I was talking to a client about their goals. LOADS of frustration on their part because they feel they are scattered all over the place and nothing connects for them. Add in they have so many goals that they don’t know where to even start. *Please note I did make some edits in order to protect privacy.
Time to back up this train.
ME: Where do you want these goals to take you?
CLIENT: What do you mean?
ME: If I can be kind of ‘devil’s advocate’ for a moment?
ME: What’s the point of doing all this stuff in the first place?
CLIENT: well…(long pause) I guess so I can improve my life.
ME: Where is your life lacking that you need to improve it?
CLIENT: Me..I’m lacking (this was more blurted out than said). Haha..no I mean, well, couldn’t we all improve our lives?
ME: Can we?
CLIENT: I know I can…I just can’t put my finger on where. I-I-hmmm. I guess I just want to get to a place where I feel happy.
ME: Where is this place?
CLIENT: What? Well.. I guess it’s somewhere in the future when I improve my life.
ME: Okay. So tell me what does this place look like?
CLIENT: Look like? I hadn’t thought much about that. I guess it’s where I am happy because I like what I do, who I am and I have good friends and security. (*to be honest the details were a bit more specific but in fairness to privacy I generalized it)
ME: Do you have any of that right now?
CLIENT: Kind of. (*went on to describe 3 situations)
ME: Wait…so you have 3 places right in the here and now that you find really happy? So..tell me what makes you feel you must you wait for the future to be happy?
CLIENT: Well, because it’s only part of my life.
ME: How much of your life must be in place for you to be happy?
CLIENT: uh you mean like a percentage? I don’t know..hmm. Oh I see where you going. Life isn’t ever perfect is it?
ME: Is it?
CLIENT: No. It isn’t but some people just seem like life is good and I want that.
ME: So, we know no one’s life is perfect and yet some people act like it anyway.
CLIENT: Huh. How do they do that? I guess they just focus on the good stuff? But you can’t ignore the bad things that happen.
ME: True. Consider your energy and focus a limited amount of funds every day. Can you do that?
ME: When you focus on something; good or bad – you spend some of this ‘energy’ fund. Okay?
ME: Where are you going to put the most of your funds if you want to be happy?
CLIENT: Oh! (eyes have lit up and there is a big smile). I see where this is going.
Okay ladies and gentlemen. That is all I”m going to share because it gets very personal at that point. I hope you can see where this was going too. Just like life – you spend you money on what is important to you. For most of us that’s housing, clothes, food and then some fun stuff. But we still have to pay bills, go to the dentist and fix the darn car. Once the car repairs are paid for though are you going to obsess on them? No? You move on.
This is also how you should treat your negative stuff in life. Deal with it, and move on. Learn to let go so it doesn’t consume your thoughts and make it so you can’t take pleasure in the beautiful things and people that do surround you.