Two F-words we hear far too much in my opinion. Fear and Failure. It’s even worse when we put them together in a sentence. Fear of Failure.
I had to stop a client this past week during our session to talk about this. We were talking about something she was interested in doing and I asked about what things were holding her back. A few things were mentioned including that she was afraid of failing which she then qualified with but that’s nothing.
Um..what?
I had to do it, I back her up and ask more about this. As we explored it, the realization that this fear of failure has kept her from many things in the past and is keeping her from moving forward in a variety of things. So what’s the deal with pushing it to the side and acting like it isn’t an issue?
I’ve learned a few things about fear and failure over time. What do you think?
- fear is a legitimate feeling, embrace it and face it to get past it. There is no other way.
- the things we fear are rarely as bad as we think.
- information is the key to reducing the fear, especially the fear of failure.
- shoving fear away and acting like it isn’t there often gives it strength and creates a roadblock.
- failure is nothing to fear if you change your view on it. It can be the end or a step to success.
To ignore your fear is foolish. These emotions are just as much a part of who you are as any other feeling. Fear happens when something out of the ordinary is taking place. It can be a good thing; a signal that you are growing and moving forward. Fearing failure is perfectly okay. Accept that and realize that this too is because you are trying something new and reaching further than you have reached before.
Change your view on this or enjoy staring at that roadblock you’ve created. The choice is really yours. Just because I adore all of you I am also going to help you out with three NEW f-words that are ones you should use; and often.
[...] Doubt and my fellow blogger, Bonnie Copeland also wrote a great article today on it. Check out, Talking About 2 F-Words for some great [...]
Love the client story, Bonnie!
The worst aspect of fear is how it can manifest itself into physiologic symptoms — rapid heartbeat, shortness of breath, nausea, headaches, sweaty palms, nervousness, etc.
So, in essence, I believe what we truly fear the most is fear itself.
That’s probably why your client was displaying avoidance behavior and choosing to crawl into the hole of denial.
Wonderful post!
Melanie
Awesome post, Bonnie.
You wrote, “Fear is a legitimate feeling, embrace it and face it to get past it. There is no other way.” This reminds me of the quote, “Feel the fear and do it anyway.” That’s so true. We have to face it head on and move forward in spite of it, or use it as a motivation for us. We can’t hide it. You’re right that hiding it gives it power. Destructive power.
You also said, “The things we fear are rarely as bad as we think.” This is so true in my life. When I push through the fear and do the thing I’m afraid of, it’s NEVER as bad as I thought it would be. In fact, it’s often exhilarating and freeing. Yet, knowing this, I still let fear hold me back in other areas! Crazy.
That’s such an amazing Roosevelt quote, Bonnie, and I thoroughly loved this post! Fear of failure is something I struggle with everyday and it sometimes leads me to drastic decisions (like this move to Peru) to prove to myself that I won’t let this very fear take over my life. =P And thinking back on those moments when I was able to look fear in the face helps me deal with the day to day moments of fear. Thanks so much for encouraging us to acknowledge these fears, Bonnie!
I used to be paralyzed by fear of failure as well, Bonnie. Then one day I realized that it was my fear that was causing me to fail. I had to make some changes… and quick!
People often don’t notice just how much much our thoughts play a HUGE part in our daily lives. And fear is certainly a thought. Once we put it in it’s place and cast ourselves into the wind, doing that thing that we fear the most, we would soon see (like you said) there was nothing at all to fear.
I have been saying for years that I was going to write a book. I had said it so much that I think people had become immune to me saying it. But actions speak louder than words. We must kick ourselves, daily, into action. Any other way, and life begins to happen around us and before we know it, fear has won the battle.
I absolutely loved this post! Powerful, encouraging, just down right “Fabulous”!!! Well done Chica!! Well done!!
Deeone…you know how you write a book right? One word at a time.
Someone said that to me about a year ago when I was talking about it too. I have done it. It’s probably not perfect, I imagine my next one will be better too but I did it and I am so certain that you can too.
Fear of failure has kept me stuck more often than I care to think about. I stil find that I slide into this trap on occasion but I can recognize it now and plan a way out. Sometimes that means asking for help and that is really tough for me!
Fear can certainly hold you back. I know for me personally, I had the fear of success! It really is something you have to hit head on and deal with it. Once you realize what the fear is, you can overcome it. And one key factor for me Bonnie, was meeting a wonderful coach/mentor that helped me to first of all realize the fear, and then he helped me to overcome. Sometimes it is best to get help even if you think you can handle it.
You Lynn I think the fear of failure and the fear of success are very closely related…sort of two sides to the same coin you know? It sounds kind of crazy in a way to be afraid of succeeding but I think it goes more towards the fear of the unknown ‘afterwards’ and how others view us. For my clients who we find have this issue one of the things I tell them is to find a group of successful people and spend time with them. After all, what is it they say you become the average of the 5 people you spend the most time with?
Funny, I always find that when I face my fears I have the best time.
Yup..been there Roberta!
It’s funny how many blogs are writing about fear and failure lately. Something is in the water.
My take: the only real failure is not trying. Otherwise, you never know what you’ll gain out of something. It may not be the “success” you imagined, but it as least was an attempt, and it’s out of the way. If you take it as a learning lesson, then all the better: it succeeded .
Oh my goodness but you nailed it.
“It may not be the “success” you imagined,” Love this line! Sometimes life has it’s own ideas doens’t it?
Fear is an emotion- but generally it is False Evidence Appearing Real (FEAR). “I can’t do that!”. “He’ll kill me!” “That’s way too hard.” “There’s no way I can grow my business 50% this year.”
The only response to Failure- forget all incidences, losses, umbrages- redouble efforts!
Roy you taught me that fabulous acronym about fear a while back and I often think back on it. “False Evidence Appearing Real (FEAR).” There are very few times this isn’t the case. Of course being me I have to qualify it in my head with Rule #13..if you see a chainsaw carrying zombie start running…cuz thats real fear! (Yes, I love those movies) Its a funny way I sort of self talk myself into pushing forward.
Do I have some odd issues or what? lol
To quote you, Bonnie, “Fabulous”! Sooo funny because today what popped up for me was fear. I think some was initiated by my annual mammogram (results were 100% clear) – it’s natural to have a little concern around health exams…I’m renaming them wellness exams, BTW.
But thoughts tend to operate like frogs leaping from one lily pad to another and within moments what was most likely a subconscious fear about a wellness exam turned into a fear about sustaining the growth and success of my business. How did that happen?!
This points exactly to YOUR point, Bonnie…when we don’t address our fears they tend to act like frogs and rabbits…jumping around and multiplying. Having your client stop, get present to the fear so she can apply some awareness and tools to move through is the formula for all of us to successfully navigate through those choppy waters toward smooth sailing.
Tambre, you have the best analogy here about fear feeding fear! Frogs leaping from one lily pad to another is exactly it! I loved your post about it too. http://coachingbytambre.com/cancer-survivorship/fear-frogs-lily-pads/
Fabulous doesn’t even come close to describing you!