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Archive for March, 2012

Got hope?

Hope:  the wish or desire for a future that is good.  The expectation that a wish will be fulfilled.

I know  it’s here somewhere right?  We all have hopes, wishes and dreams. We all have secrets wishes and we all have dreams that we shout to the world.

We all also have those certain someones around who like to squash them.  Those people kinda suck. True, they might even think they are doing us a ‘favor’ or ‘telling it like it is’.  At least that is how they justify their negative output.  They also make it really hard to stay strong because fulfilling our dreams and wishes can be hard sometimes.  It can be a lot of work and there are more often than not a few setbacks and more than one disappointment along the way.

What we need is someone who can offer a hand up when we fall flat on our face

Someone who nudges you to get going and says ‘yes you can’ instead of telling  you the million scenarios where you stumble.

Someone who says” this is going to be a challenge…let’s kick it’s ass”…rather than “oh, that’s going to be really hard..forget it.”

Which person are you to others?  Or for that matter to yourself?

Don’t suck.  Never steal someones hope as it might be the only thing they have right now.  This includes your own. 

Imagine all that would change in the world if only we offered support instead of concern?  Imagine if instead of offering criticism alone, we offered solutions to the possible problems?

This world needs hope, it needs dreamers and it need people to lift those up and want to see them succeed. We need to believe that we can make things better, we can reach our goals and see our dream come to life. 

Listen to yourself next time someone is sharing with you.  Listen to yourself next time you hear from that voice inside your own head who tells you all the reasons you can’t. Tell that voice to shut the hell up cuz you’re doing it anyway! 

I know all about this.  I have had a lot of naysayers in my life.  Many of you who follow my blog and other social networks know one of my goals is at least once a month,  to do something I’ve never done. Something that scares the crap out of me.  Well so far I’ve been doing this and having a blast doing it. 

However, April is making me nervous…really nervous.  I’ve made some things start rolling that are almost as nerve-wracking as they are exciting!  I invited some amazing people I know to share in my idea and it’s coming to fruition.  My idea was to be able to share with each other life lessons, experiences that made big shifts for us personally.  We all spend so much time fighting our battles with our own life until we learn how to create the kind of life we want to live.  We need to share these lessons!  After all, why learn it if you can’t share it  right?

So Coffee with Soul was born.  Of course…the closer it gets the more my insider voice..my saboteur kicks up the volume.  My hope? That this tele series makes a difference for someone. That we can touch some lives.  The same reason I went out and got myself certified as a coach! 

My fears?  That I will suck as a host, that my talk will be lame and that the technical side of it will win (as in I won’t be able to handle it).  Well let’s face it. The technical stuff happens good or bad and I can only do my best. I plan to have a test run and go from there.  The other stuff…well I know how to deal with the stress, I  know how to practice and the people I’m working with are already freakin amazing!  I hear that voice and do it anyway!

Am I scared? Terrified!  BUT I’m going to go ahead and do it anyway.  I have hope.  I have people who remind me that I can do this and who will join me in celebration and laugh with me at my mistakes.  They will keep me on track towards success if I start to stumble. 

Life is good when you have hope.  Life is better when you have people you love support you in that hope.  Life is amazing when you can love yourself and learn to support your own hopes and dreams.

Let’s move towards the light and love of lifting each other up.

 

 

 

ps.  I’d love for you to join us for our tele series…if you are interested to find out how to stop fighting your life and make it fabulous you can learn more about how to register here.  The first speaker is April 9th, 2012.

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I work with people who are brilliant, creative and talented.  They are practically able to taste the success they want. 

So why are they working with me?  While there are many reasons, there tends to be a theme that comes through.  There is something that isn’t serving them.  A part of them locked up tight that they are having trouble accessing and they don’t know what to do about it. 

Most of the time the answer is within.  And there are many different answers to be had, no doubt.  One in particular has come across my desk a fair number of times recently.  I think I’ve noticed this one mostly because it’s an answer I’ve struggled with accepting in my own past. 

Okay..I’ll be honest.  I occasionally need a reminder about this one myself.   It’s a tricky one because it seems as though I am protecting myself rather than holding myself back from the things I am gunning for. 

Our psyche is full of ironic opposite thinking and it’s that just loads of fun?  

So, what is this we are talking about here?  The idea of ‘what if’ thinking.  

  • what if I make a fool of myself
  • what if I fail
  • what if people laugh at me
  • what if I am too tired
  • what if I realize I was wrong

Here is my answer to the what if’s.  You are not as breakable as you like to think.

Once we start finding the ‘what if’ questions the key is to answer it.  Think about the examples I’ve listed above.  What if I make a fool of myself?  Well, what would happen?  Ya, you’ll survive it won’t you?  It’s not as catastrophic as our subconscious wants us to think it is.  

On the surface it appears to make sense right? We want to avoid being uncomfortable or in pain but you know what?  Uncomfortable isn’t true pain; at least not the kind where we need to stop doing things that we want to in order to avoid it.   Jumping out of a plane with no parachute…okay then; THAT is pain we should be avoiding.  😉 

Let’s face facts, we often make things a much bigger deal than they really are or have to be. 

Think back.  You  (and I) have all embarrassed the heck out of ourselves at some point; and yet here we are.  Safe, sound and sane.  I’ve been laughed at, wrong, totally screwed up and yes..tripped UP the stairs.   I’ve lived through it and no major life set backs occurred.

I’m not going to break.  I’m not going to fall apart and lose everything.  In fact, what I like to point out is I might actually be fabulous, my mistakes might teach me something amazing or lead to new understandings.   People might laugh..or they might connect deeper with me because they also have been through it!

Most importantly…with no risk comes no reward.  If you don’t try you will never succeed. 

Next time you hear your little inner voice saying ‘what if’, answer with “yup, but I’m going to do it anyway!”

“If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it.

If you don’t ask, the answer is always no.

If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place.

~Nora Roberts

 

If you need help figuring out your roadblocks shoot me an email. 

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I’ve not been well for a few days and it’s really caught up with me.  I’ve been trying to do too much and not allowing my body to rest as it so desperately wants to. 

Sick PuppyThe bigger problem is that the stuff I have pushed myself to do is crap or only half done.  So now I really have to re-do it and I strongly dislike having to do that.  That is making me feel stressed and irritable.

Even worse than that…I’ve gone too long without proper rest and now I’m short on patience and grumpy.

I was woken up this morning far too early and was already in a ‘mood’.  I’m sure we’ve all had those kinds of mornings where you just know it’s going to be one of ‘those’ days. 

I haven’t been disappointed.

So far this morning I have spilled coffee on my keyboard, tripped over the dog and smacked my elbow, burned my breakfast, lost a document into the nether regions of the internet, succeeded in worrying about what hasn’t been done and now I’ve worked my stress level into the “I give up” phase. 

It’s been a while since this kind of crap sandwich has been served this early in the morning around here.  I figured I’d go have a quick nap on the couch and maybe start over feeling a bit better with some rest.  I’ll be darned if the dog didn’t beat me to it already.

Grrrr. 

So I sit back down at my computer, keys dried off and new cup of coffee in hand.  I opened my twitter to see this quote.

You need to have a bad day once in a while, otherwise, you’ll never know what a good day feels like.

Ha!  Divine whispers right?  And that’s when I was jogged back into myself and remembered I get a choice in how I feel.  I also get a choice in how I react to the ‘stuff’ in my life.  I get it,

Yup, this is how I feel today

I’m worn out, still a bit sick and probably need to just chill out.  Instead of taking care of myself, I’m trying to be a freakin super hero and in the end only really hitting super-grumpy, super-stressed and super-anxious.  (oh Hey..that would be some really hilarious super villains no?)

Who the heck was I trying to impress anyway?  Yes, I had a rough morning.  I allowed it to make me angry and frustrated and was about to start playing angry tag.  You know…sharing the mood and feeding everyone else my crap sandwich appetizer.  Not how I want to spend a whole, blessed, gift of a day!

So…time to do some self adjustment and self care so that I instead find the happy in today. 

Sometimes you are just better off giving yourself a bit of a shake and spending the time reducing the anxiety, frustration and crappy feeling. It’s that whole investing in yourself bit you know?  I mean..who wants to walk around feeling like that? Not me and I certainly don’t want to be the cause of other people ending up feeling that way too.

So, today is a recoup day.  A day for healing, a day for releasing the negativity.   A day that I need to remind myself to show ME some compassion and consideration.  It’s too easy to be hard on myself and get frustrated. I’d never treat another that way and expect them to do everything as normal when they are ill, so it’s time to stop doing it to myself. 

I have a feeling it might take a while so I’m going to go ahead and make another cup of coffee.  I am going to spend part of my day making  a plan to methodically get my to-do list done.  I will prioritize and break down some steps to help with the overwhelm from getting a bit behind.  That’s what will make me feel less stressed out and more in control.  Then later I will take my dog for run…exercise out the stress!

What is your go-to default to help you get back into a good mood when you’ve had a rough go of things?

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Inhale blessings, Exhale gratitude.

Do you meditate?  I have only begun my journey into this.  It’s been oh..just over a year I guess since I started looking at this seriously.

There is some real scientific evidence that supports the healing that takes place while you meditate.  When you begin to heal your mind and soul, your body follows suit.  Stress, pain, fatigue all improve.  I am living proof of this.  The pills the doctors used to give me barely helped and had wicked side effects.   Thank goodness I’m stubborn and have some friends in my life who support me and encouraged me to follow my  heart.

Now I don’t want to drag up my old story. Most of you know all about my car accident and how it took my out of commission for close to two years.  My recovery had been slow.  It picked up a lot of speed when I started to listen to my body and follow my gut.

Meditation was a big part of that.

Now many of you think of meditation as something for enlightened monks to do in a temple…or something the teachers talk about at the end of yoga right?  Not at all true.  It’s not as easy to find a good teacher for mediation I think because it’s very personal. 

I lost count of the ways I tried to follow.   Many of these techniques don’t work for me.  I get fidgety, I get bored or I just don’t connect to anything.  I thought perhaps I was not suited or unable…gosh. Perhaps I couldn’t BE enlightened any further! (Don’t laugh! I really wondered about that).

What I discovered in this journey so far is, like many things, we have to find our own way.   Learning from others is how we get started, but not how we are going to finish. 

Think of it this way.  Have you ever seen a figure off in the distance and know exactly who it was by the way they were walking?  You don’t even realize you are doing this, you just know that is your friend Bob right?    We all learn to walk in roughly the same way, but we all put our own character and life into it and our way of walking becomes strictly our own.

This is what I liken to learning about our deeper self.  We start off following a structure laid out by someone else.  Soon we have to learn to make it our own so it connects, so it is familiar and so it works.  Meditation is included in this.

Me?  I focus on my breathing.  I start at my toes and experience every part of my body; one by one.  Then, I breathe in with blessings, out with gratitude.  For me, my mediation revolves around being grateful.  Perhaps it will evolve but for now it is a beautiful awakening of my spirit. I will talk a little more about how it has made a difference in my next post.

Tell me about your experiences with meditation.

 

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Everyday you have some things you habitually do right?  Probably without thinking too much about it. 

Things like brushing your teeth, combing your hair, showering, eating…

These things are part of your routine and are really important to your health and well-being; even though they may seem to be small tasks in your day-to-day.  They still are things you do every day and you don’t worry about finding time to ‘fit’ them in right?  I mean whenever have you said, well I could brush my teeth or meet you for coffee…okay I’ll skip cleaning my teeth to fit in coffee instead?  Hopefully never!

Okay..hold that thought for a moment.

I need to ask you something…ever feel burned out? (Don’t worry, I’m going somewhere with this) You know; those times you suddenly feel like you have no idea what you’re doing and the thought of running away to live in the woods with Tarzan sounds pretty good?  Or at least throwing up your hands and eating an entire plate of brownies and then staying in bed with a good book all day? 

We all have our “I’ve had it” routines but you get my drift.  This burn out usually comes from a lack of ME time….or in this case YOU time.

We already understand that we have time in our day that is not negotiable right? The tooth brushing, the showering, the eating!  At least it should be and if not we have a totally different problem..but that’s for another day!

Me time also needs to be put into your day as time that isn’t negotiable.  (See I told you I would connect the dots) You should have time in your day for self care; for recharging. Not doing this will slide you really fast into burnout.  REALLY fast. 

So what do I mean by self-care time?  In all actually, it will be different for every one.  These are the things that are just for you; where you are disconnected from work and other stresses in your life.  Let me share with you what I do in my time and perhaps that will inspire or help you clarify what you need. 

Bonnie’s ME time: 

  1. A long walk with Charlie (you know my pup!).  This is where I started to really understand the concept of putting the time into my day.  Before I had a dog to force the issue, I would work, work and work some more.  I began to really look forward to the time alone with my dog…no phone, no homework, no clients, no computer! 
  2. Meditation.  There are many types and styles of meditation.  The point is to find a way to begin to hear your own inner voice and connect with your body and soul and I must say meditation is wonderful for this.  If you do try to begin keep in mind that if one method doesn’t work for you, no worries. Try another.  The first time I tried meditation the person instructing the practice wanted us to stare into a candle flame to help center and quiet our thoughts.  What a yucky experience for me, all I got was a headache!  However, when I learned a different technique focussed on breathing, I found my way inward.
  3. A Gratitude Journal.  Every night before bed I set aside some time to journal what I’m so very blessed with.   Going to bed with positive energy is the way to go!

The key to all of this of course to understand that you are worth the time invested in you.  These activities are ones that I don’t negotiate.  They are a habit just like brushing my teeth.  These are things that keep me from burning out, they recharge my batteries.  It took a while to create these habits but hey, I’m worth it!

Now it’s your turn..what are some things you have in place that are daily self-care routines to help prevent your burnout? If you don’t have them already in place what are you going to do to start?

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EDIT:  I must apologise to those who are having trouble leaving a comment.  WordPress has made some changes that are presenting bloggers with some challenges.  Feel free to send me an email if you like or visit my facebook fan page and leave me a comment there! (I will respond).   Thanks so much for all your continued support and patience while all this gets sorted out.  Bright blessing!

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“We are always getting ready to live but never living.”  ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

So I’m just wondering when you will be ready?

I think we all need some time now and again to sort of re-group and decide where our life is going to take us.  Of course then there are people like me who are much happier when they can simply decide on the fly and take whatever turn happens to arrive.  

Either way, taking the time to regroup can be good. We all need some down time to appreciate what we already have don’t you think? 

“To enjoy the moment is the gift that hard work gives us.” ~Bonnie Copeland

What I see more often though is people who are terribly busy ‘getting ready’.  They are waiting to have all the i’s dotted, all the t’s crossed and for the perfect moment on the perfect day.

How’s that going? 

If you are one of those people…I’m going to go ahead and guess you’re still waiting and getting ready.  Let me clear up something for you.  There is no perfect day; no perfect moment, nor is there a time where you have every eventuality covered.

Get it?

I discovered this when I was setting up my business in Coaching.  My goodness I had a lot to learn.  I still do. I learn something new all the time to help move my business forward.  Still, the key is I put that learning in place to cause action. Sometimes I do it well, sometimes I realize I still have a lot to learn. lol 

Still, if I just keep planning and learning with out the implementation I’d get nowhere.  Even this very blog I was so nervous about starting up.  One day I just decided to wing it.  Yes, my earliest posts were a little blah, but I had to start and I did .  I hope they are much better now.

There is a saying that goes something like if you want to make God laugh show him your plan. 

Not that I’m against planning…goodness no.  But there needs to be a stronger understanding that planning is a time limited option. Otherwise it becomes a crutch; an excuse not to move forward.

The thing is I’m not just talking about getting ready to launch a business, or go back to school.  It’s bigger than that.  Some people are so busy getting ready to live their life they never get around to actually living it!  

This is not good my friends.  Your time on this Earth is really quite short.  I truly think we were sent here to learn what lessons we need.  If we spend our time getting ready we aren’t living our divine purpose.  

Some people might say they are waiting to figure out what their divine purpose is before they get going.  Um…problem with that is you can’t figure out your Big WHY unless you actually start DOING something.  I promise you these things will not come knocking on your door as you sit watching 5 hours of TV again tonight.  

“Opportunity to discover meaning in our lives requires our attention and action.” ~ Bonnie Copeland

Okay..the good news?  This can be really loads of fun and not all hard work.   Actually doing the living is what we are here for after all.  Sure it come with its own stress and strife but it also is where to excitement, inspiration , joy and spirit is.  

So today Mr. Emerson and I have a little coach’s request and challenge for you.  Let me know what you’re going to do to meet that challenge and how it goes!

 

Break the monotony and do something extravagant!

Just go for it already!

 

 

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As most of you know I’m on Facebook.  I admit I do enjoy the way I’ve been able to  meet some really amazing people there.  I’ve joined some groups that have been simply wonderful.  There are some truly loving, giving and fabulous people willing to reach out and befriend you. 

I also really enjoy how I can keep up with people I already knew and love who are far away.  It’s tough to connect sometimes by phone with different time zones, schedules, kids etc. It’s another great tool to keep up with what’s happening.

One thing I’ve been seeing a lot of lately though that has started to bug me a little is in people status’.   Not the status themselves mind you.  The messages are wonderful, but what bugs me is that I know many of these people personally .  The are handing out the message, but aren’t living it themselves.  This isn’t living in integrity nor in an authentic way at all.

Here’s an example of one of these status’.  Keep in mind they are out there for just about any cause you can think of…homelessness, abuse..etc.  This is just the one I noticed first off to give you the example.  I’m sure you’ve seen plenty of them if you are on Facebook.

That girl you called a slut in class today – she’s a virgin. The pregnant girl walking down the street – she got raped . The boy you called lame, he has to work every night to support his family. That girl you pushed down the other day, she’s already being abused at home. That girl you called fat, she’s starving herself. The old man you made fun of cause of the ugly scars, he fought for our country. The boy you made fun of for crying, his mother is dying. You think you know them. Guess what? You don’t! Re-post if you are against bullying. I bet 99% of you won’t, but you’re that 1% with a heart ♥

The message is good isn’t it?  That part isn’t the part I have trouble with. I keep seeing this last line “re-post if you are against bullying. I bet 99% of you won’t, but you’re that  1% with a heart”.   First off, I’ve never been a fan of that kind of manipulation but forgetting that part…how the heck does that really help? 

Let’s face it, I can re-post that in 2 clicks.   Now I’ve done my good deed for the day? I can forget about it?  Sorry but that just isn’t flying with me.  You want to stop bullying? Or elder abuse or whatever your cause it is you are talking about; then you need to offer up an actual, real and useful action that can be taken.  Re-posting isn’t it.

I have one other little bone to pick with this type of surface activism.  Get off your own butt and live it.  Seriously, I know the people who posts these.  None of them volunteer or are active in any of these causes.  The person who posted that particular status I know well.  I also know for a fact they don’t talk to their kids about character, values or bullies on purpose to teach them about those things.  They are not a bad parent by any means; but as the title of this piece says, if you are going to talk the talk, start walking the walk. 

As a Personal Growth Coach I can tell you I see this a lot.  People know the right words to say, the rhetoric and the latest phrases to sound like they’ve got it going on.  I often have these people tell me they just don’t  understand why “it’s not working’  for them. 

Simple: you talk it, but you don’t live it. 

So, we examine where the client is lacking and I reflect it back to their values and their ‘talk’.  It’s a hard look at the self; one that can become almost painful to see that real truth because you get to a crossroads.  You either step back and acknowledge you aren’t ready to move out of your comfort zone and so choose to stay there.  Or you can continue trying to BS yourself, which doesn’t work really well at this point (especially as I will call you on this!).  Or you have to saddle up and do the work; face the tough choices and understand that you need the rain for the rainbow to appear.

So, from a Facebook status to spiritual journeys you have to know that it isn’t enough to just say the words. 

Do you do that?   Perhaps if you find yourself struggling you too can examine where you lack and see if there is more talk than walk.   Let’s face it, our actions always speak much louder than our words.

“What you do speaks so loudly that I cannot hear what you say.”
~Ralph Waldo Emerson

 
 

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