This concept is so hard for so many people. It seems that we are quite capable of showing very deep compassion and kindness to other people; even complete strangers but struggle when it comes to doing the same for ourselves.
I have been witness to complete breakdowns and breakthroughs when a person is able to give themselves permission to finally do this. As a coach I have been in a position when I have had to verbally give a client the okay to give themselves this permission. They really truly needed someone they trusted to say it was okay.
I myself understand the struggle as I also have a hard time with this concept. I can be really hard on myself at times; demanding far more from myself than I would ever do from anther person.
One of my personal core values is compassion. It’s up there in my top five. And yet, I can still find myself having to use some self-talk to find compassion for my self. I have to force myself to ask the hard questions, to back up a few steps and look at my personal expectations with compassion and understanding.
Allowing myself to be imperfect and being okay with that is not something that comes easily for me. I used to push myself hard; thinking if I only did that or this or just worked harder I could do it all.
Once I discovered the concept of living from my core values I also realized that I didn’t have to do it all, and I didn’t have to do everything perfectly. Today’s best is what I needed to look for and today’s best might have a lot still to learn.
Being kind to yourself gives you a sense of peace and acceptance that allows you to also find the same for the rest of the world much more easily.
So, if patience and compassion for others is something you wish you had more of…start with yourself first. Kindness inspires kindness!
Don’t we all need reminders of not treating ourselves so harshly in critique? If we strive to have compassion for others we need to have it in ourself first, in order to know what it should feel like.
Hi Bonnie,
Compassion is such an important word to use in our daily lives. If one doesn’t feel it in themselves, it is hard to show it to others.
So when we start to come down hard on ourselves, why not practice the art of compassion in our own minds. I think with practice, we will start to show it both inwardly and outwardly toward ourselves and others.
Thanks for sharing,
Cindy
Bonnie,
I can relate to your post. I have said things to myself that I would never have dreamed or even thought of saying to others.
The sad thing is that you know better and I know better as well. I also know that it’s self-defeating and can be demoralizing. Why do we do it? Comes down to imperfection and expecting more of ourselves than others expect of us.
Every now and again I catch myself and have literally said “Stop!” aloud. Thanks for the reminder to focus on the positive in ourselves and to be kind and compassionate to ourselves. After all, there’s only one “me” or “you.” Right? 🙂
Right!! 🙂 🙂
Well said Bonnie! Compassion for ourselves is a difficult feeling or expression for many of us. Being perfect seemed to be my goal all the time. I think years and maturity makes us realize that life really is more about being kind and less about being perfect.
A favorite word of mine that you mention here is Kindness – love that. If we all just remember that word each and every day, it is such a soothing word and expression.
Enjoyed you sharing your thoughts and advice Bonnie.
Hi Bonnie,
Beautiful post that we are our own worst critic. I agree with Roberta that we are often so selfless that we neglect ourselves. Uou may have heard this analogy before- on an airplane, in the event of an emergency, you take care of yourself first before anyone else.
Also I just heard a wonderful quote “You can’t get it wrong!” Be gentle on yourself and since you can’t get it wrong, just enjoy the moment.
I have often struggled with thinking that I have to be perfect or not do it at all. I am too worried about what others will think to really enjoy myself.
I needed to hear this, Bonnie. Well done.
That resonates so much with me Bonnie. I think for many years I was my harshest critic until I learnt the art of self compassion. In the work I do now with those who are grieivng, being compassionate to themselves is one of the greatest gifts they can give themselves yet something so many find so very hard to do.
Great point but when did if we take care of ourselves first we are told we are selfish and self-centred. Yet if we fail to take care of ourselves, we land up not being able to be kind to anyone. Its one reason so many people practice – prayer, meditation, yoga or some other form of quietness. Pampering is good too
Bonnie:
We are generally the most stern judges, when it comes to ourselves. Both because we know we can do better (or should do better) and because we have to live with the aftermath when we don’t!