Oh the holiday budget…

Wow, lots of really interesting responses to my last post about finding your energy budget.  So many people were interested to hear all about that.

Interestingly enough I also had a few people who emailed me privately (thank you!) asking about a real money budget.

Well I’m not an expert but I can tell you a few of my own tips.  Although this is a bit outside my normal blog you know I think it’s important to have a healthy relationship and understanding of your  money.

Money is a tool.  It is a tool we use to get what we need, and sometimes what we want.  I think a few of us have that rather mixed together.  We’ve got this mentality in our society that if

Ummm, maybe not THIS kind of tool

we don’t have the newest things and lots of it we are somehow diminished as human beings.  Ask yourself this, would you go take out a huge personal loan just to buy toys or gifts that probably most will gather dust?  Of course not but guess what? That IS what we do when we abuse our credit cards and drain our bank accounts!  Crazy right? But it’s what many of us will do this holiday anyway.

Many of us get by okay but end up hurting our bottom line in a BIG way around the holidays.  You know I saw some photos of friends and family with gifts for the kids piled up high enough to block the tree!  A bit over done and the kids couldn’t even tell me what they got for Christmas.  What is the message? What are we  really sharing?  Your worth is measured by what now?? Gifts, money?  Gosh I hope not!

So why do we do it?  Oh I can guess that answer.  Before you get it out there is one thing I have to say here; as human beings we have an almost infinite capacity for BS…even and especially to ourselves.  We tell ourselves all sorts of reasons we buy SO much for everyone.  Mostly we say because we love them right? 

Okay…quick test.  List all the gifts you got before the age of 12.  Go…How many?  Probably a few really special ones right?  Shoot, my sister can’t even remember the stuff she bought her kids last year.  So what’s the point?  Who are we REALLY doing all that for?  It’s the ‘keeping up with the Jones” mentality; couple that with a real fear of disappointing someone if you scale back.   Judgements and wanting to be ‘awesome’ can be powerful motivators can’ t they?

What I know?  A special, well thought out gift is far, FAR better than 10 gifts with little meaning that in the end, no one cares much about.  A happy parent, spouse, brother, sister…etc is much more pleasant to spend the holidays with and afterwards no one should be crying in their oatmeal for fear of the Visa bill. 

 The holidays should not hurt!

So, here are some tips from someone who has been there.  Heck one year all I could afford was to write heartfelt notes of appreciation and insert them into cards!

1. Create an automatic savings account and put what you can afford in it to save for gifts for birthdays and holiday.  Start now, next year comes fast!

2. Set a limit for each person.  Start with how much you can afford in total and divide.  Left over amounts can go into the holiday fund account. 

3. Let people know you are scaling back the spending.  Ask them to do the same! Everyone gets the same limit so everyone knows what to expect.

4. Use that lovely brain of yours to think creatively. Not every gift must come in a box from Macy’s.  Maybe your sister would love a pedicure. Hmmmm. Only $20, but offer to watch the kids for the whole afternoon so she can relax after. Now that’s priceless!  Write a kids book with your kids names, your pets and maybe a real memory that happened.  So this with your kids, have them do the pictures and voila a very special gift for a mom or dad from the kiddies (way better according to my sister than another bottle of perfume she’ll never wear!).  Build a basket of things the person loves rather than buying a pre-made one with stuff they may or may not like.  Check the small business and local merchants who might have some creative way to share a gift. 

5. Talk about giving with charitable acts (not talking donations but that’s nice too).  Volunteer with your family to not only help others, learn to appreciate what you have, but also to build stronger ties with each other. 

6. Are there people you buy for you don’t really need to?  Will a handwritten note of appreciation or a card with maybe a lotto ticket suffice? Perhaps some baked goodies instead for the neighbor?  For people far away try a gift card to save having to ship bulky items.  Hey, they get the after Christmas deals on what they really want and the fun of shopping!

7. Be gentle and honest with yourself. Do not feel badly that you are scaling back. Flip that bad stuff over and look at the good stuff that will come of it.  Less anxiety, more stability, over all happier you+happier family.  Living your truth should never be something to be ashamed of.  You should be proud to do this.  Step into your truth and stand tall.

8. Spend time doing things that matter with those you love, rather than giving things. This is far more valuable and will make much happier family memories than any toy.

9. Any gift you do buy should be meaningful and thoughtful.  What does that person like, like to do, admire etc. 

Remember, we are happier spending our energy appreciating one another and what we have, rather than crying over what we do not have. Choose to be happy and satisfied!  Take back the meaning and the joy of the holidays.

What are your tips? I’m sure you have lots to share!

 

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Spending the holiday cheer.

Unless you  have been living under a rock or in a cave somewhere, most likely you DO know that in the USA it is Black Friday today.  People are hoping for some great deals right?  In fact many retailers all over are gearing up for holiday sales and hoping the crazy shoppers will start it off with a bang today.  And although I’d love to talk about shopping and getting deals I have another point to make. 

I’m hoping you have sat down and figured out what you can afford to spend this year for the holidays.  (really it’s not that painful and will save you the January fear of the mailbox and bills routine!).  Even if you have yet to do this bear with me.  Okay let’s say you have a small budget this year of only $100 for gifts for the entire family.   Yikes right? For a family of 4 in this day and age that isn’t much at all.

So what do you do?

You have options.  Use credit and go into debt, pay interest and stress out.  Or choose carefully where you spend your money and what you use it on.  And no, winning the lotto really isn’t a realistic option at this point!

You know this though right?  Of course you do, you’re smart, savvy people. 

So…um…why do you spend your energy like that first option?  You know..overspend, have regrets, stressed because you’re out of energy and now in the negative column? 

Ahh..so we make it to my point.  I’ve written before about how our energy is like a gift card and that post is still bang on.  It’s a perfect time of year however to remind you that your energy is not limitless.  That you need to choose where you spend it or you will burn out. 

You know I love you all so much but you are NOT fun to be around when you are grumpy and barely staying awake but insisting on doing every little thing.

Not the best holiday look!

Choose.  You know your partner can string those tree lights.  Oh sure it’s not how YOU would do it but so what?  Appreciate the efforts, the value and hey..maybe it’s going to be great!  Hidden talent?   Perhaps your children won’t wrap the gifts as nicely as you can, or tie the bow perfectly but so what?   The fact that they did wrap it will mean more to the receiver, and how else will they learn if they can’t practice?

Okay so we get we can spread the chores…err….love around so we can enjoy some of the holiday too. 

Not enough?  Nope.  You may need to pick and choose what holiday parties you attend, and even how long you stay.  I had a client who literally had to bounce from party to party in order to try to attend them all.  She was miserable!  Pick and choose.  And don’t forget to choose some quiet family time.  In fact, I strongly suggest that you actually schedule this into your plans…a sort of family date!

Some of my best memories are after all the noise and fun of the family time was finished.  We always had our feast around 1pm so that those driving could enjoy an easy ride home so it got nice and quiet at our house by 6pm.  It was nice.  We were all tired and we got to sit around, listen to carols and often play games or watch a Christmas movie. 

What is the big point here? Stop being the martyr and realize your family would much rather enjoy you; a relaxed and happy you, not a tired, exhausted and burnt out you.  Consider what the memories are that you are making!  You do not need to do every thing you want to do in order to feel fulfilled. I promise you.  Ask yourself…in 5 years will this matter?  And then focus on the ones that will.

So, as the holidays creep faster and faster upon us, take the time to reflect on how your choices are affecting you.  Spend your holiday cheer as wisely as you spend your hard-earned cash!

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Your Attitude Will Make or Break it

I know you know that your attitude makes a big difference in what you create in your life.  You do right?  Because it really, really does.

It’s all about focus, perception and choice.  This holiday season is quickly showing up and with it many people start feeling the strain.  There are ways to deal with the stress after the fact…let’s face it stuff happens.  But did you realize that you can help diminish the stress you have show up in the first place?

Yes, I  know the vacation without family would reduce the stress, but you love you family don’t you?  (For the record I consider anyone you WANT to make memories with family–blood lines or not).  That doesn’t mean you won’t be driven crazy by them and that for some members of your family it’s a really short ride! 

Your attitude, your expectations and the choices you  make before you even set foot in the celebrations can create an atmosphere that allows you to enjoy and let go. Change from having an attitude of disaster and focus on problems that may arise to one of humor and gratitude. You’ll be amazed how much less stress you will ‘find’ when you are not looking for it, and how much joy you are surrounded by when you take the time to see it.

Check out my video for more one that.  Yup…my first video just for you! 

 

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Making a Difference in Your Own Life

You can push through barriers and get out of feeling stuck; because you have a destiny to meet and dreams to fulfill. ~ Coach Bonnie

 

I had to explain this to someone the other day.  Feeling stuck is a symptom not the problem.  There is always something, no matter how tiny of a step it is that will get you out of that feeling.  No one said it would be easy but I’ve talked about that before right?

It’s clear I have a message that I need to share and this is it.  You can make a difference in your own life.  Not only that you SHOULD make a difference in your own life.

The message is getting out there. 

Here’s the thing, I can help you.  Yup that’s what us Life Coaches DO.  We are not meant to travel this life path on our own.  We are meant to work together you know? I know this is true because, I’ve seen the light inside people ramp up and shine so brightly after working with a coach. 

I truly believe that you are meant to be here, right now reading this.  You have a purpose and a calling and a reason for walking this earth.  Some call it your destiny, others your dream.  No matter the label, your passionate living does not come from staying stuck where you are.

 

If you don’t like something, change it; if you can’t change it, change your attitude.  ~Maya Angelou

 

So really you DO have a choice. Everyday you make it.  You can either continue doing what isn’t working..you know this.  You say it every time you complain about life sucking, or feeling unhappy about where you are.  You can keep repeating unconsciously those same beliefs that keep you small and low, you can allow toxic people to keep holding you back and continue to live for others dreams and values.

Or you can step up and decide that you are taking the reigns and choosing to create your life.  There is a reason my tagline says this “Creating your Fabulous Life by Design”.  It really IS possible to create the life you want to be living.  You have to commit to doing so and then start taking steps to invest in yourself, realize that you matter and start looking inward at what counts. 

It’s your life.  Open the doors and windows and air out the yucky stuff and invite the good stuff in.

 

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You Are Not Alone.

“Where there is love and compassion for yourself and for others; there is hope.”   ~Coach Bonnie

I just started to work with google+ this past week and to my delight the Dalai Lama is also on there!  I’ll admit I was kind of blown away but to my even greater happiness I was able to see what he’s shared. 

One of the videos was of him visiting and talking to the survivors of Ishinomaki, Japan.  You can view the video but  I warn you it’s emotional. 

 

The Dalai Lama had a very profound message for these people.  He told them we are all brothers (yes all 7 billion of us) and they should know that when the world heard of what happened they grieved with them.  His message that struck me (and had me searching for a tissue) was they are not alone. 

How many times have you felt alone?  Wandered lost inside your own soul? Truly there has never been a time in history that has made it easier to understand that you are not alone. And yet never a time in history so many of us are feeling disconnected from the world.  Others have felt and walked the same or very similar path. Others still are.  People have never been more able or willing to share their experiences and their struggles.

I hear these stories of people who feel they have no where left to turn, who feel trapped and end up doing things like taking drugs, running away, staying an abusive relationship or worse yet; taking their own life. 

You are not alone.

For those who celebrate and share their struggles and triumphs I applaud you. For those who reach out and hold the hand of someone who is unable to find their way I bless you.

Watching the Dalai Lama speak to these people who have literally lost everything, and everybody they held dear.  This made me realize how quickly and easily it can happen. Life’s ebbs and flows can turn quickly and everything can be different in a heartbeat.

If you are feeling this way, please reach out and let someone know.  Find some compassion for yourself because you deserve that.  You can find people who understand and can help on the internet very quickly and easily and I promise you there are people near you right now who do care and will understand what you are going through.  Give them a chance to show you.

Look around you today.  Who can you offer a smile to? An ear to listen?  A hug?  There are people who feel as if they really are lost and alone even in the midst of the crowd.  If you pay attention you can see it.  Let them know they are not alone, let them see your compassion. 

Here is your affirmation for today.  “I am never alone, I am deserving of love and compassion, “

 Have you ever experienced this feeling of being lost in the crowd?  Has someone reached out to help you find your way? Did you discover something that made you realize you were not alone?

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