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Posts Tagged ‘accepting change’

Many of my regular readers know that a few years ago I was in a car accident and suffered some injuries from that which left me in quite a state.

What many people don’t realize is that despite creating a lot healing in my body and mind,   I am still usually managing my life in a state of pain.  Now this ebbs and flows with how bad it actually is and for the most part I don’t allow it to impede too much of my life.

It does affect me more than I let on…but I’ve learned to be so grateful for what I can do and let the rest of it go.  I also don’t like to focus my energy on this aspect of my life and so don’t often bring it up.  I do so today because it’s part of the message and needs to be said to make the rest of this make sense.

What doctors and people don’t tell you about constant pain, even when you can get up and out to do things; is how exhausting it is.  Truly, it wears you out even when you feel like your handling it.  It’s just how it is.  I drop faster than I used to and it’s much harder to gather up my energy to push through.  I can and do, but at the same time I will not send myself into a tailspin because it’s also a much longer recovery.

What I have discovered is I have had to walk away from some people in my life who refuse to ‘hear’ what I’m telling them in any sort of compassionate way.

a_true_friend_button-p145655074167690832t5sj_400Well, to be honest, the first year of my accident really showed me who was in my life to stay and who were – what’s the phrase – fair-weather friends?

A lot of people dropped away when I couldn’t “do” for them anymore.  It hurt for a while, but now I realize that this might have been a gift.  Seeing the true colors of people also showed me who would be standing by me when I was in real need.  The colors on those folks are simply beautiful.

However, these days it’s not so black and white or colored.  Self-care is a big issue for me because I have BIG, crazy and passionate dreams to fill and that means sometimes I need to take a time out and or limit things.  I am aware I can’t do it all, at least not all the time.

In fact, I think we all do, I’m just really aware of how fast I can drop to burned out.  I can’t afford that anymore.  I learned the hard way that it’s far, FAR better for me to take a day of rest and quiet me-time than it is to push too hard and end up in worse pain that keeps me from doing anything other than basic survival for days.

If I didn’t tell people I need to recoup or why I have these limits, I would totally get the confusion.  But I have a couple of people in my life I’m letting go of because they refuse to accept it and refuse to show any understanding or compassion.  I’ve realized the ‘stuff’ they want to do with me isn’t about our friendship or spending time together. I’m simply a person to fill a space.

I refuse to be made to feel guilty, manipulated or shamed into doing something that will cause me grief and put a hold on my life, simply because of someone else’s desires. Clearly this does work for them some of the time with some of the people, but I gotta say,  it’s not cool to treat anyone like that.

I kid you not when I tell you I’ve been called ‘party-pooper’ and it’s been suggested I’m not ‘fun’ (all in front of a crowd!).  I’ve agreed to meet and do one activity and then been harassed and annoyed by repeated attempts to force the issue to do something else I’ve made clear I do not want to do.  Seriously?  Do those tricks work?

The favorite one is the tricky start off question.  You know…so what are you doing this Saturday?  If I said nothing in particular, they act like there is no reason you can’t come with to an event or do them a favor.  What they fail to realize is I don’t need a reason or excuse.  ‘No thanks’ works just fine.

There is one person who actually gets ticked off when they don’t get what they want.  I guess they aren’t used to someone saying no to them because of the way In-the-end-these-things-matter-most-How-well-did-you-love-How-fully-did-you-live-How-deeply-did-you-let-go-Quote-by-Buddhathey ‘ask’ for favors.  Interestingly enough, they are never able to return the favor.  I also rarely hear from this one person until the moment they want one of these favors.

And the gossip and complaining! Oh don’t even get me started on that.  I can only take so much of that on any good day.  That alone is exhausting don’t you think?

And all that is perfectly okay.  It does sort of seem that we are not sharing the same head space.  I don’t want play those games and have the kind of energy floating around.

I know that this kind of stuff isn’t what I want around me.  I dislike these forms of manipulation, but more importantly I’ve realized how lacking in compassion these relationships are.  Don’t get me wrong, I think these folks are really nice people at heart, but as I said, we aren’t in the same mindset about what life is for.

I would rather cultivate relationships that are based on mutual passions, compassion and kindnesses.  Wouldn’t you?

So yes, I’m letting go of these relationships.   Some completely, some just in a very diminished sense.  And it feels good.  It frees up space and time in my life for those who have similar mindsets to come fill.

Not every relationship is meant to be a life-long one.  I really do believe that some people come into our lives to bring lessons.  Once that lesson is learned we need to move on.

The point is, I am a lot more aware of what I will and won’t tolerate in my life and boy, does that ever make things clear!  I have also learned that things cannot drag us down if we stop holding onto them.

So I ask you.  What are you tolerating in your life that you can let go of?

 

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Sometimes we get to decide to make a change, sometimes change gets to ‘surprise’ us. Interestingly enough the strain on us often isn’t much different as we try to come to grips with what’s happening.

There is a perception out there in the big world that change is bad. That bad things happen when things change. Even when change is for the better we talk about having to ‘let go’ and ‘move on’ with such a sad feeling.

I’ve been the victim of unexpected change (so to speak) myself. Many times over but some things certainly stand out. I’ve also been the agent of change in my life and realize that even that isn’t easy.

The thing about change is it isn’t comfortable and it takes effort and energy – even when it’s something we really want. I’m sure I’m not the only one that gets really excited about some new project or and then gets those nervous butterflies just before taking that first step? You know where your inner voice says “whoa there, you crazy?”

Why is that? What is it about change that makes us resist it so much? Be it a small blip or a sea of change – what’s the real problem? After all it hasn’t killed us yet right?Jim_Rohn_Quote_Change

Change at its basic level brings with it a sense of chaos, of lack of control. We humans love to think that we are in control of everything that’s going on in our lives. Aren’t we cute that way?

Change shakes up that feeling of control and understanding. I mean if life is a game we play (of sorts) change is someone modifying the rules without telling us what they are and still expecting us to play and win.

No matter it’s going to happen and continue to happen to us, for us and around us. We will continue to create change for ourselves and learn and grow. For some people it’s an effort they don’t want to make but I think the Universe only gives you so long to start making the changes for yourself before it does it for you to move you along in your life.

That is what we do and how life it set up right?  It’s also how we get stuck isn’t it?

I think we have to learn to flip our view of change; embrace not knowing and be curious about the chaos rather than fear it.  We need to step up and simply accept change for what it is – a part of life, hidden opportunities and possibilities.  Stare that change right in the face and move with it rather than fight it.  We have to start remembering that life gets better with change if we let it.

When we get to move on we can choose how to respond to that.  Have you ever heard the Dr. Seuss quote “Don’t cry because it’s over, smile because it happened.”?

My acceptance of the lesson on change came when I was struggling to deal with the after effects of my car accident and having to realize that I would never be the same person. In the later stages of healing I had someone ask the question “couldn’t that be a good thing?” I never realized that this struggle, the changes could be a gift that I simply needed to accept.

Things had changed. I had changed.  There is no doubt to that.  I was already on a path to where I am today but in fact, I was resisting it.  I wanted to move but was stuck in so many levels of fear and confusion over the how and the what and of course…the why.

This accident forced me to face many of the things I thought were holding me back.  At some point, I realized that even though it was a very difficult time and it brought about many unexpected, painful changes – it also brought opportunity.  It brought me to a place where I could step into my own light.  I healed more than just my physical body through this and I think the Universe felt the need to push me forward.  So while I don’t love thinking about what happened and how painful it was, I do often feel a sense of gratitude because it brought me so far and gave me as much as it took away.

Life is short and too many of us live as if we have another back up one stored away somewhere.  We don’t.  I firmly believe that when we learn to embrace the chaos in change and show up with love we will finally move forward into the life we really want to be living.

Learn to breathe, give yourself some time to adjust and keep dreaming your dreams.

 

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A little bit of a deviation from my usual sort of posts…kind of.  Winter Solstice.  It is a day of contemplation and celebration in my house. 

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Winter Solstice occurs annually on a day between December 20 and December 23. For a long time my understanding of Winter Solstice was simply that it was the day with the smallest amount of daylight hours.  When I was younger there was always something about the seasonal changes that drew me.  The Winter Solstice was especially so.  I just knew my heart and soul  got a bit lighter and more joyful.

Imagine my surprise when I got a bit older and I discovered there was far more to it and for many people it was a day of real celebration.

The December solstice has played an important role the lives of many people in ancient times. Solstice observances were held by virtually every culture in the world. Solstice rites were practiced among such diverse groups as Native South Americans, Celts, Persians, Orientals, and Africans.

To this day, the world is still influenced by the many traditions linked to the observance of the December solstice. Just take a few moment to google some of the more commonly known Christmas Traditions like the Christmas Tree, mistletoe and even the date chosen to celebrate the birth!  As things evolve they seem to stay the same…but that is a topic for a whole series of posts!

evergreen3Many people are talking about the Mayans predictions for this year. The day the world will ‘end’.   Those who are in the know realize that this doesn’t mean the world will end by being destroyed and annihilated. It means it will be ending this cycle and beginning anew.

This year, many believe the Solstice will mark not only a return of the longer daylight hours, but the beginning of a whole new phase of human consciousness and usher in a new era of positively. 

I think I have already seen the signs that the worlds collective consciousness has begun to shift and it makes me incredibly happy and hopeful.  I plan to stand in my truth and let my light shine brighter than ever. 

To those who want to create a movement for peace, unity and love;  this is our time.

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Lately I have been moving towards different goals. In the process I’ve been discovering more and more about my true self.  While this is very liberating and at the same time occasionally scary I have noticed something new.

I have been teetering on the brink.  The question I struggle with is the brink of what?

I can only explain in mundane words what I have been feeling but here goes.

Imagine with me for a moment.  There is an edge I can’t quite see over.  Be it a cliff or hill..whatever.  Moving closer brings with it excitement and it is also a bit scary.  When I get too close I pull back to the safety of where I was to take a breath…perhaps just a little closer than before.

I can see the edge and the blue skies beyond it but I don’t know what it holds.

I know, somewhere deep in my soul that I need to walk over to the edge and leap.  I know it.  But fear is a tricky thing isn’t it?

What will I find?  I am not sure but I believe I am becoming me, but even more so.  Does that make sense?  Ha!  Sometimes it doesn’t quite make sense to me.

I am reminded of my good friend Deone’s post comparing his journey to the butterfly.  I actually haven’t thought of that post for a while.  For some reason THAT was the post that showed up when I came to my blog this day.  A little whisper from the universe to move me along?  Perhaps that is what is happening?  Perhaps I am ready to transform, to leave or maybe build a cocoon and grow my wings.

It’s funny.  Not long ago I would have said I already did that.  That certain things which happened taught me so much about my own power, my own light and my place in this world.

I honestly  used to wonder what people did when they got it figured out.   Seriously. I thought…once you learn how to meditate or be calm what do you do then? 

Well, I can tell you that with every pair of wings you have grown; with every sky you have learned to soar in there is more.  There is so much more.  You can’t always see what is above until you can rise up. 

There is a story about how when you are on a train and it goes into a tunnel and gets dark you don’t jump off.  Instead you know to trust the driver to get you through the tunnel and back into the light. 

My friends…you drive your own train.  You can’t help but come across a tunnel once in a while.  Trust in your ability to find the light at the other end.  Some tunnels are longer than others but they all lead somewhere.  On the other side…the light might just be a little brighter.  You’re light might be a little brighter.  Things might just fit more perfectly then they ever have before.

Sooner or later I’m going to take the leap over that edge.   I can see the glimmer of light from the end of the tunnel I’ve been travelling in.  I know I will get there.   You’ll see.  I hope you find your next level of growth just as exciting and scary and that you too find the perfect time to go take a look at what you can become when you trust.

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Aging has never sounded like fun to me. 

Just recently a lovely lady named  I know posted a comment on her Facebook page that said something along the lines of  “Next time I hear someone tell they are “Old” I am going to share this quote with them. “Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.” ~Mark Twain.”  Thank you Cindy for poking this bear!   She asked for thoughts around that and it got me thinking.

 A lot of people think the same way I used to.  I used to hate the idea of getting old.  I actually worried about it.  The idea of not being able to move as easily or having to rely on others, not to mention wrinkles – eww right? 

The thing is we can fight against it all we want…there are only two options.  Age or die.  Harsh? Maybe a little but really, there it is.  Wrinkle creams might soften the blow but still we are going to change, age and have to deal with it.

However, it was when I read a totally different quote about aging that said to consider it a gift, as it is a privilege denied to many, I realized that I wasn’t living from gratitude on this.

I mean, wow.  I was just shocked at how I had missed that point. So many people never even get to be creaky in old age.  Nor do they get to see the next generation grow and begin lives, or enjoy more sunsets or whatever it is they would have like to have done. 

I chided my own ego and told myself it was time to be happy where I was and grateful for each new day.  Wrinkles?  Not a problem for me anymore because each one I have earned and rejoice in because it means I have more of this gift we call life to enjoy.  I may be getting creakier as I get older but I’m also gaining wisdom and usefulness in different ways.

I am amazed each and every day and the new ways gratitude fills my days with peace and new perspectives that allow me to find happiness where ever and when ever I am.

What are you grateful for today?

Blessings

 

 

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Failure is an option.  A perfectly valid one.

Doing nothing is also an option and so is staying so completely stagnant you end up bored to tears with your own self.

In fact, I would say that these are the easiest ways to live your life. And a great deal of people choose this easier route.

Shocked?

Why?  Failing is sooooo easy!  Sheesh I do it all the freakin time.  Mind you I’ve yet to stay down.  I guess I’m missing the easy path?

Now success…that sucker is hard! 

Ya, success is a really tough task master.  You’ve got to really work at that you know? 

There is a high price for success if you really stop to think about it.  You have to struggle through many failures instead of just giving up and saying ‘at least I tried’.   You pay for success with dedication and working your butt off.  Often it requires real sacrifice in the form of time and energy.

Gosh, you are going to have to use a ton of willpower and learn loads of new things if you want to be successful.  You’re going to have to mind your mindset and watch that self esteem. You are most definitely going to have to face many of your own fears and look them dead in the eyes.  Courage must be dug up from the depths of your soul to feed your determination. 

Why do we do all this when staying stuck, failing and falling into a rut is so much easier?

Passion. It pulls us, it pushes us and it whispers in our ear when we sleep creating big, beautiful dreams that must be answered.

Great leaders, successful winners are not born.  They just heed the call.  They understand that they must grow as a person if they want to improve they rest of their life be it career, family or whatever.  Then they sweat, toil and then reap rewards.

They don’t give up easily and they listen to the divine whispers that tell them they are here for a purpose.

What are you listening to?

 

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Isn’t it fascinating how the universe can conspire to help you learn the lesson that life had been trying to teach you for a very long time?  I suppose it helps that I am far more ready to hear the lesson today than I ever have been before.

I’ll admit it.  I’ve been struggling with a few issues of my own the last while. Are you surprised?  Ha! The coach has a coach?  Darn right I do.  Fact is we often can’t see our own forests for the trees and any good Coach knows that. I bet almost every good coach has their own Coach and loves every second of it!

The thing is I’ve had to come to grips with and let go of a few things and that has been terribly difficult for me.  It’s a case of what I want to be and what really is.  A situation not easy to remedy especially for someone who isn’t very good at being vulnerable.  I’m learning that there is a strength that can be found in allowing vulnerability; one that you can’t access any other way and it’s powerful.

Recently, I’ve had a long conversation with my own coach about feeling judged for following my path because it is different.  I hate that feeling and I struggle with it when it comes to some of the people I love most.  I’ve felt shamed and made to feel as if I’m doing something not quite right.  Most recently I’ve had a few occasions to see that others struggle with their journey when it takes them away from what is considered the ‘way to do things’. 

Just today I read a post by my friend Deeone that inspired me to write this very post.  Deeone gently but firmly took that lesson and pushed though some barriers for me with his own story and truth. 

His struggles and mine are not so far apart.  Can I be really open here? I had some tears.  Relief, understanding and hope all mixed together in a very overwhelming  way.  You have to go read his post.  Not only is it incredibly beautiful with its analogy to an emerging butterfly but also a piece of gorgeous writing.   Go on, I’ll wait here.  I’ve already read it over 3-4 times myself.  At this point the title alone brings a rush of emotion!

As I said, coming to grips with the need to follow the path I’m on and those close to me having difficulty understanding and accepting who I am, has and is, a struggle.  What I’ve learned from others and from a lot of deep and painful introspective reflection is this:  some people are comfortable and do not like to have their comfort level challenged, even when they are not happy with where they are.  They certainly do not like having to face any issues they have ignored because someone else is showing signs of being self-aware, honest and willing to grow. 

Many people are content with simply repeating what has gone before no matter if they are happy or not.  I think they feel it’s easier to do so.  And to keep myself honest I have to admit on occasion I envy those who don’t look beyond their front door.  I wonder if sometimes following the norm wouldn’t be simpler.  Maybe,  but it’s not for me. 

I have always been a little different that way I think.  Strong minded, questioning and able to do what I knew I had to do (okay some might say stubborn but hey, this is my damn blog!).  That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt when that isn’t accepted by those you most want acceptance from. 

What do you do?   Well, you can only change you and your own responses.  As much as I might want to make someone see that there is so much more; I cannot.  I might want to open eyes that refuse to see, but again..that isn’t my place.  Perhaps one day, but not today.  I can only love them for who they are today and hope that someday they can see who I really am and be happy for that. 

That being said I certainly don’t have to let the “Yuck Spirits” (thanks Deeone for that term!) keep me from loving who I am; from finding my purpose and pursuing it with all the passion and joy I can find.  I am learning to hold both things in my heart and life and it is bringing a sense of peace I’ve not really known before.

This is a lesson that has been a long time coming, a difficult time accepting and I’m sure I will falter from time to time.  What a blessing and joy for my lonely heart though to know others have experienced the same, grown and thrived.  How grateful I am to have found the people in my life who ground me, accept and love my spirit for what it is.   I credit a number of people for supporting this lesson.  As my friend Deeone says it’s time for me to be “Releasing Me Today“.

And every single day I am grateful that they are there.

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