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This December has snuck up on me a little bit.  I mean…I knew it was coming.  I haven’t lost my mind completely…it’s around here somewhere.

Still, I personally have had a number of huge milestones in my life that I’ve been dealing with and putting to bed (so to speak). 

This Monday saw the tail end of a really, really big one but that’s not my point (and you know I tend to get going on tangents..I”m working on it!)  My point is holy moly look at that date!

21 days lift til Christmas and all I have done is hang my sad, tired wreath on the door.  I have a beautiful plan in my head for a new one that really reflects my personality but truly by theHolidayStress time I get it done it should be ready for next year!

In all honesty, it’s not that bad for me.  My list is small and I love the shopping, gift wrapping, cooking, baking and decorating.  LOVE it.  I may even be at home with my fur-family Christmas Day and I’m okay with that.  I love those guys and hiking on that day is spectacular because everyone else is busy, busy, busy!   So Mr. Charlie Bear gets to run off leash on the trails.  When I lived on the East Coast I often went snow hiking and it was awesome.

For others though, the holidays brings other emotions.  Stress, fear, worry and exhaustion.

I have a friend who was volunteered to host not one but TWO dinners.  She isn’t really up for it physically, but doesn’t want to risk disappointing other people.  She is a beautiful soul and a people pleaser.  The problem is, like many out there (Ladies especially…listen up) she pleases others at the expense of her own health and happiness.  Not cool!  I love my friend…she is like a second mother to me and I want her to be joyful, not upset.

I have been thinking of how to help her and in turn realized that a lot of people worry about disappointing others over the holidays and just about kill themselves to do it.  They break themselves mentally, emotionally, physically and with their budget.  That’s not fair! Everyone should be able to enjoy the blessings of time with family, the love in giving and joy in gratitude without despairing. 

I have some ideas (shocking I know!) on how to make the holidays better for everyone…and I do mean EVERYONE.  Yes, that includes you people pleaser.  You can enjoy making others happy without having to punish yourself in the process.

Putting First things FirstFirst of all we need to be realistic in our expectations of what we can do and what we are willing to do.  For a select few hosting many dinners would be like striking gold!  For others one is more than enough.  Being realistic about our family, our events and our … well everything and putting it in perspective first will help us from getting sucked in to deeply and having a melt down.

Learn to say No, but thanks!  Honestly, this has got to be one of the hardest things for people to learn to do.  Listen up…every request has 3 possible responses.  1 – yes, 2- no, 3 – not sure I’ll get back to you (which flies back to 1 & 2 eventually).  All are perfectly okay and perfectly reasonable responses.  Stop assuming that people will only love or like you if you use #1.  It just isn’t the reality of life.  People are more likely to be fine with it if you are calm and collected when you say no to a request.  Stop squirming..it’s better to be honest upfront then try to wiggle out of it later or be miserable.

If you do find yourself feeling a bit over your head – ask for help.  It’s been my personal experience that when you ask – people respond.   When you don’t ask, they don’t know you need help.  Trust me, most people aren’t ignoring you or your situation.  They just don’t know what you know….so tell them.  

The key?  Be specific and polite.  Yelling “why won’t you help me?” isn’t going to cut it.  Asking “can you take out the garbage” nicely is almost certain to get that garbage outta there.  Yes it would be nice if magically those loved ones around you can see into your head and just ‘know’ what needs to be done but until then….just get over it and ask.

Make it easier on yourself.  Seriously, if you are having 20 people over for dinner or a party and the thought of the pile of dishes waiting for you later is upsetting you..screw it and use disposable (and recycled of course) plates.  Or see above…ask for help cleaning up.  Make dinner a potluck for all the sides.  Gifts can be wrapped at the store or put in gift bags from the dollar store.  Planning ahead a little can really help reduce the pressure and work for you.

Let it go.  So what if my new wreath idea doesn’t get done til next year.  That’s not a really big deal in the larger scheme of things.  What does matter?  What memories will I want to take with me from the holidays?  5 years from now I’ll remember laughing and feasting with my loved ones, I most likely won’t recall what brand of wine I was drinking or if the decorations were exact and perfect.   You deserve the time to celebrate with everyone else, the other stuff is just trimmings.  Take that time! 

Find your joy and hold it.  Anything else is just gravy! (pun intended!)

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I am beginning a new concept today that brings me so much joy. 

Once or twice a month I will post on Wednesdays, a guest post from someone who wishes to share their wit and wisdom with us. It shall be known as “Wit & Wisdom Wednesdays!” <– Please read that in a very dramatic announcer voice okay? Thanks.

 I think we all have so much to share and learn from each other that it is important to remember to do so.

My first submission is from a dear lady Roberta Budvietas.  You might remember her from my Coffee with Soul interview with her.  Roberta definitely has wit and wisdom galore and I am so grateful that she has taken the time to share with us some of her personal thoughts on life.

Dear grandchildren:

One of the most wonderful gifts my grandmother passed on to me where her words to live by. I would like to pass these on to you.

But before I do, I just want to tell you a little about your Great, Great grandmother. She was born in Hungary and married very young. Shortly after my mother and uncle were born my grandfather went to Canada to build a safer life for his family. Grandpa was a butcher and after he opened several stores in Brantford Ontario, my grandmother, mother and uncle travelled across Europe and the Atlantic Ocean to join him. None of them spoke English and arriving in Canada was a scary experience for all of them. I was privileged to spend many summers and holidays working and staying with my grandparents and helping them around the farm and the store.

My grandmother taught me the following lessons. Many of them reinforced later by my husband and life experiences.

1. If you are unable to say anything kind then say nothing

2. Keeping your word is the most important thing as it is the only gift that is really yours to give

3. Always do your best. You may be unable to do it right but as long as you give it your all, you can never give anymore.

4. Avoid assumptions. You really never know what someone else is thinking or will do. You can only know what you do and think.

5. Avoid taking things personally. Nobody really cares about you so take personal responsibility and make it happen for yourself.

6. Live as if today was all the time there is.

7. Hug often and tell people that they matter to you.

8. Help others as often as you can. Give generously

9. Take care of the planet. Waste nothing.

10. Enjoy good food and cook fresh food.

11. Buy fruits and vegetables in season and enjoy them

12. Never shave your legs

13. Never go to bed angry

14. Try something new every day

15. Clean your room regularly

16. A little dirt never killed anyone

17. Say I love you to someone every day

18. You can do anything if you put your mind to it and then work really, really hard to make it happen

19. There is a God so believe

20. Be swift to praise and slow to judge

21. Always wear clean underwear

22. Stay aware of what is happening in the world

23. Talk to strangers but never get too close to them physically

24. Dance in your bare feet in the grass whenever you can

25. Smell the roses

26. Say thank you when you see a rainbow

27. Stretch when you wake up in the morning

28. Laugh often at things, never other people

29. It’s okay to cry.

30. Pray for what you want and then work hard to get it.

I am blessed to have wise people in my life. Be blessed too.

Your grandmother

 
Thank you so much Roberta!

Here’s a little bit more about Roberta.

Roberta Budvietas is a mentor, presenter who is passionate about helping businesses take ideas to $$$$S. She helps others make the impossible, possible.

Roberta is a Canadian by birth born on an Indian Reservation and a Kiwi by choice. Her business life started in a corner dairy that her grandparents ran. She has taken on sales roles, marketing roles, management roles in industries that include direct sales, manufacturing, wholesaling, importing, network marketing and tertiary education. She currently works for the family business mentoring businesses.

With her husband of over 40 years, she co-authors ebooks, articles, presentations and blogs. Roberta’s purpose is to help people find and live their purpose and she does this one day at a time living the 5 agreements.

You can find her at  roberta@budvietas.com or rgbudvietas on Skype.

Blogs include Get out of Stuck, Purposeful Performance Group and Eat the Rhino, Business Idea to Business Plan in 30 Bites.

Their Ebooks can be found on Keep It Simple then Simplify.

______________________________________________________________

Interested in submitting to Wit & Wisdom Wednesdays?  Please do!

“If I could share 500 words of wisdom to regarding what I have figured out so far in life, these are the important things I’d want to pass along to others”

-bio 
-contact info
-your 500 word submission
-pic (optional) or link to pic.

Send to info@rivendellcoaching.com with subject line “Wit & Wisdom Wednesdays”

 

 

 

 

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We’ve all had our moments right? You know the ones where we fly off the handle, blurt out something stupid we wish we could take back or feel the opportunity rising in us to act without thought. This is pure lower consciousness and emotional reactions taking us over. Our lower consciousness (or Id according to Freud) is a real brat when upset.

We usually regret this later…even if we don’t want to admit it.

You can see this in just about every forum on the internet. People who lose their minds over grammar or spelling or someone disagreeing. (You know they’d most likely never act like that in real life.)

Or how about the road rage I’m sure some of us have been witness to on occasion. It was this insanity that got me to thinking “what is wrong with people?” I could feel the annoyance rising in me as I watched this fool cutting people off, slamming on brakes and weaving in and out of traffic. Is it a lack of consequence? I’m sure there is a lot of research being done around the phenomenon.

Curious, I was able to observe with my higher self how I was getting really peeved. I had to remind myself how stupid it would be to fall into line and start pushing the accelerator. I was also able to clearly notice what I did to shift my emotions and mindset. I took back control.

You know me…once I get to thinking it rolls on and on! We all do things or say things out of immediate reaction and emotion. I am certain we have all blurted out something in the heat of an argument or emotional situation we regretted or wished we could take back.

Okay…so how to keep from doing or saying stupid things?

1. Pause Give yourself a moment before you move or open your mouth. Just pause. Sounds easier than it is trust me but it’s super important to take a couple of seconds.

2. Breathe During your few seconds take a few deep breaths and choose to let go of the emotions driving you. Release, breathe, release. Calming breathes with serve to get rid of the cloud over your better judgement.

3. Then act

Giving your self those few seconds for a breather can make a huge difference in whether you spend the day regretting and trying to fix a bigger problem or solving the actual issue you have.

Think it doesn’t work? Try it. Or look at my example of the road rage. We can either allow ourselves to be overtaken by emotions and have them run away with us. This only serves to feed the emotion making everything bigger than it really is. Or we can put our emotions in its place and be in control of our self.

As Brian Tracy put it “You cannot control what happens to you, but you can control your attitude toward what happens to you, and in that, you will be mastering change rather than allowing it to master you.”

Which do you think will result in less regret and more problem solving?

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Let’s face it…we all have stress.  I know I sure do.

Sometimes, we simply have a situation like a job interview, sometimes it’s just been a busy and overwhelming day, and occasionally we are dealing with a situation over time that causes the stress to last and for days of overwhelm bleed into one another, until we start to forget how to be relaxed!

Long drawn out stress or constant stress can really do a number on you.  It affects your sleep (hello 3 am!) , your body (ugh..belly fat!) and your moods.  It decreases your focus and concentration.  Prolonged stress can affect your desire to do things you normally enjoy (going out, hobbies, sex).  It makes you fatigued and more inclined to get and stay sick.  Oh, and it causes wrinkles…yuck!

My point?  You have to do something to alleviate the stress in your body and mind or you will be unhealthy.

Many of the tips below can apply to all different types of stress, although I’d perhaps wait to exercise til after your job interview.  😉

Stress busting tips.

1.  Exercise.  Many of the chemicals and hormones released from our stress reaction comes from the old response called fight or flight.  Back in the day we needed this to boost our ability to survive encounters with the not-so-friendly environment.  Now, we usually can’t run away nor physically challenge that which is giving us stress.  At least not without medical or police intervention.  The best way to get rid of this type of stress is to exercise. 

2. Being Mindful.  Pay attention to how you are feeling emotionally and how your body is reacting.  Are you tensing up the muscles in your neck?  Is your stomach twisting in knots?  Are you getting angry and moody?  Being mindful comes without judgment, it is simply accepting and exploring how your body is reacting and how you are feeling breath by breath.

Before you can do anything about your stress you need to look at it, know it and acknowledge it.  Sometimes this alone can help bring the stress value down a little.

3. Choose how you react.  If you have been paying attention to my blog for a while you know I strongly believe in choice. We are in command and we get to choose how we life this life.  Sure, sometimes our emotions are very strong and we need to feel these before we can move through them; but we don’t have to let them dictate how we react to life. 

We choose what we think about.  I am a huge advocate of living from Gratitude.  Try blessing a situation and focusing on the things you do have to be grateful for and see how your stress decreases.  Focusing on what stresses you out all of the time only serves to build it up.

4. Make a plan.  This is one of my favourite things to do when I have a very stressful situation.  The way a plan might look will depend upon your needs and the situation of course, but I find putting it down on paper incredibly releasing.  Sometimes we feel we just dont’ know what to do or how to do it.  The act of creating a plan itself gives us a feeling of taking control and that is an important step. 

It also organizes our thoughts and gets them out of the circling stress ball we create in our heads.  It’s been my experience as well that once we take an objective look at things they are rarely so hopeless or scary as we first thought.  Consider trying a brainstorming session, a step by step plan, mind map or simply letting your feelings flow out onto the paper.

5. Take a break from it all.  Yup. Turn off the phone, tv, computer and do something else that will give you a mental and physical break from what is stressing you out.  Go dancing, read a favourite book, hike a trail, volunteer…whatever gets you a break.  You need to let yourself have these times off or you will burn out.

6. Find support.  Depending on your needs you might look for a friend to listen or you might want to seek professional help to sort it out.  People…we are not meant to go through this life alone.  Stop martyr-ing yourself and allow others to give you a hand up.  Ideas?  Try your doctor, online groups, friends, or even a Coach.

7. Have a laugh.  There is no rule book for life. Therefore, there is no rule that just because life is handing you some crappy cards you  must be miserable everywhere and in every aspect of your life.  Put your worries in time out and find the joyful gifts you have been given; laugh when things are funny, smile because you still can. 

8. Meditate and/or deep breathing exercises.  Not everyone feels super comfortable with meditating, and sometimes it isn’t really viable.  Still, it is a practice I really urge you to pick up.  Can’t or not sure? Try some deep breathing exercises.  These are  milder version of meditation and in a wonderful twist of events breathing is done everywhere and so you can also do these types of exercises just about anywhere! 

What do you do to help reduce stress in your life?  Everyone has their own tricks and tips. Please share yours!

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This Friday for my Fabulous Finds I want to share with you some people I’ve ‘found’ online who are truly Fabulous, Beautiful People.  They are authentically themselves and really shine. Check them out, follow their tweets, like them on facebook and read their blogs!  You won’t be disappointed I am sure of it.

1. Samantha Bangayan Samantha is a Canadian-born freelance writer living in Peru.  I love that Samantha is following her heart and her dreams.  Whether she is writing about her adventures around life in Peru or in her blog about career and personal development; her writing is captivating.  A sweet, supportive and truly lovely person you will want to add her to your must read list.

Blog: http://www.whatlittlethings.com/

Facebook Fan Page: http://www.facebook.com/whatlittlethings

Twitter: http://www.twitter.com/samanthaluy

LinkedIn: http://ca.linkedin.com/in/samanthabangayan

2. Roy A. Ackerman, Ph.D., E.A.  Roy is a multi-talented gentleman who is not averse to sharing his knowledge and perspectives.  What I love about Roy is despite his deep mastery of various topics, he is skilled at creating posts that anyone, at any level of understanding can read. I feel like I’ve learned something new or found a new way to look at things every time I go to his site.  Another aspect of Roy that I enjoy is his obvious deep love for his family. 

Blog:   http://cerebrations.biz/ OR http://www.adjuvancy.com/wordpress

Twitter  http://twitter.com/#!/RAAckerman OR http://twitter.com/Adjuvancy

Facebook:http://www.facebook.com/pages/The-Adjuvancy-LLC/132566953427606

LinkedIn: http://www.linkedin.com/in/raackerman

Business Website:  http://www.adjuvancy.com/,   http:/www.adjuvancy.net

3. Deeone Higgs I am completely in love with Deeone’s posts.  Every time I visit his site Releasing Me Today I am inspired, motivated and uplifted.  Deeone offers insights into his life and journey and openly shares his lessons with his readers.  His writing is honest and heartfelt.  To quote Deeone himself  “The whole point of Releasing Me Today is coming to grips and accepting what life is all about and everything that comes along with living this life; the good, the bad, and even those things we often wish we could just forget.” 

Blog: http://releasingmetoday.com/

Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/kingskiddd1

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Releasing-Me-Today/116219778457096

4. Fabienne Fredrickson  Fabienne is a marketing coach.  Her blog, fan page and e-zine are amazing.  She really inspires me to reach for higher places.  Although I have not worked directly with her (yet!) I did send for her free cd and would highly recommend it. (No affiliation here at all)  Honestly this lady is so generous with her spirit and her information that I look to how she lives her life so authentically as a role model for those days that are tough to get through.  Her emails are ones I really look forward to finding in my inbox.

Blog/Website: http://www.clientattraction.com/

Facebook: Fabienne

Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/fabienne

5. Suzanne Evans Suzanne is someone I’d just love to have lunch with!  She pulls no punches and tells it like is.  Suzanne has a passion for teaching Helpingpreneurs to help more people, make more money, and enjoy more freedom. Check her out…supportive, caring and truthful like no other marketing coach I’ve met!  She is also pretty generous with information and content.  Definitely LOVE getting her emails in my box and reading her posts. There is a lot of info and inspiration but they are also a lot of fun to read.

Blog/Website: http://suzanneevans.org/

Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1114871090

Twitter: http://twitter.com/#!/suzanneevans

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I know I’m always talking about the fact that you have options and opportunity all around you.  The kicker is taking a moment to stop and look around so that you can notice them.

One simple action is just asking yourself what can I DO today?  This is a great way to help move yourself forward when you are feeling stuck in just about all situations. There is always something that you can do; even if it is a tiny little step.

Sounds easy but in real life practice it can seem a bit overwhelming when you first start taking control of your life.  I am here to help! Follow the steps below to get a head start on designing your own fabulous life.

Step One : Go on a grab 5 post it notes.  No post-its around? No problem..any paper will do.  While you’re gathering that up grab a pen, pencil or my favourite…coloured crayons!

Step Two:  Get a coffee (and bring me one too if you don’t mind!). This step is where you start thinking so get yourself ready by taking a few deep centering breaths.

Step Three: On the first post-it write the following  “This week, to improve my mind I will…”    Of course you won’t bother writing the ‘…’ but instead finish it.  Something attainable, something that is meaningful.  Need an example or two?  DONE! 

  • this week, to improve my mind I will read an article related to my profession.
  • this week, to improve my mind I will listen to an audio book rather than music at the gym.
  • this week to improve my  mind I will Like Rivendell’s Fan Page (ha!)

Step Four : On post-it note #2 finish the sentence “This week, to improve my health I will…”

  • skip having soda Monday, Wednesday and Friday at work
  • take an apple with me so I won’t be tempted to buy sweets
  • take the stairs instead of the elevator

Step Five:  On post-it note #3 finish the sentence “This week to improve my relationship with __________, I will…”

  • my husband, I will tell him one thing I appreciate about him each morning
  • my daughter, I will practice asking open-ended questions
  • a co-worker, I will try to learn three things about them personally

Step Six:  On post-it note #4 finish the sentence “This week to move forward in my _____________ skills, I will…”

  • organizational skills, I will buy a filing cabinet
  • cooking skills, I will watch some online videos
  • typing skills, I will spend 10 mins a day practicing via a program on the computer

Step Seven:  On post-it note #5 finish the sentence “This week to improve my mindset I am going to repeat the affirmation…”

  • I have a wonderful job that fulfils me on many levels
  • I am ready and willing to release the past, now
  • I choose to make positive healthy choices for myself

Step Eight: Read these over a few times. Now post them where you can see them, a lot.

Step Nine: Put in your appointment book, or your phone a reminder to check in with yourself about mid-week.  

Step Ten: The most important of them all.  CHOOSE to actually do what you said you were going to.  In fact, to really motivate you I DARE you to post your 5 finished sentences below.  That’s right. Put those 5 little things out there into the universe and see that magic comes of it.  Having an accountability partner is also a great way to keep yourself motivated.  

Tips. 

  • These sentences are not written in stone.  Use your own, adjust as needed. 
  • Keep things simple. Don’t expect to write that entire e-book in a week. Maybe just an outline this week.  Can’t imagine hitting the gym 3-4 times a week yet? Okay..why not make the goal once and grab a buddy to make it fun?  
  • If you find you are still having trouble taking the steps, simplify.  Find support.  No where have I heard that we were meant to go through this life alone.
  • Remember, you are worth the effort and the energy. Show yourself some love!

Make it a great week!

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Put down those goals!

Oh I bet you never, EVER, in a million years, thought you’d heard ME say some thing like that did you?

Say what now??

After all, what’s my favourite saying?  “If you don’t know where you are going, how will you know if you get there?”  I know, I know..I’ve said it a bazillion times and I still believe that to be the heart of my coaching focus. 

What gives then?

I have a couple of points about goals that I think are far too often being overlooked.  I’ve noticed this with articles I’ve read, clients and friends at different times and in different areas. We perhaps are focussing too much on the act of goal setting, the how-to’s and not enough on the purpose of goals.  Keep in mind they are a TOOL we use to assist us, not a ruler over us.

Here goes.

  • Stop treating your goals like they are a bible.  Your goals are meant to provide you with a map, not be written in stone as unalterable and forever.  Take a look at a map..go on. Here’s one for you.   See that..LOTS of ways to get where you going. In fact, taking a detour can be a huge blessing.  Most often it seems the detours are when we learn the most about ourselves and find new ways to grow. Don’t be afraid to chart your path and change it as you need to. If you goals and steps are stressing you out, causing you to be frustrated or stuck..then do something else. These should not be the cause of more anquish..they should help guide you to getting unstuck .
  • Be flexible with them. Sometimes opportunity comes your way that you never expected or thought of. Don’t jump on ignoring it because it doesn’t fit with your plan. Perhaps it does more than you think.  Or perhaps it is a hint from the universe that you have more to offer than even you knew.  Example? I love coaching one on one and in my coaching groups. LOVE IT.  Recently an opportunity to speak (not a workshop) to a group came my way.  This wasn’t in my plan and I actually was going to say no because I am pretty busy.  Thankfully a friend pointed out all the opportunities I would be missing and that she thought I’d be amazing and could reach many people.  So I did it.  And you know what? I’m now beginning to speak to groups and even as a tele-seminar; and I feel like I’ve found a really exciting place to share my message.  I feel so uplifted even thinking about it!
  • Setting goals does not require you to take a vow of forever.  Things change.  You change.  So should your goals.  There is nothing wrong with this when it needs to happen.  This is different from simply changing your goals because you don’t know what you want.  It’s accepting that it’s okay to adjust your sails when the wind changes.  Do not feel bad about this or continue on with something that isn’t serving you anymore because you said you wanted it.  Today your goal may be to buy a house, but next year you may discover your goals are to travel before settling down.  So what? Do what you need to do and accept that what you need to do can also change
  • Putting a goal aside for now does not equate giving it up forever.  See the above example.  Does deciding to put off buying a house mean that this person has to erase it from the list? Nope. The plan for saving up the cash might change, the area you wanted to buy in might change or even become unknown.  That doesn’t mean you have to give up on it. 
  • It’s okay to admit one day, that it isn’t what you thought you wanted.  Or even that you still want it but it isn’t your path.  A personal example of this comes from when I was in high school. I had planned on becoming a veterinarian.  I decided the smart thing to do was volunteer at a clinic to get experience.  After a few days I had to admit it wasn’t for me.  I couldn’t deal with the clients and their idea of care.  The animals I could handle, the pain and even the grief at end of life.  It was the callousness of some people, that  I couldn’t handle.  I had to admit it wasn’t for me.  So I turned my sites elsewhere and found a way to still work with animals, but in a way that limited my contact to care givers who cared! (Dog training and my own pet care business..oh the energy of youth lol).
  • Goals should come from your value system and fit into it as well.  Trying to work around this is what gets us into trouble, causes stress and friction.  Values first, goals after.

 

Goals are a way to motivate yourself, to help focus your efforts. 

They are not meant to be your ruling body. 

 Own them, don’t allow them to own you.

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