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Posts Tagged ‘adapting’

Lately I have been moving towards different goals. In the process I’ve been discovering more and more about my true self.  While this is very liberating and at the same time occasionally scary I have noticed something new.

I have been teetering on the brink.  The question I struggle with is the brink of what?

I can only explain in mundane words what I have been feeling but here goes.

Imagine with me for a moment.  There is an edge I can’t quite see over.  Be it a cliff or hill..whatever.  Moving closer brings with it excitement and it is also a bit scary.  When I get too close I pull back to the safety of where I was to take a breath…perhaps just a little closer than before.

I can see the edge and the blue skies beyond it but I don’t know what it holds.

I know, somewhere deep in my soul that I need to walk over to the edge and leap.  I know it.  But fear is a tricky thing isn’t it?

What will I find?  I am not sure but I believe I am becoming me, but even more so.  Does that make sense?  Ha!  Sometimes it doesn’t quite make sense to me.

I am reminded of my good friend Deone’s post comparing his journey to the butterfly.  I actually haven’t thought of that post for a while.  For some reason THAT was the post that showed up when I came to my blog this day.  A little whisper from the universe to move me along?  Perhaps that is what is happening?  Perhaps I am ready to transform, to leave or maybe build a cocoon and grow my wings.

It’s funny.  Not long ago I would have said I already did that.  That certain things which happened taught me so much about my own power, my own light and my place in this world.

I honestly  used to wonder what people did when they got it figured out.   Seriously. I thought…once you learn how to meditate or be calm what do you do then? 

Well, I can tell you that with every pair of wings you have grown; with every sky you have learned to soar in there is more.  There is so much more.  You can’t always see what is above until you can rise up. 

There is a story about how when you are on a train and it goes into a tunnel and gets dark you don’t jump off.  Instead you know to trust the driver to get you through the tunnel and back into the light. 

My friends…you drive your own train.  You can’t help but come across a tunnel once in a while.  Trust in your ability to find the light at the other end.  Some tunnels are longer than others but they all lead somewhere.  On the other side…the light might just be a little brighter.  You’re light might be a little brighter.  Things might just fit more perfectly then they ever have before.

Sooner or later I’m going to take the leap over that edge.   I can see the glimmer of light from the end of the tunnel I’ve been travelling in.  I know I will get there.   You’ll see.  I hope you find your next level of growth just as exciting and scary and that you too find the perfect time to go take a look at what you can become when you trust.

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You know how it’s become quite the thing to share these beautiful photos with uplifting and inspiring quotes?

I love them.  I really do and I think it’s a wonderful, beautiful thing that this is becoming so common.  The thing is how often do you come across one that really grabs you and sits you down and says “pay attention to me”?  It happened to me…true story!

It was a quote by none other than Dr. Wayne Dyer. Truly one of my most beloved teachers today.  His message speaks deeply to me and I’ve heard him say this before.  He talks about our thoughts creating our world (you see why I connect with his message right?). 

What he said was

“Loving people live in a loving world. Hostile people live in a hostile world. Same world.”
 
I get that.  I see where he’s going with it.  However lately I’ve had this quote come at me from many different sides and places.  The other day I ‘clicked’ on something in my own files and my hand glitches and clicked the wrong link.  Take a wild guess what came up?
 
 

I was actually surprised to see this picture.  I honestly don’t remember saving it but that isn’t what surprised me. I had been thinking about this quote over and over for days and here is was again.  Oh how the universe whispers can turn into a shout.

 
You see waaaaay back when I was sleep walking through life,  I expect I was content enough. I had no major illnesses and had a fairly solid set of goals.  Sort of a one step in front of the other routine.  But I wasn’t in love with life.  I was just marking time.
 
I think of it this way..it’s like a car.  I was alive – engine on – but hanging out in neutral.  Occasionally I’d hit first gear and move forward..accomplish a goal or two.  Some people live their entire life this way. 
 
Somewhere along the way I discovered the rest of the gears.  I threw the top down and let myself  love my path.  The wind in my hair, radio up and singing along.  Detours?  No problem!  They were simply new ways and new scenery. 
 
Then a problem showed up that I couldn’t overcome or gloss over.  I not only slipped gears, but may have stalled out for a while.
 
As I started to heal physically, I went back to living nice and safe in neutral.  But you know what? After experiencing real happiness and true living, neutral can feel more like reverse and leave you kind of sad.  I felt let down and in my own words ‘screwed over’.  Life got kind of dark for me.  I realized so much that I’d been missing as I sped along.  Relationships I thought were one way fell apart or simply disappeared.  People I would have sworn would be there…weren’t.  And to my surprise a certain person who I would have put at the top of the fade away list, stood up and came through.
 
My world and what I thought it was, was turned upside down and inside out. 
 
I started, for a while, to see the world through a victim’s eyes.  I know this might tick off a few people but you know what…being a victim is a choice.  What happened to me..or to you may not have been your choice true.  The really crappy fall out may not be your choice, but being a victim to it..well sorry..but that’s a choice.
 
I know this for a fact, because I chose that role for a while.  I saw the world as a cruel place.  A place where people were waiting to see you fall, to find a mistake and mess you around all over again.  I thought the world was uncaring and heartless.  I walked around waiting for more shoes to drop and scared to feel happy in case it was yanked away again.  It’s a dark and unhappy place to be.
 
I think this is what Dr. Dyer is talking about.  The world hadn’t changed from when I was happy and looked at the world as full of opportunity.  I had changed.  ME.  My perspective and what I chose to see.  
 
Think of it this way.  If you are full of joy you will see beauty in the rain, the lovely sound, flowers growing again after the summer drought and pretty reflections in puddles.  If you are sad and bitter you will see the same rain as dark, dreary and see the deadness of the flowers, weeds to be pulled and puddles of dirty old mud.
 
It’s the same world…the same rain and the same garden. 
 
Despite all that I still have coming down the line to test me, I choose to see the joy.  I choose to think that for the most part, other people are kind and want to do what is right given a chance.  I choose to bring love and kindness to the world and belive I will have it returned to me.  It’s been a long spell of ups and downs.  A hard road but even the worst roads will get you somewhere right? 
 
My lessons are my own.  I share them so that you know you are not alone.  I share them so that you can see there is a light and you have the right and the choice to see it.  I’m letting you know that even amidst all the pain and struggle it’s okay to get better and it’s okay to feel joy.
 
I choose to believe that the rain is going to bring me some freakin amazing rainbows.
 

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In my last post, entitled What Time is It Mr. Wolf, I talked about how we need to listen to what our needs are today.  It does change as we grow and experience new parts of life. 

However, it’s not that post that inspired this one; it was something in the comments.  Yup, I read ’em and respond but Roberta’s comment started me thinking about something that happened to me not long ago.  I wanted to share this with you to not only show you I get it, I walk this talk; but to share an experience you might relate to.

It’s about my car.  I know, I know! I have written about that car before and how much I love it and how much it has been causing me trouble.  This time it’s a good thing. 

You see my car has been having some trouble staying running.  Yup, it will be driving along as nicely as you please and suddenly, I notice I’ve lost power steering and brakes.  You see the electrical is just fine so the radio and lights are all on…including the check engine light.  Luckily, I do have a clue and was able to safely get my car over to the side.  (picture me flexing my muscles–if you haven’t driven without the power steering before, trust me you need muscles!). 

As you can imagine this really gets the heart pumping

The first time I took it in, the garage plugged it in only to say that there was no code because the engine light comes and goes.  They didn’t know what to think and sent me on my way.

After a couple more times of this happening, I knew I really, really had to get it looked at again so took it to the far more expensive dealership’s garage.  Lucky me! The engine light was on and boom.  Found out the problem.  Mass airflow sensor (of course…why didn’t I think of that? lol). 

So just imagine, I’m stressed over driving my car there, shocked at the amount of $ they charge and tired from trying to get it done quickly with a minimum of fuss and annoyed because I have things I should be doing. I already wasn’t feeling well and was so busy!  So, the next day I’m back at the shop to pick up my car.  The estimate is nowhere near what I am told on the bill; it’s much, much higher. 

Crappity crap crap!

Well here’s the thing.  I had a migraine coming on since the day before (all this humidity I suspect) but I still didn’t want to relinquish control over what was happening.  The problem is I was having a hard time. My stress level was getting really high and I was having trouble trying to focus.  Migraines do that to me.  

Suddenly, my far more sensible brain piped up and said ‘you’re being dumb here, let someone help you’. 

So I turned to my boyfriend, who had driven me to pick up my car and asked him very nicely to deal with it for me.  I know he is quite good at speaking to (charming) people, he’s more than bright enough to figure the math and wasn’t feeling poorly.  I literally stepped aside. 

At first, I was a bit anxious and then I made a choice.  An on purpose, very deliberate (yup I was talking to myself ) choice; I let go.  I trusted that others had my best interest at heart and I let it go.  And I was able to relax and smile again.  He took over and took care of it.  In fact, he and the manager found not one, but two errors that would have cost me $250 more than I should have been charged. Whew!

I need to make this clear…this is not easy for me.  Letting someone else take over; letting..goodness asking them to; well it goes against everything I’ve learned growing up and how I dealt with life for years.   I had (still do at times) a belief that I must take care of my own ‘stuff’ or I was weak and vulnerable.  Oh…I think that’s the first time I’ve said that out loud and in public.  Yay me!

So, take away from this story that yes…we can learn to change and it does make a big difference.  We are not stuck in our roles unless we choose to be.  Our belief system is not always right and it certainly is not always working in our best interest. Perhaps at one time  it was something we needed but that doesn’t mean we should assume it always will be.

When was the last time you examined your belief system?  When was the last time you let go of something that wasn’t serving you anymore?

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As I was laying in bed early one morning this week, well before the alarm was to wake me, I simply let my thoughts flow and go where they wanted.

I tried to welcome the thoughts as friends and just observe them.  I say tried because I got rather caught up in on particular thought.

I realized that life is a lot like stepping up to bat in baseball.

I supposed that in this perfect (?) analogy Life would be the guy on the pitcher mound.  I don’t mean to imply that Life is trying to strike you out so much as Life is the one throwing you the curve balls; along with fast ball, gentle tosses, spit balls, lobs and occasionally nails you one in the arm. 

It works because when you step up to home plate, with that bat in hand for the first time; you suck…no offense, we all did.  We had no skills yet, no experience.  We were awkward and we all know that one guy, who forgot to run to first base when he finally connected to the ball!

There is a lot of layers of truth in that last statement.  Some people still can’t recognize what to do when they finally hit the ball!

The thing is some of us had fun anyway.  We lost, we fell down and occasionally we struck out.  We sometimes got called with a bad play or a foul ball.  Sometimes we hit a good one and got on base.  Once in a blue moon we may even have hit it out of the park…or far enough to get a home run anyway.  We all did. 

We also learned that having a team to support us makes a world of difference.  You can’t play a good game by yourself.  A coach, team mates…they all make the game happen.

However, there are many who shrugged and decided it was easier to just be part of the crowd on the bleachers.   Some didn’t see the possibilities that might come with practice; or perhaps they just didn’t see the value in the effort.  Some were told by others they could never make it to the ‘big leagues’ and believed it; so they stopped trying.

Then there are those who kept going.  They played for fun at first sure; but in doing so they built up an affinity for the game.  They learned to judge when to bunt, where the ball was going and when to steal third. 

Did they screw up?  You bet they did.  They got hurt, they were embarrassed and had slumps where I am certain they questioned everything.  But when you know your purpose, your goal you can persist through those times.  You have faith in what you are doing.

They kept their eye on the ball; literally and metaphorically.  Focus,drive, practice and more practice.  Sounds a lot like how life works doesn’t it?

In life you have to keep your eye on the ball and keep swinging.  In doing so you will eventually be able to predict with some accuracy (most days anyway) where the ball will go when you hit it. And you know what I love to say about that.  When you know where you’re going you know when you get there!

You can still get surprised by pitches but you will learn to better and faster adjust on the fly.  You also learn that life sometimes strikes you out and that’s okay. 

What do you think?  Let me know in the comments below or leave me a comment on my fan page.

 Am I right about players and the crowd? Are there more ways life is like heading to bat?

Keep Your Eye On the Ball

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You know that proverbial line in the sand? The one where we decide where enough is enough? Or where we decide to change something…finally? 

I’ve had to draw this line a number of times recently.  You need to understand that I drew it on purpose in order to make some choices and move myself forward.  These lines were made consciously and in advance of their actual need.  I was prepared for the eventualities that were coming my way. 

What did I learn?  Sand is a lot more fluid than it looks.  And that is a good thing.  Imagine if we drew all our ‘lines’ in something less able to change…like concrete?  The great thing about making choices is you can learn and change. 

Be flexible.  Be able to move that line when you need to; either from new information or new-found strength and wisdom.

I drew my lines in the sand so that I could have a place in my mind where I knew it would be time to let go of something I was pursuing.  I created a self-imposed limit so I wouldn’t waste my time and energy.  I do this often in fact, but on occasion some new piece of information can make me move that line back a bit.  Sometimes I just have to adjust because my line was more of a guess than based on good hard facts.  That’s okay.  Sometimes that’s all we have to work with and it is still better to shoot for something and have to adjust than sit still and do nothing.

So know your limits, understand your choices, be aware of where you have drawn that proverbial line in the sand;  but also be aware that you can move your line if you need to. Just brush away the old one and draw a new line.  Life isn’t static or fixed, it is constantly changing and checking in with goals and plans is a smart move.

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Life sometimes happens to us,. This is totally true.  Most of the time however, we create the life that we are living today.

We have to understand that we all have affirmations we use everyday. Some good some negative. These thoughts that run though our heads form a sort of lens that we view the world through.  This affects our self-esteem, our ideas and how we end up reacting during those times life throws us curve balls.
 
There is some really good news! We can choose which we listen too and thus choose our view!
 
Change the lens you view the world through and you change what you see and surround yourself with.  Thus, changing and creating your world!
 
Rose-colored lens?  Here I come!  How about you?
 

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Put down those goals!

Oh I bet you never, EVER, in a million years, thought you’d heard ME say some thing like that did you?

Say what now??

After all, what’s my favourite saying?  “If you don’t know where you are going, how will you know if you get there?”  I know, I know..I’ve said it a bazillion times and I still believe that to be the heart of my coaching focus. 

What gives then?

I have a couple of points about goals that I think are far too often being overlooked.  I’ve noticed this with articles I’ve read, clients and friends at different times and in different areas. We perhaps are focussing too much on the act of goal setting, the how-to’s and not enough on the purpose of goals.  Keep in mind they are a TOOL we use to assist us, not a ruler over us.

Here goes.

  • Stop treating your goals like they are a bible.  Your goals are meant to provide you with a map, not be written in stone as unalterable and forever.  Take a look at a map..go on. Here’s one for you.   See that..LOTS of ways to get where you going. In fact, taking a detour can be a huge blessing.  Most often it seems the detours are when we learn the most about ourselves and find new ways to grow. Don’t be afraid to chart your path and change it as you need to. If you goals and steps are stressing you out, causing you to be frustrated or stuck..then do something else. These should not be the cause of more anquish..they should help guide you to getting unstuck .
  • Be flexible with them. Sometimes opportunity comes your way that you never expected or thought of. Don’t jump on ignoring it because it doesn’t fit with your plan. Perhaps it does more than you think.  Or perhaps it is a hint from the universe that you have more to offer than even you knew.  Example? I love coaching one on one and in my coaching groups. LOVE IT.  Recently an opportunity to speak (not a workshop) to a group came my way.  This wasn’t in my plan and I actually was going to say no because I am pretty busy.  Thankfully a friend pointed out all the opportunities I would be missing and that she thought I’d be amazing and could reach many people.  So I did it.  And you know what? I’m now beginning to speak to groups and even as a tele-seminar; and I feel like I’ve found a really exciting place to share my message.  I feel so uplifted even thinking about it!
  • Setting goals does not require you to take a vow of forever.  Things change.  You change.  So should your goals.  There is nothing wrong with this when it needs to happen.  This is different from simply changing your goals because you don’t know what you want.  It’s accepting that it’s okay to adjust your sails when the wind changes.  Do not feel bad about this or continue on with something that isn’t serving you anymore because you said you wanted it.  Today your goal may be to buy a house, but next year you may discover your goals are to travel before settling down.  So what? Do what you need to do and accept that what you need to do can also change
  • Putting a goal aside for now does not equate giving it up forever.  See the above example.  Does deciding to put off buying a house mean that this person has to erase it from the list? Nope. The plan for saving up the cash might change, the area you wanted to buy in might change or even become unknown.  That doesn’t mean you have to give up on it. 
  • It’s okay to admit one day, that it isn’t what you thought you wanted.  Or even that you still want it but it isn’t your path.  A personal example of this comes from when I was in high school. I had planned on becoming a veterinarian.  I decided the smart thing to do was volunteer at a clinic to get experience.  After a few days I had to admit it wasn’t for me.  I couldn’t deal with the clients and their idea of care.  The animals I could handle, the pain and even the grief at end of life.  It was the callousness of some people, that  I couldn’t handle.  I had to admit it wasn’t for me.  So I turned my sites elsewhere and found a way to still work with animals, but in a way that limited my contact to care givers who cared! (Dog training and my own pet care business..oh the energy of youth lol).
  • Goals should come from your value system and fit into it as well.  Trying to work around this is what gets us into trouble, causes stress and friction.  Values first, goals after.

 

Goals are a way to motivate yourself, to help focus your efforts. 

They are not meant to be your ruling body. 

 Own them, don’t allow them to own you.

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