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Posts Tagged ‘goals’

It’s been a long week this week.  You know the kind.  Nothing horrible has happened – in fact it’s been good – just LONG.

I added a big (like the whole day from Monday to Friday) project to my roster.  I’m working with some fantastic kids who are visiting from Korea to see what schools here are like.

My job is to work on their English and help them adjust to culture shock.  If you’ve been around for a while reading my blog you know I’ve done this before. 

It’s pretty awesome when you take step back and look at it.

These kids are mostly 11-13 years old.  They’ve not only studied hard and learned another language but won a contest to come here in this program.  Add to that they are staying with220324606740520945_pzYxvA3Y_c host families because their parents did not come with them.  When they left…they were leaving behind everyone they know.

Now the children have made friends, many have begun to enjoy their host families and are learning tons.  Many of them have big dreams too.  Lots of them want to be diplomats or scientists and the like.  This experience will help them do that.

What were YOU doing at 11-13 years old? 

Seriously…are you even chasing your dreams this hard now?

I really enjoy being with these kids.  My voice usually starts to wobble (it is a LOT of talking over and over) and it’s really quite draining, but still.  You can’t ask for more inspiriation to light a fire under your butt to do something today to make your own dreams come true.

Ask yourself what you keep saying you want to do ‘someday’.  Where does your mind go when you have time to just think about nothing?  Someday can be today…it should be today. 

And please don’t tell me it’s too late, you’re too busy or too old or any other crap that you and I both know is just excuses because you’re feeling a bit like a big ol chicken.  Ya, I said it. I know because I feel that way too sometimes and it’s okay. Just don’t let your old emotional habits rule your life.  Make another choice to do it anyway.  Fear won’t and can’t hurt you. It’s just a feeling.

So, I challenge you to make one step towards your dreams.  Make that phone call, write an outline for your book, look up information…whatever it is just go get started.  Watch fear slink away.

Life is too short to waste sitting around waiting for someday.   Screw someday…let’s go make it happen TODAY.

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Do you ever get that feeling like your sinking…and sinking and sinking?

Not the one that comes when your stomach sinks and you realize “oh crap, this one thing is not going as expected.” That’s different from what I’m talking about.

I’m talking about the feeling that you are sinking into a deeper and deeper pit of nothingness.  Like some sort of weird emotional quicksand.  I’ve been there and when I think back I’m always reminded of the Neverending Story. Do you remember that?  The story world was being swallowed up but nothingness because of a lack of belief.  Sounds rather familiar no?

The nothingness is a dark place, a lonely place and I want to talk about it.

There I said it.  People have cautioned me about talking about this because they say if you spend a lot of time thinking and writing and thinking some more you are going to invite that into your life.  Bunch o’crap if you ask me.  My intention is not to do that. It is to talk about so those who feel that way know that they are by no stretch of the imagination, alone.  I want to stop the nothingness too!

You are not alone.  The nothingness pit if FULL of people.  Trust me. You just can’t see them yet because that is the trickiest part of feeling this way.  It causes you to isolate yourself without you even realizing it.   It’s hard to see past your own self.

Shame, fatigue, lethargy, confusion, embarassment…you name it.  The emotions that prevent us from stepping out and asking for help runs a rather large list.  

There is so much of this going on right now with all the cutbacks, homes being lost, fear etc that I really feel the need to talk about it. To bring it OUT of the darkness.

There is no shame in falling down.  It happens.  Sometimes, through literally NO fault of our own, sometimes we’ve made a bad choice and sometimes…yes sometimes, we royally screwed up and ended up face first on the floor.

It happens.

As with every event, it’s what you do afterwards that really matters.

What I’ve learned from feeling like life screwed me over, is that I  have a choice at that point.  I can play the victim card and start the sinking.  Or I live in gratitude for what is still in my life and what is still to come. 

I have been in a position where I had to sell some of my things in order to eat.  My goodness that was hard.  I cried and cried about how I didn’t deserve this; how I’d always worked hard and done the ‘right’ things in life.  Yet, here I was. You know what?  At the end of the day it wasn’t that bad.  Stuff is just stuff. 

Here’s the other interesting thing I learned.  The darkness cannot easily exist when the light of love, hope and a thankful heart are present.  It just can’t seem to co-exist.  Don’t get me wrong.  I had some days that were darker than others…but I was no longer sinking into it.  I know where the exit is located.

Can I share an example that still makes me so grateful that I have a bit of tears show up?  I was cutting waaaaaaay back on everything.  I cut out the TV cable and was pretty sad about that because I used it to distract myself from life of painful recovery.  I looked for another way to use my time and I began to use it to read books that taught me so much more about living well.  I count that time as a time of peace and internal healing.  I snuggled up with my dog and cat under a blanket and a cup of tea and read.  I wrote in my journal and had time to reflect and think. 

It was like I had been living in a room with a dim light and suddenly someone added a whole bunch of bright lamps. 

If I had simply despaired, or tried to fight it, I never would have had that time.  I looked for what opportunities presented to me and I stepped up and took them as small as they might seem.

The thing is if you are experiencing that feeling of life being out of your control, please know that it is not.  You have the power to change it. You really do!  It may not happen overnight and there is no magic pill but you can step out of what is dragging you down and pulling you under.  This is what I help with – setting goals and breaking them down to ‘those little steps’ that make a huge difference.  I’ve seen the difference it makes.

Ask for help if you need it.  Sometimes this turns into a depression that needs medical help to overcome.  That’s okay as long as you get the help you need.  Sometimes you just need to force yourself into a next little step.  Let’s face it.  You are reading this and made it to the bottom which tells me you don’t want to live stuck in the dark.  You don’t have to. 

You can do this.  Your light, your energy, is needed in this world as much as anyone’s.  It’s time to talk about feeling like we’ve sunk and are sinking.  It’s time to throw a few life preservers out there for others.  Let’s shed some light on this and lift each other up.

Blessings

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Do you have one of those bucket lists?  You know..the wish list, the life list…whatever you want to call it.

I do.  Only I don’t pay it all that much mind from day-to-day.  I have big goals and things I’m working on and seem to get distracted by those dreams.

Still every time I notice my bucket list I get very emotional. These are real to me.  Pinterest has made it loads of fun to create this list. I love visuals!

I started thinking about why I have this list if I don’t pay enough attention to it.  What’s going on there? 

Interestingly enough, I came up with a lot of excuses…or reasons? Nah..they were excuses.

Let’s see.  A couple of favorites that came to play?

  • there is only so much time in a day
  • and just who is going to pay for all this?
  • can’t just leave everything and go off like a nutter (yes you can, I’ve done it before! lol)
  • what to do first?

I kept picking at this one and realized that while many things might take some planning and maybe won’t happen today; they also won’t happen ever if I don’t mind them and start making some steps towards them!

Okay, while it’s true I can’t do everything in one day I can certainly prioritize and start the process of getting things underway. 

So what’s the problem?  Well first of all I needed to work though these questions I think.  Then it hit me…shoot.  So much of this was fear talking one more time.  Once I opened that door, I could hear so much more of what my heart and soul were really saying.  I heard things like “what if I never make it and all that planning and work amount to nothing?  I think we know the answer to that…’so what?’  Some of it was just simply fear of moving forward to the unknown.

One of the biggest things I have on my list is travel, travel and more travel.  I struggle with travelling alone since my car accident.  I suppose that makes sense BUT it won’t get me to those experiences.  Time to figure out some things around that!  I don’t want my list to be just wishes in the wind.

So, how often do you plan for things on your bucket list?  How or what do you do to make the dreams come down to reality?  I’d love to know how you handle this!

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I work with people who are brilliant, creative and talented.  They are practically able to taste the success they want. 

So why are they working with me?  While there are many reasons, there tends to be a theme that comes through.  There is something that isn’t serving them.  A part of them locked up tight that they are having trouble accessing and they don’t know what to do about it. 

Most of the time the answer is within.  And there are many different answers to be had, no doubt.  One in particular has come across my desk a fair number of times recently.  I think I’ve noticed this one mostly because it’s an answer I’ve struggled with accepting in my own past. 

Okay..I’ll be honest.  I occasionally need a reminder about this one myself.   It’s a tricky one because it seems as though I am protecting myself rather than holding myself back from the things I am gunning for. 

Our psyche is full of ironic opposite thinking and it’s that just loads of fun?  

So, what is this we are talking about here?  The idea of ‘what if’ thinking.  

  • what if I make a fool of myself
  • what if I fail
  • what if people laugh at me
  • what if I am too tired
  • what if I realize I was wrong

Here is my answer to the what if’s.  You are not as breakable as you like to think.

Once we start finding the ‘what if’ questions the key is to answer it.  Think about the examples I’ve listed above.  What if I make a fool of myself?  Well, what would happen?  Ya, you’ll survive it won’t you?  It’s not as catastrophic as our subconscious wants us to think it is.  

On the surface it appears to make sense right? We want to avoid being uncomfortable or in pain but you know what?  Uncomfortable isn’t true pain; at least not the kind where we need to stop doing things that we want to in order to avoid it.   Jumping out of a plane with no parachute…okay then; THAT is pain we should be avoiding.  😉 

Let’s face facts, we often make things a much bigger deal than they really are or have to be. 

Think back.  You  (and I) have all embarrassed the heck out of ourselves at some point; and yet here we are.  Safe, sound and sane.  I’ve been laughed at, wrong, totally screwed up and yes..tripped UP the stairs.   I’ve lived through it and no major life set backs occurred.

I’m not going to break.  I’m not going to fall apart and lose everything.  In fact, what I like to point out is I might actually be fabulous, my mistakes might teach me something amazing or lead to new understandings.   People might laugh..or they might connect deeper with me because they also have been through it!

Most importantly…with no risk comes no reward.  If you don’t try you will never succeed. 

Next time you hear your little inner voice saying ‘what if’, answer with “yup, but I’m going to do it anyway!”

“If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it.

If you don’t ask, the answer is always no.

If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place.

~Nora Roberts

 

If you need help figuring out your roadblocks shoot me an email. 

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So here we are in 2012!  2011 was a tough year for many people.  However I have openly decided to call 2012 the Year of Possibilities

Why?  It just make sense.  This past few months I have opened the door to learning how to graciously accept the possibilities that have come my way as the universe answered my calls for direction. I want this to continue.  I want to be open to all possibilities and not tied to one outcome.  That is where frustration enters.

If you’ve been one of my long time readers you may remember last year I talked about throwing resolutions out the door.  Instead I offer you this suggestion.  Decide what your intentions are for your life this year.  What do you intend to do with your career, your family, relationships, spirituality etc.  Write these down. There is something about putting thoughts into a permanent place like a journal or list that helps call it into reality. 

Once you have intentions you can begin to set goals around making these things happen for you.

Let me give you an example.

One of my intentions is to take my Coaching to the next level.  My intention in no way sets out how this will look. It is time for me to decide that when I set my next goal around this intention.  So, to honor that intention I will set a goal for January of speaking to 5 new people a week (no repeats allowed) about coaching.  I also may set some goals longer term or include different aspects of what this will look like. I may also include asking those I already know to share my website or blog with 3 people they know. (hint hint)

Words have power.  They do.  Proclaiming New Year resolutions have become a bit of a sad joke. We fully expect that we will fail at them and so set ourselves up to do so.  However if we take time to decide what we want and intend to do overall this coming year we then can regain focus and set wise goals.  I will have a terrific quest post coming up (whohoo!) by Farouk Radwan of  www.2knowmyself.com  that will talk about setting goals.  Look for that and more posts around starting this year off well.

When you list your intentions don’t forget to look at all aspect of your life.   Make sure you feel them deep in your heart.  Try to examine if this is something YOU want or something you think you should want.  These intentions can be also about what you no longer want in your life.  What you intend to let go of. In fact, sometimes I find these are more powerful intentions.

  • family
  • relationships
  • work
  • career
  • spirituality
  • personal growth
  • love
  • health
  • values
  • finances
  • truth

The possibilities for your life are endless.  Set out what you want and then make a plan to get there.  Remember what I always say “if you don’t know where you are going, how will you know when you get there?”

Instead of making resolutions this year, why not join me in setting intentions around what you want to bring into your life, and what you want to let go of?

What are some of your intentions for this year?  Is there any way I can help?

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Happy Holidays my friends! 

I hope that you are taking some time to relax and recharge.  While you probably already know I decided to take the time between Christmas and New Year off (okay mostly off lol) I couldn’t help but pop in and send you all a quick message because this really got my feathers ruffled.

It’s at this time of year you’re going to hear a lot of stuff about your past resolutions and making new ones for this year and some folks will tell you how bad you are (or make you feel that way) because you didn’t keep all your resolutions or reach all your goals.  You know what? 

Screw that!

We, my darlings, are NOT going to waste all of our precious energy on the negative stuff!

No freakin way. 

We are not only too smart for that but we have too much love and joy not to celebrate it.

So before you buy into all of this stuff about why you didn’t get every thing done on your resolutions, before you beat yourself up for not being perfect, I have a different way of reflecting on 2011 for you to try on.

Throw out that self depreciating way of looking at life.  Get some paper and a pen (okay..use your ipad or playbook if you want!) and start a list. From last year I want you to think back…way back and start listing all the amazing, wonderful and super things that you did do.

You see, you may not have lost all 30 pounds you wanted to; but you did make some gains right? 10 pounds is still worth celebrating! So is being healthier because your broke you soda habit and the fact that you may have slipped on occasion, but you got up and kept on going. 

There isn’t a single person who gets everything on their resolutions accomplished every single year.  So what?  Goals are places we want to get to.  They are not the stick by which we should measure our possibilities or our worth.

Honest to goodness I get so mad when I hear people talking like they are complete failures because of it.  It is simply not true.  You have done great things, you have made a difference in yours and others lives.  I want you to put those things in writing.   Then…read them!  Bask in the joy and warmth of all that fabulous!

These ARE things that need to be whohoo’d!  So get on that. 

I’m right there, doing a happy dance with you!  Much love and congrats on all that you did accomplish this past year. 

Warm hugs, Bonnie

 

Internet High Five

C'mon, don't leave me hangin!

 

p.s.  You just started an accomplishment journal!  Keep going with it!  I’m going to be talking about those again soon.

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It’s been a heck of a month.  December is looking just as amazing.

What happened?  I happened; I started saying yes!  Hmmm, I suppose I need to start from the start to make sense.

Not that long ago I was struggling to make sense of my ‘stuff’.  Some of that stuff I’ve shared here and there but needless to say I think we all have the same kind of stuff.  You know, the stuff that confuses us, muddles our brains, keeps us stuck and frustrated.  I wanted to start to play a bigger game in my life once more but was feeling as though I had no idea where to go and how to get there.

Some of that stuff was about Rivendell, some surrounded friends and some was much more personal and painful.  So what happened?  Why is it I suddenly found myself with opportunity? Suddenly started making strides forward to gaining ground on my own dreams?

I said yes. 

It really was that simple.  I stopped getting in my own way and letting fear run the show.  I kicked worry and self-doubt OUT of the driver’s seat.  I said yes.

Truly what we need, our opportunities are all around us.  Sometimes things are hiding in plain sight simply because we can’t see past our own FEAR.  The thing is in order to get past the fear and stop feeding into the eternal loop of self-doubt we have to change our behaviour.  That may mean we stop staying ‘not today’ or ‘I’m kind of busy’ and we DO it anyway.  We leave the excuses by the roadside instead of letting them navigate.

Ever hear of ‘reaching for the brass ring’?  Ever been on a carousel or merry-go-round? At one time, the riders on the outside row of horses were often given a little challenge. Once the ride started moving, an arm was swung out that held a single brass ring, which riders could try to grab as they passed. Anyone who managed to grab it could trade it in for a free ride.  But you had to take a shot and reach for it.  It’s come to symbolise a really wonderful prize.  You couldn’t sit there forever and keep telling yourself you’ll go for it on the next ride around!  Eventually you have to stretch.  This is what I decided to do by saying yes. 

In September, I made a deal with myself to say yes to every opportunity that came my way.  It wasn’t always easy. Sometimes I really didn’t feel like it, I’d rather do something else, or I was actually busy…but I did it anyway.  A few times I was downright afraid to take the chance…but I did it anyway. I kept the faith.  Once I started to say yes, even to the little things, I discovered that every ‘yes’ brought more opportunities to say yes to!  Law of Attraction anyone?

To be honest my fear came close to talking me out of a couple of things even after I say yes.  I almost turned right around and said I would be unable to present at the tele-summit I did because, in all truth I was actually quite busy; but mostly I was scared.  It was new territory for me and I almost let the busy excuse ruin a really exciting experience. 

I came close to letting my new eBook slide because of…well I had a ton of reasons (ya I know..excuses) but I did it anyway.  A few times I was really tired, done for the day and yet I persevered.  Kept at it because it’s what I needed to do.   This stick-with-it attitude allowed me to not only write my own blog but to also write a really great, first-ever, guest blog over on my good friend’s page. It’s been a while since I’ve felt like I really can do it all and boy does it feel good.

I also started saying yes to me.  I let go of some stuff, I took time to do what mattered to me and I took time to visit with people and share some of their life.  Many of you know I was in a bad car accident two years ago.  My injury made it really heard to socialize for a while and I really withdrew for a bit to recoup.  Somehow I  lost touch with who I was.  I wanted that back.  I’ve since found myself with a really active social life in a fairly new city; if this keeps up, I may have to revisit saying yes to everything! 

When we learn to say a deep, passionate yes to the things that really matter, then peace begins to settle onto our lives like golden sunlight sifting to a forest floor.
~Thomas Kinkade

I’ve said yes when I felt like singing out loud, yes to smiling at perfect strangers because they seemed to need it, yes to doing a happy dance and yes to me…yes to allowing myself to feel and express joy.  And you know what?  It feels really good, fan-freakin-tastic actually! 

In saying yes I’ve found there is so much that the universe is already offering me.  I’ve found my own inner strength growing and my belief in ME is getting stronger once again.

Saying yes is just as important as learning to say no.  Sometimes we do need to say no if something truly doesn’t fit our plans.  But how often do we say no and end up denying ourselves the very thing we say we want?  And then don’t we love to complain that life is unfair or screwing us over?  Saying yes means you are telling the world you are ready and you mean it.  Even so, when you say yes to what you want, it can actually be kinda scary.  Saying yes and going for it also means you might fail, you might get disappointed or hurt.  BUT watch that mindset spin around on its head when you say yes to that too!  That my friends is where learning and growth start.  And that is a very good thing. 

So, what are you going to say yes to? What is YOUR brass ring?

 

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