So, you’ve decided you have had just about enough of people trying to care about you and help you do what ever it is you have always wanted to do in life. Good for you!
These tips can be used for just about any relationship’s destruction. From a spouse, girlfriend/boyfriend, friend, co-worker, any relationship in the family of origin and more!
Hard to believe you’ve put up with people like that, all concerned and supportive, for so long.
So how to make sure you truly and completely ruin all these relationships? It’s tricky, but I have some tips for you. I hope you find all the superficial and empty relationships you ever wanted after you destroy the warm and fuzziest – or better yet enjoy the emptiness of your own home. Good luck to you!
Here you go!
1. Don’t call them EVER. Make them call you each and every time. Make ’em work for right? After all you’re far to busy, important and …um…well busy to be thinking of reaching out to others. Hey, they might think you care about them too! Can’t have that now can we.
2. The ONE exception to Rule #1 is only call if you WANT something. Make sure you let them know what you need, and if at all possible make them feel guilty or pity. That way you’ll get what you want and no one will bug you about it.
3. NEVER repay a favour or kindness. Like ever. If they ask for a favour blow them off with some lame excuse. The best kind of excuse is one where every one really knows it is either not true or can easily be put off or something. It’s best if the other person feels let down. Better yet if they feel down right rejected!
4. To go along with #3 be sure to never notice if a friend needs a hand or help. Gloss over it or better yet, tell them why you have it so much worse. If they are hinting – ignore it. Force them to have to ask you (beg) for assistance. Then it is so much more delicious when you get to turn them down.
5. Talk about them behind their back. Do not keep anything sacred or confidential. After all, people need to know you KNOW stuff right? Plus it makes them look bad or foolish or whatever and that makes you so much better doesn’t it?
6. No matter how clear their boundaries are keep pushing them. Ignore or dismiss what they tell you any time you get a chance.
7. Respect? Demand it but don’t ever give it. Period. People need to earn your respect after all.
8. Insist on having it your way, all the time. At the very least, sulk if you get outvoted. No matter what, you need to make sure everyone knows you don’t like what’s happening. Complain and be negative as much as you can. Insist it isn’t your fault – it’s just the truth.
9. Be critical of everything. People who ask for your support are either ‘fishing’ for compliments (and YOU don’t give in to that do you) or being too demanding on you.
10. Negativity is a crucial tool. Learn to roll your eyes and sigh. Act as if you are long-suffering (thanks to them) and have been a champ at putting up with THEM. Shoot down every idea and make sure they understand they haven’ t ever had a good idea in their life. Say nothing positive, no matter what. Making them feel rejected is one thing, but making them feel useless and pointless is like striking gold.
11. Bonus points for belittling their dreams and ambitions under the premise of ‘telling them the truth so they won’t get hurt’.
12. Let your friends feel that your bad mood is somehow directly related to them. Get them wondering what they did wrong.
13. Be as inconsiderate as possible without being too obvious. For example, be later than expected but blame ‘traffic’ – every time! Don’t hold doors open, ask where the other person wants to sit, ask if they want a beverage when you’re getting one anyway…that sort of thing. Works like a charm.
14. Do your best to make them understand that to be your friend requires them to be ‘perfect’ at all times and that they ought to be grateful for your friendship because you can do so much better.
15. Never EVER say you’re sorry. No matter what happens, even if you were caught red-handed at something do not apologize. Your ego and being ‘right’ is far more important than a friendship. In fact, if you can learn to spin it so that your friend somehow ends up feeling guilty, you are top of the class!
Treat those foolish people like they don’t matter and soon enough you’ll find they disappear. It might take some time though. Many of these people actually do care and will hang on to the hope that you’ll eventually see how much they care and appreciate that. Don’t give up though. Persevere and you will soon be all alone and isn’t that what you wanted after all?
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Okay I know this was not a ‘real’ post. Sometimes when we get a message in a different way, the point is better made. Plus, I love sarcasm! Do you have any hints or tips you could add? I’d love to hear them.
Great post filled with good point! Sarcasm can be more effective than direct comments. Two people who used to be in my life came to mind when I read this. Notice “used to be.” After I realized what type of friends they were, I cut them out of my life. I haven’t missed talking to them or interacting with them.
Thanks Lisa…it’s amazing how some people can sap the energy and joy right out of you isn’t it? I always hope that someday they pick themselves up out of that negative place.
Haha! It’s almost comedic and even more shocking to think of a person acting in this way. And there ARE people like that, I’m sure! =) One of the biggest and hardest things for me is learning to say sorry. Sincerity in apologies are so powerful!
This is an excellent reminder of what NOT to do. It is easy to get caught up in our own agendas and forget about the feelings of others. We need to understand that relationships are based on trust, understanding and love.
I think you make a really good point here Janette, sometimes we don’t mean to be poor friends – we just get caught up in our own ‘stuff’. Listening to what others actions and words tell us with an open heart will go a long way to cutting us off at the pass before we end up too deep in trouble I think.
Oh my, you know how to break it up nicely… eh?
I had so much fun and was laughing so loud while reading the post, my tummy hurts!
Oh no – not tummy hurts! lol I had a lot of fun writing this Hajra so I’m really glad you enjoyed it.
HILARIOUS… but, OH SO TRUE! This was great, Bonnie. I found myself cracking up on each one of these. While I don’t have one as brilliant as these were, I do have a few assailants who are in need of reading these….crossing myself off the guilty list, right about…. now. 🙂 Thanks for the lighthearted fun read. I’m with OneHotMess… I loved this!
Glad to bring you a laugh to day Deone. It’s funny because some of these backwards points came from things I’ve had done to me and some have come from things in the past I know I too am guilty of. We all have days but to have healthy relationships we need to acknowledge when we’ve messed up and make it up to the other person and as Ilyana says – when we know better we do better right? 🙂
So, you have met my sister, then? LOLOL! I loved this! Thank you!