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Posts Tagged ‘comfort zone’

So I have this lovely friend named Lynn Brown.  She’s pretty motivating and motivated and I have long enjoyed her videos and confidence in doing them.

In fact, more than once she’s made me get a bit of an excitement to doing my own videos.

Then I let my ‘stuff’ get in the way and I let that go.  I can admit I’ve got some video hang-ups!  I’m not looking my best, what if I flub it up, what if people don’t like what I say, what if I don’t make sense?  Goodness, what if people point and laugh! I know, I know…how would I even know if they did that right?

You know FEAR…it’s creative if nothing else.  And it was keeping me playing small…way smaller than I want to be playing!

You know confidence is the killer of fear and we need to cultivate our own.  How do you increase confidence?  By facing our fear, on purpose and with love and grace.

Well, Lynn issued a challenge the other day to step outside that ol’ comfort zone and beef up your own confidence by doing something that scares you a little today which for me was exactly that…a video.  Here is the link to her message that lit a fire under my butt.  Maybe it was her words, maybe it was the sunshine and maybe it all just came together on a perfect day for it…but I heard her loud and clear.

I loved her video…shared it and thought about it as I avoided the whole thing by taking Charlie for a nice hike in the sunshine.

While I was out and about I had some aha moments.  When I got home I kicked my FEAR to the curb and just did it.  By the time I figured out how to use my laptop camera I was actually kind of excited to respond to Lynn.  Here is it!  I really had to work to push that publish button on YouTube let me tell you.  Of course Lynn was super supportive and gave me some wonderful cheers after for just going for it.

You know the beauty of stomping fear is the terrific feeling you get afterwards when you realize you are even more amazing than you thought.  That you have stepped into your own light and truth and it’s freaking amazing.  So, I’m stomping a little harder by sharing my video here with you too.  Trust me my little voice is saying ‘be careful’ and ‘oh no, don’t do that!’

Please let me know what you think either here or in comments on my YouTube site.

So, what are YOU going to do to step up and build your own confidence?

Many blessings!

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 I know a little something about hanging out in the middle.  After all I am a middle child and I can get to the white middle of an Oreo without breaking the cookie part like a freakin pro!  

The middle seems like a good place to be right?  Extremes can be uncomfortable after all…goodness just look at the temperature gauge.  Who wants  to live in 120? or worse -30?  Nope and no thank you; a nice 70-75 degree day is smack dab in the middle and fabulous.

But not all middles are as yummy as a Oreo right?  Well I could argue that some are…like Fudgeeos but still…not everything is!

In fact, there is one middle that might be getting you feeling like you are rather stuck and frustrated with your life as you know it today.

Middle of the road, average or simply put…your “comfort zone”.   All places that prevent you from living a full and exciting life that you love.

Think for a moment.  Where are you living your life?  In the safe but un-fulfilling middle?  The zone we label comfortable I call in my coaching practice the stuck zone.

So often I talk to people who say they want to make a change but they just don’t know where to start. While I can help you find your way, there is one easy place to start.  Where is the edge?  The place that makes you excited and terrified all at the same time? 

Let’s face it, being comfortable is lovely especially when you curl up to go to sleep at night, but if you only live where you know and where you feel safe; you won’t grow or experience LIFE.  You are merely surviving it. 

If you aren’t living on the edge, you’re taking up too much space

Here’s the fun…you don’t have to run from the middle to take a crazy leap of faith right off the edge.  Not at all.  It’s perfectly okay and fabulous to just take a little step to the side to get a better look at where the edge is. 

Oh…I said it again.  Baby steps!  They get you where you’re going too!  In fact, it’s been my observation that we need to start with smaller steps or we will shut down and simply run right back to the comfort and mundane.   Drastic changes rarely work terribly well.  Planned steps with time to adjust work much better for the majority of people when it comes to making changes.

In my own experience moving away from the middle, I’ve noticed that the edge isn’t as scary and not so terribly daunting the closer I get when I take consistent steps towards it.  Sure leaping in and seeing what happens can be fun from time to time.  However, if you are really stuck and unsure just take a little step out there. 

Try something new.  At one time I got a huge lift in mood and really inspired one day because I simply headed home by a completely new route then what I had been driving for over six months.  It was like a brand new day…sounds strange but little changes can help you work towards seeing what new things you might want to try.  Or simply giving you a bit of a boost as you try to find your own path.  Or at least you might find a really great little cafe like I did!

Go on…start leaning towards the edge, pick a spot and peek on over and see what you might be missing by making yourself a permanent part of the middle.   And look for me…that’s where I like to hang out too.

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Do we as a society have crumbling pillars of character? 

No, I don’t think character is lacking in people these days.  Generally I think we all have a decent set of values and character. It’s just we seem to have a tendency to keep it hidden inside.

The reasons? There are two big problems as I see it right now, things that really need to change. 

First, we have to stop glorifying the wrong sort of things.  There is a thinking that says you become that which your surround yourself with.  It seems everywhere you turn these days you see stories about some celebrity’s downfall.  And yet we talk and talk about them and their behaviour or lack of judgment becomes normalized.  We begin to accept it and stop questioning what the heck people are doing.

I was in a classroom not that long ago and the kids were talking about some news that had broken about some celebrities.  They were so fired up about what was happening. I started talking to them about it and asked them if they would want to be friends with someone like that.  Some said yes, some said kind of. So I took out the fame and money factor and all decided a resounding NO to being friends with such a wreck (their words!).  Interesting.  And yet this is all they could talk about. 

Where are the role models for kids (and yes, adults too)?  We need to change our ways of rewarding and celebrating those who lack values and character to holding up those who DO have values and character.   Look around, all we see are the famous and politicians who have scandals being reported on. 

“Who you are speaks so loudly I can’t hear what you’re saying.” Ralph Waldo Emerson

As adults we need to question this.  We need to open up dialogue with others, especially our children, about this.

We need to reward and talk about those who are upstanding and do good things. 

We also need to be these people…the ones who do show values and character. Which brings me to the other big issue.

The other issue is fear.  We are afraid to stand in our truth and in our own light.  We are afraid to ostracize ourselves.  We don’t want to been seen as causing waves right?  Well here is the problem.  Waves happen with or without us.  We only get to choose what boat we decide to ride in.  Saying and doing nothing is often giving permission to those who don’t show respect for themselves and others.  Thus perpetuating the issue.  Time to get out of that boat!

It’s time to stop this. 

It’s time to show our character, to live from our values.  It’s time to celebrate those who do the right thing, who stand up and say what needs to be said. 

This is what I think. I’d love to hear what you think. Please let me know below.  Discourse is how things open up. 🙂

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How can I be finished something but still procrastinating?  Geesh, I found a new way to procrastinate. Figures!

I’ve been working on my very first E-book for some time now.  I honestly feel pretty passionate about it and the topic which is how self-esteem affects entrepreneurs; why it’s important and how they can work towards a really positive sense of self-worth.  Our inner light really shines through everything that we do.  When we dim our own light we only  hurt ourselves. 

The thing is..I think I’m done.  I think I’ve been done for a couple of weeks in fact.

I’ve formulated my message, made my points and included a number of exercises and tools to help increase the reader’s self worth.  These by the way can be used by anyone, not just those who are self-employed.

I know this is a message that needs to get out there.  I based the e-book on a presentation that I have given a few times.  Every time I gave this presentation any  number of people came to me after and were grateful to have heard the message and information.

So what’s the problem?  I’m terrified to release it.  Whew…feels good just admitting that.  I’m putting it off ‘just in case’ it isn’t perfect.  I finally realized that yesterday after reading it over one more time to ‘polish’ it.  Goodness but I’m going to wear off the polish if I don’t just get on with it.

It is difficult for me to let it land where it may at this point.  Perhaps I could submit it to an editor but that’s a fairly substantial expense and would take some time to happen.  Also I worry that an editor might try to change the message…I cannot let that happen.  I really think the message, the information and the tools NEED to be out there.

Okay. So here it comes.  I am creating the book cover today and in the next day or two it will be given over to the universe. I have a terrific vision of what the cover will look like and with any luck I can make that happen.  Perfect or not, I honestly believe this little e-book could help many people. Writing it and reading felt very much like something I needed to do, so my fervent wish is that it can help others.  Finding a sense of purpose in this has been wonderful, if a bit scary at the same time.  I have been learning to stretch myself in many new ways and to be honest..I love it!

So what have I learned?

Sometimes you  just have to stop worrying about perfection and just do it already.

So, keep an eye out.  I have put my intention out into the world!

 

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Life is like a coin, you can spend it anyway you wish, but you can only spend it once.  ~Lillian Dickson

Once you actually roll out of bed in the morning you are faced with so many things to do!  Some are very mundane decisions while others end up changing our entire lives.  Geesh..even getting out of bed can be a tough one some days!

How do you handle all this?  Are you a feeler or a doer?

A feeler is the type of person you might hear say something like “I don’t feel like it”.  (See what I did there with the name?)  These folks tend to avoid anything that is hard, makes them uncomfortable or requires a serious effort.  They don’t like to make the choices that are important because they might be wrong, or they may have to do more than what they are doing today. When I was teaching grade 5’s a number of years a go I had quite a few ‘feelers’ in my class.  Perhaps there is an age this develops?  It is easy for a feeler to find reasons why they can’t do something.  They are often people who talk and think around the belief that life happens TO them, rather than the other way around.  These people look at life as full of walls and obstacles they cannot do anything about.

A doer on the other hand may not ‘feel’ like doing something anymore then a feeler would, but they do it anyway.  They are active and energetic in their own lives and create their destinies.  They draw on their inner strength and do what needs to be done.  Yes, it might be hard, maybe even a bit scary for them but they see something that needs to be done and they take care of it.  They do not shy away from responsibility.  It is the doers who look for ways to improve on what they are already working on rather than simply completing a project so they can say it is done.  Doers look at life’s twists and turns as opportunities and lessons to be learned from.

It occurred to me that not many people can get away with being a full-time feeler.  You must do something sometime; but maintaining your life so you survive is quite different from creating a fabulous one in which you thrive.  I suppose if you were a self-made billionaire with your own island, jets and staff…perhaps you could live life as a feeler only. But the thing is you wouldn’t BE a self-made billionaire if you were a full-time feeler would you? 

It is the doers in our organizations, family and friends that get things done, they inspire us, they are the leaders who motivate us.  The doers are the ones who move forward even when things are hard.  I think we all have days where we might act a bit more like a feeler or like a doer.  The awesome thing is this is one of those things that is actually a choice.  We can decide.

So what are you going to be today?  A feeler or a doer?

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If you’ve been around a while you know that I often talk about the many benefits of learning to explore and live by your personal values but there is something I’ve noticed is often overlooked. It can be exciting and scary all at the same time to begin the journey of exploring your inner self.  Don’t discount the difficulties.  Being open about them will help you deal with them.

It can be scary to live by your values

I’m not kidding.  It can be quite difficult just to explore them in the first place.  Imagine it is like an underground tunnel.  The first bit isn’t so tough, the ground it fairly easy to walk on and there is some natural light still available to you.  It is interesting and perhaps even a but exciting to start looking deeper inside.  However, as you start getting deeper, things become darker and murky; and it is here that you have to learn to create your own light.  You may have an idea what is around you, but it isn’t clear and that can be scary. Looking really deeply into our own hearts and souls can be like this. 

 You have to create your own light.

Beyond the actual  exploration now you have another tough job.  Learning to live from these values on a regular basis.  Guess what..is isn’t always fun and it certainly isn’t always easy.  I mean if you think about it–is hearing your conscious loud and clear all time always going to be?  Nope. Sometimes it flat-out sucks; at least in the moment.  Trust me I’ve been there.  The key is thinking beyond the moment and fitting in your choices to a bigger picture of your life and who you want to be. 

It can be scary to allow this to happen and even more so to deliberately seek out the voice that guides your choices. But consider the alternative to never exploring your inner truths. Step back though and think this through. 

Do you want to continue in that tunnel stumbling along hoping for the best but having no clear view what is going on around you in the dark?

 Or do you want to begin to make your own light to guide you along your path?

 

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According to Wikipedia The word “apathy” derives from the Greek apatheia. This has the  meaning “absence of passion” or “without feelings”. 

Apathy is a state of indifference or in simple terms you  just don’t care.  Most people tumble through a range of emotions all day from excitement to worry to annoyed or angry.  The apathetic person just seems to drift along with no real reaction or interest in what is happening.  (wait..isn’t that what happens to people in every zombie movie?)

There are different levels and states of apathy. At a deeper level,it can be a symptom of serious disorders, however this isn’t the type of apathy I want to focus on here.  I am talking about people who just can’t be bothered.  I think for most people this kind of apathy is often situational (think voting!)  it can also be a sign that we need to DO something else because what we are doing isn’t working.  Apathy is not caused by events, but by our reaction to events and this is something we can choose! 

In 1950, US novelist John Dos Passos wrote that “Apathy is one of the characteristic responses of any living organism when it is subjected to stimuli too intense or too complicated to cope with. The cure for apathy is comprehension.”  When I came across this quote I had to sit back and think it over for a while.  I read it over a number of times, looked up the quote the author and such.  I have mulled it over and over and have come to think that there is some real merit in what Passos is saying here. To go back to the voting example, people who are informed on the issues, aware of the candidates platforms and at least somewhat involved in what is happening usually DO go vote.  It is the ones who feel overwhelmed by the whole thing and all the ads and information out there who tend to go with the ‘can’t be bothered’ or ‘whats the point?’ tag lines and do not go out to vote. Interesting no?

I’ve noticed that this sneaks in and happens in our day-to-day life too.  I’ve been putting off replacing my barely working 14-year-old car because I don’t have the research done about what I want or need to replace it with.  (Okay and I love that car!) I don’t want to get stuck with a car I dislike or had loads of problems or simply isn’t a good choice but there is so much to learn that it can seem a bit overwhelming.  Yikes, apathy strikes again! 

I wonder how much today’s access to incredible amounts of information contributes to our overload and resulting apathy.  What a circle! The very information we crave sends us into a state where we have trouble dealing with it all because it is so easy to be bombarded with it. Picking and choosing, learning to critically think and to take a breath once in a while and reassess what our needs are can certainly help. 

Albert Einstien said “The world is a dangerous place to live not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don’t do anything about it.”

Have you noticed apathy sneaking into situations like voting or my car issue?  How do you deal with apathy in your life?

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