Take Control of Your Own Life

I hear a lot of new clients or friends who get upset when I talk about being in control of your own life.  Like, really upset.

In fact, one person very recently called me out on it pretty harshly.  I’m okay with that.  I’ve found the blessing in this. When someone calls you out on your beliefs it can cause you to really look deeply at them and in this case bring about a strengthening of them and a deeper understanding.

The problem is one I totally get …because they are right.  Completely right.  You see, they were upset because I said that people create their life with their actions and thoughts.  This person slammed down the point that life happens and we can’t control what others do to us and around us.  “Look all the people who lost their houses, jobs and had their life crumble” He said.  “You’re blaming THEM?” 

Ouch. He was angry at me with righteous indignation on his part with the understanding that he had.  I kind of admired him for that actually.  A real stand-up guy if you think about it.

However, there was a part of this idea that he was missing. 

While he was totally right – we can’t often control the experiences we have in life.  We might lose our job and income through no fault of our own.  Accidents happen (tell me about it!) that can destroy our life as we know it, and so on.  However, we can control how we experience those circumstances.  We ultimately choose our reactions.  Oh sure sometimes we have immediate reactions that are based more on baser emotions, but we can calm ourselves or feed that fire.

I know people who allow petty annoyances to create a huge amount of chaos in their life.  I also know people who have had great tragedy befall them who have chosen to create something positive out of it. 

You can choose to let life happen TO you, or you can take the controls and begin to create a life that reflects who you are and who you want to be.

So let me be clear here.  You may not be able to control WHAT experiences you have in life – but you can control HOW you experience them. 

In this coming New Year I want you to consider that. This is a fresh year that can allow us a perfect time to begin to make shifts to bring about a happier, more vibrant life.  Will you join me in taking the controls back in your life?  I think it’s time we all understand we are responsible for our own happiness and quite capable of creating it.

 

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Be Present This Holiday

(I know this is a bit early but the message is timely and important to hear – thanks for your understanding of my little deviation from my regular Tues/Fri post)

That title is no mistake. I am asking you to let go of some of your own crap and simply be present, not A present, to your family this year.

Too often we get caught up in all there is to do at this time of year. I am as guilty of it as anyone.  I love to host dinners and parties for my loved ones but once the day came I was a freakin mess!

No kidding.

It was stress.  It made me grumpy and frustrated and annoyed with those who were messing stuff up.  Not the guests…people who were ‘helping me.  And then guess what? I’d get ticked off that I was doing all the work and everyone had disappeared.  Well, looking back I dont’ think I’d want to be with me either.  I wasn’t exactly very jolly.  This was a pattern of behaviour I had learned from watching my parent.  I didn’t much like it as a kid, and I didn’t like it in ME as an adult

So I spent some time looking deeper within myself to figure out what the problem really was. 

Self Worth.

Shoot, that thing is everywhere isn’t it?

Truth is I had learned somewhere along the line that things needed to be perfect for everyone else or I felt that I’d be deemed ‘unworthy’. 

Not an easy truth to throw out with the trash. It sort of permeated every part of my life.  Still, I had to start somewhere right? The holidays were a huge source of this stress so it seem brilliant to begin there.

So I stopped trying to be perfect.  Okay..mostly.  But I can deal with the fall out much better if I’m not and I did let go of the control I felt before.  In doing so I allowed myself to be present in the moments I was missing out on before.

The holidays are NOT about busting your budgets, running yourself ragged or wearing yourself out.  No one should be feeling that way unless they are getting paid a HUGE salary.  Last I checked I didn’t get a dime for making all that food or searching out and buying all those gifts or even gift wrapping them.

Those things should be done with love and laughter.  Share the load.  You deserve to be immersed in the joyful celebrations too.  So I say gather everyone up and let them know you expect some pitching in.  I always recommend letting them know what jobs need to be done and asking which they are signing up for rather than assigning duties. 

Put on some rocking Christmas tunes, (try Grooveshark and everyone can pick a few!)  sing a long while you wash the pots and clean up the wrapping paper.  Have some FUN.  Then when all the chores are done be sure to have another type of gathering. Once full of love, gratitude and celebration.

A gratitude circle is a wonderful way to end the day.  I actually used to do this to promote harmony in my classroom.   Each person says something they are grateful for about another person.  In the family I think it would be lovely to have them say what they are grateful for with each member.  Bit of advice though; let them know in advance because putting someone on the spot is just hard on many folks.  I would allow notes even!

My big point is this…the holidays create so many joyous and warm memories that we can hold onto in tougher times.  Be mindful to be part of creating those memories. Slow the day down and be present in the moments that matter.

Many Blessing for Christmas, Yule, Hanukkah and all the other beautiful celebration going on you may be part of .

Warm hot chocolate hugs,

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Everybody’s Talking About It

A little bit of a deviation from my usual sort of posts…kind of.  Winter Solstice.  It is a day of contemplation and celebration in my house. 

Winter Solstice occurs annually on a day between December 20 and December 23. For a long time my understanding of Winter Solstice was simply that it was the day with the smallest amount of daylight hours.  When I was younger there was always something about the seasonal changes that drew me.  The Winter Solstice was especially so.  I just knew my heart and soul  got a bit lighter and more joyful.

Imagine my surprise when I got a bit older and I discovered there was far more to it and for many people it was a day of real celebration.

The December solstice has played an important role the lives of many people in ancient times. Solstice observances were held by virtually every culture in the world. Solstice rites were practiced among such diverse groups as Native South Americans, Celts, Persians, Orientals, and Africans.

To this day, the world is still influenced by the many traditions linked to the observance of the December solstice. Just take a few moment to google some of the more commonly known Christmas Traditions like the Christmas Tree, mistletoe and even the date chosen to celebrate the birth!  As things evolve they seem to stay the same…but that is a topic for a whole series of posts!

Many people are talking about the Mayans predictions for this year. The day the world will ‘end’.   Those who are in the know realize that this doesn’t mean the world will end by being destroyed and annihilated. It means it will be ending this cycle and beginning anew.

This year, many believe the Solstice will mark not only a return of the longer daylight hours, but the beginning of a whole new phase of human consciousness and usher in a new era of positively. 

I think I have already seen the signs that the worlds collective consciousness has begun to shift and it makes me incredibly happy and hopeful.  I plan to stand in my truth and let my light shine brighter than ever. 

To those who want to create a movement for peace, unity and love;  this is our time.

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Self Love – It’s not what you think!

Self Love or Self care is probably not what a lot of you think it is.  Many people confuse it with the concept of pampering. 

I am thrilled that the idea of self care is really catching on and becoming more mainstream. I think it’s really important that we learn to love ourselves in this society.

We can’t create important change in the world and make positive shifts, if we are self loathing!  However I think this is the perfect time of year to point out that there is a different between self love and pampering ourselves!

Why this time of year? Well we indulge a lot over the holidays don’t we? Sweets, rich foods, alcohol, spending money…and the list goes on. What I’ve noticed is a number of people are using this idea of self-care as a reason to over-indulge. C’mon…have you ever said “oh well I deserve it!”? That is not self care…this is excusing poor choices. 

Pampering is when you indulge yourself with treats or whatever that you wouldn’t normally do.  You give in to your desires and whims.   There is not really anything wrong with pampering yourself once in a while either, but know that it isn’t the same thing.  And know that you can be smart about your pampering as well, saving up for a day at the spa is smart.  Running your credit card to max with no way to pay it off..not so smart!  Have a rich dessert at the Christmas feast is fine…acting like the holidays last ALL of December and eating like that every day isn’t so fine.

However, Self love is when you do things that reinforce the idea that you are important and you matter. Self love is about reducing stress, improving your mind and body’s state and health. It’s a commitment to you. So, while that glass of wine might make you feel good for the moment, it really doesn’t have lasting effects.  Things like scheduling time for you to meditate,  or go for a recharging, quiet walk, read a favorite book, take some time…make you as much of a priority as everything else.  This way you can more easily be present and pleasant!

Over the holidays some self care is important. It doesn’t have to be expensive either. An extra long bath, yoga, cup of tea by the fire, or quiet dog walk will do. Time to take care of you, is time well spent.

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Why I Am ME (and no one else)

Every single person on this Earth has expectations and assumptions.  We kind of have to in order to manage to get through life without losing our minds. 

Think about it..we assume that the guy in the other car will stop for the red light on his side so we just buzz on through the green.  But we also have assumptions about our expectations.

Mind spinning yet?

We know what we feel and desire in our heart of hearts.  But we often assume that who we are in our truest form won’t be accepted by others.  Many of us wear many masks and hide our dreams because of what we think is expected of us. 

And we won’t break out of these roles because we fear losing our friends and even family.

So we remain, unhappy, hidden and our greatest gifts – our light – is dimmed and shuttered.

If you step back over here with me to look at this a bit differently I’d like to point out of couple of problems with this line of thinking.

First, you were not put here on this Earth to be small, dim or hidden.  You have a light within you that is a gift, and you do it such a disservice by closing the shutters up tight because someone out there may not like it.  You were meant to shine!

Which brings me to my next thought.  Not everyone is going to like you – that is a given in life.  That’s okay.  Simply bless those people and move on.  However, consider this.  If no one knows who you truly are and they only see this facade – then in all truth – no one really likes or  loves you because they don’t know you.  They might like the person you are projecting, but that isn’t YOU.

You can’t lose what you don’t actually have I’m afraid.  Truly if you think everyone likes you then that is a huge hint you aren’t being your truest self.  You are playing roles to make others happy.  I mean c’mon…even the best of us have people who dislike them!

When you allow yourself to shine, to be you in all your quirky ways, then others who will love you for those very things can find you.  Until then you are just an actor on stage and people are simply loving your role…not you.

Imagine what and who you are missing.  Imagine the peace and joy of releasing all that misery and self-condemnation and allowing yourself to grow into the beautiful being you were alway meant to be. 

It’s okay to love you.  In fact, I’m betting most people you already know will love you too if you are brave enough to give them that chance.  You’ll be surprised at what happens.  Take off the masks – live free.

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