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Posts Tagged ‘priority’

I overheard some people talking the other day. They were well dressed and looked like they were doing pretty well.  They were talking about how money doesn’t buy happiness.  We’ve all heard that one right? I have to tell you I disagree…sort of.  Truth be told I think this is a tale told by those who have a bit of money, who often have never really been without, but have a negative mindset about it.

In all truth money DOES give you some happiness. I am pretty happy knowing my bills are able to be paid, I can buy good food and I must say I do feel pretty happy when I can pay for that new pair of shoes I’ve been wanting.  Money gives me that.  It does.

However, what money does NOT do is find you life satisfaction or fulfillment.  It can’t do that.  However, it can provide the means to help you find it.  Money buys the books you read to expand your mind, it pays for the classes and the coaching.  It also allows you to give.  Oh sure your time is also valuable but you know I have taught kids who don’t have enough to eat.  I have got to tell you they appreciate you coming to read with them sure, but what they’d really appreciate is an apple or sandwich . That would mean a whole lot more to them.

Until your basic needs are met you can’t focus on growth of self.  I’ve been hungry and not sure where my next bag of groceries is coming from.  I’ve had to borrow money to put gas in my car just to be able to GET to work.  (Ironic no?)  I get it.  During those times I did my best to stay positive, to work on myself but at times my focus was just on trying to not dig my hole any deeper and figure a way to get out of it and pray nothing goes even a little wrong so I can pay my rent. 

It is hard to feed your soul when your tummy is empty!  I get that.  This is why I share what I do have.  Call it karma, call it paying it forward but I get that.  Making money is why I can offer coaching for free on occasion, it’s how I am able donate to worthy, local causes and also I don’t mind putting down as one of  my goals to earn money.  My earning money allows me to do all of that giving!

So no, money all by itself won’t buy you real, lasting happiness.  It won’t fulfill you deep in your soul.  It isn’t evil or inherently bad either.  It can open doors to help even more people.

Another way we need to shift our mindset? I really think so.

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Unless you are prepared to give up something valuable you will never be able to truly change at all, because you’ll be forever in the control of things you can’t give up.”~ Andy Law

Why do we have a tendency towards resisting change?  Sometimes we resist quite adamantly where we fight it tooth and nail; sometimes with just that whisper of “should I?” in our heads before we jump in with both feet.

There are lots of reasons that are specific perhaps to the case at hand but there is one that is much more universal.  The fact is, in order to change to something new you often have to let go of something old.  We have no guarantee that the new thing will work out how we hope either.  We only have so much time, energy and room in our lives and we sometimes have to risk.  Think about these examples;

  • in order to create a healthy lifestyle you have to let go of your eating habits that are familiar but unhealthy. Not always easy to do!
  • you know you are in a relationship that isn’t working but to find one that will, you must let go of the person you are with now.
  • the place that you live doesn’t really suit you and you want a change. Letting go of what is familiar and you do like is tough to do. 
  • the job you have bores you, has little opportunity to advance but yet, it does have some security that you won’t be let go and it’s so familiar you can do it in you sleep.  It can be challenging to consider start over in a new job? 

Perhaps it is our societal understanding of what it means to be wrong or mess up.  Right from a very young age we are taught we are either right or wrong.  It is seldom we find some place where we look at this as learning, experience and an opportunity.  Often we resist change and tell ourselves that it is because we will regret it later.  In truth I think we regret doing nothing and taking no risks far more than we ever could regret trying and failing.

Understanding the ‘why’ of the change we are contemplating can move us forward. How we choose to react to our imminent change is what will help us deal with it.  Staying stagnant only keeps us stuck in the same spot.  We don’t grow as a person.  I truly do not believe we were put here on this Earth to sit still in our learning and growth.  Embrace change, embrace the feelings that come with it and explore what might be. 

“One key to successful leadership is continuous personal change. Personal change is a reflection of our inner growth and empowerment.” ~ Robert E. Quinn

I recall the day I realized that I was the CEO of ME!  The boss, the one in charge.  I get to decide, I get to drive the boat!  The same goes for you.  YOU must be the one to take leadership in your own life.  Sure in some ways, today it might be easier to do nothing different and to take no risks.  Today.  Life is not about just today though.  Every new day is a chance to expand on who you are. 

 

“Regret for the things we did can be tempered by time; it is regret for the things we did not do that is inconsolable.”~Sydney J. Harris

 

 

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Do not wait; the time will never be “just right.” Start where you stand, and work with whatever tools you may have.
 Napoleon Hill
  
I’m a big fan of Napoleon Hill.  This is one of my favourite statements given by the gentleman.  What does it really mean? It it actually more complex than it seems on the surface I think..and yet so simple at the same time.
 
A lot of what I do with clients is help them begin the process of change.  They know they want something to be ‘different’.  Once we find a direction often I get the ‘reasons why’ they can’t or will have trouble moving towards their goals

As a coach I get this.  It’s a conditioned mindset most of us have from time to time.  It can come from simple fear of change, worry about reactions from others and even real honest to goodness concerns about how on Earth we are going to get from here to there!  Some goals are pretty lofty and can seem overwhelming. 
 
This is where I love to use the quote above to begin a discussion.  It’s can be a fairly lively discussion especially in a group setting.  My coaching goal in doing this is to facilitate a shift from the ‘I can’t because” thinking to a “what CAN I do” sort of thinking.  The part Mr. Hill says about using whatever tools you have right now is super important! I could of course simply TELL my clients this basic idea but in all truth it isn’t effective to do so.  Far more effective is to when people discover this for themselves and start to consider the possibilities.
 
 Take for instance a client in one of my group sessions who wanted to travel, but felt stuck due to money issues.  Fair enough right? I mean plane tickets, hotels etc are pretty darn expensive.  During our discussion about the above quote and what it really means she suddenly stopped and said “you know, I could start an account to save up to go somewhere”.  Great idea. We wrote that down and continued our talk. At another point she was furiously scribbling something down in her notebook.  After our group session I asked how she was feeling. With a big smile she read off her notes with 4-5 new steps actually COULD do today to move her towards her goal of seeing the world.  I loved one about joining a meet-up group of experienced travellers to learn better ways to travel!  Brilliant and really outside the money only box.
 
So, are you feeling blocked on your road?  
 
What would happen if you sat back on just considered what is possible for you to do today to take a step to where you want to be?

 

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My number one secret to finding your happiest life? Gratitude.

I’m certain we all know that we ought to say thank you to waiters, someone who holds a door or things like this. That’s just basic manners right?

But to find happiness you need to begin to use conscious appreciation. Believe it or not when you experience feelings of gratitude your brains release all kinds hormones that make you feel good and that reduces your responses to stress.

Not a bad deal right?

The problem is after a rough day it can be pretty tough to choose to focus on the things we are thankful for rather than what has made us frustrated or ticked off.

This whole attitude is one that can be learned. It just takes some practice and over time becomes a habit.

Spend time reflecting on your daily pleasures, personal gifts, skills you are developing, and kindnesses shown to you.

Spend time with your grateful heart.

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Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save. 

~Will Rogers

Can’t put your finger on where all your time is going or are you just so overwhelmed you don’t even know where to start? 

Many of us are getting stressed out trying to figure out how to fit everything into our day.  One of the biggest issues when dealing with this is that we don’t know where out time is actually going!  How can you go about managing something that you only  have a vague understanding of? You can’t. 

If you really want to figure out how to get it together you first need to figure out where the problems lie.  When it comes to your time and feelings of overwhelm, the best way to see what is really going on is to paint yourself a real and tangible picture.  Once you have this in black and white you can objectively look at it and start to get a true idea of what is happening and how your time is really being spent.  Then and only then can you start to create a plan to deal with your issues.

How to do that? The easiest way is to keep an activity journal.  You can carry a small notebook with you and jot down things as they happen.  To help you I have created an easy to use form that you can print out to stay organized and to assist you in looking for patterns in your behaviour. 

I want to give you this  to help you get going.  Download it here for free! Activitylogtime

I advise that you keep this log for at least a week, two is better.  Patterns develop over time.  Don’t forget to include the little things you do, like stop working to check twitter or facebook or your email.  It can take a number of minutes for you to get back into being able to focus on your actual task whenever you take a break.  If you keep taking little stops here and there you are, in fact, wasting even more time then you realize. 

All activities are not created equal either!  That is why there is a column on the activity log for value.  Assign a value to the task in terms of how important is it to your greater well-being.  To go back to my previous example; is checking your facebook every few minutes really adding value to your day or business goals? Could that time be better organized and better spent?

Need help trying to get a handle on managing your time?  Perhaps it’s time to invest in yourself and talk to a Personal Coach!  Contact me to see what we can do to create new possibilities for you!

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Here is a fundamental truth, if you don’t know where you want to end up, you won’t know how to get there.  And even if you do, you won’t understand that you have arrived.

This is true of just about everything.  Need an example? Going shopping?  You have to decide what mall/store you are going to or how will you know what roads to take?  If you need to get food but end up at a shoe store, it isn’t going to fulfill your needs.  Not to mention you will have wasted a whole lotta time!

Now, take this simple basic lesson and start applying it to your life.

Where are you going?  What do you want your life to be like in 5 years? 10? By retirement age? 

What is your purpose?

THIS is how you get to be successful.   When you know what successful looks like you can start to make a plan to find it.  You can ignore the crap that doesn’t apply to you and help keep yourself from getting distracted.  Sadly, our lifetime isn’t enough time to experience everything we possibly could.  It sucks, but you can prioritize to get the most out of what you can do by not wasting time fiddling around and spinning your wheels going nowhere.

So in the immortal words of Lewis Carrol, Alice and the Cheshire cat : 

“Cheshire-Puss,” she began, rather timidly, as she did not at all know whether it would like the name: however, it only grinned a little wider.

“Would you tell me, please, which way I ought to go from here?”

“That depends a good deal on where you want to get to,” said the Cat.

“I don’t much care where—” said Alice.

“Then it doesn’t matter which way you go,” said the Cat.

“—So long as I get somewhere,” Alice added as an explanation.

“Oh you’re sure to do that,” said the Cat, “if you only walk long enough.”

Are you ready to start figuring out where you are headed?  A super start is by figuring out what is important to you, really important; your core values.  A coach can really  help you with that.  I’m here for you, email me to set up a time to chat about your needs and how I can help.

 Not sure you’re ready for coaching yet?  No problem.  I went ahead and got you set up on figuring out and understanding how to make your life more fabulous using your value system as your guide book.  A simple, straightforward, no nonsense look.  Oh and if you are a coach, this is a great way to gain a deeper understanding of core values and some tools you can use to help your clients.  Order this book today to get started on your most fabulous life!

Want to listen to more? Yup I said listen! Check it out.

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I think it would be a pretty safe bet to say that all of us at one time or another have made a New Year Resolution and then let it slide.  In fact if I were a betting girl, I’d put good money on most of us doing this very thing….every year.  It’s become a kind of joke in our society I think. 

The fact is we can’t blame the New Year; we can’t blame the resolutions or my favourite excuse “life got in the way”.  Oh come on!  Who are you trying to fool here?  Only one person to blame for not getting anywhere with these goals and that is you…because your resolutions sucked!

And they sucked because….

  • You made them too BIG.  Really? You thought losing 90 pounds by summer was realistic? C’mon now.  What is possible to do and probable to do are very different things.  In order to do something like that you’d have to change your lifestyle drastically.  We all know that this type of changing rarely sticks and we usually give up pretty quick. Be fair to yourself and make the goal real.
  • You made them too vague.  So you’re going to make more money this year huh? Ok.  So, it stands to reason that if  I give you a quarter you’ve reached that goal?  Not what you meant? Hmm.. So what DID you mean?  How much is more?  What does that really mean.  Be specific. Something like I want to earn an extra $200 a month to pad my savings.  Now you have a specific goal and you can actually go about figuring out how to do that and you’ll know when you have successfully done it. 
  • You made goals that didn’t matter to you.  If you really could care less if you ran a marathon then don’t make a sucky goal to run one.  You won’t do it.  Now writing the book that s burning inside of you might be a better goal because it matters to you…it has meaning.
  • You made way too many.  Let’s face it..we’d all like to have the energy of a two-year old but instead, we generally just have the focus.  You can only do so  much at once or you will burn yourself out.  I suggest you keep a journal of all the things you want to do (like a bucket list!) for later but try to focus on only a couple of goals at once.
  • You kept the goals hidden from others.  Here’s the thing, you usually need support, help or a bit of advice now and again.  If no one knows what you are doing they can’t provide that.  Let people know.  You’d be amazed at who might connect the dots for you!  There is also the idea that it might get you motivated to get going if you think others are watching your progress. 
  • You didn’t make a plan.  Really, you have to figure out how you are going to get where you want to be.  This plan can be changed as the need arises but you need to know the next step…or you can’t take it.  If your goal is to pay off your credit cards you need a plan. How much per month, where will that money come from, how to avoid using the card again and again…have a plan!

Anything look familiar? Ya..we all have New Years Resolutions that have sucked.  It’s ok.  Another year is just around the corner to try again (ain’t life grand that way?). 

 If you need a hand setting up your goals and making a plan..hey! That’s what I DO for people.   Drop me a line at info@rivendellcoaching.com !

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