In my role as a Life Coach I get to explore many different types of road blocks with people. I walk with them, support and encourage these folks as they decide to push through and begin to live on the other side of their road blocks.
One thing I have come across again and again is a reluctance to ask for help or support. It’s also one of the biggest things people say they love about being coached! The genuine support and nurturing that arises from it.
What’s the deal with that?
What I’ve noticed is that some people have been missing out on being given nurturing and support for so long that they don’t even really realize that they need it. Are you one of these people? I have been in the past. It’s true! In fact asking for help is one of the things I’m still working on.
Why is it so hard? Well asking for support might do a few things for us. First…we might actually get it. Having someone be supportive, encouraging and loving can feel very intimate and thus make us feel vulnerable. We open ourselves up to the other person in order to receive that support. For someone who has been hurt and disappointed over and over that is a very scary thought.
We may have people who are in our lives who will disappoint us. No doubt it is true. Some folks might be unwilling and some simply might not be able. Let’s face it we attract that which we think most about and if we think we are not worthy of this kind of love then what kind of people do you think we are attracting into our lives?
That being said I truly believe that we also do have people who are willing and able to give us what we need if they only knew what it was and that we were willing to accept it. The only way to do that is to let others know what we need. Of course that takes a great deal of courage and self-awareness doesn’t it? We first must take the time to understand what our needs are. This is not selfish; do not let anyone tell that it is! You deserve to have your needs met just as anyone else does. It makes you better, happier and more able to help and support others.
One other big problem is we have to release some things for this to work. We have to release our martyr or victim vision of ourselves. I know it’s an easy pattern to fall into. We have to let go of the plan to set ourselves up for hurt and disappointment. Honestly, the whole “I’m so hard done by” attitude serves no one; least of all yourself. I know things may have been difficult in the past but you really need to let go of that. You may have been hurt, or your needs completely ignored before but allowing that to color all of today’s and the future’s blessings only blinds you to the love that is coming to you.
Start by letting go of those past hurts. Holding on to them only serves to allow them to affect you over and over. Begin by being your own best advocate. Understand that strong, wise and loving people sometimes need to ask for another to be a source of strength for them for a while. There is nothing wrong with that. We all need to feel loved and nurtured some times.
Still feeling that energy blocked? Start small. Take a little need, a small act and reach out around that. What do you need today? It can be just as simple as a hug and a good morning. Perhaps someone to read over your book, or maybe you need referrals in your business. Ask! Keep on asking until you get what you need. You may be very, pleasantly surprised at who comes to stand with you.