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Posts Tagged ‘positive thinkers’

Well, it’s Tuesday already…two more days until I embark on a road trip to partake in the second of three very long, but fabulous, weekends of training.  It really is a bit crazy but I’m so happykeep-calm-two-more-days to be there it doesn’t matter.  Mind you I pretty much collapse into bed but that’s okay; I have to get up early anyway!  Crazy town?  Perhaps but I can’t wait to get there.

No kidding…as long is it, you know what? In addition to being really excited about getting to hone the skills I already have and learn some new ones – I’m really excited to see the people who are going to be there.

There are some amazing – no freaking amazing people in this group.  I’ve gotten to know a few of them much better because of the way the studies are set up in between the 3-day weekends.

I can’t wait to give some of them a BIG hug.

Truly, for me half of the joy of deciding to sign up with iPEC (the school I’m training with) is finding all these people who kind of think just like me!   Holy crap they ARE out there!

I know I’ve said it before in other posts but us humans are not meant to go it alone in this life.  We are meant to make connections, learn from each other and offer that hand up when we can.  I don’t think alone is our natural state.

Don’t get me wrong.  I am very comfortable being just with myself and to be honest, sometimes I need it.  But to FEEL alone, well that is another story.  That is loneliness.  And that hurts.

It hurts more I think to feel alone in sea of people who you think care about you too.  Not being able to express your ideas, thoughts or what your soul’s light is shining is really painful and frustrating.  No one wants to feel judged because of who they are deep inside – so we keep it hidden or we feel like we are banging our heads against a wall.

Finding people who I can easily be understood by and who ‘get’ me was like unlocking a treasure box…it feels like coming home. I get what people mean now by the idea of finding your tribe.  Your tribe is people who, while not walking your path, parallel it enough that there is connection, understanding and shared excitement and joy about the same sorts of things. (tweet this)

You know what I mean?

So, I’m looking forward to seeing all of them again, learning and laughing and the occasionally teary session. Some powerful stuff coaching and we all go through it together.

Have you found some of your tribe?

 

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ps. If YOU want to become part of MY tribe too (and I hope you do!) you can start by getting my monthly newsletter in your inbox.  Just register your email here and you’re good to go. Yay!

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Lately I’ve been working on accepting my faults and mistakes of the past for what they were. Lessons from life.  I have made both little and big mistakes.  I have made bad choices at times that have hurt both me and others.

I made mistakes and messed up no doubt about it.  In fact, I think the worst mess-ups came from those times I allowed myself to be led from my path by others ideas of what was good for me.  I stopped listening to my own counsel.

I think we all do that sometimes.  When we forget the power of our own wisdom we really get off track.

So what I’d do is kick myself when I was down.   I beat myself up at a time when what I really needed was tender loving care.  I needed to be kind to myself and let the lesson come and learn it so I could move on.

The lesson I really needed to learn was that I am not my mistakes, my falling down or my screwups.   In fact, what makes me who I am is that I continue to get back up and try again.   I am created by my choice to learn from the past and let go of regret and guilt.

It’s a tough road though I won’t lie to you my friends.  I slip a lot.  Especially when I make another mistake.  However, I came across something Maya Angelou said that brought tears to my eyes. Exactly the part of the lesson I was still missing.  It was so simple but so exactly what I needed to hear.  “When you know better, then you do better.”

I mean think about how powerful that is when it comes to life.  We expect perfection from ourselves so often but what we should expect is when we have experiences we understand that this helps us know better.  Then, we can be better than we were before.  Not perfect…just better.

Life is for learning, experiencing and discovering what we can be.   Every layer we build or peel back means we can start to know better and do better than we did yesterday.

So when that nasty voice in the back of my head starts yammering about how I screwed up; or that guilty feeling starts rising I fight back. I tell that voice that at one time I didn’t really understand and didn’t know better.  I do now.  Now –  I do better than I did back then. 

I am not the same person I was last week, last month or last year.  Neither are you.  I am a better than I was.  Tomorrow, when it comes, will also find me better than today.

That is all we can ask of ourselves.  Regret, guilt and anger towards ourselves for not knowing better, not being our best self in the past is just wasted energy. 

The only thing you need concern yourself  with is knowing better so you can do better – even if it’s just a little better – every single day.

blessings

 

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What is faith? Not Faith – that’s easy.  She’s the checkout lady at my local grocery store.

As per my love of nit-picking at words I checked the online dictionary and got this.

faith

noun

1. confidence or trust in a person or thing: faith in another’s ability.
 
2. belief that is not based on proof: He had faith that the hypothesis would be substantiated by fact.
 
3. belief in God or in the doctrines or teachings of religion: the firm faith of the Pilgrims.
 
4. belief in anything, as a code of ethics, standards of merit, etc.: to be of the same faith with someone concerning honesty.
 
5. a system of religious belief: the Christian faith; the Jewish faith.
 
I also found this:
 
Idioms In faith, in truth; indeed: In faith, he is a fine lad.
 
AND this:
 
– strong or unshakeable belief in something, especially without proof or evidence.
– any set of firmly held principles or beliefs
– allegiance or loyalty, as to a person or cause.
– bad faith; insincerity or dishonesty
 
as well:
Archaic; indeed; really (also in the phrases by my faith , in faith)  <– I kind of like this. Might have to bring back this phrase! lol 
Seriously…that’s a lot of stuff to sift through. 
 
Faith is definitely a contextual word isn’t it?  I think it’s an interesting concept.  It comes from the French feid , from Latin fidēs – both of which basically mean trust or confidence.
 
For some, faith might be what allows them to believe in God without questioning.   The reason I started thinking about this is because it also seems to be a way around admitting you don’t know the answers and are uncomfortable with that.  Having faith and admitting you don’t understand do not have to be on opposite sides..they can co-exist.
 
What is interesting is when you ask people if they have faith in themselves.  Trust and confidence even when you have not a shred of proof that you can or are what you believe you can be.  I think we have the hardest time having faith in ourselves.
 
I listened to a teaching call the other day and it was about playing a bigger game in life.  Lots of reasons we hold ourselves back were talked about.  This one was not.  But I think many of our excuses, reasons and fears stem from a lack of faith.
 
Recently I was able to finally stand up and say that I wanted to begin to speak to bigger groups of people.  I have no idea how this will happen or turn out but I have faith in myself.  I choose to believe and trust that I can follow that dream and do something grand with it.  I have no proof that I can do this – not yet anyway.  But I have faith.  Trust me when I tell you a number of years ago I would have simply kept this to myself and never would have had the guts to say it out loud. I had NO faith in my own abilities. I would have shored up your faith in yourself, in a heartbeat;supported and pumped YOU up – but couldnt’ do it for myself.
 
I realize now that this isn’t a life I want to spend only for others.   I have gifts, just like you, that need to be shared and my heart feels this is the right way to go for me.  Faith in that is a bit scary at first.  I’m beginning to think however that this is where the keys to a lot  of dreams coming to reality lie.  It really is one of the big keys to a better life.  Faith in you is super important.
 
Do you think you have faith in you?  Have you always? 

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There is a well – known saying that ‘success attracts success and failure attracts more failure’.  Or at least its something close to that.  Either way it’s pretty much the truth.

And the idea of it used to scare the crap out of me.

You see I didn’t really understand it.  I didn’t have a clear definition of success or failure.  More importantly I would struggle with the last part.  I mean, if I screw up doesn’t that mean I’m now destined to continue that cycle?  I really struggled wrapping my head around this idea.

No, no, no!  That is not what I wanted at all; so I would kill myself making sure I didn’t fail or mess up. At least not too badly! I became what I used to call a perfectionist.  Now I realize it’s a terribly deep, ingrained fear of being stuck in the failure trap.

Here’s the truth.  There is no trap.  It doesn’t exist unless you make it so.

Let me give you some examples.  I would work on school projects til the wee hours of the morning.  I’d change this or that, edit until the words swam in front of my eyes and re-write til my hand felt numb.   I once had a job at a fast food place (no, I won’t say which one) and I hated it.  I really, really did but I still worked my tail off and would even stay til after my shift to ensure that ‘my’ stuff was done and done right. 

Then I started University.  I had to wait a year to go to earn some money but I decided to take a night class to get my feet wet so to speak.  What I didn’t know is this particular class was about to teach me a lesson not related to psychology. 

Big secret reveal – I totally bombed my first paper.  Failed it; I mean REALLY failed it…I was horrified, devastated, mortified and embarrassed.  I wanted to run and hide but thankfully the Universe is kind, even in its harshest lessons.  The professor with over 500 students didn’t have time to see me anytime soon.  I was desperate to find out what I did wrong.  After all the next paper was coming up! My goodness that feeling of failure and feeling lost was hard to swallow.  Then the blessing arrived in the form of an upper class TA.  She offered to quickly look over my paper.  The content was good but the format was all wrong. 

Turns out this is a pretty common problem for first year students.  In fact, the University runs a workshop during FROSH week to get everyone on board because so many are not taught proper format for different papers in high school. Of course, because I wasn’t a regular student (one class only) I had no idea.  She also told me that she bombed her first paper too and not to worry because University is all about learning.

What a blessing this woman was to me.  She suggested the reference book that could help me, which I not only bought but ended up almost wearing out by the time I finished school.  Even with that failure, I managed a B+ in that class at the end of it all.  Not too shabby a jump!   I often thank her again silently when I think about it.  She gave me about 15 mins of her time and shared some of her knowledge and it changed my life.   I wonder if she knows…

The lesson this class gave me was two-fold.  Failure isn’t a cycle you can’t break.  What seems like a minor kindness to you, can be everything to someone else. 

But I want to talk more about this failure business.  I realized something that day, the day of my first big, public crash and burn.  I was okay.  I didn’t die, or get ridiculed.  No one branded me with a giant ‘F’ on my forehead to tell the world I was now just a big ol’ failure. 

In fact, no one but me really gave it much thought.  I had good enough sense to try to figure it out and that made all the difference.  failure

My failure morphed into a lesson that created success. 

I changed my path; broke the cycle or whatever you want to call it because of my mental mindset and my attitude.

I could have done things differently.  I could have cried into my pillow and then just given up assuming that I wasn’t cut out for higher learning.  Trust me, there were a few people in my life who would  have supported that decision.  I easily could have taken that path and there would have been easy ways to justify it.

But I didn’t.

This is why I say to you there is no failure trap other than one of your own making.   It’s all in how you handle your mess ups. 

Have some faith that you can and understand that failure just means that you still have something to learn

 

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You know how it’s become quite the thing to share these beautiful photos with uplifting and inspiring quotes?

I love them.  I really do and I think it’s a wonderful, beautiful thing that this is becoming so common.  The thing is how often do you come across one that really grabs you and sits you down and says “pay attention to me”?  It happened to me…true story!

It was a quote by none other than Dr. Wayne Dyer. Truly one of my most beloved teachers today.  His message speaks deeply to me and I’ve heard him say this before.  He talks about our thoughts creating our world (you see why I connect with his message right?). 

What he said was

“Loving people live in a loving world. Hostile people live in a hostile world. Same world.”
 
I get that.  I see where he’s going with it.  However lately I’ve had this quote come at me from many different sides and places.  The other day I ‘clicked’ on something in my own files and my hand glitches and clicked the wrong link.  Take a wild guess what came up?
 
 

I was actually surprised to see this picture.  I honestly don’t remember saving it but that isn’t what surprised me. I had been thinking about this quote over and over for days and here is was again.  Oh how the universe whispers can turn into a shout.

 
You see waaaaay back when I was sleep walking through life,  I expect I was content enough. I had no major illnesses and had a fairly solid set of goals.  Sort of a one step in front of the other routine.  But I wasn’t in love with life.  I was just marking time.
 
I think of it this way..it’s like a car.  I was alive – engine on – but hanging out in neutral.  Occasionally I’d hit first gear and move forward..accomplish a goal or two.  Some people live their entire life this way. 
 
Somewhere along the way I discovered the rest of the gears.  I threw the top down and let myself  love my path.  The wind in my hair, radio up and singing along.  Detours?  No problem!  They were simply new ways and new scenery. 
 
Then a problem showed up that I couldn’t overcome or gloss over.  I not only slipped gears, but may have stalled out for a while.
 
As I started to heal physically, I went back to living nice and safe in neutral.  But you know what? After experiencing real happiness and true living, neutral can feel more like reverse and leave you kind of sad.  I felt let down and in my own words ‘screwed over’.  Life got kind of dark for me.  I realized so much that I’d been missing as I sped along.  Relationships I thought were one way fell apart or simply disappeared.  People I would have sworn would be there…weren’t.  And to my surprise a certain person who I would have put at the top of the fade away list, stood up and came through.
 
My world and what I thought it was, was turned upside down and inside out. 
 
I started, for a while, to see the world through a victim’s eyes.  I know this might tick off a few people but you know what…being a victim is a choice.  What happened to me..or to you may not have been your choice true.  The really crappy fall out may not be your choice, but being a victim to it..well sorry..but that’s a choice.
 
I know this for a fact, because I chose that role for a while.  I saw the world as a cruel place.  A place where people were waiting to see you fall, to find a mistake and mess you around all over again.  I thought the world was uncaring and heartless.  I walked around waiting for more shoes to drop and scared to feel happy in case it was yanked away again.  It’s a dark and unhappy place to be.
 
I think this is what Dr. Dyer is talking about.  The world hadn’t changed from when I was happy and looked at the world as full of opportunity.  I had changed.  ME.  My perspective and what I chose to see.  
 
Think of it this way.  If you are full of joy you will see beauty in the rain, the lovely sound, flowers growing again after the summer drought and pretty reflections in puddles.  If you are sad and bitter you will see the same rain as dark, dreary and see the deadness of the flowers, weeds to be pulled and puddles of dirty old mud.
 
It’s the same world…the same rain and the same garden. 
 
Despite all that I still have coming down the line to test me, I choose to see the joy.  I choose to think that for the most part, other people are kind and want to do what is right given a chance.  I choose to bring love and kindness to the world and belive I will have it returned to me.  It’s been a long spell of ups and downs.  A hard road but even the worst roads will get you somewhere right? 
 
My lessons are my own.  I share them so that you know you are not alone.  I share them so that you can see there is a light and you have the right and the choice to see it.  I’m letting you know that even amidst all the pain and struggle it’s okay to get better and it’s okay to feel joy.
 
I choose to believe that the rain is going to bring me some freakin amazing rainbows.
 

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Every get up in the morning and just wonder just how you’re going to get going?  (My answer to everything in the morning is coffee so you might want to keep reading. ;D)

Or perhaps you’re like me and take a big breath at times and say..”okay, you can do this – get going”  in the hopes that this will actually get you going? Yes, I talk to myself…a lot.

Then you see people who bound out of bed ready to tackle anything.  They go, go, go with seemingly unbridled energy.

What gives?

Why are these folks so freakin motivated all the time?

Well, they may be hyped up on energy drinks I suppose, but there is another possibility.  Everything might be related to how they choose to think about and see the world.

You see there are two ways to view things that expressly affect your internal motivators. Those feelings that you can do it, and you are about to!

You see, there is this way of thinking that far too many adhere to.  Wayne Dyer called it “deficiency motivation”.  Basically you are motivated because you think you are lacking.  You don’t have as much as the other guy. He’s smarter than you; she’s prettier than you.  You are not enough, you don’t have enough so you  must work, work, work.  You are motivated by a deep down core of fear; a fear of not being enough. 

Yuck.

 

And guess what? It really doesn’t work.  Think about it. You will only find frustration and self-depreciation here.  You can NEVER win this one.  There is always someone who is or has more of something.  What kind of life is that you creating then?  One that can never be fulfilled or joyous.

So, where do we take this then?  How do we motivate ourselves?

We learn to be grateful and celebrate all that we already have and all that we are.  We live in the right here, right now in a joyous way.  It’s vital to understand that you are enough.  Where you are is exactly where you should be right now.  Your journey should never be compared to someone elses because it is uniquely yours.  Apples and oranges my friends.

This is not to say you shouldn’t work towards goals and dreams that you have.  Not at all.  It just means that as you work towards each new step in life you are taking time to find gratitude for that which you already have.

You are a gift in this world.  You bring things to it that no other person can.    When you stop doing things to impress or compete with others your purpose will speak much louder to you. And really, there is no greater motivator than living from within that purpose.

Try working with this affirming thought each day.  “I am grateful and appreciate all that I am and all that I have.”

 

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Last week I talked about a little experiment that I was about to embark on. In fact I challenged you to join me. Some of you wrote here or on my facebook page that you would and that made me very, VERY happy.

In case you missed it, (click here for the full story) I decided to go without complaints and only talk to others about all the good..no strike that…fabulous things that were happening in and around my life.

I figured I’d annoy some people, surprise a few and at the same time keep myself in a positive place. It turns out my expectations were wrong. I don’t usually enjoy admitting I’m wrong but this time I’m loving it.

My favourite example is one I shared on facebook.

Here’s what I wrote

“Okay day 2 of my experiment was fun. I was in a number of offices and when asked “How are you?” I decided to reply either ‘super-fabulous” or “I’m amazing”. Yes, I got some strange looks but every single look was followed by a smile and something along the lines of ‘good for you’. There was definite surprise though..of the good sort.

When I replied in kind and asked How they were the responses were far more positive and heartfelt. Not the usual ‘fine’ either. I got whole and interesting replies. There may be more to this than I originally thought.”

In fact, there was far more than what I thought to this whole venture.

Some things I learned about life from this.

  • misery loves company, but so does happiness!
  • it’s sad that people are entertained by someone simply being happy and enjoying what is in their life.
  • it is wonderful that my outlook can change their outlook at the same time
  • I got much better service from everyone when I was excited about life
  • although a few times I had to really work at it, the fake it til you make it plan does work.
  • Responding that I was ‘super-fabulous” elicited smiles every single time
  • When you offer up the courage to share your happiness, others are more willing to do the same
  • Happiness is a freakin choice! No Fooling!

Not to say it was all a bed of roses and rainbows. I did have one person who shall remain nameless (but you know who you are) try to dampen my happy parade with a few comments like “what are you on?” Because clearly no one can be happy unless it’s chemically induced, right?

But the worst comment was “gah, you’re so annoying being all like this-what’s your problem?” That comment did kind of set me back a little. Ouch. It kind of stung to hear that. I really was deflated for a moment. However, I quickly realized that this was not my stuff. It was a sign of this person’s own discomfort with feeling blessed, grateful and happy.

Still, this was a BIG lesson for me. I was initially hurt and deflated, but then i rebounded. I however, was acutely aware of what was going on because of this little experiment. I wonder though – how often do we do this to each other? Is this one of the reasons we are so afraid to just be happy and show it?

I find it so very strange to think that we need to develop a thick skin in order to allow ourselves to embrace the joys if this life.

Please folks. Even if you are in the depths of despair and miserable; if you see someone who is celebrating life don’t destroy it for them.

Instead, embrace what it means – that you too can find joy again. Embrace and love them for bringing that spark into the world and nurturing it.

The emotion of joy is a wonderful thing. Like love, it is incredible in its ability to be shared and grow instead of being diminished. Take some of their joy and stretch it; wrap it around your misery and know that things do get better, there is joy in the world and you can feel it.

This is the meaning of the saying “If you want to be happy, Be“.

I plan to continue this joy-sharing. It’s a wonderful place to be and to drag people to with me! I’ll be enjoying my bliss, right here with my coffee and dog. Let me know what you think.

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