I’m tired of all the rhetoric spouting a bunch of crap that your Fears aren’t real. Hey, they are just in your mind so no biggie right?
My rather sarcastic nature would like to say to these people “oh! Well then, suddenly I’m perfectly fine – just wish you had mentioned that one years ago”
I get it, they are trying to calm you and motivate you to get going on whatever it is you are holding back from. Sometimes, sure, we just need to take a deep breath and go for it. For me that’s all I need when getting on stage to talk. Few calming breaths and just jump in. If I think about it too long I’ll probably run screaming lol. But it’s taken a lot of work on my inner critic to learn to shut her up long enough to get going.
Here’s the thing. IT DOESN”T ALWAYS WORK THAT WAY. My fears are real, I have just learned to deal with that one with some tricks and self talk.
Next time someone with their head in the clouds tells you that your fears and anxiety aren’t real just smile and carry on because you know they most certainly are.
Fear is real. (yup that’s a PERIOD) They range in how much power they have over us and how well we deal with them.
Still, you can’t touch them or throw them out with the garbage. They are yours and they are real. Real emotions, real thoughts and real physical manifestations of those first two on occasion. To simply say ‘they aren’t real, so just get going’ isn’t fair or helpful.
What is helpful is giving you all the permission you need to feel it and name it and know you are not only sane, but normal. That is the first step is dealing with fear and keeping it from holding you back from creating a fabulous life.
Feel it, Name it.
Our emotions can be very powerful and fear or anxiety would certainly be high on the list of most powerful. To discount that is foolish and if you haven’t noticed, kind of pisses me off. (pardon the language). It is okay to feel fear. However, it’s not in your best interest to allow it to be the ruling emotion in your life.
After my head and neck injury in a car accident I had real anxiety and fear. The kind that make you crumple into a corner and refuse to move. To tell me that it isn’t ‘real’ or ‘just’ emotion is just stupid and hurtful. It certainly didn’t help get me out the door. I bless those who were kind and accepting of what was happening and supported me. There were those who instead made me feel like something was ‘wrong’ with me and ‘god why can’t you just get over it?’ Without support, I honestly thought I needed to be committed as I must have lost my mind.
Feel it, name it. Then you can devise a plan to deal with it. Facing my own anxiety was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Even with support and with taking tiny, itty-bitty steps. I logically knew what I had to do, even before I had the accident, but I struggled hard until I had some support. Hey, we all need a hand up and out of the dark sometimes. Occasionally we need to find that light in someone else to help us see our own again.
You do need to DO something if you want to move forward towards goals or even just living life fully. But be gentle with yourself, and don’t let anyone tell you that these aren’t real. They are. BUT that also means they can be overcome and dealt with.
First, know that it’s okay to feel what you feel. Give a true name and look at it. I promise a peek won’t hurt too much and can alleviate a lot of stress around it. Even though your heart might feel like it’s going to beat so hard as to fly out of your chest it won’t. Deep calming breaths – on step at a time. Writing really helps with this. Ask yourself what can you do and try not to focus solely on what you are struggling to do.
Sitting still and allowing your fears to control you isn’t a good option. You can learn to deal with them, put them in their place, change your thought patterns and get to be who you want to be and where you want to be. The choice is yours of course.
Your fears may be real, but they aren’t bigger than you. Ask for some help if you need it, but remember…you got this.