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Posts Tagged ‘fear’

So I have this lovely friend named Lynn Brown.  She’s pretty motivating and motivated and I have long enjoyed her videos and confidence in doing them.

In fact, more than once she’s made me get a bit of an excitement to doing my own videos.

Then I let my ‘stuff’ get in the way and I let that go.  I can admit I’ve got some video hang-ups!  I’m not looking my best, what if I flub it up, what if people don’t like what I say, what if I don’t make sense?  Goodness, what if people point and laugh! I know, I know…how would I even know if they did that right?

You know FEAR…it’s creative if nothing else.  And it was keeping me playing small…way smaller than I want to be playing!

You know confidence is the killer of fear and we need to cultivate our own.  How do you increase confidence?  By facing our fear, on purpose and with love and grace.

Well, Lynn issued a challenge the other day to step outside that ol’ comfort zone and beef up your own confidence by doing something that scares you a little today which for me was exactly that…a video.  Here is the link to her message that lit a fire under my butt.  Maybe it was her words, maybe it was the sunshine and maybe it all just came together on a perfect day for it…but I heard her loud and clear.

I loved her video…shared it and thought about it as I avoided the whole thing by taking Charlie for a nice hike in the sunshine.

While I was out and about I had some aha moments.  When I got home I kicked my FEAR to the curb and just did it.  By the time I figured out how to use my laptop camera I was actually kind of excited to respond to Lynn.  Here is it!  I really had to work to push that publish button on YouTube let me tell you.  Of course Lynn was super supportive and gave me some wonderful cheers after for just going for it.

You know the beauty of stomping fear is the terrific feeling you get afterwards when you realize you are even more amazing than you thought.  That you have stepped into your own light and truth and it’s freaking amazing.  So, I’m stomping a little harder by sharing my video here with you too.  Trust me my little voice is saying ‘be careful’ and ‘oh no, don’t do that!’

Please let me know what you think either here or in comments on my YouTube site.

So, what are YOU going to do to step up and build your own confidence?

Many blessings!

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I’m tired of all the rhetoric spouting a bunch of crap that your Fears aren’t real.  Hey, they are just in your mind so no biggie right? 

My rather sarcastic nature would like to say to these people “oh!  Well then, suddenly I’m perfectly fine – just wish you had mentioned that one years ago” 

I get it, they are trying to calm you and motivate you to get going on whatever it is you are holding back from.  Sometimes, sure, we just need to take a deep breath and go for it. For me that’s all I need when getting on stage to talk.  Few calming breaths and just jump in.  If I think about it too long I’ll probably run screaming lol.  But it’s taken a lot of work on my inner critic to learn to shut her up long enough to get going. 

Here’s the thing.  IT DOESN”T ALWAYS WORK THAT WAY. My fears are real, I have just learned to deal with that one with some tricks and self talk. 

Next time someone with their head in the clouds tells you that your fears and anxiety aren’t real just smile and carry on because you know they most certainly are. 

Fear is real.  (yup that’s a PERIOD)  They range in how much power they have over us and how well we deal with them.

Still, you can’t touch them or throw them out with the garbage.  They are yours and they are real.  Real emotions, real thoughts and real physical manifestations of those first two on occasion.  To simply say ‘they aren’t real, so just get going’ isn’t fair or helpful. 

product-of-thoughtsWhat is helpful is giving you all the permission you need to feel it and name it and know you are not only sane, but normal.  That is the first step is dealing with fear and keeping it from holding you back from creating a fabulous life.

Feel it, Name it.

Our emotions can be very powerful and fear or anxiety would certainly be high on the list of most powerful.  To discount that is foolish and if you haven’t noticed, kind of pisses me off. (pardon the language).  It is okay to feel fear.  However, it’s not in your best interest to allow it to be the ruling emotion in your life. 

After my head and neck injury in a car accident I had real anxiety and fear.  The kind that make you crumple into a corner and refuse to move.  To tell me that it isn’t ‘real’ or ‘just’ emotion is just stupid and hurtful.  It certainly didn’t help get me out the door.  I bless those who were kind and accepting of what was happening and supported me.  There were those who instead made me feel like something was ‘wrong’ with me and ‘god why can’t you just get over it?’  Without support, I honestly thought I needed to be committed as I must have lost my mind.

Feel it, name it.  Then you can devise a plan to deal with it.  Facing my own anxiety was one of the hardest things I have ever done.  Even with support and with taking tiny, itty-bitty steps.  I logically knew what I had to do, even before I had the accident, but I struggled hard until I had some support.  Hey, we all need a hand up and out of the dark sometimes.  Occasionally we need to find that light in someone else to help us see our own again. 

You do need to DO something if you want to move forward towards goals or even just living life fully.  But be gentle with yourself, and don’t let anyone tell you that these aren’t real. They are.  BUT that also means they can be overcome and dealt with. 

First, know that it’s okay to feel what you feel.  Give a true name and look at it.  I promise a peek won’t hurt too much and can alleviate a lot of stress around it.  Even though your heart might feel like it’s going to beat so hard as to fly out of your chest it won’t. Deep calming breaths – on step at a time.  Writing really  helps with this.  Ask yourself what can you do and try not to focus solely on what you are struggling to do. 

Sitting still and allowing your fears to control you isn’t a good option.  You can learn to deal with them, put them in their place, change your thought patterns and get to be who you want to be and where  you want to be.  The choice is yours of course. 

Your fears may be real, but they aren’t bigger than you.  Ask for some help if you need it, but remember…you got this.

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We’ve all got ’em, we’ve all dealt with some of them and we all have a few that still chase us in our nightmares.  Fears.

Fear is an incredibly powerful emotion that only gets more and more powerful as time goes on.  Unless, of course, you DO something about it.

The biggest and most important thing you can do when it comes to our fears is not let them take on a life of their own.  Put them in their real place and start dealing with them from there.

Many who’ve been kicking around this blog know that a few years ago I was in a serious car accident.  Some of you also know that because of said accident my bank account plummeted VERY quickly and I soon was in some trouble. 

At first, I wasn’t capable of dealing with those decisions.  I really wasn’t. I did the best I could but I could only do so much and was in a lot of pain and confusion (concussions are NO laughing matter).  So…things slid.  I let them slide because I really thought I’d be better ‘soon’.  Soon is an interesting time frame lol

Anyway, my point being things got bad quick and soon it was really scary to look at those numbers and know that bills were coming.  I did what I could of course but wow…the stress of it all was really awful.  It wasn’t until I finally forced myself to sit down and really look at my finances that a great deal of the stress was gone.  The money was still a struggle but KNEW exactly where I was and could try to make a plan to deal with it. 

I hid from the issue for a while. I really can’t say what I was thinking except I didn’t want to have to deal with it. Maybe it was embarassment or shame? Maybe I hoped the budget fairy would come and take care of it? 

It’s funny because knowing you are short on rent money is really different to knowing your $125 short.  The first one is like a big black hole of terrified fears around not being able to pay rent.  The second is having to deal with asking for a bit of help which isn’t nearly as bad.  Really weird how our brain works isn’t it?  The unknown factors always throw a HUGE shadow, but often aren’t as big as you think when you turn on the light.

It’s the same with most fears. 

I really advocate writing them down.  Being able to put the racing thoughts into a coherent sentence or two helps you look at them a little more objectively and writing them down allows you to look these little monsters right in the eye.

From my experience with my own issues and with other people I’ve worked with, almost every single time you already know what you have to do to fix the problems. It can just seem so overwhelming and putting pen to paper helps you get organized and figure out what I call ‘the little next step’. 

With every next little step you most certainly are taking back your power.  That shadow on the wall gets smaller and smaller and much  less scary.  It does get easier.

You can only hide from the fears so long anyway so you might as well deal with them before they get any worse.  I waited longer than I should have; I can admit it now but it was hard then.  Tomorrow is only going to make it that much worse but today…today is better then it will be. 

The key of course is having the courage to be open and honest with yourself.  Hiding from our fears gives the fear power and it gets it by taking ours away from us! Screw that!  Take it back by taking a deep breath and looking at exactly what the problem and fear is. 

You can do – I know you can.  And if you need a hand to hold or a light to shine – let me know.

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Every get up in the morning and just wonder just how you’re going to get going?  (My answer to everything in the morning is coffee so you might want to keep reading. ;D)

Or perhaps you’re like me and take a big breath at times and say..”okay, you can do this – get going”  in the hopes that this will actually get you going? Yes, I talk to myself…a lot.

Then you see people who bound out of bed ready to tackle anything.  They go, go, go with seemingly unbridled energy.

What gives?

Why are these folks so freakin motivated all the time?

Well, they may be hyped up on energy drinks I suppose, but there is another possibility.  Everything might be related to how they choose to think about and see the world.

You see there are two ways to view things that expressly affect your internal motivators. Those feelings that you can do it, and you are about to!

You see, there is this way of thinking that far too many adhere to.  Wayne Dyer called it “deficiency motivation”.  Basically you are motivated because you think you are lacking.  You don’t have as much as the other guy. He’s smarter than you; she’s prettier than you.  You are not enough, you don’t have enough so you  must work, work, work.  You are motivated by a deep down core of fear; a fear of not being enough. 

Yuck.

 

And guess what? It really doesn’t work.  Think about it. You will only find frustration and self-depreciation here.  You can NEVER win this one.  There is always someone who is or has more of something.  What kind of life is that you creating then?  One that can never be fulfilled or joyous.

So, where do we take this then?  How do we motivate ourselves?

We learn to be grateful and celebrate all that we already have and all that we are.  We live in the right here, right now in a joyous way.  It’s vital to understand that you are enough.  Where you are is exactly where you should be right now.  Your journey should never be compared to someone elses because it is uniquely yours.  Apples and oranges my friends.

This is not to say you shouldn’t work towards goals and dreams that you have.  Not at all.  It just means that as you work towards each new step in life you are taking time to find gratitude for that which you already have.

You are a gift in this world.  You bring things to it that no other person can.    When you stop doing things to impress or compete with others your purpose will speak much louder to you. And really, there is no greater motivator than living from within that purpose.

Try working with this affirming thought each day.  “I am grateful and appreciate all that I am and all that I have.”

 

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Do you have one of those bucket lists?  You know..the wish list, the life list…whatever you want to call it.

I do.  Only I don’t pay it all that much mind from day-to-day.  I have big goals and things I’m working on and seem to get distracted by those dreams.

Still every time I notice my bucket list I get very emotional. These are real to me.  Pinterest has made it loads of fun to create this list. I love visuals!

I started thinking about why I have this list if I don’t pay enough attention to it.  What’s going on there? 

Interestingly enough, I came up with a lot of excuses…or reasons? Nah..they were excuses.

Let’s see.  A couple of favorites that came to play?

  • there is only so much time in a day
  • and just who is going to pay for all this?
  • can’t just leave everything and go off like a nutter (yes you can, I’ve done it before! lol)
  • what to do first?

I kept picking at this one and realized that while many things might take some planning and maybe won’t happen today; they also won’t happen ever if I don’t mind them and start making some steps towards them!

Okay, while it’s true I can’t do everything in one day I can certainly prioritize and start the process of getting things underway. 

So what’s the problem?  Well first of all I needed to work though these questions I think.  Then it hit me…shoot.  So much of this was fear talking one more time.  Once I opened that door, I could hear so much more of what my heart and soul were really saying.  I heard things like “what if I never make it and all that planning and work amount to nothing?  I think we know the answer to that…’so what?’  Some of it was just simply fear of moving forward to the unknown.

One of the biggest things I have on my list is travel, travel and more travel.  I struggle with travelling alone since my car accident.  I suppose that makes sense BUT it won’t get me to those experiences.  Time to figure out some things around that!  I don’t want my list to be just wishes in the wind.

So, how often do you plan for things on your bucket list?  How or what do you do to make the dreams come down to reality?  I’d love to know how you handle this!

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I’ve been working the last few weeks on the content for my call this Saturday, (May 19th, 1012) on Coffee with Soul Chat (among many other things lol)

The topic I’m speaking to is Living Fearlessly.   I know it’s a big topic but I think I’ve got a terrific angle to approach it from and to get people thinking and talking.

 

To help the process along, I’ve been gathering my thoughts and was looking for a couple of really powerful quotes around fear. 

What I found was people have really been talking about fear! This is terrific news!  When we begin to look at this emotion deeper we can soon enough begin to master it.  Still, I have to share with you, my wonderful readers, something that gave me a bit of a laugh and pause for thought.

So many acronyms for FEAR! Wow.  A few of them didn’t really make sense to me and seemed to be trying really hard and most I’ve heard somewhere before but still, when looked at together it’s kind of fun and eye-opening.

Take a look!

F.E.A.R

  • False Expectations Appearing Real
  • Future Events Appearing Real
  • False Emotions Appearing Real
  • Finding Excuses & Reasons
  • Failure Expected And Received
  • Frantic Effort to Avoid Reality

and my personal favorite because it made me laugh and feel a bit sheepish all at the same time (it was after all, a rather familiar feeling) 

  •  F*** Everything And Run!

Now I don’t advocate running away from your problems unless of course you are getting out-of-the-way of say…a speeding car.  

There is a lot of truth to some of those acronyms in how we approach fear.  Fear does seem to sneak into many different parts of our world, in a surprising variety of ways.

Recognizing this emotion for what it is might just lead you to the last of my little acronyms. 

Feeling Excited And Ready!

Living Fearlessly, as I’ve discovered, doesn’t mean having no fear at all. It just means having the skills and perspective to deal with it in a way that we can go after what we want and need anyway.  Life seems to begin exploding with opportunity once we learn to live in spite of and with our fear.

So, any fun acronyms to add?

EDIT:  My call (the one I talked about in this article) was recorded and the recording is available for you to listen to.  Click the audio tab at the top of this page or go here

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FEAR

Seems like a pretty popular topic these days.  In my opinion one of the biggest causes of stress there is.  One that a whole lot of the time, is really just a bunch of hooey that we make up in our own heads.  We end up burdening ourselves a great deal of extra, un-needed stress.

Surprised? 

You shouldn’t be.  Seriously think about it. How many times have you felt stuck in place only to realize you’re afraid of (fill in the blank here).  I’ll give you that some fears are not in this category…like being afraid to jump out of a moving car or wandering down a dark alley.  But these are not the kind of fears I’m talking about here.  I’m talking about the ones that you hear in your head that make you think “I can’t”.  Be it fear of failing, fear of success, fear of looking foolish or like a looser.  Fear of being perceived as silly or not smart enough.  Fear of the unknown.   It happens right? 

Okay..now hold on a second because if you have made it this far in life, I’m willing to bet that you have faced at least some of these fears.  So, what happened?  Not so bad when you finally take that courageous step into your light and face up to it. You made those presentations in school; you spoke to that girl at the dance; you went to the interview and go the job; you wrote that first blog…  YOU DID IT. 

And you not only survived you thrived.  Think about that!

Can’t you see?  Fear is tricky and sneaky, but you can and have, made it through only to look back and realize that a lot of the fear was simply BS you made up in your head. 

You have lost before and emerged wiser and stronger. 

You have been foolish before and learned that it isn’t the worst thing and maybe you even learned to laugh at yourself. 

You have risked and been hurt and now you understand pain and compassion. 

Now that certainly doesn’t discount what you were feeling. Not by any means. Fear is a real emotion and can cause mental and physical distress absolutely.  But it can be dealt with.  The first step is looking honestly at what it is.  Accept that fear, name it and look it in the eye. 

Stand up tall my friends. Like you, I have had to (and still do) face those fears or remain stuck where I was.  Heck, I still get nervous when I hit publish on my blog posts; terrified to just put my book out there; almost always anxious just before a presentation and you know what?  I’m proud to say I still get butterflies, but I’ve learned to love them.  They tell me I’m going further than I ever thought I could and that on the other end of this journey, I’ll have stomped all over that little monster Fear once again to show the world I sure as hell CAN. 

 And so can you.  I believe in you.  Go start the stomping.

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