We’ve all said it, we’ve all thought it. When I…then I… or If I could just … then I… There are variations of course but you know what I’m talking about!
Need an example? How about “when I get a better job, then I can eat healthier” or “when I find the perfect man/woman, then I will be happy”.
Oh man this is so ingrained in our societal way of thinking that is scares me. What the funk are you waiting for? Waiting on the future to be happy is one of the most incredibly foolish ways to live your life and yet a huge majority of people are doing this.
What this means if you really look at it, way down deep, underneath the ‘reasons’ (oh ya you KNOW I mean excuses) is that the people saying this are not taking personal responsibility for their own life creation. Period.
There is always a way, always a solution. It may not be perfect, it might even be hard. Tough. You know what’s harder? Dealing with regret because you sat on your butt and waited for life to come to you.
I did that. Did it for far too long after my life plan, the one I was working hard for exploded around me. I worked my butt off putting myself through university and teachers college to finally find my dream of being a teacher come true. I had savings, was thinking of buying a home and shifting into coaching and bam. A few seconds is all it took for a car accident to start my world crumbling. So what did I do? I used the mentality that if I just waited until…blah blah…it would be okay and get better.
Guess what? It never did. Nope, things got more and more messy. Use whatever metaphor you like…the hole got deeper, the well ran dry…whatever! It kept getting worse.
Right up until I realized I had to step up, step into my own life for real and decide how it was going to go. When I started making those choices, dealing with consequences and facing some fears, I stopped sitting around and waiting. That made all the difference.
It wasn’t easy…not at all. In fact in some ways at the time, it actually seemed a lot harder than doing what I was before…you know..not much of anything.
There were many nights I fretted and had tears because I felt like I had no idea what I was doing. It was scary to accept responsibility for everything, to shoulder all of that. It was even harder when I would make a plan to move forward and something else would shake it up. I had to learn how to accept the change and adjust my plans.
It was worth it. I grew stronger, more confident and even though life still likes to throw crap my way sometimes, but I don’t crumble under it, I don’t wait to see who or what will fix it. I do.
The same thing applies to your dreams. I think in a strange sort of way, I let go of my dreams for a while. I had to focus on healing. At some point, I had enough and my heart and soul began tugging at me again. In all honesty I was terrified to begin. Afraid I’d fall flat on my face. So I used my reasons…which became excuses. They were good ones too. Heck if you’ve ever had a migraine or neck injury you know what I’m talking about!
But in the end they were just excuses to avoid the fear. I was back to the ‘when I (feel better), then I (will see about my coaching dream). It wasn’t happening. And I was getting really depressed. One day I hit my limit when someone (a professional) told me maybe I should just accept my roadblocks as my new normal. My obstinate, stubborn nature returned. 🙂 Yes, that was a good thing. Pretty much my attitude changed to one of “screw that!”
I realized that no one was coming, no knight in shining armor, no miracle lotto win, no nice person to set it all out for me. I had to do it. It was my job, my destiny and MY dream. I could sit around feel sad and wait for something to happen or, as they say, it was time to put on my big girl panties and deal with it!
I wanted it. So I began. I started the same way I tell my clients and my readers to do. I began to really explore me, my values, my dreams. Then I made some goals and mapped them out. Small steps; they move you forward too.
You know if you spend a lot of your breath saying ‘there is still time’ and sit around waiting to do things, eventually you will come across the phrase ‘It’s to late’.
Don’t wait…start now.
If you feel a bit overwhelmed and lost; if you aren’t sure how to get started…I can help with that. Check my website for info on how to score a free session with me or how to grab my book to get going quick and start finding your inner power.
No matter what, please don’t wait until you have to change your tune and start singing the regretful melodies of ‘it’s too late‘. I don’t want that for you, I want you to be able to live YOUR best life!
Self-examination and exploration are extremely important in discovering the real you and determining what you really want out of life. A proper “start” in life cannot happen without it. I learned this the hard way firsthand–making goals and plans based on everything other than my true self inside of me. Once I tumbled, realized it, then did the self-exploration and tried again, things worked out much better. Great, sound advice!
What? no one is coming in white shining armour to take me to happiness? *wink* What a wonderfully inspiring story Bonnie. You really show how persistence and just living life is so much more important than waiting for this and that to happen. We have to make it happen even if that means going through the bumps of life.
I am so sorry about your accident — you certainly show a lot of courage especially to share your story as it is so helpful and great reminder to us all.
I know right? Hollywood has taught us all wrong! lol Although the whole shining armour thing is still pretty fun to think about I think I prefer the stories where the leading lady can handle her self just fine. One of my favorites for kids is The Paperbag Princess.
I just love how you put it there Lynn, “We have to make it happen even if that means going through the bumps of life.” Well said!
I hear ya, Bonnie!
It can really seem like it’s not ever going to happen, but if an individual would simply keep moving forward, no matter how small or big the steps; they are bound to arrive at their destination eventually.
I’ve always believed that the ultimate lesson in life is simply to keep actively moving forward. We shouldn’t get to distracted by what life’s throwing our way; those things are simply learning curves. Whether we choose to see them as such is a totally different story. It would benefit us greatly if we did though.
They each brings their own unique life tutorial; and provide us with an exceptional gift, wrapped and tied with life changing moments. But then we fail to see it in that sense a lot of times, because the experience itself sometimes isn’t really pleasant to be going through. That tends to make it a little difficult to pay attention to lesson when the experience itself is a distraction.
If we do as you shared here, set our goals and remain focus to accomplishing those goals; only then will we truly find self-contentment and value for our lives. Self-contentment and value can do wonders for the human spirit, wouldn’t you agree?
A very Soul searching post, my friend. Thanks for sharing your truths. 🙂
You got it my friend. The hardest part of the journey can be the time it takes, occasionaly feeling like your spinning your wheels gettng no where, but even that has a lesson in it. Tiny steps inching you along is still getting you there. It’s just harder to take than when you get to make those occasional big bounding leaps isn’t it?
It’s about realizing that you have growing to do, old stuff to let go of and the abilty to emerge even more fabulous than you already are.
Well, here’s a kicker in your concept.
When I get my MD, I can treat patients. No MD- no can do. When I get my JD, I can practice law (too many never get it right anyway…). Etc.
So, if and when my ‘when I’s became ‘now I”s – one can just do…
I see your point Roy but what is the real goal? If it’s to treat patients and you are doing something to work towards that then you are not sitting around wishing. If you wanted to treat patients and were not studying but doing the whole “If I could only get my MD then I could help people” you are wasting precious life. To add to that, I’m sure there are many ways you can help treat people (and learn yourself) before you get your MD, volunteering, apprenticing under another doctor, shelter work, first aid etc. Why wait when there are things you can do?
Wow Bonnie, Each time I read your posts, I learn more and more. So sorry for your accident, and for Janette’s too I am very glad that both of you are ok.
I love your inspiration and your determination to keep moving forward. You have so much to offer and I can tell through your writings that you will do just fine in all walks of your life.
It’s so important to just get started and just do it. When that happens the rest of the pieces fall into place and before you know it, life is good all over again.
Cindy
You are so right Cindy. The hardest part is accepting the changes you have no control over. After that, it’s all about getting started, moving forward despite set backs and frustration. There are lessons to be learned and once learned and taken in bring a real sense of peace and power.
So grateful that through this time I met such caring, warm people like you.
You are a real inspiration, Bonnie. This year is the 20 year anniversary of the night when a drunk driver hit me head-on and nearly killed me. It is hard to get over the physical and emotion injuries that an experience like this can cause.
Oh wow Janette, I had no idea you were in such a scary accident. I am so grateful that you made it through. It is really hard, more so the emotional toll it takes I think.
Blessings to you 🙂 And thank you for sharing your story with me.
No regrets but taking action matters. Unless we get on with living our life to its fullest, we will fail to live. I admire both your courage in living and in telling the story here Bonnie. You know you have people who believe and support you. Me included.
Thank you my friend! I don’t believe in regrets. I do believe in lessons and living. You know my motto…life is short..eat dessert first! ps..don’t you love that song?