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Posts Tagged ‘anger’

I was chatting with an older lady a day or two ago about some different new items (you’d think I’d learn not to do that huh? lol).

At one point she said that usually people are mean to other people because they themselves have been treated unfairly.  I really don’t want to start a conversation about the topic so incase you were thinking I’m being rather vague – you are right!

I then had the (apparently) crazy comment that despite the past – wrong is wrong and while I agree that it creates some understanding of why – it doesn’t create an excuse.

Whoa!  That got an angry response from her.

To be honest not much surprises me these days the this really took me back.  This lady is not someone I would have guessed to have not only this opinion but so strongly too.

She feels that if society or a group of people, or even another individual hurts a person they have the right to be angry (agreed) and lash back (not so much in agreement) at other people in general.

Now just to clarify we aren’t talking about an incident that happens in the moment or a situation of defense.

I disagreed with her take on this.  Hurting other people – especially ones who’ve done nothing to you – simply because you have been hurt in the past is not okay.  It perpetuates anger, hate and pain for all.

What kind of twisted circle of anger that would create with everyone feeling victimized and quite justified?  Let me rephrase that…they’ve been created for generations already so why keep doing what isn’t working

We have all been hurt, we’ve all been treated unfairly and we’ve all got baggage.  Creating more crap in the world has never holding on to anger burns only youhelped, fixed or changed any of that.

Now forgiveness, kindness and peace…to me that what is going to change things.

She was quite defensive and angry about it – telling me she has the right to think what she wants.  I agreed and simply moved on.  There was no discussion to be had there, no discourse or exchange of ideas.  Too much emotion and defending.  You can’t talk about things when one person has those walls up can you?

But I ask you dear readers, is there every a time when you feel it’s okay to treat others badly because you may have once been treated badly?

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Strength. 

What is this?  I mean we hear it all the time right? 

  • Get Strong
  • Be Strong
  • Inner strength

I think most of us think of someone who’s strong and we thing BIG.  We might even think aggressive.  Some of us might think powerful.  This might all be true when talking about physicalpopeye strength I suppose; but of what about that pesky topic of inner strength?

Unfortunately, many people think that it means the same thing.  Stong, aggressive, powerful people must have great inner strength.

I used to think  that this was true; that powerful, prominent people must have a great deal of that inner strength.  These days I wonder about that belief.

I’ve realized Power does not equal strength.  Not physical nor inner strength.  It doesn’t mean you don’t have both, it just means one does not automatically mean you have the other.  I mean Mother Teresa may have been physically weak, but my goodness didn’t she have incredibly inner strength?  On the other hand people in power often don’t have the kind of inner strength and values we might hope for.   Just look at so many of our politicians!

Inner strength is an odd thing.  What some of us think shows true inner strength, upon closer inspection, really does not.

There are a lot of really angry people out there in the world.  They feed off of their own angry emotions.  They project anger and their belief that the world is ‘out to screw them over’ into the universe.  Their belief seems justified to them when they find more situations to be angry about coming their way.  Of course they do…they are attracting them with their own beacon of emotion and thoughts!

They think they are being strong when they are defensive and quick to anger.  They believe this is where the power to ‘survive and thrive’ comes from.

Truth time!

I have to share something here and it may shock you, it may surprise you or it may just hit home.  But these people are so very wrong!

Being gentle, kind and compassionate with others takes far, far more strength then it ever did to be angry and blame them.

angerofthepastIt’s relatively easy to blame, be angry and lash out.  It takes the pressure off of you when you act like that.  After all, if the world is out to screw you over – it can’t ever be your fault or up to you to change it! 

This is a victim mentality.  It’s based in fear and defensiveness.  It isn’t healthy for you to live this way.  Not mentally, physically or emotionally.  It takes a huge toll on your body to have this kind of stress constantly present.  Anger is an emotion that is normal and sometimes quite healthy; but it shouldn’t be a lifestyle. 

I’ve had these people in my life and they are not fun to be around.  They are emotionally cut off from the good stuff in life which is not only heartbreaking and painful for those who care for them but wears them out as well.

Being loving is painful sometimes.  You get hurt, you hurt for those you can’t help and yes, you are vulnerable.  It is a risk every time you bring open doors of love to the game of life instead of building walls and turrets.

You want life worth living?  Then you must be prepared to understand some things.

  1. You are not perfect so know you will need to apologise at some point.  This is a strength, not a weakness
  2. You might get hurt.  But you can’t cut off one emotion without putting a lid on all of them.
  3. Life is meant to live forwards so let go of past hurts.  Assuming these will be repeated ensures they will.
  4. It takes more strength to let go of anger than it ever will to keep it.
  5. You grow and show true inner strength by living from your values

Anger and a defensive, closed life have the sort of strength that pushes others down and away. It diminishes you and those around you.   

Compassion and gentleness are the sort of strengths that pulls others up and embraces them.  It enhances you and those around you. 

Choose.

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