Posts Tagged ‘life coaching’

It is just a few days before Christmas and I just had a talk with someone who started off in an unusual way.  This (possible) client wanted to see what coaching was about and so set up a time for the free discovery session that I offer.  The most interesting part was they told me straight away that they didn’t think this coaching ‘crap’ would work.  Well, while I appreciate honesty, you’d think I’d be upset by that wouldn’t you? You know, on some level they think must differently or they would not have set up this appointment.  THAT was fear talking.

I introduced my practice as I usually do, which includes me asking what brings them to coaching.  Well it was a good thing I was sitting down because a flood gate opened.  Normally, I try to keep my discovery sessions to between 20-30 mins. About half the time of a normal session. 

Thankfully today I was able to extend that because I am certain that for 20 mins I just listened until they wore themselves down and could take a breath.  I know what it’s like to finally feel like someone hears me so I simply listened with an open heart and let them have the time.  So glad the holidays mean I slow everything down. It meant I had the time to offer.  And once again the universe conspired!

I, of course, will not share the details but my heart really hurt for this person. They were in a great deal of confusion, fear based reality and stress.  Yes I could help them work through this but, as with everything, the person has to be willing

When they finally seemed to have spent their emotional release, I asked them to stop, breathe and helped them center themselves.  I suggested they pick one issue for today that we could bring to the forefront.  It really didn’t take long for the question to come back.  “What did I think? Is it better to be with someone who makes you feel crappy over the holidays or feel lonely because you are by yourself?”  Yup, I know…there must be a deep story there right?  One they don’t seem ready to open up about.

Here’s the thing, my opinion isn’t what counts here. It’s yours.  That being said after a few minutes of my questioning, asking and trying to reflect and get more from them I heard a divine whisper this was not just about the problem, it was a trust issue between the client and I. They didn’t yet trust that I cared or that I could/would help them.

I paused for a moment.  I regrouped and asked a very important question.  “what is the third option?”  I won’t burden you with the  responses of confused ‘what?’ and ‘huh?’ However, the point got made.  We are not limited to the options we often think we are. 

Now I don’t want to sound too over the top,  but this was a wonderful moment for me as a coach. I could almost hear the swooshing sound as realization set in for this person.  We actually came up with about a half-dozen, really do-able options.  The voice I was listening too already felt much more at ease, much lighter and hopeful.  Gosh but I love what I do!

The last thing I ask after every session is for clients to tell me what important thing they are taking away from the time we spent together.  I was expecting this person to talk about the ‘third option’ or something like that.  Instead they told me, totally seriously, that they learned today that coaching isn’t really a bunch of  crap. 

I am still smiling from that.

There are two reasons I tell you this story.  First is the lessons I learned. Sometimes, the question hides more than just the answer.  And yes, there is often many more options available to us if we remember to look for them. 

The second reason is to share the happiness I felt when I was not only able to spend the time freely and compassionately, but when I hear someone able to find belief in themselves, to look for the light in the dark and to realize they are worth the effort. 

If you are regular reader you know that compassion is one of my very top values.  I realize that I could have gotten annoyed that this half hour turned into over an hour. After all, this was a free call!  Instead I am rejoicing because I was in a position to show compassion in this case and release the time to this person.  I look at is as gift I was able to give and to receive this holiday. 

This holiday look for your opportunities to practice compassion, to really take time to listen to those around you.  Look for the unplanned opportunities to be kind to others; even perfect strangers.  It really is a gift you can give yourself. 

Blessings and warm hugs this holiday time from me to you!

May you always have walls for the winds, a roof for the rain,

tea beside the fire, laughter to cheer you,

those you love near you, and all your heart might desire.


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It’s true!

No matter how amazing a life coach is, if the person they are coaching isn’t ready to be coached they won’t budge. Their thinking will be stuck because they don’t want to get unstuck; at least not yet.

Can a coach (or anyone really) make someone “get” ready to be coached? Interesting idea. Coaching people to be ready to be coached; can it be done? For the most part I’m going to have to say no, you cannot force that readiness. Everyone must come to it in their own time and space.

That being said it is possible to set things in motion by creating the idea of the possibility of change. Many people are unhappy, stressed and searching for something but don’t know what it is they need. Heck, sometimes they don’t even really know what it is that is driving them nutty.  This is why so many coaches like to give sample sessions.  In my experience these still only work if the would-be client is open to the process and willing to be honest.  The people who search out coaches tend to be already in the place that allows for growth and ready to work on their ‘stuff’ with an open heart.

Listening is key. Coaches know this as do many people intuitively. People need to be heard. They need a way to sort through their brain clutter and that’s where so many find the worth in coaching.  .

Talking about change, possibilities, life goals can start our wheels turning. Sadly many people I’ve met are so caught up in blindly going through the motions of day-to-day life they have no idea what great stuff they are missing out on. Talking about where you want your life to take you gives you purpose in what you are doing today.  I often ask people to talk about how things fit into their core values.  The stares I get are very telling.  Ask about their life plan and they often want to talk more to find out what it is all about.  These are the seeds of possibilities that can be planted.   Awareness that there can be more than what already is can be eye-opening and exciting. 

You may not be able to force change upon people, but you can let them see it is possible.  Hmmm, maybe you can make them think!

 Are you working through some brain clutter?  Please share some of your experiences.

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