Isn’t it fascinating how the universe can conspire to help you learn the lesson that life had been trying to teach you for a very long time? I suppose it helps that I am far more ready to hear the lesson today than I ever have been before.
I’ll admit it. I’ve been struggling with a few issues of my own the last while. Are you surprised? Ha! The coach has a coach? Darn right I do. Fact is we often can’t see our own forests for the trees and any good Coach knows that. I bet almost every good coach has their own Coach and loves every second of it!
The thing is I’ve had to come to grips with and let go of a few things and that has been terribly difficult for me. It’s a case of what I want to be and what really is. A situation not easy to remedy especially for someone who isn’t very good at being vulnerable. I’m learning that there is a strength that can be found in allowing vulnerability; one that you can’t access any other way and it’s powerful.
Recently, I’ve had a long conversation with my own coach about feeling judged for following my path because it is different. I hate that feeling and I struggle with it when it comes to some of the people I love most. I’ve felt shamed and made to feel as if I’m doing something not quite right. Most recently I’ve had a few occasions to see that others struggle with their journey when it takes them away from what is considered the ‘way to do things’.
Just today I read a post by my friend Deeone that inspired me to write this very post. Deeone gently but firmly took that lesson and pushed though some barriers for me with his own story and truth.
His struggles and mine are not so far apart. Can I be really open here? I had some tears. Relief, understanding and hope all mixed together in a very overwhelming way. You have to go read his post. Not only is it incredibly beautiful with its analogy to an emerging butterfly but also a piece of gorgeous writing. Go on, I’ll wait here. I’ve already read it over 3-4 times myself. At this point the title alone brings a rush of emotion!
As I said, coming to grips with the need to follow the path I’m on and those close to me having difficulty understanding and accepting who I am, has and is, a struggle. What I’ve learned from others and from a lot of deep and painful introspective reflection is this: some people are comfortable and do not like to have their comfort level challenged, even when they are not happy with where they are. They certainly do not like having to face any issues they have ignored because someone else is showing signs of being self-aware, honest and willing to grow.
Many people are content with simply repeating what has gone before no matter if they are happy or not. I think they feel it’s easier to do so. And to keep myself honest I have to admit on occasion I envy those who don’t look beyond their front door. I wonder if sometimes following the norm wouldn’t be simpler. Maybe, but it’s not for me.
I have always been a little different that way I think. Strong minded, questioning and able to do what I knew I had to do (okay some might say stubborn but hey, this is my damn blog!). That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt when that isn’t accepted by those you most want acceptance from.
What do you do? Well, you can only change you and your own responses. As much as I might want to make someone see that there is so much more; I cannot. I might want to open eyes that refuse to see, but again..that isn’t my place. Perhaps one day, but not today. I can only love them for who they are today and hope that someday they can see who I really am
and be happy for that.
That being said I certainly don’t have to let the “Yuck Spirits” (thanks Deeone for that term!) keep me from loving who I am; from finding my purpose and pursuing it with all the passion and joy I can find. I am learning to hold both things in my heart and life and it is bringing a sense of peace I’ve not really known before.
This is a lesson that has been a long time coming, a difficult time accepting and I’m sure I will falter from time to time. What a blessing and joy for my lonely heart though to know others have experienced the same, grown and thrived. How grateful I am to have found the people in my life who ground me, accept and love my spirit for what it is. I credit a number of people for supporting this lesson. As my friend Deeone says it’s time for me to be ”Releasing Me Today“.
And every single day I am grateful that they are there.
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These are all the things that I learned and am still learning when I left the bottle behind. Many of my friends/family did not respond well to my new self esteem, or boundary’s that I set. I was ostracized and condemned for the changes that happened in my life. It all boiled down to honesty. Once you look at yourself and find that true honesty there is no going back. Some people simply are not ready to be honest with themselves and others never will be. It is the most difficult thing I ever had to do. Changing my life and being vulnerable at the same time so that I could heal. Finding the support I needed was equally as difficult, I had no trust. I am pleased to say I am muddling through and hopefully helping others to gain some ground as well. this is an excellent post. <3
Thank you so much for sharing your story Jan. It’s sad that some people are so terrified of their own truth they can’t even stand to be in the same room with someone elses. I’m so happy to hear that you are healing and gaining ground. Blessings indeed!
Bonnie, you are such a beautiful soul and this post is such a wonderful sharing. It proves that sometimes talking about yourself is the best blog as it helps people to see themselves. I will go read Deeone’s blog but I just had to share with you that most people feel lost or stuck in a dead end. Trust the process – I think your title says it all.
Let me share something I got from Tut this morning
Every fortune, gold medal, and trophy…
Every comeback, triumph, and celebration…
And every kiss, hug, and hand held,
Were first a thought, a whisper, or a dream.
Thoughts become things… choose the good ones! ®
© http://www.tut.com ®
Roberta, thank you for that. It is so true that everyone has their struggles and we need to open up and share our own to help others get through being stuck. “thoughts become things’ <— I have found this to be so very true. A message not everyone yet has..but we're working on it!
Hi Deeone, Thank you so much for stopping by and reading my reflections. I have to admit my default is to squash my feelings down and try to ignore them. In all honesty until someone or something shows you a different way it can be hard to know how to deal with such things.
Over the past 5-6 years I’ve had to face many fears, overcome some barriers and stand in my truth. Some of my journey has been made alone, some have been through catalysts. The important part is to find the courage to follow your heart and dreams. The thing is…this release is the peace that so many out there long for. It’s getting through the resistance that is the hard part.
THanks for being who you are Deeone. xoxo
Bonnie, Thank you for sharing your experience and lessons on the post I written, in further detail here. I really enjoyed reading your expressions. I am learning just how powerful releasing oneself from the worries of our past can truly be. It’s a very emotional experience for me as well.
Not only was I freely allowing the tears to fall on your comment but there were other’s who shared their expressions through my comments and via email, about how those post were inspiring to them. It’s really channeled me to a place of humility, that has been a HUGE lesson for me in itself.
So many people tend to think that if they push those type of feelings down far enough, that not dealing with them and ignoring those feelings; those feelings will simply disappear and vanish forever. This is the furthest from the truth. If avoidance of ones feelings is chosen, and I’m speaking solely from my own experience here, those feelings only fester and get worse than they originally would have.
I’m glad that you felt open enough to express yourself on my site so freely, and even more excited about your releasing moment on your own site.
Having a releasing moment takes courage, and confidence in oneself, and I appreciate you showing yours with me, and with the world.
I don’t know if you know or listen to Pastor Joel Osteen messages, but he said something several months ago that I have held on to every since he stated it. He said, “You cannot conquer, what you will not confront.”
That was some powerful stuff for me at the time. Shortly after he said, “The Release” began for me.
I wish you nothing but the best, my friend in your future endeavors. Thank you so much for sharing your post with me and my blog. I really appreciate it more than you may ever know.