I mentioned this as a coping skill in my last post “Fooled or Foolish” and I’ve since had the question about what I meant by that.
When I started getting a little better and could be awake for more than an hour at a time, I had to start to deal with all the stuff I ‘missed’. You see, I was pretty much on my own for this *ahem* adventure in car accidents.
And when I got a lot better, where I could actually remember what I did the day before, I started to also realize a lot of things had changed. Myself included and I struggled with that. I wanted ME back, I wanted my happier life back; I didn’t want to deal all the stuff that had piled up and I fought those changes and problems with avoidance.
I simply refused to deal with it until I what ever issue it was got so big I was forced to do something.
Looking back I realize that at the time this was a coping skill. I wasn’t able to deal with literally everything in my life turning upside down and on its head, as well as the emotional upheaval and the pain and rehab…ugh! It’s not all over with yet either. I just deal with it much better (most days).
Avoidance is a coping skill. However, I found out that all that stuff just grows bigger while you’re pretending it’s not there. Now, I really did need to learn to put things aside so I could heal and I have to deal with that.
However, it’s not a great way to cope over the long haul. Avoiding life is fine for an afternoon where you have a migraine that makes you want to hide in bed and just try to survive it. It’s not a great way to live your life. And many do everyday and not because of an accident; they are simply stuck in a terrible cycle. It causes a great deal of stress and upset, and it doesn’t have to be this way.
Perhaps this is a good thing to have gone through because as a Mindset Coach I can recognize it quite clearly. I also can relate and understand how much emotion is behind using avoidance. I also know first hand what it takes to fix it and get through it.
What I want you to know is this. It doesn’t go away. You can avoid it only so long and you will have to deal with it. It is much easier to deal with things one at a time as they happen then it is to have everything build up and come crashing down on you all at once.
Facing up to life, getting things under control takes time, effort and courage. I ended up having someone totally unexpected come around to help keep me from falling off the edge. We need support and sometimes even ideas on what to do next when we are overwhelmed. Boy do I get that.
So, what can I help you with?