOT of talking over and over) and it’s really quite draining, but still.  You can’t ask for more inspiriation to light a fire under your butt to do something today to make your own dreams come true.

Ask yourself what you keep saying you want to do ‘someday’.  Where does your mind go when you have time to just think about nothing?  Someday can be today…it should be today. 

And please don’t tell me it’s too late, you’re too busy or too old or any other crap that you and I both know is just excuses because you’re feeling a bit like a big ol chicken.  Ya, I said it. I know because I feel that way too sometimes and it’s okay. Just don’t let your old emotional habits rule your life.  Make another choice to do it anyway.  Fear won’t and can’t hurt you. It’s just a feeling.

So, I challenge you to make one step towards your dreams.  Make that phone call, write an outline for your book, look up information…whatever it is just go get started.  Watch fear slink away.

Life is too short to waste sitting around waiting for someday.   Screw someday…let’s go make it happen TODAY.

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What is faith? Not Faith – that’s easy.  She’s the checkout lady at my local grocery store.

As per my love of nit-picking at words I checked the online dictionary and got this.

faith

noun

1. confidence or trust in a person or thing: faith in another’s ability.
 
2. belief that is not based on proof: He had faith that the hypothesis would be substantiated by fact.
 
3. belief in God or in the doctrines or teachings of religion: the firm faith of the Pilgrims.
 
4. belief in anything, as a code of ethics, standards of merit, etc.: to be of the same faith with someone concerning honesty.
 
5. a system of religious belief: the Christian faith; the Jewish faith.
 
I also found this:
 
Idioms In faith, in truth; indeed: In faith, he is a fine lad.
 
AND this:
 
– strong or unshakeable belief in something, especially without proof or evidence.
– any set of firmly held principles or beliefs
– allegiance or loyalty, as to a person or cause.
– bad faith; insincerity or dishonesty
 
as well:
Archaic; indeed; really (also in the phrases by my faith , in faith)  <– I kind of like this. Might have to bring back this phrase! lol 
Seriously…that’s a lot of stuff to sift through. 
 
Faith is definitely a contextual word isn’t it?  I think it’s an interesting concept.  It comes from the French feid , from Latin fidēs – both of which basically mean trust or confidence.
 
For some, faith might be what allows them to believe in God without questioning.   The reason I started thinking about this is because it also seems to be a way around admitting you don’t know the answers and are uncomfortable with that.  Having faith and admitting you don’t understand do not have to be on opposite sides..they can co-exist.
 
What is interesting is when you ask people if they have faith in themselves.  Trust and confidence even when you have not a shred of proof that you can or are what you believe you can be.  I think we have the hardest time having faith in ourselves.
 
I listened to a teaching call the other day and it was about playing a bigger game in life.  Lots of reasons we hold ourselves back were talked about.  This one was not.  But I think many of our excuses, reasons and fears stem from a lack of faith.
 
Recently I was able to finally stand up and say that I wanted to begin to speak to bigger groups of people.  I have no idea how this will happen or turn out but I have faith in myself.  I choose to believe and trust that I can follow that dream and do something grand with it.  I have no proof that I can do this – not yet anyway.  But I have faith.  Trust me when I tell you a number of years ago I would have simply kept this to myself and never would have had the guts to say it out loud. I had NO faith in my own abilities. I would have shored up your faith in yourself, in a heartbeat;supported and pumped YOU up – but couldnt’ do it for myself.
 
I realize now that this isn’t a life I want to spend only for others.   I have gifts, just like you, that need to be shared and my heart feels this is the right way to go for me.  Faith in that is a bit scary at first.  I’m beginning to think however that this is where the keys to a lot  of dreams coming to reality lie.  It really is one of the big keys to a better life.  Faith in you is super important.
 
Do you think you have faith in you?  Have you always? 

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We’ve all got ’em, we’ve all dealt with some of them and we all have a few that still chase us in our nightmares.  Fears.

Fear is an incredibly powerful emotion that only gets more and more powerful as time goes on.  Unless, of course, you DO something about it.

The biggest and most important thing you can do when it comes to our fears is not let them take on a life of their own.  Put them in their real place and start dealing with them from there.

Many who’ve been kicking around this blog know that a few years ago I was in a serious car accident.  Some of you also know that because of said accident my bank account plummeted VERY quickly and I soon was in some trouble. 

At first, I wasn’t capable of dealing with those decisions.  I really wasn’t. I did the best I could but I could only do so much and was in a lot of pain and confusion (concussions are NO laughing matter).  So…things slid.  I let them slide because I really thought I’d be better ‘soon’.  Soon is an interesting time frame lol

Anyway, my point being things got bad quick and soon it was really scary to look at those numbers and know that bills were coming.  I did what I could of course but wow…the stress of it all was really awful.  It wasn’t until I finally forced myself to sit down and really look at my finances that a great deal of the stress was gone.  The money was still a struggle but KNEW exactly where I was and could try to make a plan to deal with it. 

I hid from the issue for a while. I really can’t say what I was thinking except I didn’t want to have to deal with it. Maybe it was embarassment or shame? Maybe I hoped the budget fairy would come and take care of it? 

It’s funny because knowing you are short on rent money is really different to knowing your $125 short.  The first one is like a big black hole of terrified fears around not being able to pay rent.  The second is having to deal with asking for a bit of help which isn’t nearly as bad.  Really weird how our brain works isn’t it?  The unknown factors always throw a HUGE shadow, but often aren’t as big as you think when you turn on the light.

It’s the same with most fears. 

I really advocate writing them down.  Being able to put the racing thoughts into a coherent sentence or two helps you look at them a little more objectively and writing them down allows you to look these little monsters right in the eye.

From my experience with my own issues and with other people I’ve worked with, almost every single time you already know what you have to do to fix the problems. It can just seem so overwhelming and putting pen to paper helps you get organized and figure out what I call ‘the little next step’. 

With every next little step you most certainly are taking back your power.  That shadow on the wall gets smaller and smaller and much  less scary.  It does get easier.

You can only hide from the fears so long anyway so you might as well deal with them before they get any worse.  I waited longer than I should have; I can admit it now but it was hard then.  Tomorrow is only going to make it that much worse but today…today is better then it will be. 

The key of course is having the courage to be open and honest with yourself.  Hiding from our fears gives the fear power and it gets it by taking ours away from us! Screw that!  Take it back by taking a deep breath and looking at exactly what the problem and fear is. 

You can do – I know you can.  And if you need a hand to hold or a light to shine – let me know.

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