Why I Am ME (and no one else)

Every single person on this Earth has expectations and assumptions.  We kind of have to in order to manage to get through life without losing our minds. 

Think about it..we assume that the guy in the other car will stop for the red light on his side so we just buzz on through the green.  But we also have assumptions about our expectations.

Mind spinning yet?

We know what we feel and desire in our heart of hearts.  But we often assume that who we are in our truest form won’t be accepted by others.  Many of us wear many masks and hide our dreams because of what we think is expected of us. 

And we won’t break out of these roles because we fear losing our friends and even family.

So we remain, unhappy, hidden and our greatest gifts – our light – is dimmed and shuttered.

If you step back over here with me to look at this a bit differently I’d like to point out of couple of problems with this line of thinking.

First, you were not put here on this Earth to be small, dim or hidden.  You have a light within you that is a gift, and you do it such a disservice by closing the shutters up tight because someone out there may not like it.  You were meant to shine!

Which brings me to my next thought.  Not everyone is going to like you – that is a given in life.  That’s okay.  Simply bless those people and move on.  However, consider this.  If no one knows who you truly are and they only see this facade – then in all truth – no one really likes or  loves you because they don’t know you.  They might like the person you are projecting, but that isn’t YOU.

You can’t lose what you don’t actually have I’m afraid.  Truly if you think everyone likes you then that is a huge hint you aren’t being your truest self.  You are playing roles to make others happy.  I mean c’mon…even the best of us have people who dislike them!

When you allow yourself to shine, to be you in all your quirky ways, then others who will love you for those very things can find you.  Until then you are just an actor on stage and people are simply loving your role…not you.

Imagine what and who you are missing.  Imagine the peace and joy of releasing all that misery and self-condemnation and allowing yourself to grow into the beautiful being you were alway meant to be. 

It’s okay to love you.  In fact, I’m betting most people you already know will love you too if you are brave enough to give them that chance.  You’ll be surprised at what happens.  Take off the masks – live free.

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I Let My Heart Break

Can I share with you something that has caused a huge shift in my world lately?  And it’s been a long time coming.

I finally let my heart break.  It’s been showing signs of cracking and on the verge for a long, long time.  I just refused to let it happen.   I’d just patch it up with some story I’d tell myself, or excuse or simply ignore things.  For a while…ignoring it did feel like bliss – kind of.  But band aids are not meant to last forever.

Let me explain.

To start with, I don’t exactly have the most supportive family.  Do I worry about saying that on my blog…not really.  They don’t read it.

Do they love me?  Oh I’m certain of it.  Overall they are good people.  But supportive - not so much.  It’s not that they come around telling me my dreams are fools gold or outright mock me or anything.  They simply gloss over and carry on with the status quo.  No interest, no questions and no cheering.

My own amazing coach has suggested looking at it from a different perspective – theirs.  Ouch – she got me there.  So I explored that.

I think perhaps my reaching for big dreams and lofty goals is uncomfortable for them.  They shun what they don’t understand.  Change is scary and even painful at times. I’ve learned the hard way to embrace that because I know at the other end is growth and joy.  Until you know that, it’s hard to look at changing what is comfortable without a reason to.  I have rarely followed the way that others do things.  I suppose that certainly could lead to a disconnect.

Still, I think you can support and lift up someone without understanding what they have on their vision board…or the fact they have a vision board.

Okay..big breath…big share.  I used to wonder – and often – what was wrong with me?  Something had to be wrong with ME for the people in my life to not want to know me or cheer me on.  Many time I thought that to have someone yell at me, call me foolish or mock me would almost have been preferable to this feeling of being invisible and unimportant.  Self blame seemed the logical choice.  I struggled with that for a very long time.  With my family of origin I still see it rear its ugly head at times.  Old habits die hard right?  I am working on it and get better every day.

So, here’s the thing.  An ‘event’ happened very recently that shook me hard.  I had to face it.  It wasn’t me, not alone anyway.  I participated in a dynamic that was dysfunctional.  Because it was from my family of origin, admitting that set me back and was really, really hard.   It was difficult and painful just to admit that this.  I really resisted saying it to myself and definitely to anyone else.  I felt disloyal and selfish; I also felt used and hurt.   Quite a mix of emotions to have to deal with.

It took some time (and some very good counsel) to realize that facts are what they are.  What has happened, happened.  It wasn’t about fault or blame or anger to realize that the relationship was unhealthy.

But boy, it still hurts like crazy.   I was up late one evening, sipping some tea and just listening to the fire and the rain on the window when I realized I had to let go.   I had to allow my heart to break from this in order to start figuring out how to put it back together. I also realized I had to give myself permission.

It’s hard to do that because I know that there is a huge lake of painful tears to go through first.  Standing on the edge of that keeps me from feeling the full brunt of it.   I also had a lot of anger about those hurts that I’d been ignoring as it simmered. Keeping a lid on it won’t heal it though.  Courage is what I needed to give myself permission to let it happen.

I’d love to say I’m all better and I’ve dealt with it and that I’m good.  Nope, this is a long history of pinpricks that have created a deeper wound then I even knew.  It won’t heal over night.

However, I can say I survived the initial cracking open and looking at the hurt.  I felt it, I allowed it and now I’ve put it away again until I am strong enough to do some more work with it.

Life is a process of learning lessons and some are wonderful and beautiful.  Some are painful and harsh, but will ultimately lead us to wonderful and beautiful if we can allow it.

It may be hard to believe but I am grateful that I had the courage to allow my heart to break.  I have learned not only am I stronger than I realized, but I am in charge of my own happiness.  I can keep the thunderclouds at bay but until I learn to dance in the rain the sun will not be able to shine.

For now, I’m just going to keep on dancing.

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Shine On!

The Essential Guide for Entrepreneurs Connecting Self Esteem with Success.

Your success in life and in business is directly linked to what you think of you.

-Knowledge about self esteem equates to control over it
-Connect your self esteem to your success
-Understand your own vision of self worth
-Discover how to strengthen your self esteem
-Quiet the nagging inner critic that blocks you

Entrepreneurs who struggle are often also struggling with their vision and self esteem.

Discover how it’s all related and how to change your vision to one that makes your inner light Shine!

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I’m Finished; so what’s the problem?

How can I be finished something but still procrastinating?  Geesh, I found a new way to procrastinate. Figures!

I’ve been working on my very first E-book for some time now.  I honestly feel pretty passionate about it and the topic which is how self-esteem affects entrepreneurs; why it’s important and how they can work towards a really positive sense of self-worth.  Our inner light really shines through everything that we do.  When we dim our own light we only  hurt ourselves. 

The thing is..I think I’m done.  I think I’ve been done for a couple of weeks in fact.

I’ve formulated my message, made my points and included a number of exercises and tools to help increase the reader’s self worth.  These by the way can be used by anyone, not just those who are self-employed.

I know this is a message that needs to get out there.  I based the e-book on a presentation that I have given a few times.  Every time I gave this presentation any  number of people came to me after and were grateful to have heard the message and information.

So what’s the problem?  I’m terrified to release it.  Whew…feels good just admitting that.  I’m putting it off ‘just in case’ it isn’t perfect.  I finally realized that yesterday after reading it over one more time to ‘polish’ it.  Goodness but I’m going to wear off the polish if I don’t just get on with it.

It is difficult for me to let it land where it may at this point.  Perhaps I could submit it to an editor but that’s a fairly substantial expense and would take some time to happen.  Also I worry that an editor might try to change the message…I cannot let that happen.  I really think the message, the information and the tools NEED to be out there.

Okay. So here it comes.  I am creating the book cover today and in the next day or two it will be given over to the universe. I have a terrific vision of what the cover will look like and with any luck I can make that happen.  Perfect or not, I honestly believe this little e-book could help many people. Writing it and reading felt very much like something I needed to do, so my fervent wish is that it can help others.  Finding a sense of purpose in this has been wonderful, if a bit scary at the same time.  I have been learning to stretch myself in many new ways and to be honest..I love it!

So what have I learned?

Sometimes you  just have to stop worrying about perfection and just do it already.

So, keep an eye out.  I have put my intention out into the world!

 

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Affirm in the postitive

Quick post today. It is a short but important point I want to make today.

First, we all use affirmations, even if it isn’t intentional. Everytime we repeat something in our heads to ourselves we are affirming a belief. EVERY SINGLE TIME.

Now, we have choice as to what we listen to and repeat. It can take some practice but we need to start being postitive affirmers (is that word?).

First step in doing this is allowing yourself to become aware of what you are hearing. The next step is deciding if it benefits you to hear this or if you need to begin the process of changing the pattern. It can be done with some practice and effort.

Find a really great, positive affirmation and repeat it deliberately to yourself today. Look in the mirror and believe it!

Here is one to get you started. “I am great and I deserve good things”.

Be aware, you are always able to make a choice about what you are reinforcing in your belief system and what you are able to let go.

Make it a choice that affirms the postitive because you know what? You ARE great and you DO have a lot of fabulous to offer the world!

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