Confidence is Cultivated

So I have this lovely friend named Lynn Brown.  She’s pretty motivating and motivated and I have long enjoyed her videos and confidence in doing them.

In fact, more than once she’s made me get a bit of an excitement to doing my own videos.

Then I let my ‘stuff’ get in the way and I let that go.  I can admit I’ve got some video hang-ups!  I’m not looking my best, what if I flub it up, what if people don’t like what I say, what if I don’t make sense?  Goodness, what if people point and laugh! I know, I know…how would I even know if they did that right?

You know FEAR…it’s creative if nothing else.  And it was keeping me playing small…way smaller than I want to be playing!

You know confidence is the killer of fear and we need to cultivate our own.  How do you increase confidence?  By facing our fear, on purpose and with love and grace.

Well, Lynn issued a challenge the other day to step outside that ol’ comfort zone and beef up your own confidence by doing something that scares you a little today which for me was exactly that…a video.  Here is the link to her message that lit a fire under my butt.  Maybe it was her words, maybe it was the sunshine and maybe it all just came together on a perfect day for it…but I heard her loud and clear.

I loved her video…shared it and thought about it as I avoided the whole thing by taking Charlie for a nice hike in the sunshine.

While I was out and about I had some aha moments.  When I got home I kicked my FEAR to the curb and just did it.  By the time I figured out how to use my laptop camera I was actually kind of excited to respond to Lynn.  Here is it!  I really had to work to push that publish button on YouTube let me tell you.  Of course Lynn was super supportive and gave me some wonderful cheers after for just going for it.

You know the beauty of stomping fear is the terrific feeling you get afterwards when you realize you are even more amazing than you thought.  That you have stepped into your own light and truth and it’s freaking amazing.  So, I’m stomping a little harder by sharing my video here with you too.  Trust me my little voice is saying ‘be careful’ and ‘oh no, don’t do that!’

Please let me know what you think either here or in comments on my YouTube site.

So, what are YOU going to do to step up and build your own confidence?

Many blessings!

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Purpose, Passion or Pass?

Perhaps I am lucky that I have experienced both real passion and real focused purpose.   It’s only been in the last few years that I’ve been able to really understand that some people never get to feel either.

That makes me so sad – and I really want to DO something about it.  The problem is of course I know that everyone has the opportunity at some point.  Some people just choose to pass on it.

I’ve also realized you can’t MAKE someone dig deep unless they are ready and willing.  I’ve tried in the past.  I’ve even thought I succeeded but then nope..not so much.

All I can do is live my life in a purposefully and passionate way and hope that inspires.  I figure if I can move someone to start on their own life journey awake instead of sleepwalkng through it then that would be more than enough. 

I can also offer up some of my own experiences which is what I often do with these blog posts.  Digging is hard work, even when it’s mental and not physical.  BUT I do know that both types of digging is easier if someone lends you a hand – or a shovel.

I knew for most of high school that I was going to be a teacher.  I just knew.  It bubbled up from my heart of hearts and drove me to do what I had to do.  My passion drove my purpose which gave me my continued motivation.  

So what happens when you get to a point where you feel like you’ve achieved what you needed to? 

You have a choice even then.  Find your passion, dig up your new purpose or pass and stay right where you are.

This is what was happening to me a few years back.  I felt like I had reached a leveling off in my growth and the craving for something MORE started. 

It was this craving I think that may have been starting even when I moved across the country alone to live on the west coast.  I don’t think I recognized it yet but it may be that is when the seeds had been planted or struggling to break free of their shells.

Either way, I was looking for my own passion and purpose.  While I love teaching the kids and enjoy it still, I know I have grown and want to play a bigger game in my life.

Probably why I got certified as a Coach in the first place.  Stepping stones to where I was headed.

Lately I’ve been feeling like I need to be able to go even deeper.  With myself, my business and all of life.  I can see it, taste it even…but didn’t know quite how to get there.

I was a bit stuck.  Funny how stuck rhymes so nicely with YUCK isn’t it?

I started getting an idea but I was resisting opening up to it fully.  I’m not even sure why.  So much has changed the last few years that I think perhaps I just wanted to stay in some comfortable settings for a while but my restless heart would have none of that.

The signs started showing  up more and more often until one day I just took action.  A tiny small thing…reaching out to a friend for some information…that lead to a huge leap.

Suddenly, I’m headed back to school!  I’m upgrading my skills, opening doors and freaking out with happiness! 

I can’t quite see around the bend in the path yet but as soon as my feet hit this road I knew…just KNEW it was the right one.

I won’t kid you that my inner saboteur jumped right out and started yelling about ‘what if this’ and ‘what would happen’ sort of stuff.   I gotta say I almost smiled at that.  It means what I’m doing is just scary enough to bring about some serious leaps and bounds of growth.  I’m aiming so BIG!!

I answered that little voice with faith and then told her to shut up and sit down, cuz I’m doing it anyway.  Oh yes…I got this!

Open hearts find their passions – you already know what it is I promise you.  Fear and inner beliefs try to keep us from them.  Quite a dance really. 

I believe in me (and it’s taken a lot of work to be able to say that with real conviction!) but I also believe in YOU.  If you are having trouble finding your own purpose just look at what makes your heart sing.  

My heart sings when I help other women figure out what makes their hearts sing…pretty awesome huh?

How much attention have you been paying to growing your life?  Do you have Purpose, Passion or do you Pass?

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Avoidance is a Coping Skill

Avoidance.

I mentioned this as a coping skill in my last post “Fooled or Foolish” and I’ve since had the question about what I meant by that.

When I started getting a little better and could be awake for more than an hour at a time, I had to start to deal with all the stuff I ‘missed’.  You see, I was pretty much on my own for this *ahem* adventure in car accidents. 

I didn’t do very well. Or maybe I did.  Either way I did the best I could and that I suppose, is all anyone could ask of themselves.

And when I got a lot better, where I could actually remember what I did the day before, I started to also realize a lot of things had changed.  Myself included and I struggled with that.  I wanted ME back, I wanted my happier life back; I didn’t want to deal all the stuff that had piled up and I fought those changes and problems with avoidance.

I simply refused to deal with it until I what ever issue it was got so big I was forced to do something. 

Looking back I realize that at the time this was a coping skill.  I wasn’t able to deal with literally everything in my life turning upside down and on its head, as well as the emotional upheaval and the pain and rehab…ugh!  It’s not all over with yet either.  I just deal with it much better (most days).

Avoidance is a coping skill.  However, I found out that all that stuff just grows bigger while you’re pretending it’s not there. Now, I really did need to learn to put things aside so I could heal and I have to deal with that. 

However, it’s not a great way to cope over the long haul.  Avoiding life is fine for an afternoon where you have  a migraine that makes you want to hide in bed and just try to survive it.  It’s not a great way to live your life.  And  many do everyday and not because of an accident; they are simply stuck in a terrible cycle.  It causes a great deal of stress and upset, and it doesn’t have to be this way.

Perhaps this is a good thing to have gone through because as a Mindset Coach I can recognize it quite clearly.  I also can relate and understand how much emotion is behind using avoidance.  I also know first hand what it takes to fix it and get through it.

What I want you to know is this.  It doesn’t go away. You can avoid it only so long and you will have to deal with it.  It is much easier to deal with things one at a time as they happen then it is to have everything build up and come crashing down on you all at once. 

Facing up to life, getting things under control takes time, effort and courage.  I ended up having someone totally unexpected come around to help keep me from falling off the edge.  We need support and sometimes even ideas on what to do next when we are overwhelmed.  Boy do I get that.

So, what can I help you with?

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What time is it Mr. Wolf?

Remember that old childhood game?

Someone got to be Mr. Wolf and everyone else screamed at the other end of the playground “What Time is it Mr. Wolf?”

The Wolf would whirl around and yell out a random time like 2 o’clock whereupon all the children would move forward 2 steps.

Eventually, the group would be closer and closer to Mr. Wolf.  Ooooh the excitement because any moment the wolf could yell “lunch time” instead of an actual time.

Then screaming begins; the chase is on and someone might get tagged to be the next wolf.

So exciting…so much fun!

You know what?  I’ve been wondering myself what time it is lately.  I realize something.   My quest for my ‘next step’ is kind of like that old game.

The thing is to some degree I hold both positions; wolf and the player trying not to be dinner!

I have to sometimes be the wolf and decide what time it is.  Sometimes I have to be the player who despite feeling like a nervous Nellie also feels the excitement and fun of advancing even though I might get tagged or out.  Too much fun to stop.

Earlier this year was a different time for me.  Earlier this year was the time to pick up challenges and go after them all.  It was a ‘say YeS’ to life time.  It was awesome!

Right now I am feeling times have changed.  I have asked my inner Mr Wolf what time it is and I’m hearing it’s a time to let go.  Scary, painful but exciting all at the same time because I understand that this time too will change and better things will be coming my way as soon as I make room for them. 

No matter what time is it, I keep moving forward.  I keep finding ways.   The important thing is to know what time it is for you.

Is it time for:

• letting go
• taking a bold step
• finding the questions to ask
• taking a break
• recharging
• charging forward
• change

No matter what time it is in your life; listen to your inner wolf and honor him/her.  Mr. Wolf calls out the time, you have to try to move forward.

So I’m asking you, what time is it for you  Mr. Wolf?

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Breakable? No Way

I work with people who are brilliant, creative and talented.  They are practically able to taste the success they want. 

So why are they working with me?  While there are many reasons, there tends to be a theme that comes through.  There is something that isn’t serving them.  A part of them locked up tight that they are having trouble accessing and they don’t know what to do about it. 

Most of the time the answer is within.  And there are many different answers to be had, no doubt.  One in particular has come across my desk a fair number of times recently.  I think I’ve noticed this one mostly because it’s an answer I’ve struggled with accepting in my own past. 

Okay..I’ll be honest.  I occasionally need a reminder about this one myself.   It’s a tricky one because it seems as though I am protecting myself rather than holding myself back from the things I am gunning for. 

Our psyche is full of ironic opposite thinking and it’s that just loads of fun?  

So, what is this we are talking about here?  The idea of ‘what if’ thinking.  

• what if I make a fool of myself
• what if I fail
• what if people laugh at me
• what if I am too tired
• what if I realize I was wrong

Here is my answer to the what if’s.  You are not as breakable as you like to think.

Once we start finding the ‘what if’ questions the key is to answer it.  Think about the examples I’ve listed above.  What if I make a fool of myself?  Well, what would happen?  Ya, you’ll survive it won’t you?  It’s not as catastrophic as our subconscious wants us to think it is.  

On the surface it appears to make sense right? We want to avoid being uncomfortable or in pain but you know what?  Uncomfortable isn’t true pain; at least not the kind where we need to stop doing things that we want to in order to avoid it.   Jumping out of a plane with no parachute…okay then; THAT is pain we should be avoiding.   

Let’s face facts, we often make things a much bigger deal than they really are or have to be. 

Think back.  You  (and I) have all embarrassed the heck out of ourselves at some point; and yet here we are.  Safe, sound and sane.  I’ve been laughed at, wrong, totally screwed up and yes..tripped UP the stairs.   I’ve lived through it and no major life set backs occurred.

I’m not going to break.  I’m not going to fall apart and lose everything.  In fact, what I like to point out is I might actually be fabulous, my mistakes might teach me something amazing or lead to new understandings.   People might laugh..or they might connect deeper with me because they also have been through it!

Most importantly…with no risk comes no reward.  If you don’t try you will never succeed. 

Next time you hear your little inner voice saying ‘what if’, answer with “yup, but I’m going to do it anyway!”

“If you don’t go after what you want, you’ll never have it.

If you don’t ask, the answer is always no.

If you don’t step forward, you’re always in the same place.

~Nora Roberts

 

If you need help figuring out your roadblocks shoot me an email. 

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