What’s holding you down? Or back..whatever you want to call it?
Do you even know?
Could it be…you?
“The weeds keep multiplying in our garden, which is our mind ruled by fear. Rip them out and call them by name.” ~ Sylvia Browne
At some point you have to realize that you can be your own toughest critic, hardest judge and worst blockade. I know when I finally started to face the pieces of my life I didn’t like, or made me uncomfortable, it was incredibly hard.
It is human nature to want to avoid that which makes us uncomfortable and certainly that which hurts us. Problem is we can’t avoid ourselves. At least not for long and certainly not if we want to have a life we are living and not just marking time in.
You have another choice.
You can face that which you despise the most and force it to change. Yes things happen in our lives we cannot control. Trust me. After the last few years I can attest that really crappy stuff can happen and there isn’t much you can do to stop it. Just very recently I had my car stolen. Now it isn’t super fancy or brand new but it has been mine for a long time, I worked hard to pay for it and took exceptional care of it. That stung. A lot.
Someone pointed out to me that I’ve had a long rough patch of things that just aren’t fair. Oh yes, I almost started down that path of ‘life is soo unfair to me’. Okay…I admit it I had a few moments that first night. Tears, worry, fear…all of it. In truth, the night it was discovered missing, I was a mess.
However, it didn’t take that long before I felt really calm. My practice of looking for the positive, allowing life to unfold and see the opportunity..it all kicked in. Can I be honest here? It was kind of weird. Almost as if I was experiencing things through someone else’s mind. But it was my own. Please understand that it’s not that I suddenly became okay with it. Nope, I’m still kinda peeved that some jerk is touching my car, my stuff and might be making money off it! But I also know that is not going to help me. I have chosen to let that anger go out into the universe and instead focus on what I still have to be grateful for.
I never once, in a million year thought I would excited because my car was stolen! Okay, it was more about being excited about my reaction to it. My practice has started to become my normal way of behaving..whohoo!
So you know what, life does suck sometimes. It can seem cruel and unfair and really tough. But you know what I have found out? It’s not about that. It is however, all about how you choose to react to all that stuff. That is what creates the life you are really living. I love that quote I posted above. Our life being a garden is the perfect metaphor to think about. We are the master of the garden. We choose what stays, what grows, what is ripped out by the roots and what might just be pruned back. We can allow others into our garden or choose to keep all others out. We choose what we water and what we ignore and let die. I am letting the anger and upset whither and die and instead I’m cultivating a more peaceful way of living.
What we are, and how we react, is based on our way of thinking. What we believe about our garden and what it should be like. We can actively choose our beliefs.
Nothing in life is holding you back or down as much as you can be. Let go of those things. Choose what you grasp tightly too and these are the things your life will follow. Choose things that uplift and inspire you. Hold tightly to those and let go of those things in your life that bring you down.
Oh Bonnie, I am so right there with you. My life is taking a turning point and yet I feel the calm you speak of. Amazing!
I hope you will find out what happened with your car, but perhaps if you create your own ending to the story it will help even more in moving forward.
I am writing my own ending to this particular chapter I’m going through and it is beautiful and happy.
Take care, my friend.
It’s true we can’t change some of the circumstances of our lives and sometimes shit happens…but, as you so beautifully model we can shift our attitude and response. More power to you, Bonnie!
Hi Bonnie,
You are such an inspiration as I read your blog posts. You are right, life does “suck” sometimes, and I have surely felt the need to crawl up in a ball and hide myself from the outside world. Depression would set in and life would pass me by for days at a time.
Then personnal development became my friend and I learned to refocus my thinking and my mindset to realize that each set back is a lesson learned that can help me help others.
Thanks for the reminder,
Cindy
Hi Cindy,
I know you have had your own struggles and you are also such an inspiration in how you have been dealing and moving forward! You are amazing.
I really connect with your comment “I have surely felt the need to crawl up in a ball and hide myself from the outside world.” Boy do I know that one! You know what though. Sometimes we really do need to allow ourselves time to do that and to heal and regroup a little. It’s important though to be aware of what is happening so that we don’t end up in a deeper depression. I like to give myself an actual time limit to do what I call ‘wallow’ in it. After that I need to pick myself up and figure out what to do.
Your mindset is key…but sometimes your mindset needs a lot of protection!
Very true….I know I am my own worst enemy
Hi Katrina,
It took me a long time to admit that to myself you know..that I was my own worst enemy. Look at you already there! Of course after that hurdle comes the work 😉 This is where choice comes into play, and starting to give yourself the respect and love you deserve.
Nicely put Bonnie and although it seems like a simple thing to grasp, it can be the most difficult to actually put into our day to day life. I know for me I would let things drag me down and really get me off my path. It wasn’t until a wonderful coach helped me to learned about certain things I would do or thing that literally sabotaged my success.
It felt like a weight was lifted or a light bulb turned on! I made things too difficult and sometimes I still find myself dropping into that every now and then. Except now I know to take a breath and re-focus.
Appreciate your wonderful reminder!
Simple things do not always mean they are easy things do they Lynn?
You are so right though. It’s not hard to fall back into old ingrained habits and as Deeone said we are human and are allowed to react. The key is to recognize what is happening within our minds, hearts and bodies. Boy, I could feel the upset in every part of my body! Quieting that is easier for me than quieting the mind racing around trying to process what happened and figure out what to do.
For me…a lot of deep breathing exercises, self talk and creating a plan to deal made a big difference. It’s funny that I got an email from someone who commented that they were surprised how I did exactly what I suggest for clients lol Of Course! It works!
Take a breath and re-focus has been my mantra this past week or so!
Bonnie, you have expressed the power of choice of how we handle what life dishes so well. It is about how we choose to react to what happens. What happens will happen but if we chose to react negatively then the event is negative and if we react positively then some good comes from the disaster,
Exactly Roberta!
Love how you said that…what happens will happen. Oh this is so true isn’t it? Some days it rains and pours but the sun does eventually come out. The key is to be ready for it right? 🙂
Very inspirational. Thank you! Enjoyed reading it.
Hello Armi!
So glad you left a comment and that you enjoyed the post.
Et tu, Bonnie?
My first time (oh, there were several) that my car was stolen (and I wanted my car back- please) – they found it after two days and said it looked fine. Got to the impound lot- and it, did, indeed appear untouched- until I walked around and saw the other side of the car- which was missing (it had been sheared off when the thief hit a house on a corner….)
Be careful for what you wish!
As the Marines say… there are far worse things than dying…
Oh no Roy! So…is this the club for stolen car victims then? I cannot believe how many people I’ve talked to who tell a similiar story. Why do these theives crash into things so much??
I am accepting at this point the loss, but having more of a hard time with someone messing with my stuff lol Must be the teacher in me…it’s not how we treat others!
By the way…the Marines are indeed right..far far worse things.
Hey Bonnie,
I am sorry for the loss of your car but I am so impressed by the way you are maintaining your calm and thinking of the bigger picture. I think it takes a lot to be at the place where you are right now and you have worked your way to it. I am glad you are handling it well 🙂
Hey Hajra,
So nice to see you more often these days! Thanks for the kind words. It is still work to look for the silver linings sometimes and this was definitely one of those times. Still, it took much less work than I expected and that is exciting for me. 🙂
This is such an apt post.I have been weeding my garden, the beauty of the things there is now room for is spectacular. No I haven’t made it perfect, I am still figuring it out, but by golly I can live and not just exist. Choices even the hard ones, not wanting to choose is still making a choice. I loved this. sorry about your car, I know how awful that is.
Hi Daisy!
So thrilled to hear of another person taking time to weed the garden! 🙂 Whohoo! Perfect? who wants perfection..then what will we do? Existing is boring and not how I want to live either.
Your comment “but by golly I can live and not just exist” got me so excited for you!
Fan-tabulously Awesome post, Bonnie!
You were absolutely right in your approach! Things are bound to happen to us, we certainly can’t prepare for it all. But what we can do is prepare our attitude towards things in our life. I loved how you were honest about “being a mess” when it first happened. What many people don’t realize is that it’s OK to react to situations; we’re human so we’re bound to have things that strike our emotion cords. It’s what we do once we’ve had our moment of sulking that matters the most; and how long we stay there, and how quick we snap back. I loved the quote you shared as well. Good stuff! I’m very proud of you, my friend. You set a great example to us for handling the matters of life. Great job and great post!! 🙂
Thanks Sweetie. Your support means a lot to me. One of the biggest reasons I decided to talk about my story was because so many people think they have failed if they react to situations in what is really a perfectly normal way. You are bang on…it IS okay! We ARE human! And you know I think sometimes we need to allow those moments to happen and just be in that moment. Deciding to dwell there is where we get caught up.
MUAH. so glad you popped by!
Wish I could get out of this funk. I have one part of my life that is absolutely amazing (a new love; she’s just wonderful), but the other part is not happening (work: been out for too long). Yin/Yang? Been a long time since I’ve been in a great relationship…wish I had both sides.
Hi Stu, I am so glad that you can see and focus on the blessings that you have. It sounds like you have some amazing pluses in your life. Let that wash over you daily and you’ll soon find the ‘funk’ diminishes for you. I’m sorry to hear that you are having trouble finding work. Sadly so many people are in the same boat. I wish you the best and hope that you find the next step soon!