I am going to bet you know someone like my friend..umm..let’s call him Jack (not his real name). Jack is a good guy over all but he does have some quirks that sort of drive me batty.
The first one of course is the BEST one (yes…that IS sarcasm. Excellent job.) Jack will literally tell you that he is awesome..often.
He actually once told me while I was studying for my Coaching Certification the he doesn’t need to worry about personal growth because…go on, I know you want to guess first… yup! Because he’s already good. He actually told me with a straight face, that he doesn’t need any. By any he means growth. I pointed out that need and want are two very different things and Jack just laughed.
Oh Jack!
As I said, Jack is a decent guy overall but he’s missing out on a few skills that would make him live a much happier life. He just doesn’t want to admit it. Arrogance isn’t a pretty trait, nor is it a helpful one. However, empathy is (hint Jack!).
Either way, it got me to thinking about what makes up a good set of skills for a healthy mindset and disposition. I am not so much concerned with what will not help you along in life because to be honest I think there are more than enough articles on that if you are so inclined. One things that frustrated me as a teacher and an adult is there are so many ‘do nots’ but so few ‘do this instead’.
Without alternative, positive suggestions we leave people in a lurch with nowhere to go. That’s a crappy way to coach I think so I started working on what aspects of ourselves we should be strengthening.
What do you think of the first 5?
1. Metacognition. Or more simply put, becoming aware of your own thoughts, feelings, actions and effects on others. I like to also refer to it as taking the time to think about what your thinking. After all your thoughts make up who you are and create your life.
2. Be Curious. Start by asking questions to your self about how do you know that? Being curious will start taking apart the layers of ‘stuff’ others have given you and begin to expose your truer, inner light. Posing questions will bring you further into exploring depth rather than accepting what you hear as truth. This will allow you to also change your thinking. Too often we just accept what is around us as ‘the way it is’ but it isn’t the way it necessarily has to be now is it?
3. Living from Wonder. This goes along nicely with #2 because when you are in awe of life, the world and all its glorious complexities it’s much easier to become intrigued by it. Real living involves participating not just sitting by the sidelines watching. Enjoy the mysteries presented to you and delight in trying to figure them out.
4. Persist. There is a saying I saw not long ago that says something along the lines of “if you are tired of starting over; stop quitting”. I see this so often in many aspects of my life. So many people suffer a misstep, setback or failure and throw their hands up and let go of the whole idea or dream. We need to really practice becoming focussed and believe it is wise to continue even in the face of difficulties. Not to say their isn’t a time to let things go but I think that many jump too quickly to that end.
5. Laugh with your belly. This one is mainly for the adults. Kids already have this one down! Really, if you need to get a handle on this idea that we need to laugh more, and let go of this rigid, fancy-pants ideal of how we should act then find an 8-year-old. When you find them, put them in charge of the fun for a while. You’ll get it! Life is full of the unexpected, of whimsical joys; let them in! Let them fill your soul up because otherwise, what is the point?
Next post will share a few more but I’d love to hear your thoughts on these five.
- Which do you think is the most important?
- Which one do you feel you need to work on?
Many warm blessings;
PS. Don’t forget to RSVP for the Coffee with Soul tele seminar! First seminar is coming up soon and we’re starting off with a bang!
[…] Comments « Do this instead! […]
Bonnie, this was a great list! I especially like the turn of phrase “Living from wonder” – I’ve never heard it articulated quite like that. Very nice post!
Thank you my friend! 🙂
I’m in agreement with the others Bonnie, the belly laugh is a great stress reliever too! Laughing to me means staying positive, upbeat and always looking for the good.
You know I wonder if ‘Jack’ really is an insecure person that has to say how good he is to feel that way? And when do we pass the point of being confident of ourselves vs. being overly confident and coming off smug?
About Jack, you kind of nailed it with him Lynn. He’s got a lot of fear around emotional connection and the possibility of being hurt. Sadly that also prevents the possibility of feeling really happy too.
And yup..belly laughs are the real deal aren’t they? Laughter, joy, all of it..gotta let it happen. 🙂
I think we all agree that belly laughs are where it is at. I also think that when someone resists it is because they have a fear – fear that they are not all they represent themselves to be.
I always find it sooo incredibly sad when adults pish posh laughing and having fun because they feel so uncomfortable. How do we lose our ability to let loose so easily?
The belly laugh…. one of the Chopra Center’s meditations in the last challenge had us laughing for about 10 minutes — straight! Just to laugh and feel light-hearted. I agree, Bonnie, let’s get to the positives, the plusses of our lives.
Wow, Never once thought of laughing as a form of meditation but it really does provide a lot of the same benefits doesn’t it? Wonderful! Thanks for sharing that experience Peggy.
I think you should change # 5 for #1. If we can give a good belly laugh- which also reminds us to laugh at ourselves, it means we can be receptive to the findings of the other 4. Otherwise, we tend to discount the effects some of our comments may have upon others!
It’s true Roy, when we can laugh at our own foibles and enjoy life with a light heart we certainly can do the other four things much more easily. A very good point. 🙂
Of course for me, it’s laughter, especially at ourselves. Serious, yes, it’s laughter.
Truly, if you have laughter you can manage anything. 🙂