In my previous post I talked about the whole idea of having to be right all the time.
At one point I asked you the readers, to tell me what the heck was so wrong about being wrong?
Here’s what some of you said:
“Right/wrong is a judgment…it just is what it is. There are choices people make and there are ramifications that come with these choices. It involves ego and often either better than thinking or less than thinking. Needing to be right can get in the way in so MANY ways.” coaching by tambre (@tambreleighn)
“The challenge is we are taught in school that is only one right answer but life is full of answers and it is only as we grow and develop, we realize that what is right for one person may not be right for another …” Roberta
“Always being right is just not option. For one thing, “right” changes and in many cases is subjective! It’s much better to go through life happy than trying to make everything “right” Martha Giffen
“And as they say, life is short, so if you spend so much time being right, it is too much one-sided and doesn’t offer the rest of what life is about. Being right means there is one side. Maybe that is what’s going on with our government. Instead it is better to discuss, learn and then decide.” Lynn Brown
“I usually have no problem with admitting when I’m wrong, because the best thing that I see that comes out of owning up to it is that I learn or receive correction on how to do it better the next go around. That way I’ll know. I’ll then be able to make better decisions from knowing.” Deeone
” I think a lot of the misconceptions have to do with the illusive concept of pride at least in my case.” Samantha Bangayan
So what did we learn here?
- right and wrong is a self-imposed judgment
- judgments have ramifications
- life is not about one right answer because life is full of answers that develop over time
- ‘right’ is subjective
- being right is one-sided living and you miss out on so much living like that
- it is better to discuss, learn and then decide
- you learn when you can admit you are not right
- pride gets in the way
What can I add? Not much other than remember to have love in your heart first and foremost. There will be times being right is important…you know like when taking your prescription medicine and stuff like that. A loving person NEVER has to be right because they can ‘stick it’ to them. You know what I’m talking about. If you ever feel like saying “ha! in your face, I was right!” , then you are not doing things with a loving heart.
What do you think? Did we miss anything?
There is a right and a wrong, though the boundaries may overlap for some and for certain issues. The point is whether we are aware of what we are doing ‘wrong’ and what we are doing ‘right’- what might be right for us, may be wrong for us and vice-versa. It might be well differentiated in many cases, but the whole point is we are not getting carried away.
Denying the existence of moral absolutes might (at least temporarily) make us feel comfortable. Once the implications are worked through, however, it’s a different story.
If there’s no right or wrong the mass-murderers of the 20th century such as Hitler, Stalin and Mao with their responsibility for tens of millions of brutal deaths cannot be condemned. Exaggerated relativism is extremely dangerous.
Of course, when we’re using “right and wrong” in a non-moral sense, such as a personal judgement about the best product in a survey, we’re in a different field of thought.
I so love this idea of learning from each other in your blogging community! =) To me, the most important takeaway message here is that “right” is subjective. When you put it that way, it seems so much easier to not take “right” and “wrong” so seriously all the time!
I love how you pulled together the difference perspectives as a follow up. Really great idea – sum of the whole, greater than the parts. Way to go!
You certainly covered it all Bonnie and sharing everyone’s input was a great way do to it. This is an interesting topic that certainly sparked some really good discussion. Also wanted to thank you for including my insight.
Let’s throw a monkey wrench into this discussion.
Was Paterno right or wrong? What about his graduate student?
Theoretically, they notified one person. They did not attempt to stop the action (the grad student could have decked Sandusky when he saw the act, instead of leaving and telling Paterno). And, Paterno did not strip Sandusky’s privileges to enter the locker room- even after he was no longer employed.
So, there is a right and wrong. You just have to be careful when you elect to not advocate for what is right.
Roy, even though I’m basically on the run out to dinner I had to reply.
You are correct to a degree. However, in all truth our morality; our sense of right and wrong is a learned judgment isn’t it? There have been times in human history that a man having a relationship with a boy wouldn’t have been thought twice of. Our society deems it wrong because it damages one party (the boy).
Now before anyone jumps on me I have thought myself what you said here…what were these people THINKING? Why can’t an adult who should know better..or at least ONE of these adults DO something to help and protect the boys. As evolved human beings we know the damage that can be done…someone is being hurt and someone should have done more.
That isn’t a case of right or wrong. Clearly they knew it was wrong or they would not have hidden it. This is a case of choosing themselves and a freakin game over what is right. Not one of those guys are standing by their decision insisting they were correct are they? Of course not. They knew and still know they were not in the right.
THat being said I am not talking about these kinds of issues but about the small things that really don’t matter in the bigger picture. Things like the exact name of a book or a famous persons birthday or what kind of cake Jim had at his birthday party. People will get super angry about these types of disagreements. Those kinds of things can be let go of rather than fight over don’t you think? No one is hurt and often we try so hard to be right we miss out that we are fighting over inconsequential things.
Don’t get me wrong. There are things I’ll fight for and fight hard. But fighting to be right about everything is silly. Not only is it impossible to actually BE right all the time but you really annoy every one around you and it damages relationships.
I too like the comment at the end. Bonnie, one challenge for people who always want to do right, be right and be seen to be good is that they set themselves up for crashes and heartache.
Great article. I think we can’t just stick to one response…
One of the things I ask my clients to do when I coach them is to release their attatchment to a certain outcome. It’s much harder than it sounds but really helpful in seeing other sides, creative thinking and opening up your possibilities.
Right. And it doesn’t matter! The challenge is to apply this philosophy to life, and when that happens you no longer see things in terms of right or wrong or think “I shouldn’t think that”. You’ll just see things.
Good luck getting to that point 🙂
We learned that it’s totally OK to be wrong. Despite what we want to be… wrong can fit us just as perfectly as being right can. But if we are right, learning to swallow, “I told you so!! IN YO FACE!!” can prove to be more beneficial. 😉
I also loved the ending. The quote was too cute. 😀
Yeah! You said it Deeone! Loved the way you put it…wrong CAN fit just as well.
And yes…I will admit to having held that belief at one point in my life to a certain extent. It’s silly when you really look at it isn’t it?