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Archive for February, 2011

Ask anyone (kids to adults) and I’m pretty confident all will agree that respect is important. The problem arises when you start asking what that means. So many people have a really skewed version and understanding of this.
A good example of this is the parent who feels that they do not have to use please or thank you with their children. I actually have had parents say this to me. After all they say, I’m the parent! Manners are one way we show respect to other people. In the same way a lack of manners shows disrespect.  It is the same no matter who you are showing or not showing it too..age or relationship doesn’t matter.  Respect is respect is respect!  It feeds on itself, as does dis-repsect. 
How can a parent demand respect but at the same time refuse to do the same for the ones they most care about? What exactly are they hoping to teach their children here?
These parents are not creating a respectful dynamic within their family. The are relying on the “fear of the parent” to create a feeling of power. Not the same as respect at all; and certainly not going to last.
Another area I’ve seen this confusion heightened is in teens. The really get this one wrong. They often rely on social ranking to decide who is deserving of respect. Unfortunately, fear is often used as a means to get and maintain a spot at the top of the high school food chain.
Gang members often talk strongly about making others ‘respect’ them or else. Again, they are mixing up respect and fear. Threats don’t get you respect! Forcing someone to respect you at gunpoint is not being respected; period.
The bottom line is as a society we seem to be getting a lot of confusion about this topic. You want respect? You have to do two things. First, live in a way that is worthy of being respected and second, you have to give respect to other people.

There’s that Golden Rule again!

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This past weekend I gave a seminar all about core values.  I talked about the top ten values, what they meant and how to use them in your life.  I was thrilled with all the amazing discussion and sharing that was going on.  In fact, I had to make some serious adjustments to my presentation on the fly to accommodate all the extra time we spent!  It was simply awesome.

One of the topics with the most questions and discussion was around respect. 

The questions started with a pretty common one. How do I get respect from other people (like kids or co-workers)?

My answer surprised a few (I gotta say I do get a kick out of seeing those faces looking all taken aback!).  The answer I gave? “You can’t and you don’t.” 

Ok ok..I admit I KNOW what they are asking but in fact you can’t ‘get’ respect.  You earn it. It is a gift given from other people to you, because they value you.

I can explain it this way.   Imagine you have a respect bucket that you carry around with you.  This is a very special bucket because although you know it’s there; you can’t do anything with it yourself.  Every person on Earth is given this and has a bucket that is partly full of  respect.  Only other people can add to it or take it away.  All you can do is influence people through your actions.  You cannot demand that people respect you.  In fact that does the opposite.  Too many people however confuse fear with respect.  If you are kind, thoughtful and show respect to others(adding to their bucket) then hopefully they will do the same for you. 

Consider examples such as Mother Teresa.  This little slip of a woman garnered respect from people everywhere, in all levels of society, other religious leaders, governments and more.  Yet, she was never demanding of respect. No one ever heard her say ‘you must love and listen to me because look what I have done’.  She let her truth shine through her daily actions and earned respect and admiration, even from those who had none for anyone else.

The important thing here is to understand that you cannot make someone respect you.  It just doesn’t work that way.  You have to earn it.   In order to get it you have to consistently give others the same respect you desire.

Hmmm. Isnt’ this just another way the golden rule about treating others the way you want to be treated makes sense?

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Like the  Rose

Imagine for a moment you have a beautiful rose bush planted in your garden. It brings you much joy every year as it blooms the loveliest of blooms and scents the air with a perfume that makes everyone who catches a whiff of it smile.

Now imagine one year your rose-bush doesn’t bloom the way is normally does. Perhaps you see only one small, scraggly bloom and the scent you usually enjoy is nowhere to be found. The leaves look tired and limp.

What do you do?

Do you perhaps find fake blooms and glue those on? Get yourself a bit of rose oil and scent the leaves? Ohh..Maybe a glade air freshener will do the trick!

No?

Of course you wouldn’t because this won’t solve the real problem and bring this gorgeous plant back to life and to it’s former glory.

You need to treat the roots, the plant itself.

This is what coaching is like. We don’t just slap a band aide on a problem. There are a ton of tools and resources out there to ‘fix’ the problem; but they are just like gluing on fake roses. They won’t work because they don’t last and they don’t really help until you have looked deeper. Coaching digs down and looks to find the roots of where the issue stems from so that real and meaningful change can take place.

If it’s time for you to start blooming again, your coaching session is waiting for you!

 

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I can’t keep quiet about this anymore.  Too many people are falling into the trap of all these ridiculous self help scams. 

What scams you ask?  The ones that tell you it is possible to change something quickly and with minimal or no effort.  I call B.S.on these!

My friends, I want  you to live fabulous lives. You know that!  This is the reason I write this blog, create my books and send out my free newsletter every month! I will support you as a coach, I will direct you to the resources you need when I can and I will cheer you on.  BUT I will not sit by quietly and allow you to think it won’t take some effort.

The world owes you nothing.  There is no free ride.  Period. 

You want a fabulous life? You feel the need to reach higher and live your dreams?  Then roll up your sleeves and be prepared to work at it. 

Don’t get me wrong I suppose there is the odd occasion where someone falls into a great situation and reaps rewards they didn’t have to toil over and earn with a little elbow grease; but even that doesn’t last long.  Think about it.  If I handed you your company already built and full of eager clients..if you don’t do the work to keep them and keep the organization running you will fail.   If I create the perfect marriage situation for you but you don’t put in some effort to maintain communication and show affection you won’t likely be happily married for long.

So yes, there are many fabulous ways to better your life, yourself and your business but you best understand right now that if someone is promising you a magic bullet/program/idea to take the work out of it they are full of crap.  You really ought to remember if it were that easy we’d all be millionaires and perfectly happy right? 

Here’s the good part.  There is a real bonus to all this work. You grow, you learn and you become what you dream of.  Taking that away from yourself would be a real crime. 

So, now you know the shocking truth.  Change and growth can be hard.  It can be exhausting. It can also be the most exciting and rewarding part of your life!

  Still want to get going?  Let’s talk about how I can help you!

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A barrier is a  structure or object that impedes free movement.  It can also be more intangible like an idea or a belief about yourself or something out in the world.

Have you been paying attention to your own self made barriers? 

What are the things that stop you in your tracks?  The stuff that prevents you from accepting change; moving forward and living your best life?  Things like past failures, a bad experience or event, our imaginations, lack of outside support, and fear.

I think it all boils down to your own thought process.   Truly, if you don’t believe you should or that you can–you won’t.  On the flip side having total faith in yourself means you know that you can and will, find a way to make it happen. 

If you think you can do a thing or think you can’t do a thing, you’re right.
~Henry Ford

Some people try to pin these on the ‘universe’ or family or even bad karma.  They take their own personal responsibility for their life out of the equation. They remove themselves from being active participants in their own life. 

The thing of it is, stuff happens.  You make mistakes, markets crash, tires go flat, snowstorms blow in and so on.  You can’t control what happens but you can control how you react to it. 

So, how do you view a barrier? 

 It is something holding you back?

Or something you need to find a way over, under, around or through in order to get to the next level in your life? 

Lessons can be learned, opportunities that otherwise would remain hidden discovered..but most of all you might just find out that you are made of some amazingly strong, creative and powerful stuff.  Which is good, because you’re gonna need it when you finally discover that next barrier and power through it.

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No, no, I don’t mean the peanut butter, or making your pants fit tighter.  Hmm…perhaps that should be chunking?  But it sounds so much more fun the other way.

Either way the point is that if you are feeling stressed out because you feel like you’re barely keeping your head above water here is a tip!

Learn to chunk your time. 

Let’s back up here for just a minute. In a previous post I mentioned the time management is a myth right? That you can’t manage time, it has 24 hours in a day and no matter what you try you can’t get any more.  And yes…you really DO need to sleep sometime.  Ok so many people think the key is to multi-task; you know do many things at once so you get more done.  You know what? All that does is get a bunch of things sorta or partially done; certainly not done to the best of your ability. 

Truly, there are very few who can actually focus on more than one thing at a time effectively.  Perhaps they are out there, but I’ve yet to meet them.  You can do this hit and miss if you like but there is a better way.

Chunking.

This is far more effective

Simply put chunking is when you strategically focus on one thing.  In order to begin you need to do the following.  Take your best guess at how long a project will take you.  Block out that time to focus on doing just that one thing.  Turn off your email and twitter alerts.  Unless it requires it, put the phone down and turn the ringer off.  Close the door, or even go so far as to put a sign up “closed for interruptions” .  Whatever it takes to get to a place with no distractions.  The key here is FOCUS!  Turn all your attention to whatever you need to do and you will get it done effectively and efficiently.  In fact, you really should add an estimate of how much time each and evert task will take on your to-do list.  This will help you plan your day effectively.

If this seems a bit over-scheduled don’t worry. You are not planning every minute of your life.  In fact I strongly recommend that you allow for flex time in there because as we all know..stuff happens.  Try this out a little at a time if need be.  Want to write and schedule your blogs?  How long does it take to write the 2 or 3 you post each week?  2 hours?  Find a time to focus on that, nothing else and see what happens.

This just doesn’t apply to your work either.  Try this technique when sitting down for dinner or a conversation with your spouse or kids.  Really hear them and be able to listen with your whole spirit, not in between tweets! 

So go on then..get chunky!

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Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. 

~Will Rogers

Can’t put your finger on where all your time is going or are you just so overwhelmed you don’t even know where to start? 

Many of us are getting stressed out trying to figure out how to fit everything into our day.  One of the biggest issues when dealing with this is that we don’t know where out time is actually going!  How can you go about managing something that you only  have a vague understanding of? You can’t. 

If you really want to figure out how to get it together you first need to figure out where the problems lie.  When it comes to your time and feelings of overwhelm, the best way to see what is really going on is to paint yourself a real and tangible picture.  Once you have this in black and white you can objectively look at it and start to get a true idea of what is happening and how your time is really being spent.  Then and only then can you start to create a plan to deal with your issues.

How to do that? The easiest way is to keep an activity journal.  You can carry a small notebook with you and jot down things as they happen.  To help you I have created an easy to use form that you can print out to stay organized and to assist you in looking for patterns in your behaviour. 

I want to give you this  to help you get going.  Download it here for free! Activitylogtime

I advise that you keep this log for at least a week, two is better.  Patterns develop over time.  Don’t forget to include the little things you do, like stop working to check twitter or facebook or your email.  It can take a number of minutes for you to get back into being able to focus on your actual task whenever you take a break.  If you keep taking little stops here and there you are, in fact, wasting even more time then you realize. 

All activities are not created equal either!  That is why there is a column on the activity log for value.  Assign a value to the task in terms of how important is it to your greater well-being.  To go back to my previous example; is checking your facebook every few minutes really adding value to your day or business goals? Could that time be better organized and better spent?

Need help trying to get a handle on managing your time?  Perhaps it’s time to invest in yourself and talk to a Personal Coach!  Contact me to see what we can do to create new possibilities for you!

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