In the past I’ve had a little habit that I suspect many people also have.
I negotiate with my self. Yup. I make crazy deals with myself. We all are in that game from time to time I think. What we need to realize is sometimes this is okay but sometimes it can be a tactic based in self-destruction! Most of us are aware of our inner dialogue but sometimes there is a quite a conversation going on. Often it’s a form of negotiation happening.
Sometimes, it is used for a bit of motivation. I suppose you could call it a reward but it all truth it was pure self bribery. As a teacher I am fully aware of the difference lol. It’s actually a pretty effective means of getting my butt in gear and getting moving on things. I’ll be honest I still sometimes use this method when I am faced with a task I find really unpleasant and I’m okay with that.
You know…okay when I do XYZ which you really don’t want to do and you can grab a cafe mocha afterwards. It gives me something else to focus on beside the nerves or yuck factor and helps me tie up those feelings after the fact. This I don’t mind too much. Sometimes we just need a boost or a kick in the pants right?
However, there is another type of negotiating I’ve used in the past that I’ve worked really hard to recognize and eliminate. That is the kind I use when I want to get ‘out’ of doing things or procrastinate rather indefinitely.
I used to find methods to pretty much excuse myself from things I found uncomfortable or icky this way. I’d tell myself I’d to this or that instead and it would be okay then, to not do what I really needed to do. For example, I might use this method on something simple like taking out the recycling. Well, I’ll organize it and when the trash bin is full I will take it then; why make two trips right? This allows me to not have to deal it right now, but not feel bad about it. It would excuse my not doing what I know needed to be done.
This is just a form of self sabotage via excuse building. I’ve learned the hard way to recognize this nonsense and when I do I stop and listen. I ask myself What is really the problem here? I have to take some time to explore and to find out where the real resistance is coming from and deal with that rather than try to find a work-a-round.
Even the silly recycling was a resistance that wasn’t just a matter of two trips. It was how much I disliked the icky factor of dealing with the bins. (I live in a condo so they aren’t just mine). I really have issues with how dirty they are, how difficult it is to read the bin labels and the room is rather claustrophobic inducing. Reality check for me to look at my own personal issues. (yes, I am this close to being a bona-fide germaphobe). So, I was avoiding them. Once I looked at this honestly I made a plan to deal with it. I found little plastic bin shelves and separated the stuff right away so I didn’t have to do it in the dark room. I also combine taking it all down there with walking Charlie so that I feel like I’m not wasting a trip…no more of that excuse!
How often do you negotiate with yourself over little things like this? The thing is, when we do it for little things we more easily will buy into our subconscious’ negotiating tactics over bigger things too. It becomes a habit that can really hurt us.
Working on self-awareness and asking those questions around where all this is really coming from, will help you learn to change the plan and stop negotiating with yourself in ways that stop you and get you stuck…or worse.
What about you? Do you negotiate with yourself ? About what?