We move through our days and often miss out on how much what we do and say matter. It’s interesting to me to notice that it seems like it’s the little things that really matter and
can make a huge difference in our life. Small things can change a day, change an attitude and even change a life. Don’t get me wrong really big things like a loss of a loved one or getting that promotion can make changes too but those I think are more expected and directly observable.
These small things I am talking about can be a positive like having someone offer a hand, hold a door, remark on enjoying your company, or just a simple genuine smile. These can really uplift your spirits. There are also really hurtful things such as being overlooked again and again, dismissive remarks, cruel comments, or even physical things. Even when a comment or action isn’t planned to be one or the either the impact is still felt.
We can crush another’s spirit with just a sentence that is off-handed and unthinking. We can move people to passionate responses or open their eyes with well-chosen phrases. The point is you DO matter. What you say, do or act like matters. Even if you are not aware of the impact you are having; the fact that you are simply moving through this world sends out ripples and waves that lap up against others. There is a saying that says we ought to be kinder than necessary because everyone is fighting their own personal battles. Be kinder than you have to be. That’s when your ripples being the good kind of changes; and that is why you matter.
I was sent a story that I’ve included below via email a long time ago but can never bring myself to delete it. It is a powerful tale of why it matters to be kinder than you have to be. In fact it still moves me even though I’ve read it dozens of times. I have no idea who wrote it despite my best efforts to find out, but it is worth sharing. I’d love to hear if you have anything similar to share. As they say the proof is in the pudding!
The Story of Kyle
One day, when I was a freshman in high school, I saw a kid from my class was walking home from school. His name was Kyle. It looked like he was carrying all of his books. I thought to myself, “Why would anyone bring home all his books on a Friday? He must really be a nerd.” I had quite a weekend planned (parties and a football game with my friends tomorrow afternoon), so I shrugged my shoulders and went on. As I was walking, I saw a bunch of kids running toward him. They ran at him, knocking all his books out of his arms and tripping him so he landed in the dirt. His glasses went flying, and I saw them land in the grass about ten feet from him. He looked up and I saw this terrible sadness in his eyes.
My heart went out to him. So, I jogged over to him and as he crawled around looking for his glasses, and I saw a tear in his eye. As I handed him his glasses, I said, “Those guys are jerks. They really should get lives.” He looked at me and said, “Hey thanks!” There was a big smile on his face. It was one of those smiles that showed real gratitude. I helped him pick up his books, and asked him where he lived. As it turned out, he lived near me, so I asked him why I had never seen him before. He said he had gone to private school before now. I would have never hung out with a private school kid before. We talked all the way home, and I carried his books. He turned out to be a pretty cool kid. I asked him if he wanted to play football on Saturday with me and my friends. He said yes.
We hung all weekend and the more I got to know Kyle, the more I liked him. And my friends thought the same of him. Monday morning came, and there was Kyle with the huge stack of books again. I stopped him and said, “Damn boy, you are gonna really build some serious muscles with this pile of books everyday!” He just laughed and handed me half the books.
Over the next four years, Kyle and I became best friends. When we were seniors, began to think about college. Kyle decided on Georgetown, and I was going to Duke. I knew that we would always be friends, that the miles would never be a problem. He was going to be a doctor, and I was going for business on a football scholarship. Kyle was valedictorian of our class. I teased him all the time about being a nerd. He had to prepare a speech for graduation. I was so glad it wasn’t me having to get up there and speak.
Graduation day, I saw Kyle. He looked great. He was one of those guys that really found himself during high school. He filled out and actually looked good in glasses. He had more dates than me and all the girls loved him! Boy, sometimes I was jealous. Today was one of those days. I could see that he was nervous about his speech. So, I smacked him on the back and said, “Hey, big guy, you’ll be great!” He looked at me with one of those looks (the really grateful one) and smiled. “Thanks,” he said.
As he started his speech, he cleared his throat, and began. “Graduation is a time to thank those who helped you make it through those tough years. Your parents, your teachers, your siblings, maybe a coach… but mostly your friends. I am here to tell all of you that being a friend to someone is the best gift you can give them. I am going to tell you a story.” I just looked at my friend with disbelief as he told the story of the first day we met. He had planned to kill himself over the weekend. He talked of how he had cleaned out his locker so his mom wouldn’t have to do it later and was carrying his stuff home. He looked hard at me and gave me a little smile. “Thankfully, I was saved. My friend saved me from doing the unspeakable.”
I heard the gasp go through the crowd as this handsome, popular boy told us all about his weakest moment. I saw his mom and dad looking at me and smiling that same grateful smile. Not until that moment did I realize it’s depth.
Never underestimate the power of your actions; with one small gesture you can change a person’s life.
For better or for worse, we all impact one another in some way.
My Rivendell 