Becoming a Seeker

I have become a Seeker.  It’s strange, the realization and how it arrived. 

I was looking for the spelling of a word for a completely different article and was flipping through my well-worn dictionary. (Yes I  love my books…dictionary included).  To be honest I lost track of the word I was actually looking for.  FOUR times my page flipped open and/or flipped page to the page with the word ‘seeker’ on it.

It was underlined.  Not that I remember doing that.  Still, it was an old book, second-hand no less. 

Now I’ll be completely honest with you here.  I have one of those big old library dictionary (circa 1969 –>it’s older than me!) where the origin of the word, synonyms and such are all included.  I love it.   And I’m really, REALLY easily distracted when I start looking around in there.  I love language.  It’s powerful. 

So, when the book kept pointing out the word I stopped to look.  Seek or Seeker. 

• to try to discover, to endeavor
• to move to or go to
• to try
• to explore, make a search or investigation
• to inquire for; request

A sudden realization struck me. THIS is ME.  This is what I have been doing for the last 6 years in a purposeful way. 

I’m not exactly sure how it happened.  Looking  backwards of course is always easiest isn’t it?  I look on my past and see that I always had the inclination.  I wasn’t, and still am not, comfortable conforming as I’ve mentioned before.  I crave being different.  I have always looked for ‘more’; for what else is out there. I can’t really say that I pursued it on a spiritual level very strongly however.  Fear…it kept me somewhat in my ‘place’ as I knew it to be.

My, times have changed. 

At some point, I guess I just became sick and tired of holding myself back.  I was discontented, spiritless and tuned out.  My spirit felt caged by expectations and doubt.

When I did try to live the life I had, I wasn’t happy and my relationships were, for the most part, what I call ‘surface relationships’.  Not the deep connections I craved.   The whispers from the universe, that there was something more than this, were too strong to ignore.  My heart ached to find what that was. 

At some point, I almost unwittingly, set out and begin my own journey; before I really even understood I was on one.

And I emerged a Seeker.  A seeker of my own truth, a seeker of light and connection. 

In doing so, I realized I could help others along the way. 

These realizations have made my struggles with all that has, and is, changing, so much lighter.  It excites me to have understood this.  I do not have to have all the answers because I am in a place where my purpose is seeking them. 

I will continue to explore, inquire and seek; and this will be enough.   I have begun to understand the purpose of this journey. 

Some people look for fame and fortune, some seek God or spirituality, or understanding; some only want to exist in contentment and familiarity of the life they are given.  

For some, like me, there comes a time when we can no longer be content to accept what is.  It can begin after a traumatic event that opens a wound we need healed.  Or like me it can be something that has always been there. We feel called deeply in our core to find the ‘what else’ that there is, we seek our own truth that will feed our soul and spirit.  It feels almost like a home coming to realize this is my path and what it means.  Peaceful.  I know what I am about.

I am a Seeker.

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